A lot of things have been telling me to journal again lately and it dawned on me today that I used to journal here, all the time. I do like writing things down in notebooks or actual journals but my mind goes so fast it’s almost always been easier to type my thoughts in rapid succession. So much has been going on, so much has changed. I’m growing and trying to find myself again. I used to be so in touch with myself and at one with the world and somewhere I got lost. Through heartache and disappointment, hardships and unexpected occurrences, through life really. I look back on things I’ve written in the past and I realize I was such a sad person but so full of positivity and certainty for a better future. Here I am years and yeaaaaarrrs later and I’m still stuck in the same positions missing the one thing I’ve always longed for and felt was purposeful to a meaningful life, however as I sit here and type this I think to myself that there are so many things that make ones life meaningful and I definitely have an abundance of those things already. I’ve made a lot of realizations over the last two years, painstakingly barely making it through nursing school (and not for lack of effort), broken hearts, starting a job as an RN, Covid happening while I’m a new grad and extremely anxiety ridden already, these things have all made me appreciate things so much more and want to open my mind and my soul back up to the person I know I am and always have been, I realized things that probably happened to me when I was young, had other people confirm those notions, or at least the idea that they could have possibly happened, and that those things that happened to me so long ago have directly effected who I’ve become and why I feel the ways I do. I’ve also been thinking a lot about angel numbers and spirit guides, spiritual things. I even speak to my mom and sometimes have moments where I know it’s got to be here coming through in my mind and making things happen around me. My body tingles as I’m typing this which is what happens when I feel like I’m getting signs. I kind of lost where I was going with that but just know that I am awakening and trying to love myself the way I once had, and know that the universe is with me and for me and I will have everything that I deserve in due time, it’s already begun.
