this is therapy, not friendship

Don't push your luck, sweetie.

Solitary? Yay! Did you know that solitary confinment is considered a way of psychological torture, and that people put in solitary are more likely to selfharm? Well, in my case, selfharm again. But, nevermind that. It’s been a while, and I still want to put graffiti on one of the walls there.

You're not my patient, and therefor I do not care if you self harm or not. But I will let this pass, just this once.

Or what, doctor? Are you going to make me write lines?

How about we figure out a suitable punishment in solitary?

You are just what this facility needed. Another twat with a superiority complex.

Might I remind you, child, that I am the one in charge here. No cussing and no negativity.

And let’s not forget your patronizing tone. I just love that, you know?

Hm, let’s see. Your face, for one.

Continue, please.

What's wrong, miss?

Even If It Kills Me || Nicholas & Joanne

Joanne saw him leaving and shook her head. She wasn’t going to let her friend get hurt. It was stupid to have said it loud enough for him to hear it. She took a deep breath for courage, then stood up and pushed her way past the nurses. Holding her wrist close to her, Joanne began running through the building, staggering from the drugs the nurses had pumped into her.

"Collins! J-Justin Collins! J-J-John?! Jared Collins!" Joanne yelled, desperate for some way to save her new friend. "Please!" She cried, halting and leaning against the wall. Maybe Mr. Kidd was right… Maybe she should have just let herself die. And to not be able to hurt anyone else.

#para #c:joanne #i'll get on his account to finish but i need this for future refs

END

Even If It Kills Me || Nicholas & Joanne

"Do anything to me just get me away from him!" She said loudly, trying to get up and get to the door. If she could find a patient, if she could find a friend, everything would be all right. Cecilia had a brother, a crazy brother. Maybe he would be able to help.

Joanne was at the point of frustration that she simply began speaking rapid Hebrew, praying for something to go right after the hellish month that had ruined her life. Especially the man that tore everything down.

She wasn’t good with being mean. Religion had taught her that even being mean to someone being mean was negative. She couldn’t bare to be mean to anyone. Even after all that he had done, Joanne wasn’t willing to do anything. Even finding someone else to hurt him made her uncomfortable. And she was sure he knew that. “Please find Cecilia, for me!”

Nicholas gave her a shrug. "Alright. I'll find your friend." He nodded to the nurses before turning around and leaving the room. Stopping at his office to take his blood soaked shirt off and exchange it for another. It was late, he could catch this other girl by surprise. Send a message to Joanne if this other patient wasn't smart enough not to. Nicholas was willing to do whatever it took to get Joanne to leave this place, or parish. Whichever came first.

He left his office feeling superior, not just to his fellow coworkers, but to everyone. He had managed to get Joanne in such a vulnerable position she probably didn't register that him hearing this other girl's name was such a bad thing. Finding the girl's doorway, he walked inside the room swiftly. "Wakey, wakey, Cecilia Collins."

#mwaha #c:joanne #para

Even If It Kills Me || Nicholas & Joanne

"No, no! No! That’s not what happened!" She said, holding out her wrist, eyes red and shirt covered in blood. "He cut me! Look at the cut! I’m left handed I couldn’t have done that!" Joanne cried indignantly as the nurses swarmed around her. "He cut me! Look at it!" With her other hand, she tried to brush her hair out of her eyes but ended up getting blood on her face.

"Please believe me! I would never have done this!" Shaking her head as tears poured down her cheeks, Joanne had begun shaking. She couldn’t breathe. There was one person she wanted to talk to, who would believe her.

"Ask Cecelia! Ask Cecelia Collins!" Joanne looked tot he nurses, praying they would listen to her. Or at least find someone who would protect her from her old teacher. Unable to control herself, Joanne shut her eyes and tried to focus on her breathing.

Watching Joanne shout, Nicholas felt the urge to rip out the work they'd already done on her wrist. To take a knife and cut her more. He wanted her to bleed out right in front of him, to end her and his worrying. But he just stood there, staring at her wrist with an odd sensation spreading through him. He felt proud. The worst part was he didn't find it to be unnatural, being so homicidal.

The nurses tried to shush Jo. Tried to calm her down and get her to stop talking, but Nicholas wanted to hear her voice then. He wanted to remember how terrible he made her feel. Still, he told her to be quiet. "Joanne, please keep it down they're trying to help! We're all trying to help!"

At the mention of another patient, he felt a bulb light inside of him. She had a friend, someone he could use against her. When all the nurses had their back turned to him, Nicholas stared right into Joanne's eyes and smirked. Shaking his head and mouthing the other patient's name.

Even If It Kills Me || Nicholas & Joanne

"You do not have control over me anymore." Joanne replied, glaring at him. All of a sudden, she felt something cold on her wrist, but it was gone quickly. Then the pain sparked, and she felt a bit of cold air, as if she had just taken off a bracelet.

Joanne was frozen. Her wrist was wet, and everything was losing a bit of color. Her heart seemed to stop. He cut her. “You cut me? Did you really just cut me?” She asked, looking down at the blood streaming from her wrist.

"I… you just…" She mumbled as she was picked up. "You cut me!" Joanne stared at him in horror. "You… you pig!" Joanne yelled, squirming to get out of his grasp. In the back of her mind, she knew it would be all right. She had read into solving crimes and the nurses would be able to tell she hadn’t made that cut, if they listened. However, at the moment Joanne was focusing on keeping her bleeding wrist above her heart so the blood flow would stem.

Nicholas carried her down the hall. His arms aching already from holding the girl's weight along with his own. He didn't even bother to cover her cut, he chose to let her do that on her own as he didn't care if she died. He preferred it.

"I can't believe you cut yourself." Nicholas lay her down on a bedpan in the infirmary. He stepped away from her to speak to a nurse, explaining the situation while others crowded Joanne.

"She cut herself right in front of me, I think she has some sick fascination with me.." Nicholas gave a heavy sigh for effect, waiting as the nurses began stitching up Joanne.

Even If It Kills Me || Nicholas & Joanne

Even through her tears, Joanne couldn’t help but notice his body language. He was nervous and jumpy. Could it be that everything she said was making him uncomfortable? She could prove it, to everyone. Then everything would be all right.

"Suicidal? I’m not suicidal!" Joanne shouted, rising to her feet again. "Someone violated me- you! I’m not sick!" She yelled extending her hand. "You are going to be fired for being a terrible doctor, besides the fact!"

Despite everything that he did to her, Joanne couldn’t stop her automatic response to superiors. Respect was instilled in her since birth and she couldn’t negate it. If she was given an order, it was standard for her to comply. She hadn’t even noticed the knife.

Nicholas took Joanne's hand in his, turning it over to reveal her forearm. "Do not disrespect me again, or you'll pay for it." His eyes widened to show her how serious he was. Although annoyed by the whole situation, he was still amused. Enjoyed it even.

"You shouldn't keep telling me that, stop thinking that way. You shouldn't want to cut your wrists.." He took the knife out from behind his back and traced it harshly across her wrist. Gasping when he dropped the sharp object. "Joanne.."

Before waiting to see her reaction, Nicholas picked her up. His arms under her knees and back.

Even If It Kills Me || Nicholas & Joanne

"How my family must feel?" Joanne jumped to her feet, her arms crossed tightly. "My father is sitting shiva because of what you’ve done! You-!” Her throat closed and she sat down, putting her head in her hands. As much as she didn’t want to, she was crying again. It took a few moments for Joanne to be able to control her breathing and to be able to loo up again.

"Don’t you dare call me sweetie, you monster." She hissed, wiping her face on her sleeve. "I’m telling everyone what you’ve done. They might not believe me, but you will get what you’ve deserved." Joanne looked at him coldly, tears still falling. "There are psychopaths here."

"I will make sure you pay." Her hands formed fists, and Joanne turned away from him, still crying. "You’re disgusting. Worse than every bully at school." She wiped her eyes again, but that didn’t stop what was happening. She knew she should have stopped, and not provoked him, but she couldn’t stop.

#question #can he cut her #?#c:joanne #para

Nicholas watched as his leg jumped up and now to distract himself from each word she spoke. He wanted so desperately to shut her up, but how? He could hit her or tape her mouth. But they weren't in the privacy of his home, no, they were being watched. By the people passing by his office and the multiples who could barge in at any moment. He needed to be on guard for those.

But by she sat back down, Nicholas had an idea that popped into his head. He stood from the previous therapist's chair, smiling slightly at how brilliant he found his idea to be. "Joanne, Joanne, Joanne. Don't threaten me, don't give me attitude. It's not helping your case very much, sweetie." He grinned at the last word.

His hand found a knife from inside his drawer, it was fairly sharp. Sharper than the usual kitchen knife but not as large. "Joanne, you're stuck in here because you're sick. You're sick like every other patient. Someone violated you, and you're upset. Suicidal even. And that's okay, you should go through with those plans." He held his hand out for hers. "Give me your hand, sweetie."

Even If It Kills Me || Nicholas & Joanne

Joanne was breathing rapidly, acutely aware that she was alone with him, again. She complied bitterly but quickly and crossed her legs and arms as she sat. “She’s gone. You can drop the act.” Joanne said quietly, staring around the room, avoiding looking at him.

She couldn’t believe it. she was alone with him again. Every inch of her was crawling and she couldn’t sit still. She was terrified, to be quite honest. Terrified of him and what he had done before. The main issue was that Joanne was angry, not only at him but at herself. Once again she was too stupid to realize she was right back in the position that she was less than a month before.

"What do you want?" She asked, almost under her breath. "I told you, I’m not going to stop until my life is back in order." Joanne looked at him, her gaze icy.

Nicholas shrugged at the comment and sat in the chair across from the couch. The chair was a leftover, smelled like lavender. It oddly aroused him to think of a made-up woman sitting in this chair. What she had done in this chair. He hoped she'd come back for her paperwork so he could meet her. Get an image to fit in the fantasizing.

He remembered he wasn't alone and suddenly hoped Joanne couldn't sense the discomfort he felt sitting this close to her. Nicholas took in another heavy sigh, staring at her right between the eyes. "Joanne, please don't talk like that. Think of how your family must feel. Think about what they'll do if you follow through with those thoughts. It's normal to be sad, but this is quite unhealthy.."

When he finished speaking, he lifted his eyebrows at her. "You're the patient, sweetie, I control you once again. I control the paperwork."

Even If It Kills Me || Nicholas & Joanne

Joanne nibbled on the pretzel, one of the few things she could eat in the place. Despite it having a nice nutritional program, there was no Kosher food available. She was going to starve soon enough. Hopefully, she could discuss it with someone. If only there was someone that believed her. She had already put in multiple complaints.

The nurse startled her. But that would mean that someone listened to her! Joanne pulled on a cardigan over her dress, then followed the nurse quickly. She could put Mr. Kidd where he belonged: behind bars. She wouldn’t let him hurt anyone else. Hopefully she wouldn’t be hurt again. Joanne brushed back her long red hair which had fallen onto her shoulder, hoping to look respectable and logical.

Her smile fell as she saw who was inside the office. Her stomach suddenly turned to ice. Joanne turned to talk to the nurse and to ask for help but the door was already closed. “What do you want?” She asked quietly but calmly, still looking at the door, her heart pounding.

While waiting for Joanne, Nicholas wrote down in his notebook. Doodling pictures of people hanging by their necks from nooses. Imagining they were all those he despised, including Joanne. Oh, he drew too many girls hanging he had to shred the paper immediately before getting any ideas.

He took in a large sigh as he heard footsteps down the hall. Finally. Standing from his chair, Nicholas flatted out his shirt and patted down his hair. Removing any signs of annoyance and concern from his face. When the door swung open, he nodded to the nurse before giving Joanne a fake smile. "Well, hello. I thought we could have an emergency therapy session since I've received word you're spreading quite the rumors."

Nicholas picked up his notebook and pen from the desk before motioning for her to sit on the couch. "Please." His fake smile fading quickly as he waited for her to go first.

Even If It Kills Me || Nicholas & Joanne

Nothing angered the boy more than being reminded of his mistakes, being reminded of his faults. He couldn't keep working here as long as the girl stayed, unless he scared her to the point where she'd keep her mouth shut tightly. But at the same time he knew he couldn't let her go, having her unsupervised meant she'd be free to talk. Nicholas knew he had to keep her inside Harlow, where he had the control. But how?

His thoughts wouldn't stop flying around his head as he paced back and forth in front of his desk. The room was still fifthly, smelling of rotten milk and grass. After finishing his paperwork he spent the day learning about the previous person to inhabit the office, by reading the leftover papers. It appeared she wasn't sane like himself, which brought the question to his mind. Who was? If the people helping the ill were ill themselves, there must not be a sane person in the business.

Nicholas finally called a nurse to enter the gloomy room. It's walls of deep blue made everything seem both childish and small. "Get me Miss Joanne, the newer patient." He spoke to the woman with a smile spread across his face. It was all an act to avoid suspicion. There was nothing left to do but wait. Wait and plot the demise of Joanne.

#para #c:joanne #closed

eve-foster

Don’t speak to me that way. Don’t!