Sleepless nights and suicidal toughts

[dollyxxth1n]

Funny seeing my old posts and nothing got better , in still the same pathetic nobody who stays in her room and does nothing all day , i hate myself i wish i could be outside my body and just beat my body to death its useless anyway but the mind that’s the real problem i wish i was never born nothing makes me happy and it never did , at least as a teen I had more guts and cared even less about others so like i tried kms cause i was not scared of doing it , but now too many toughts about how its wrong and i don’t wanna make anyone sad , such a funny way to say i don’t have any guts anymore,

[dollyxxth1n]

I wish i was never born

[dollyxxth1n]

I wanna kms so bad , im 21 and have basically no friends and never anything to do i just rot in my room all day like a parasite its pathetic really

And whenever i do something or go somewhere i just get used all the fucking time i don’t think one person I ever met was genuine towards me and it makes me sad cause i feel like I don’t deserve this

[dollyxxth1n]

23 and it somehow only got worse tf 🤡

[dollyxxth1n]

got a 400€ fine by the cops last night but hey at least I lost 3lbs

I’m gonna go pay the fine tomorrow so that my mom won’t know about it but jesus how I hate that it happened in the first place

[dollyxxth1n]

Didn’t pay it actually, imma pretend it never happened

And I actually wanted to pay it at first but I literally don’t know how(?) and when I went and asked to the cops they didn’t even know, they were vague and started saying really complicated things so I’ve just decided to give up

I already know that I’ll be sometime before mom finds out and then I’ll be the end of me

Trust me lol

[dollyxxth1n]

2026 update lol, ended up paying the damn 400€ fine this summer 🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️🙂‍↕️

[dollyxxth1n]

Wanna kms so much i now started seeing it as ‘going to sleep ‘ yeah im cooked

[dollyxxth1n]

Maybe I deserve it all , Who do I think I am? None of the people who were supposed to love me did so why should one who don’t even have to?

Its not even that what i want, is decency just a concept? Nobody seems to have it. i too am in the wrong for the way i act it s all always an act. Have I ever been genuine? Maybe when im alone but never with others

Or I am indeed like this ?? is it just how I am? Who even am I ? Are there things i like? Things I wanna do? I don’t know that.

I feel so fake all the time, disgusting and beneath everyone else none of what i think or want its important in my eyes, dosen’t everyone hate me? Who even thinks about me ? I feel like just my presence its a burden for others

Only way is to give. Whats the point if not?

Is it always going to be like this ?

Should I just give up?

[dollyxxth1n]

Im a dumbass who keeps fucking over sharing cause im pathetic and don’t know how to stfu apparently i hate myself so much im disgusted with how i think and act and talk everything i do i feel hatred i never wanted to be born istg

[dollyxxth1n]

I wanna kms so bad , im 21 and have basically no friends and never anything to do i just rot in my room all day like a parasite its pathetic really

And whenever i do something or go somewhere i just get used all the fucking time i don’t think one person I ever met was genuine towards me and it makes me sad cause i feel like I don’t deserve this

[dollyxxth1n]

Don’t really use tumblr anymore, my life has changed a lot since my last posts and i can really say im doing better ! So yay to me i guess

[dollyxxth1n]

I stopped doing drugs (kind of) im finally finishing school and i have friends !! I got hotter too so i hope for a fun time this summer, im happy it got better :)

[dollyxxth1n]

Nah it was all fake i wanna kms i still do drugs and my ex still terrorize me nothing changed life suck i m so tired of everything , my summer was pretty fun tho so i guess i’ll take my victories where i can

[dollyxxth1n]

Im back at wanting to kms yeee

[dollyxxth1n]

Also little aftermath of me being wild a couple years ago is that i cannot look at drugs the same, they are not fun and i don’t even like them anymore yet i still crave them so much omgg, any time something goes bad i just wanna get fckdup (i usually don’t tho ) also my ex left me traumatized and i cannot have a relationship with ANY guy i just can’t Idk why

Little good note tho im a lot more mature and in a way the whole situation helped me realize that was not the life for me i was killing myself and im so much more than situations like those, so yeah this is growing up i guess (?) also being in such an abusive relationship scared me? Of fuckin course. He rewired my brain, he left me traumatized literally,im scared of every guy i talk to so i just don’t, but at least it helped me see how awful people can be i guess (?)idk that is kinda what i tell myself to let it go yk? After all i have to let it go its stupid to just keep thinkin about it. getting with the 26 yo unemployed crack addict at 18 was pretty stupid of me so Idk what i was expecting it was just that i was on drugs and didnt even know tf was going on, i have pics that Idk where i was or with who even some posts here Idk what im talking about,i have months i have no recollection of its crazy i wish i never met him in a way but it is what it is ig

[dollyxxth1n]

Don’t really use tumblr anymore, my life has changed a lot since my last posts and i can really say im doing better ! So yay to me i guess

[dollyxxth1n]

I stopped doing drugs (kind of) im finally finishing school and i have friends !! I got hotter too so i hope for a fun time this summer, im happy it got better :)

[dollyxxth1n]

Don’t really use tumblr anymore, my life has changed a lot since my last posts and i can really say im doing better ! So yay to me i guess

[dollyxxth1n]

Nah it was all a lie in doing fucking terribile i wanna kms

[dollyxxth1n]

I havent posted here in forever and i just wanna say i don’t do drugs anymore, im not in an abusive relationship anymore and i actually managed to make some new friends, so yeah im actually happy and doing good rn :)

[dollyxxth1n]

Just started school and im in a new class, nobody talked to me at all

It was kinda bad and i ate like 600 kcal for lunch so ill probably skip dinner

[dollyxxth1n]

Sooo i actually got back with my ex like three weeks ago if not more(?) and yes i know im dumb and what he did to me was the worst, whenever i think about it i literally start hitting myself since i can’t really cut myself cause i don’t wanna then explain it to him, i just love him so much and ill do basically anything for him but he does not love me like before or even at all tbh,sometimes i feel like he is with me out of pity or maybe cause he knows ill do anything, and right as some other girl comes along he is gonna dump me but well i don’t like to think about that so yeah can u tell how miserabile i am ?