I didn’t even know this ship existed and now I’m so happy that I discovered it.
Damn Sick Bird (Published: March/16/2021)
Pairing: Crocodile x Doflamingo
Fandom: One Piece
Trigger Warning: None
Length: 949 Words, 1 Chapter. Completed.
Summary: “You know,” he said, propping his chin into his hand, “next time I tell you that it’s going to rain, you should take an umbrella and the car to get to your office, you should probably listen to me.”
Crocodile let out a growl, uncovering his face so his death glare would reach him, “The forecast on my phone was saying otherwise. And usually, I never get sick.”
There it was, “yeah usually, you never get sick, that doesn’t actually mean never.” He grinned, “I know you’re handsome enough to pretty much be an immortal god of beauty, but that doesn’t mean you actually are one, love.”
OR: Crocodile gets sick and Doffy takes care of him.
in the Las Vegas wedding au, it's revealed that they can't get divorced because in order to get divorced they need a marine to sign the paperwork. Also Doflamingo las Vegas married Crocodile. Crocodile is still trying to get approval for a divorce
Well, yes, absolutely. See, the problem is, this wasn't the first time Doflamingo had 'tricked' Crocodile into marriage. Before, when he was still a warlord, at least he had the marine's respect. Now he can't even get one to sign the damned papers.
They've been married, divorced, remarried, divorced again, and much to Crocodile's misfortune - remarried again.
I HAVE A VISION, LOOK NOW!
The first time, it was at the first warlord meeting where they first met. Crocodile knew Dolflamingo's reputation but he didn't expect to be intimidated that much. Of course, the feeling quickly faded as soon as the bird opened his mouth and started rambling about the most idiotic things Croc had ever heard. For Doffy it was infatuation at first sight. He tried to impress Croc with whatever he could think of but it seemed like everything he said only made the other more and more annoyed at him. In the end, Crocodile couldn't take it and told him he was a huge pain in the ass and that he should fuck off. To which Doflamingo responded with "I can be more than a pain if you want to shut me up." Oddly enough it worked and they ended up getting wed (or at least on paper, even though Doffy insisted on a honeymoon). Croc made the excuse of "it's more of a business deal than anything".
Not after long Crocodile got too annoyed with him and forced him to sign their divorce (they had a big and messy fight(verbal and physical), which consisted of Doffy pleading and crying, Croc scoffing in distaste, Doffy cursing him out, Croc grabbing a random marine to sign the divorce approval, Doffy killing the poor marine and the cycle repeating three more times). In the end, Doffy signed, in hopes that by signing, he'd make Croc see how much he loves him - enough to let him go, and that would make Crocodile want to stay. It didn't.
Doflamingo started being even more insufferable at the warlord meetings (if he even went to them). It got so bad that the marines started a "go fund me" to pay anyone who could make him less of a menace. Crocodile got tired of it all and gave in. He took him back in, but it was the oddest thing. It sounded something like:
Croc walking up to Doffy unprompted and in zero context saying: Fine.
Doffy beaming: What? Really?
Croc: Only! Under the condition that you stop being such a pest.
Doffy: Yes! Absolutely yes! You wont regret it!!!
Crocodile regretted it. Doflamingo was still a pest, but this time only around Crocodile. Crocodile forged his signature and made Bon Clay mimic him for in front of the marines. He just took a divorce selfie and sent it to the real Doflamingo. That was how he broke the news.
During Croc's reign over Arabasta their paths crossed and Doffy was surprsingly tame. So Crocodile accepted his invitation to grab a drink. While under the influence, Crocodile shared about ruling Arabasta and Doflamingo about Dressrosa. As a joke one of them said "Haha we should do a political marriage and fuse our kingdoms" and the other one said "Yeah, let's go right now!" And they've been married ever since. Because a little after that the whole Luffy situation happend and now he can't even get close to a marine base, let alone ask them to sign the divorce papers. He tried doing it in impel down but the guards either laughed at him or he got the papers returned from Doffy cut n a paper heart or shreaded with a smilie face of something.
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