I hooked up with a cute guy last night. It was the second time we hooked up. He took two vids of me sucking his dick without my permission. The first vid he took had flash so it was visible to me. I was surprised by his ambitiousness but I let it slide. He took my acknowledgement as an A-OK to take more vids. When he took the second vid, there was no flash and I was almost completely unaware of it. When I looked up, he had just put his phone down. Somehow in my head, I thought he was trying to hide it. I asked if he took another vid and he said yes. I got annoyed. For some reason this really upset. Idk why my emotions were the way they were. It could’ve been because we were both slightly intoxicated and a memory sparked in my mind. A guy that lives on the same floor as me my freshmen year, totally wasted, recorded a vid of this girl, also wasted, giving him head and then sent it to a bunch of people that lived in their residential building via Snapchat. I guess since this reminded me of that, I got paranoid and feared he was sending this vid to someone else or was planning to. I feel terrible for making this assumption. I even asked my hookup partner if he was sending it to someone. He said no, respectfully. When he could tell I wasn’t into the hookup anymore, we stopped. I was having an anxiety attack. It wasn’t exactly visible but he could tell I was not right. He comforted me. Showed me that he deleted the vids of me on his phone. Apologized profusely and reassured me that he didn’t want to upset me. I appreciated it. But having a little alcohol in my system and not being the greatest when it comes to expressing himself, I just sat there, mostly in silence with occasional stuttering as I tried to reassure him that everything was ok and that I did forgive him. While, yes, he should’ve verbally asked if I wanted videos (which the answer would have been yes), I shouldn’t have thought so poorly of him. I’ve learned that my intuition is strong and I was able to tell that he is a genuinely good guy. I know that he feels guilty about what happened, he cried even. I’m sure he was taking aback and offended by my assumptions of him. I didn’t want him to reach a high level of sadness like that. I apologized over and over again. He said that I wasn’t supposed to be apologizing at all, which I appreciated out of him; however, it made sense in my head to apologize because I’m a very complex individual and I had no idea how to explain exactly what was going on in my head. Taking naughty videos as such has been on my bucket list for a while, but the fact that I had a mental breakdown last night seemed to indicate otherwise to him. I’m afraid, mortified even, that I just derailed a new potential friendship and fwb with a bright, kindly person. He walked me back to my car and told me to text him when I got home. I did. He sent a long text about how he never intended for things to go that way and that he hopes I could forgive. I already forgave him in person, but I said it again via text and, confident in moving past this awkward situation, told him that I hope we could see each other again. He seemed to understand perfectly. I don’t know if he’s interested in hooking up with me again. He might be scared of upsetting me again. I want to hook up with him again because the physical chemistry with him is amazing. Moral of the story: ask for permission before executing something during sex. Proper communication will keep you out of these sticky situations. I’m a little depressed today because of a slight hangover and I’m still emotionally recovering from last night. The next time we hang out, I’m sure I need to initiate it. I will wait a few days. We both need time to decompress from all of this.
amandla
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