maria @dontyouseemetrying - Tumblr Blog

I hate my life

I hate that my own choices brought me here

I hate that i’m a failure

I hate that I can’t change,

I hate that I hate myself.

I get tired of chasing a future version of myself, one where I am happy and fulfilled and loved, whereas present me is just miserable.

I often wonder what the point is in living for tomorrow, in always chasing the next thing, in hoping things will be better next year.

I feel like my life is passing me by while I wait for the right time to start living, to enjoy things, to just be.

Maybe tomorrow will be different, but it probably won’t.

Does anyone really know me? Because i don’t feel seen i just feel misinterpreted

I don’t want to be ungrateful when people try to support me through tough times but the way they do it just makes me feel smaller

I’m 4+ years clean but it’s getting difficult to remember why, i haven’t felt the need to do it for so long why am i like this

I sabotage myself time and time again, i can’t even be mad at anyone or anything it’s all my fault

I don’t know when to give up, not sure that’s a good thing anymore

i'm so desperate for love and affection that sometimes i do things that i don't even want to do

some days even just keeping the pieces together feels too much

Haruki Murakami, Norwegian Wood

I was clean for a year and 9 months but I ruined everything, I’ve already done it 3 times this week, I hate myself so fucking much

“I wish that I could leave myself alone. I wish that I could finally feel that I punished myself enough.”

— Carrie Fisher, The Princess Diarist

Telling someone how you feel is honestly the hardest shit ever

maria