Unemployment is shit. It’s like a form of mental sabotage. First thing in the morning when you wake up an evil little part of your brain says, “Good morning! No reason to get up today!” So you roll back over and don’t get out of bed until just before noon—on a weekday.
My unemployment adventure began just over a week ago when my job contract ended and I was put on a mandatory three-month “vacation”. And since I haven’t gotten my first unemployment check yet I’m technically not even on unemployment, I’m just straight unemployed.
I’m considering my brief income-less window as my little grace period of slight depression—just a week or two of mild self-loathing coupled with short stints of self-destructive behavior while I tell myself things will get better. Next week I’m even planning on starting to use my alarm clock again.
Battling my desperately optimistic outlook is my realization , “Holy shit I’ve barely been unemployed for a week and I’m going fucking nuts.” Reason number one: people. There are no people when you’re unemployed. Just you, yourself, and the internet—BECAUSE EVERYONE ELSE IS AT WORK. I like people and being around them and at my last job I was lucky enough to even like my co-workers. Fancy that. So now I’m living the worst of both worlds: no people, and no monetary reward for talking on Gchat.
Thankfully some of that sweet, sweet unemployment money should start rolling in next week which will alleviate some stress, as suddenly being without a source of income is an extremely unsettling idea. That’s how people become homeless. Then once I do start getting those checks I get to fight off feeling guilty for receiving money for nothing, which is ironic because getting money for nothing sounds like many peoples’ dream come true. Unfortunately I’m a sucker who enjoys having something to work at. I enjoy the reward of not just doing something, but doing it well. So, whenever that whatever is taken away and I’m left to my own devices it’s easy for me to shrug my shoulders, look around, and ask, “What now?”
Well, what now is an ass-kicking—my own ass, not anyone else’s (yet.)
What now is I take time out for myself since I actually have time. Because as much as I enjoy the security of a job there’s no denying the emotional, mental, and even physical tolls all of our jobs take on us.
Hey, want to go on a run after work?
Meh, it’ll be pitch black and pouring rain.
Want to go out for drinks?
On a weeknight?! Don’t you know what time I have to wake up tomorrow!?
Well, how about we just watch a movie?
Sorry, won’t have time ‘cause I’ve got to work OT and once I’m done I actually am gonna go on that pitch black rainy run and then by the time I’m home and showered and fed it’s time for bed. Gotta get up tomorrow and do it all over again. Work. Eat. Sleep. Repeat.
Except all of that above is the exact opposite of where I am now, because, shit—I’ve got all the time in the world for the next three months. And once I start looking at this time like that, as an opportunity, it makes me feel a lot better. Now I can do all those things I wanted but didn’t have time for—provided they’re within an unemployment check budget, of course. Oh, and within a relatively close and comfortable walking distance because my car is dead and needs a new alternator… but that’s a worry for another time.
