There are no truly healthy relationships in this drama. We aspire to have healthy relationships, but let’s be honest to ourselves, they are so rare in our real lives. Ko Moon-young isn’t the only fucked up one. I can argue that Moon Kang-tae is also traumatised and emotionally stunted. The one time he stood up for his own self-worth beyond the purpose that his mother ‘gave’ him was the day he almost died. As a result, he’s incredibly possessive, suffers from low self-esteem to the point of engaging in self-destructive behaviour, and masks his own emotions for fear of being ‘read’ by others. Kang-tae was repeatedly gaslit by his own mother. Like Moon-young, he is also a victim of child abuse, and he’s developed his own suite of unhealthy mechanisms to cope.
I can understand why many of you think that Moon-young’s relationship with Kang-tae is unhealthy thus far, and I agree. Trauma leads you down the road of unhealthy behaviours that can screw with the minds of others, and Moon Sang-tae is especially vulnerable to being used because of his stunted neurodevelopment. However, Kang-tae and Sang-tae’s relationship is also not healthy. We also see that expanded on in Episode 6. The relationship between Moon-young and her publisher? He treats her like a possession. Even the dynamic between Nam Joo-ri (and her mum) with Kang-tae rubs me the wrong way. To regret what you said as advice because the consequences didn’t benefit you in any way? That’s also not a healthy perspective to have on relationships.
Moon-young can try to manipulate Kang-tae, but he’s held her accountable for it continuously. He’s held Joo-ri accountable for her romantic affections, and turned her down early with the intent that she wouldn’t get invested any further. He even held Moon-young’s publisher accountable for his motivations in asking him and Sang-tae to move out. However, Kang-tae still fails to hold himself accountable in his own shortcomings. Ironically, the only person asking the right questions is Moon-young. She is the only one who has demonstrated any desire to hold Kang-tae accountable for his own actions so far, in the same vein as Kang-tae being the only one so far willing to hold Moon-young accountable for her own shortcomings. This, despite her limited empathy.
Kang-tae and Moon-young are still too psychologically incapacitated to make a sensible decision on ‘intimate’ relationships. However, there has been some real change in Moon-young and Kang-tae since they’ve crossed paths once again. Kang-tae is beginning to entertain whether or not the things he expresses as ‘his wants’ are truly what he wants for himself, where he wouldn’t have before. Moon-young is beginning to understand that she cannot reliably control people and how they act, since she can never truly understand the reasons behind their actions. Moon-young and Kang-tae have both demonstrated improvement in recognising and acting upon their weaknesses. That’s so much better than adults I know in real life.
Nobody has a flawless character. In fact, a person’s greatest strengths and weaknesses are generally rooted in the same concept. I believe that what differentiates a ‘good person’ from a ‘bad person’ is their receptiveness to being held accountable for their flaws. Abusers are conditioned to be abusers, but they remain abusers are because they remain unaccountable. Moon-young and Kang-tae are capable of breaking the cycle of abuse by staying accountable for their actions. So long as they continue to hold themselves and each-other accountable, they will begin to show respect, not just for each other, but also for themselves. While I worry about them becoming co-dependent, I still think both of them can become capable of developing a healthy relationship.
