Some people are asking me to explain or why. I’m not sure if they are being purposely obtuse or what so I will try to break it down as civily as possible.
A few years ago I was being constantly harassed by someone.
They would go out of their way to make me uncomfortable, and blame me for the action of others (which is funny because in many of those cases I had pushed the person (who I was being blamed for) to not act a certain way or do something.
It all came to a breaking point when this person openly mocked my for having PTSD. They made cruel comments not once but TWICE.
Many people I know didn’t like this person. They were scared of this person but they didn’t think they could do anything without being retaliated against. I stood up for them anyway and made a complaint to keep them safe.
I recieved retaliation for this, but moved on anyway.
Eventually though I started seeing people soften to this person. People who had done things that I was blamed for started supporting this person again, even after the shit they went through.
More recently I was asked if I was interested in being involved in a project that this person was a part of. The person asking said “I know their are some mixed feelings.”
It was unbelievable. I don’t have mixed feelings. I was mocked for having a serious medical condition. I was put down constantly. I was harassed and this person knew that. They even had their own issues with the aggressor in this story.
Bur they were getting involved with this person because it was going to help their career and be fun for them.
That’s saying “hi friend, I know this person did terrible things to you but I still want to be on good terms with them because it’s good for me.”
If you value your own success or career more than the lives of abuse victims you are shit. If you think it’s fine to work with someone toxic because they currently aren’t hurting you, you are just as toxic.
We cant uplift abusers. It’s immoral to let their behavior slide because it’s not hurting you. It allows they behavior to continue unchecked and lets them hurt more.
And honestly. I only really see this behavior from people who have not experienced major abuse.
Funny enough I was having a conversation with someone who was doing a project on abuse and when I told them to not work with a certain person they didn’t question it. They just knew immediately that it was wrong.
But here’s the thing. You shouldn’t have to be abused to do that. It should just happen.
This is why if you choose to overlook someone’s racism and work with them, you’re racist.
If you over look someone’s sexism, you’re sexist.
If you downplay someone’s abusive tendency, you’re abusive.
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