dont cry because its over, smile because it happened @dontcrybecauseitsoverr - Tumblr Blog

update

Im about to graduate omggg, as usual, no one knows about this tumblr in my life, so that’s cool. Kaylee can know idc lol. But, somethings in my life just don’t add up. I have a gf who I do love, and adore and all of this, but man our communication sucks, on her end, she just doesn’t text me or snap me for hours sometimes… for no reason lol, but snap score goes up but she doesn’t reply? Hurts a bit, I don’t feel like a priority in her life, she isn’t open with me about things, I have to fight to get answers out of her, and she just doesn’t tell me stuff. We’ve been dating for 5 months! Like what! Lol! I just don’t get it.so like what do i do...were not going to see each other for the entire summer. this is my longest relationship, as yall know they dont go too hot lololol. so many posts on here about gf’s and shit, i would be ruined if anyone found this, but this name is not associated to anything else of mine, unless someone like reverse searched the image, who knows. this is just my thoughts as they are thought of on paper, im sitting here listening to taylor swift, deciding about big things in my life. im going to maine for the summer month and a half or so, either i can have all the sex up there with my ex, a threesome, my bff cas who ive all fucked before lol, so thats funny. BUT, 3 months without her :L i wont even be able to see her at allll her dads a dick. i swear to god if we aren’t able to FT like 1-2 times a week, that is really gonna take a hit. theres no reason to not be able to ft me with airpods in, and all this shit, like come onnnnn do u really not want to talk to me. i just feel like this is going to end up in a text break up, i really dont want it. but shes stuck with me and my quirks and issues for 5 months! thats a long time! so who knows, i want it to work but it just may get so unberable at some point, im gona talk with her tho at least. also i just was reading up about how the brain processes near death experiences, and how wack the gamma rays are or something. and i recalled the time in senior year, when my friend was driving and making a turn into school across a busy road. (two years later a family of 4 got killed in the crash, actually by someone i knew in the dmv auto club, he went to jail, my friends and i did the math on the car crash - guy was going 125 mph when he hit them. 1 girl survived out of the family of 4. terrible) but, a car was really going fast coming towards us, and i thought it was gonna clip us, and i was in the backseat, i swear i had a marvel intro style play in front of my eyes, just flashing through life events, i couldnt even see the car coming per say, just the images that i cared about most in my life. and then we passed...and it was like nothing happened. this got off topic, but so do all my other posts. i just dont know what to do. she failed out of her student teaching this semester, and i felt i was at cause, but i dont think so. she said her mom was very upset with her, after the school stuff, and failing the driving test. but all she does all day is sit and watch tvvvvvv mannnnnn, ive tried so hard to get her to do things, and be productive and get her out of the dorm because i know what that life is like, failing out, and having no prospect, because ive been there so many times. ive been to 4 colleges! and she just doesn’t want to involve me, or just seems like she cares about me. i want it to work, i mean god, what breaking up for a month and a half just for a crazy sex summer? seems like an issue to meee lolol. not really looking forward to maine, but gotta do whatcha gotta do. fucking hell i graduate in 10 days what the hell its taken so many years im just numb to it i feel, everyone else cares way more than i do, and its gonna be a shame to try and express happiness and joy when im more just like thank god lol. anyway thats my late night talk i guess, lol goodnight?

me me me me me

I havent posted on here in a while, but I felt right now I just need to get something off my chest. Im not scared for the my future, i just dont know what to do, i have worries im not going to pass this semester of classes, as they are going off to a rough start. i got back into a bad habit of video games this week because my gf who i love but i havent told yet, (i sent a <3 u on snap last night, and we all know what that means, and she went back <3 u? as in like what does this mean or something.) There was one time two weeks ago when i was taking her to student teaching, as she was closing the door i said have a good day at school Lu- and like choked on my words as if I was in a sitcom. it was kinda funny. OK ive written alot of this paper already, but i just did some quick research, apparently on average men take 88 days to say ily, but women 134?? ive known her for 91 days! lol go snapchat but this last week she has had as terrible migraine that has come on and off and been bad and all this stuff. and not getting better, and she has epilepsy so its really bad if brain stuff is going wrong. some meds knocked her out one night really early. she was crying just holding her head i didnt know what to do i wanted to tell her i love her and it will be ok, god ive felt this way for a month so its not some false love in my clouded ass brain. no one knows how clouded my brain is sometimes with emotion and stuff. there isnt emotion usually, like i react with emotion, im not sitting here lumping all the time, but deep down, its just a null. its a terrible way to live, hell maybe its dissociation. i was a theater kid, so, its all just acting. hell ive made it this far in my life and i never can see ahead, i never had a plan of being in this career or that career, im just solidified as a person myself. i love creative writing, and just being spontaneous and fun. with my classes, theyre not hard i think, its just ALOT of work, and alot of reading, nearly 200 pages a week i would argue. and i fucked up and missed an assignment or 2, and i bombed a quiz in another class they lets you drop 2 of them, so thats great but sitting here with a 20/100 on a quiz and then a 92/100 the paper that's weighted more, yay for writing properly (AS I WAS WRITING THE WORD WRITING RIGHT THERE I TYPED RIGHTING FIRST LOL OMG). good shit. ive just been listening to a few key songs when writing this rn, Mandy, My Way, some Elton John, mainly 70s folk and stuff. now i moved over to some porter robinson live edits, dont ask me why. i haven't eaten today, im not starving myself, im just not eating. im okay tho. this isnt abnormal. blah blah BLAADEEDA blah. as u can tell im depressed ish and everything is just flowing out whatever i want to type. pluto is my favorite planet, i feel bad for pluto honestly. for decades we loved it and cherished it as our own,. but now neptune is?! its such a cute planet though it has a heart on it, no one expected that when we saw it from the grainy ass photos in the late 90s. you know recently people have been shit talking elon, yes hes trash with twitter. but i always divert these dumbasses here and start asking about space stuff, they show an interest, and i hit em with the NASA would not have been survivable still if spacex didnt come into play. just a fact. their crew dragon capsule is probably going to be fitted soon to replace the soyuz on there thats busted. (are we surprised? im not). sometimes i just like to go off on a brain wave vibe and just get all my info out. look how many topics are in this little paragraph? i feel so smart but its not unleashed and i cant be sober these days it seems so im always under some vape shop pen, etc. lol. i really should go do my life today, and not piss around some hours. i do think when she comes back im going to go into a little speech about how i was worried and still am and that i do whatever for you to get better etc support all of it bc i love you, but i think you knew that already. or im just gonna drop it randomly, “you know i love you right?” so its a little indirect, and not some long convoluted bs work around. ive been going at this for what, 35, 40 minutes now? I wonder how long it is, the longest ive written one of my little tumblr essays was 1200 words? let me see how long this is rq 876. true. not bad. so many errors on the word document OMG im not fixing all of this. ugh fuck im gonna go get some food, until next time pals. whos gonna see this lol