“Are you sure you don't want a cup of regular coffee? It’s way better,” Wire drawled, standing in your way as you tried to move around him. He was bugging you about drinking decaf, just like he had been for weeks. Normally you would have enjoyed the attention of the tall, handsome Commander. But Wire insisted on hanging out in the kitchen teasing you while you were working and making breakfast for the crew. It was flattering, but annoying, as you unsuccessfully tried to rid yourself of the Commander.
You’d joined the Kid pirates a few months prior and had quickly figured out one fatal flaw in their operations. Namely, none of the fuckheads in charge liked to get up before noon. They were generally a good crew, and you felt that Kid was an acceptable Captain, but it was near impossible to get anyone out of bed in the morning.
You were a natural early morning riser, so you’d made a deal with Killer. He cooked lunch and dinner and in exchange you made breakfast for the crew and acted as the morning supervisor. The system worked out for everyone – the crew now had a hot meal and someone to bitch to, and you had your afternoons and evenings free. You made all the coffee, cooked an early and late breakfast and fucked off for the rest of the day. It was a great system.
Except Wire had found out that you only drank decaf coffee and he wouldn’t let it go. Like a dog with a stick, he insisted on talking to you about it every single day. And yes, you enjoyed being teased as much as the next girl, but it was grating to hear the same exact thing every single day particularly while you were cooking his fucking breakfast.
Wire had even started getting up at the very early hour of 10 AM for the privilege of annoying you in the kitchens as you made a second breakfast for the late rising crew. And you certainly didn’t mind flirting with him any other time of day, but Wire lingered in the small kitchen, taking up valuable space and time while you were actually busy.
Wire prided himself on being some kind of coffee connoisseur, always spending a ridiculous amount of money on coffee beans during every restock. He had lectured you endlessly on how to prepare the coffee too, as if you hadn’t been doing it for years. It seemed like your affinity for decaf was a personal insult to him, something that he needed to fix. He prattled on and on about how decaf tasted flat, how the process ruined the beans, how the beans were over-roasted because they were poor quality blah blah blah. You’d tried telling him that regular coffee hurt your stomach and gave you the jitters but he was immune to your logic.
“C’mon, have a sip of mine. You’ll taste how much better this shit is,” he purred at you, pushing his cup towards you. You gave him an incredulous look – you were carrying pans of muffins to the oven.
“How? My hands are full,” you scoffed, kicking him in the thigh with your boot to get him out of the way in the small kitchen. He scooted over but didn’t offer to open the oven.
“I’ll do it for you, Ma. Open up,” he said, his eyes going half lidded. You squinted your eyes at him as you handed him one of the pans instead.
“No,” you said, opening the oven and popping the trays in. “Regular coffee hurts my stomach,” you explained for the millionth time.
“I seen you drink six shots of vodka back to back,” Wire said, taking an exaggerated sip. You tossed him another annoyed look before wiping your hands on your kitchen rag. Wire was standing in the small space between the kitchen island and the counters. You squeezed past, purposefully rubbing against him a little. You were determined to be just as bothersome as he was.
“Alcohol doesn’t have caffeine, duh,” you said, taking a sip of your own. You’d been a decaf drinker for a long time and no one had ever given you as much shit about it as Wire had. You were guessing he thought it was some kind of inside joke, but you were tired of it.
So you had done the only reasonable thing.
You switched all the regular coffee on the ship for decaf.
All week everyone had been drinking exclusively decaf, and no one had noticed a thing. The first day Kid had complained about a headache, but you told him he was dehydrated and to drink water. After that, if anything, you’d gotten more compliments than ever on your brew. Killer was the only one to limit his consumption but even he had a cup a day.
“A little won’t hurt you,” Wire said, watching you take off your apron.
“You’re right, it won’t. Gimme some,” you said with a bright smile, extending your hand for his mug. Wire gave you a smirk as he handed you the cup. He was too good looking for his own good, you thought as you held the warm ceramic in your hands and took a long sip.
“Knew you’d come around. Whaddya think? Better than that trash you drink,” he said smugly. “And you’ve been using those expensive beans I got at the last island, I can tell,” he said, his grin growing wider.
“It’s a special brew, that’s for sure,” you said, handing him back his mug. “It’s good,” you said evenly, gathering pots and pans to put in the sink for the washing crew.
“I knew I’d get you in the end, Ma,” Wire said, coming to stand near you.
“Something like that,” you agreed easily, piling the bowls and utensils you’d used into the sink. One day you’d tell him the secret to your amazing coffee, but for now he could suffer.
“We’re docking later today, lemme take you out to coffee now that you can have the real stuff,” Wire said silkily, leaning on a forearm next to you.
“Hmm. It’s a thought,” you replied airily. Killer appeared in your peripheral vision, the first mate up earlier today than usual. He reached for a mug, inspecting if it was clean before looking at the coffee carafes.
“Is there any coffee today?” he asked, pointing at the carafe.
“Yeah, she hooked us up good. Even tried it herself for once,” Wire said proudly, pouring more from the carafe into his mug. He tried to pour some for Killer but Killer covered his mug with his hand.
“No, I want real coffee today,” he said. Wire raised a brow at Killer.
“This is real coffee. The decaf shit she drinks is over there,” he insisted, pointing at your carafe with an orange lid. You smiled to yourself, not saying a word.
“It’s all been decaf this week. I thought you were a coffee guy, Wire. Can’t you taste the difference?” Killer asked. You laughed loudly as Wire’s face went through several stages of suspicion to surprise to annoyance. Even Killer chuckled as Wire’s face heated. Wire looked at you, but you just smirked and shrugged as you took a sip of your coffee.
“Yeah, I knew-” Wire tried to play off the situation, but you weren’t going to let him off the hook.
“You didn’t,” you objected, making the Commander’s face flush even further. “But we can still meet for coffee on that island if you want. We might learn something,” you said, flipping your kitchen rag off your shoulder to smack him in the face gently with it. You sauntered away, laughing as Wire continued to watch you incredulously.
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