Do No Harm, Take No Shit

Technical Sergeant Markus Stone, Field Medic. I'm called "Doc." Yell and I'll be there when you need me, soldier. [Closed rp for Ruination]

[adeles]

[wordsnquotes]

I’ll never stop caring. But the thing about caring is, it’s inconvenient. Sometimes you’ve got to give when it makes no sense to at all. Sometimes you’ve got to give until it hurts.

Jonathan Evison, The Revised Fundamentals of Caregiving (via wordsnquotes)

[agent-lewis-blog]

The medic’s mannerisms had always been a source of  amusement to her, no matter how fleeting it was. “I do think you’ve both been warn sufficiently so I can only wonder where you’re still standing here.”

Her gaze fell, becoming pensive and guarded. What could she do for her? Everything she truly wanted was out of her grasp even with the help of someone as talented as Doc it would forever be out of her grasp. The ones she loved and would give anything to see once more forever separate fro her as long as she stayed breathing and her heart beating. “I do not think there is anything you can do as such. I’m simply curious about your research.”

[docthemedic-blog]

Some of the lighthearted amusement fell from Markus’ face, seeing the other woman’s gaze drop while the others filed back out and left them to it. Everyone here was in such pain and she- well. Sometimes, often times she wondered if she was the right person to even try to help. She got the distinct feeling that she wasn’t, always had doubts nagging that she never really helped at all. All she did was waste time with a project that could never actually work, would only someday chew its way out of the bars and kill her. 

Sometimes she wondered if that’d be so terrible. She’d already violated her code terribly in her initial panic, in the chaos... Killed people, for fear that they were infected. Killed her own family for it. If she was truly a doctor, truly worthy of the title, she would’ve managed to escape without killing anyone, been able to come back and save them all whenever she managed to get this cure. 

Perhaps that was why she couldn’t make a breakthrough. She wasn’t worthy enough to manage it.

Doc forced a smile, shaky in the wake of her own doubts. “Well, if you change your mind, let me know. As to the research,” Mar shrugged, trying for nonchalance. “Hitting a wall, as per usual. But it’s not like there’s much else for me to do but keep working at it.” She rubbed her forehead, right above her eye, feeling the everlasting headache that loomed there coming on again. Mar scoffed, the edge of a laugh there. “Odds aren’t exactly in anyone’s favor if I stop, so have to keep trying.” 

[doctormacdonald-blog]

“And here I was, planning to poke at him a bit. We were gonna be friends, him and me. But yeah…I’ll let him alone.”

Alastair felt his face grow warm. “Oh, definitely,” he blurted, his blush rivaling hers. Doc was something else, it had to be said. She was…well, she was…wow. 

He didn’t flirt. He wasn’t very good at it. Being 44 and never married spoke a fair bit to that. But if he didn’t know any better, he’d say they were definitely doing…something. Something he quite liked.

“Yes,” he said quickly. “It’ll be nice to be around another doctor again.”

[docthemedic-blog]

“Well, if you want to make friends, you can always feed him the brains. Seems to work fairly well for me so far.” 

She grinned, ducking behind her hair a bit as she looked to the ground instead of meeting his eyes. It was nice to be around another doctor, of course- not that it was anything against Levi or Roma, it was simply that the more was always the merrier. Made her life a bit easier and freed her up to work on her experiments more, which was always appreciated. And given some of the more recent interactions, well... there was more than enough reason to hide around in her tent. Clearly she was not the best choice to deal with people, but the rat wouldn’t care if she snapped here and there. Everyone was pushed to their limits, everyone was human, and yet her own flaws or losses of patience were held to such a higher standard. 

So hiding in the tent it was. And Alastair made a perfectly pleasant roommate so far, not to mention being an extremely pretty man- 

Right. Bad thought. She blushed harder and glanced down again. 

“Yes- exactly. Nice. Do you- would you like to look through my notes on the rat? Maybe you can see something I’ve missed.” 

[doctormacdonald-blog]

“To be quite honest, I’m not sure how I feel about sharing a tent with a zombified rat.”

“Then again, I’ve never really lived with a flatmate before. I reckon pets are just part of the package.”

[docthemedic-blog]

“Everyone’s critical about the rat. Don’t bother him and he won’t bother you in turn.” 

“Hopefully my presence can outweigh that of the rat.” The sentence came out before she could even really consider it, speaking quickly to help cover the blush, “You know, company of another medic could be helpful. That kind of thing.” 

[phd-in-horribleness]

[rogueborde]

“Don’t touch my things,” Guillaume growled, plucking the crossbow out of reach while sliding away his duffel, “I don’t recall you.”

[docthemedic-blog]

Markus tried not to snarl back in response, closing her eyes briefly to count slowly. Only to five this time, at least, could be worse. That done, she opened her eyes again and fixed him with a level stare. “I am not trying to steal your precious things, I have absolutely no interest in them. What I do have interest in is checking out a newcomer- even recently returned- to the group. That’s my job. Now you can either make both our lives easier and cooperate, or I can keep bothering you until you let me do my job.” She smiled and it was almost friendly. Almost. Close as she could get when her attempts to be friendly were a bit cut off at the pass. “Your choice.”

[crowdurant]

“Well, I’m sure you could always send Levi out to gather the rats,” He laughed. The thought alone was ridiculous, he was sure no one steered clear of the rat more than Levi – and technically, Levi was almost obligated to be in its presence. “I’ve never been good with keeping track of monarchs,” he shrugged. “I like history alright in school – more of a math and science sort of guy though. Physics was my favorite.” Math and science were all numbers and logic, clear and concise but still infinite. It was intriguing – not the way history repeated themes, or how in literature everything was a copy of a copy of a copy. Tristan did like to read, but he found himself connecting every new novel with an older one.

He laughed at Doc’s expression, knowing full well that Red Bull was horrible for him. But when his choice was between failing his German literature test or losing his a kidney in a decade he’d take the latter; he was never one for long term planning. “The immediate energy gain was worth the potential sacrifice of my kidneys,” Tris teased, “besides, it seems everything is bad for you. You might as well pick your poison. Mine just so happened to be Red Bull.”

“Well, even if you plan to survive after all this,” he said, motioning to the rat. “All those old problems are irrelevant by now, aren’t they? We’re five years in, and things aren’t changing any time in the immediate future.”

[docthemedic-blog]

Markus drew herself in faux pride, sniffing mock-regally, “Well, in my schooling, not knowing about our actually good rulers was frowned upon. Mostly because we have had such terrible ones to compare them too as well- practically anyone vaguely competent looks good in comparison. And we could cheat. Almost always just named some combination of William and Frederick. Beyond that, no one really cared.” She shrugged, fiddling with the pen she’d been taking notes with as she spoke. Too much nervous energy these days, she liked having small things to work some of the twitchiness out. “Honestly though, I was the same way. Math and science was my favorite, biology and chemistry being my two specialties. Which came in handy, given all of...” she made a vague gesture, grimacing a bit, “Well, all of this. At least I can make myself useful somehow.” That was always the worst, for her. And she knew her usefulness was limited, especially since she could only shoot a gun. Bows were more practical now, but she couldn’t afford the distraction of learning it in addition to trying to complete all her research.

“That’s it, out of the medical tent, you energy drink heathen,” Mar was grinning, taking the sting from the words while she teased. God knew he had a point, it’s not like any of it really mattered now, but she had to put on a good front anyway. It was practically her job. “Picking Red Bull as your poison, see, this is why the world is ending. Clearly we don’t deserve to have nice things while good men drink Red Bull.”

She perked at the mention of irrelevancy, raising an eyebrow. “You think so? I would think they’re still guiding the actions and motivations of everyone around us. I trust someone who thinks in the longterm far more than I trust someone who’s only thinking in the moment, whether through desperation to survive or simple fear. Those with perspective are far more likely to be reasonable and intelligent about our survival, I would think.”

[crowdurant]

“You would need six more rats to really make it a set,” Tristan joked. “Would you be up for the challenge of catching that many?” How would she even keep track of them? They couldn’t co-habitate could they? It would probably result in some disgusting form of cannibalism, and the notion alone was more than enough to make him nauseous. “Ich denke ‘blöde Arschloch’ ist ein guter Name – for that rat I mean, not like it’s sentient or particularly lovable.”

“I miss Red Bull,” he confessed. Tristan was fourteen when the outbreak began, his coffee drinking days had just begun, and truth be told he wasn’t terribly invested in the caffeinated beverage as a whole. But energy drinks? Energy drinks had been getting him through his days for several years by then, and their presence was surely missed. “I’m more inclined to think it insane. It seems as if any problems from before didn’t matter at all, and that can’t be the case can it?”

[docthemedic-blog]

Markus pulled a face, sticking her tongue out at the thought, “Six more rats, lord help us all. Now there’s a new nightmare, can you imagine the shrieking? Ungodly.” As he continued, she simply smirked, “Who says I would be the one to catch them? I’m sure I outrank someone who I can order about. Call it a training exercise.” Not a terrible idea, but with how mobile they had to remain, she was stuck with only one rat and no human subjects. Well, formerly human. However one wanted to look at it. She nodded, conceding the point, “Yes, but no one liked the monarchies much either. One could say Frederick William means essentially the same. Unless I’ve got the wrong one, but those were damned difficult to keep track of in school. So many Fredericks and Williams and Willaim Fredericks and Frederick Willams and ugh.” The noise she made was disgusted, but clearly playful. It was nice to just be able to talk, even for a bit, about something that was normal again. Far too much wasn’t anymore and there was something comforting about remembering when it had been.

The talk of Red Bull, however, got a suitably horrified look from Markus, “Red Bull? Are you joking? Those things were terrible for you. People had to get their stomachs pumped for drinking too many of those. And the Monsters, those were awful.” She paused for a moment, surprised before barking a laugh at the thought. “I finally found something to be grateful for in all of this, thank you. No more kids coming into my ER because of some energy drink nonsense.”

The rest had her sobering quickly though, the smile fading, “Likely you’re right. But that depends on your priorities and if you think about simply surviving in the moment or, well, plan on living with yourself after all the rest of this. I think for most it is a choice.”

[crina-dalca]

“Right…” Crina peaked into the carrier and then looked at the other. “Is there any reason you are particularly fond of….the creature?” If it could be called that. Crina wasn’t that put off by it but it was strange, she had to admit that much, especially when they were killing zombies left and right and this…thing was traveling with them. It was the other’s choice, though, and Crina wouldn’t say much else on it.

[docthemedic-blog]

“Fond would be an exaggeration, I think.” Doc shrugged, her lip curling at the container as she glanced at it again, “I am fond of the possibility of a cure that it represents. Beyond that, I’d love to shoot it- him- myself. But I have to be somewhat attached to it in order to be as careful as possible. If I’m invested, I’m less likely to do something stupid and am more likely to cure him. And then I’m all the closer to curing everyone else.”

[sparrowlucas]

“Not you, Doc, then we’d all be fucked.” He grinned, as if to say he knew they needed her for more than just her medical skills. There were few people in this group that Lucas liked more than Markus, not that he’d ever say that out loud. “But I won’t deny I’d like to be rid of William Fredrick here.” A year ago Lucas might have left at them mention of ‘feeding time’ when it concerned a flesh-eating rat, but the exposure to this new world had left him curious so all he did was shove his hands into his pockets and watch.

There was no doubt that watching Markus fish around in a container full of what looked like - and probably was - brains was disgusting and made Lucas’ stomach tighten. But by the time the rat had stopped it’s squealing he was far more at ease. A tranquillised, full rat was far less likely to want to take a bite out of him, after all.

“Yeah, actually. It might be a long shot, and a totally selfish request, but I was wondering if you’ve got anything to help with sleeping… I’m not sure how else I’m going to manage to stay upright at this rate.” Lucas knew there were others having a harder time than him, but ever since crash-landing in this wasteland he hadn’t slept more than four or five hours at a time - and that had been almost a year ago. He had never gotten the chance to get used to all this, and having been plunged into this place, the fear and paranoia was never resting.

[docthemedic-blog]

“Isn’t that the truth?” Doc snorted, “You people and your reckless scouting and retrieval missions and never coming to me in a timely manner because if it’s not from a zombie the injury can’t be that bad-” she trailed off into irritable mutters, cursing out a few stubborn snarly soldiers and their bloodlines in German. She stopped after a few seconds of this and slowly exhaled, counting in her head to calm down again. “Yeah, you and me both. I would like nothing more than to be rid of him and every other fucker out there like him.”

“I don’t even like normal rats, to be honest.” She watched the cage grimly as she said it, eyes narrowing in a glare. “Hated having to deal with them. Squeaky and noisy and the tails, I don’t like the tails. And yet, I have to deal with this little scheisskopf. Because he’s the only thing I’ve got going for me to try and get a cure so we can get out of this hell. And think of it this way- at least with William Frederick, we don’t have to carry around an actual human zombie.”

At the request, Doc’s attention snapped back, looking more closely at him. More specifically at the circles under his eyes, the bloodshot eyes there. “I can try, certainly. I’m not going to use anything heavy on you, I can’t afford to, but a while back I think,” she went and rummaged around in some of her bags, looking for the miscellaneous one. Surely in there, somewhere, there would be, “It was an accidental pick-up and I don’t have more but- ah.” She came back with a bottle and a triumphant grin, tossing it over. “Melatonin supplement. Should help you get to sleep and stay asleep. Lucky for you, it was picked up by accident on a scavenging mission. Doesn’t do much for me, but it might help. Take two before you sleep- it’s natural, so it won’t keep you out if someone’s shouting or something happens.” 

[agent-lewis-blog]

The squeals of the rat the medic kept never fail to cause a shiver down her spine. They were so unnatural that there was no getting used to them, no matter how many times she bore witness to them. Rosemary’s cool gaze fell upon the men who had walked in behind her, she herself knew to be aware of the little demon.

“You’d best do as she says, the last thing we need is that thing escaping.” Once upon a time she’d have chided them for the wary looks they cast in the direction of the cage but times were different now and wariness was what kept you alive.

[docthemedic-blog]

Doc looked up with interest at the sound of more than just one person, lazily smiling, “Unless you want to deal with a brand new training exercise, of course. It’s called ‘watch your toes’. And then there’s a follow-up called ‘get Doc a new rat or get a water spritzer to the face.’” She held up the spritzer she kept on her desk threateningly, waving it a bit. Her favorite toy, honestly, even if it’d started as a joke. Better than whacking people on the nose with a newspaper when she was annoyed anyway. 

She set the bottle down again, turning to face the crowd with an eyebrow raised. “What can I do for you, Mirage?” 

[crowdurant]

“Give me some time to think on it, I might be able to think of something.” He laughed at her next comment, knowing that of all the excuses for not sleeping, the rat was hardly at fault. After all, they were surrounded by an ever-growing population of the undead. Could a trapped infested rat make much of  difference?

“If it’s any consolation, the screaming doesn’t bother me all that much. Just when you’re close to it – and I’m rarely ever close to it, am I?” Tristan took a seat, still smiling at Doc. “I nodded off for a few, but Costin didn’t deem my sleep as sufficient. I would ask if you got any rest, but you drove, didn’t you? You must be exhausted.”

[docthemedic-blog]

Markus smiled, “I should hope not. No one should need to be near him, he’s a very grumpy rat. Maybe I should be naming them after the Seven Dwarfs instead?” She nudged the cage at the chirping coming from within, addressing her next comments to it with no small amount of irritation, “No, you’re not getting fed, it’s not time yet. Shut it. Blödes Arschloch.”

She turned her attention back, the ill temper off like a switch. Shrugged, trying not to yawn at the reminder. “Me? Never. Bright as a bulb. I miss coffee terribly though, I admit. Habit after medical school, I always thought I could kill for coffee after being on call for 30 hours. Compared to now? That was nothing. Silly, how this puts things into perspective, yes?”

[sparrowlucas]

“Sure. Whatever you say, Doc.” Lucas said, his chuckle hollow as a pink nose showed itself between the bars of the cage and a shiver went down his spine. It seemed awful dangerous to keep something infected so close, but if the rumours were true about Markus endeavouring to find a cure he supposed it was all for the greater good.

The once-pilot hadn’t quite gotten used to living with the infection in such close proximity as some had, and the idea that this rodent could break out of his cage and end everything they had all fought so hard for was sickening. “I have no idea why Costin lets you keep that thing around people, doesn’t seem like the kind of risk to his people he’d be willing to take.” Lucas shrugged, though he already knew there were few people in their group that was more trusted than Doc herself. 

[docthemedic-blog]

At the nose poking out, Markus sighed and went digging for the cooler she kept nearby, trying to find the needed container. “When you put it that way, I almost feel like you’re trying to get rid of me.” She looked up with a tight, pointed smile. It didn’t matter if he was- she could camp farther off than the rest if truly necessary. Her personal tent was already a bit off from the others and certainly away from the good medical supplies. All of it was necessary, any price was worth it so long as she got closer to a cure. Anything was worth it.

Worth even sacrificing the potential good opinions of her patients. The cure, even the potential for the cure, was worth more than being nice and accommodating. She still tried, when she walked around and checked on everyone after supply runs and such. But if it didn’t succeed, well... Not her problem. She came up with the wanted container with a tiny pleased noise, holding her breath as she opened it and fished out a few chunks. Brains from the animals they hunted, just a bit here and there to keep William quiet. Soaking them in with some liquid tranquilizer seemed to be effective, thus far, which Doc always appreciated. Tossing the chunks into the cage, the noises soon quieted and activity stilled, the rat pleased enough to keep quiet. For the moment. 

Doc made a face and closed up the container again, stowing it away and going to wash her hands with the sanitizer she kept. “Sorry, you managed to come in time for the feeding. Was there something you needed or just checking in and questioning my ability to actually keep us all safe while I research?” She gave a bright smile as she said it, not meeting her eyes as she made the point. She didn’t appreciate the implied criticism, though she wished she didn’t actually care. Not there yet, despite her own wishes. A shame, probably, especially when she couldn’t manage to swallow her own anger well enough.

[sharkpilot]

[sparrowlucas]

As usual, he hadn’t been looking where he was going. Lucas was far more interested in keeping his eyes on the horizon for any sign of the infected come to finish them off. The German accented voice telling him to watch out made him stop, and his eyes leapt to the source of the inane squeaking. 

Lucas shuddered visibly, eyeing the carrier with caution. “That thing is terrifying. Are you sure he won’t actually manage to chew through the wires? Because if I’m going to go, I sure as hell don’t want it to be because of a rat named after a monarch.” He screwed his face up as the squeaking got a little louder. 

[docthemedic-blog]

Markus snorted, rolling her eyes, “Oh come on, he’s fine.” She liked continuing to refer to the rat like it might somehow still happen, the monster it had become giving way to more normal rat tendencies. “He’ll be in there unless I take him out. I keep an eye on the carrier, I’ll know if he gets close. He just needs some sort of tranquilizer after some of the tests for today and the noise should calm down.”

She barked out a laugh at the comment, the sound more bitter than anything else. “Please. If he gets free, I’m going down first. If my contingency plan falls through, Costin will take care of it. Don’t worry about it.”

[crowdurant]

“I wouldn’t kill your rat unless I had to, you know that,” he said, offering her a small smile. Doc would never let the thing get loose – because that’s what it was, a thing. It was much easier to fight them off when you separated them from being. It was much easier to kill something without some form of identity, animal or otherwise.

“We’ve all been putting up with William’s shrieking. That thing has a big set of lungs,” he chuckled, looking down at the woman. “You’ll find something, I’m sure of it. Can’t all be for nothing.”

[docthemedic-blog]

“If I could find how to soundproof it without William eating the insulation, I’d be a much happier woman.” Her smile was tired, the dark circles under her eyes almost looking like a bruise from staying up so late between poking at the rat, monitoring the effects, recording them, and trying not to hear more screaming when she closed her eyes. “And this whole crew might have less excuses about the whole not sleeping thing.”

Markus dropped her notes on the desk, abandoning the attempt for a bit while she smiled at him, “In the meantime, I’m sorry that the screaming has been disturbing you. Did you manage to get any rest on the way here?”