woof.

dogs hate kisses /⁠ᐠ⁠｡⁠ꞈ⁠｡⁠ᐟ⁠\

[doghatekisses]

through tears is where i'm comfortable

i can laugh at vulnerability once i'm safe in my cocoon

[doghatekisses]

and as i stab deeper

you

twist the knife

[doghatekisses]

i curl into a ball

and wish myself away

did you mold me to be lonely?

oh benevolent creator

why can't i see love that was so clear yesterday

when i'm left alone for barely a second

i start to go insane

i hate my medicine

all they tell me is to try a new one

i don't think these even work

i don't even know what this one does

except make me hopeless and pathetic and disgusting

[doghatekisses]

your eyes remain closed, even with it spelled in front of you

because you refuse to see it?

or because of the dyslexia?

or you know, and you yank me on this chain

a little harder now, i'm almost finished

[doghatekisses]

I think I'm secretly manipulative but I'm the way that I know I am actually

[doghatekisses]

un-privated all my posts on here because it doesn't matter anymore!

[doghatekisses]

Are you jealous?

How

Ironic.

[doghatekisses]

Place shame and guilt and anger on me in your righteousness, of course it is warranted, of course I'm just a stupid girl.

I have never felt so normal

So natural

Like instead of skin flesh and bones I'd be content taking snacks out of his hands as he feeds me another chocolate wafer

And wasn't I happy for you?

And wasn't I sad for you?

And wasn't I angry for you?

Maybe I should've learned to be me for myself

But this is the next best thing

At least I'm no longer you

[doghatekisses]

That quiet kind of love you taught me to have

You forced me to have

Shoved me into a tiny metal box and refused to let me grow

Watered me just enough to keep me alive

And my box has now been pried open

And so have I

In a room covered in soft pink light

In a bed covered in short red hair

From either one of my dogs

I take in a new stray but shelter dogs don't play nice

Bare your teeth as I hush you away

Did you think I loved Chaska more than Sam in the end?

The new sweet puppy compared to his old tired bones

But I let her sleep alone on the floor

But I slept with him on a mattress covered in piss and dead skin

You told me something I once told you

I cry silently while you yell and kick and scream

I'm sorry I wasn't as good as waiting as you say you can be

But if this keeps new scars off my body I say it's alright to break a few old bones

Will you be patient or rip off my skin?

I drift slowly to sleep.

[doghatekisses]

hate when i write a banger and no one sees it... if nobody got me ik redmantic got me can i get an amen ☝️🙂‍↕️

[doghatekisses]

is love measured by the amount you mourn?

i watch as they fill pages with eulogies of my name

but never were they sat at my hospital bed

when my dog died i remember being upset that they weren't there for me. in time i blamed myself for not making it more clear that i needed them

when my grandmother died their phone was taken. common happenstance during any crisis of mine.

when i sat on a balcony begging for any help, telling them in lines of crude humor that i wanted to jump,

their response simply read as agreement, "same" or "real".

as unbothered as the wind

then too, i blame myself for not being clearer.

Is it really my fault for finding comfort in the arms of softer women?

To be needed and wanted and cared for

Instead of blind neglect

I know it was wrong but she kept me secure

I know it was wrong but she kept me alive

I'm sorry for not breaking your heart sooner,

Now I turn a blind eye to your pain

Maybe it was your fault for not being clearer

But it never was.

[doghatekisses]

hark! the way you caress my cheek before pushing me into the dirt

behold! you drag me on this leash, choking me down this circle of hope and tragedy

lo! i am crumpled up and used for thine pleasure, and still i thank thee my fair maiden

the ringing of my bells tells me my time is up soon

how can i be upset at thoust treatment of me when every night is spent wondering what ailment now fills me?

why does my throat threaten to close and my heart threaten to stop?

thank you for killing me dear, hurry up before i do it myself.

[doghatekisses]

social etiquette is keeping everything to yourself

unfortunately i am bursting at the seams

schrodinger's puppyboy

the only way for you to live is without me

the only way for me to live is at your feet

like a damn dog

andthenistarttothinkthatmaybeiamthesamegirlialwaysendupbeing

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10

and then, i forget

i want to be good

i want to be destroyed

i want to throw up

[redollskin]

I wanna write gay poetry about my lover but I never know where to start

[rockroseandheartache]

You say words and then you say more words

[doghatekisses]

First you yearn and cry and then you feel it in your heart and then you insanely post nonsense at 3am

[redollskin]

I wish to the stars for something I cannot have and it breaks me slowly

[doghatekisses]

There's a softness in your breathing

And I always know what each pitch means

There's a sweetness in your laughter

And I always close my eyes and wait for you to finish

There's a tone and a shift and a frequency in your voice

I listen and listen and listen again

Until the warmth fades from my cheeks

Until the quietness of sleep takes me over

Until this river isn't too cold to enter

Covered in blood I let this sink in

I am plagued

The cycle begins again

[doghatekisses]

my love is so consuming

you see hunger in my eyes and you shiver

and what of me?

there's nothing left

it's the full moon every night i think of you

i feel i'm beyond saving

if i stay, you will be too

if you stay

your love consumes, too

but when you hold me at night

your eyes are crescent

your mind is clear

there is no other time and place

there is only here and now

and i am stuck in a full moon