THE COMMUNITY SPEAKS-Structural Transphobia/cissexism in Western New York(Buffalo)
#WHOSEPRIDEISITANYWAY
The Community Speaks
#EndTheSilence #EvergreenHealthServices #StructureofViolence
_____________________________________________________
“Alright it’s time I stop avoiding this and spill my guts. I think I was procrastinating because I was afraid I’d forget something. But how could I forget? I’ll start at the beginning…
After my first Transgen meeting and appointment with Shevy, I was all signed up and ready to go to Evergreen. I needed HRT. I clearly told the intake nurse over the phone that I identify as trans*, my name is *****, and I need to start testosterone therapy. That was my primary reason for going there. But at my first appointment, I was greeted by a nurse practitioner named Lolita who had no idea why I was there. She was confused as to why they assigned me to her and not Jason. Honestly, I didn’t really give a fuck who I saw or what I had to do because I was so desperate to begin my therapy. And then I asked her about top surgery and if she might be able to help me navigate that process to which she replied, “Top surgery? What’s that?” My heart went up into my throat and I just felt sick. I was like, “Well why the hell am I here?” She told me I would have to call this social worker guy who would have to give me the “all clear” for hormones. I saw him and he said that because of my mental health history, I would have to be careful but that he saw no major contraindications and THEN I had to schedule an appointment with Jason. I waited 3 more weeks for that appointment and I still didn’t know whether I was going to get my shot or not. It was hell in that time because now I was out at work and with my family but hadn’t started T and was experiencing the most intense dysphoria I’d ever felt and there was nothing I could do about it.
So I go to see Jason and he was actually really cool. He was experienced, knowledgeable, and respectful… although I did feel like he was trying to discourage me from getting injections and +really pushing the topical cream (Androgel). I found that kinda weird. Anyway, he did end up giving me my first shot that day, after I signed a waiver type form that explained hormones might make me sterile, la la la, changes changes changes, yeah yeah ok whatever just give me my shot!!! Lol.
He started me out at .25 ml, then two weeks later .5ml, then two weeks after 1ml every two weeks for 3 mo, then come back for a follow-up. Well, if only life had been that simple.
After my second shot I noticed I was having some pretty intense mood swings. I called over there (which they instructed me to do if I had any questions) and I spoke to Kyle (who seems to be the only nurse over there who takes phone calls) then he told me that he had to talk to Lolita about it. I was like, oh, ok, I kinda just wanted you to assure me that it was normal and what to look out for if I needed emergency care. You know, doctor type stuff? But when I went in to see Lolita for my next shot (which was weird bc I was just supposed to going in for nurse visits and not to see her until 3 mo) she told me that I needed mental health counseling and that I need to discontinue hormones. I was like, OH HELL NAH. I had to explain that a lot of my emotional fluctuations were due my dysphoria (which I had to explain what dysphoria was) and that taking my hormones away would just make it worse. I didn’t want a therapist, I wanted a fucking beard. She had to talk to Dr. G (who is a whole other story, ugh… ) and decided that she would give me my shot, on the condition that she would lower my dose and I had to “promise” I would go get mental health counseling. The whole scenario was ridiculous. When I talked to Nicole, the person that makes the referrals, I told her straight up. I work 2 jobs, I’m a single parent, I don’t have time for counseling. I just want Lolita to stfu. She agreed with me and said she would make some phone calls so that it would look ok on paper and I could get my shots. That was cool. Nicole is cool.
It’s like no one there believes in keeping accurate records. It was the most disorganized system ever. One day i glanced at the computer screen and was just SHOCKED by what it said. “Birthname ******* is a ** year old white female.” OKAY HOLD THE FUCKING PHONE. Nothing about that sentence is true. Absolutely nothing. I questioned Lolita. Why the fuck does it say that? That’s not my name or ethnicity. Like, wtf? Who wrote this and why? For what purpose? She didn’t have an answer. Mumbled something about insurance purposes. it just didn’t make any sense. Every time I went in there, I had to remind them of my dose, and where to give it to me, and HOW to give it to me. Everything.
OH! And this bullshit, right? Jason told me it was the goal to have me take my vial home and do the injections myself. They would train me the first couple of shots then I could take them home. After that weird dosing/mental health situation, my shot schedule was so fucked up that I wasn’t receiving my full dose until almost 3 months in. I had been out as trans* yet my voice was still waaaay high. People at work began to talk about me behind my back. They feared me to my face. Nobody wanted to “offend” me. It was ridiculous. All because of the fucking runaround at Evergreen. I asked Lolita a month ago if I could take my vial home yet and she told me no because she said some clients had been “sharing” their hormones and that it was too dangerous to let me take mine home. WTF?! People share prescription drugs all the time. Do people have to come in to the office 3x a day for benzos or opiates???? No. But do I have to inconvenience myself and my life to come to the office every other week for something I could easily do at home myself because I’m trans*? Yeah. Welcome to inequality and transphobia 101. God forbid I’m gonna go around spreading the trans* and passing around my T like a blunt. I mean GET REAL! My T is like GOLD to me and I would never dream of giving it away to ANYONE. Like, what a fucking joke.
So yeah, I go in every two weeks for my injection and have to see Lolita in September and every time I get sick.
Which, by the way, when I have to go in for a sick visit she ALWAYS asks me about my transition and “oh how is the T going”.. like bitch, I’m here for a sinus infection! And omg, she gave me a PAP smear bc I hadn’t had one in four years and she made small talk about my body !!!! It was demoralizing. She was like, “Oh I didn’t know you had your belly button pierced.” And I’m like, STFU PLEEEEASE you are making me so uncomfortable.“ Of course I didn’t say that because she is in a position of power and authority over me and I would never disrespect her to her face because she could take my T away. *sigh*
I really really don’t like Evergreen but I really really need my hormones so I put up with the bullshit. I also really need top surgery but have no one in the professional community to turn to for guidance and recommendations. It seems like something I have to just plan on my own but I think that’s ridiculous. I’m not a doctor or a surgeon. I don’t know how to make my top surgery a reality, but I do know that I suffer every day as a direct result of my top dysphoria. I just wish I could see an actual doctor and have them be competent and just HELP ME, ya know? Why is trans* care such a difficult thing for the medical community to understand? It seems like it could all be so simple if they just open their ears and eyes, stop ignoring our needs, and give a fuck about us. God damnit, is that too much to ask?
I remembered some other shit too. This one day I was trying to bring up the topic of top surgery to Lolita after she said she would ask around for me. I couldn’t believe what she said. She was like, "Well, you look flat chested anyway.” and this is the second time she made a comment like that o_0 -______-
In the most dramatic of ways I grabbed, squeezed and shook my breasts and said “NO, I HAVE THESE TWO WEIRD POCKETS OF FAT THAT DON’T BELONG HERE” this shit is serious. Don’t invalidate my health care needs because of your limited ideas of how important and serious this issue is. It was so demeaning and insensitive. I was appalled. She is just so damn unprofessional.
This was a lot longer and less eloquent than I intended it to be lol. i guess I had a lot more to say than i thought. Anyway, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. Thanks for hearing me out.“
"Yes I left because they dont care about trans ppl they only care about meeting their quota
Every idea I had got shot down or couldn’t get funding, many times I tried to push to help our
community all they want are numbers
They brought me in under false pretenses
They told me I would be part of helping ts girls specifically the girl in the beginning stages get legal mones, help finding work, school etc etc
Yea, so I came in with massive ideas only 1 or 2 got thru then they cracked the whip and said we need to get x amount of ppl tested
I felt exploited”
-
former THI peer educator
“My doctor didn’t put me on spiro because… she forgot.
I mean it was shitty care of her to forget.
And she’s increasing my dosages.
I don’t feel like Lolita is terribly invested in me.”
-
Local University student
“I’m not shocked that’s why I left there they never affirmed me and when I began there there was NO trans services at all ( this was before they went to evergreen) when jorien took over I thought it would change but then I told her about a young trans girl that committed suicide because her parents wouldn’t let her dress as a girl and she was only 8 or so , her reaction was did you get the fish food?
And there is no help from the state and I sat down with the grant folks from Albany and we told them the issues and they could care less
Yeah I can’t stand that place I was sad to leave though because of transgeneration but I can’t stay in a place that is soo damn fake
…I got a hard time from them and do you know I never even told jorien till after I quit that I was beginning the process of transition because I did not feel comfortable”
-
founding member of Transgeneration support group
people should know. they can’t get to be recommended by everyone and act like they’re doing so much and behind closed doors be assholes
not just assholes white supremacist transmysogynists
call it what it is
-
Local University student and activist
Their only priority is preserving the funding they get. Quality of service is not paramount with them.
They are good at presenting “Dog and pony"shows.
The shame of it all is that a trans woman is Chair of the Pride Center. I know her personally and she loves attention but has no leadership skills.
They will probably point out there is none by saying that a trans woman is board president. I know P********* and although she is nice, she is ineffective.
The perfect person to not rock the boat.
They did not hire Frank Goldberg for an important position because he would have shaken things up.
The Pride Center sucks the souls out of trans people and then wants you to thank them.
Head honcho, Ron Silverio and I have had many a heated discussion regarding his lack of effective services for trans folks. He sets the tone and everyone follows.
It would be nice to have a REAL LGBT community center. The current one is at best, a compromise.
I’ve said it many times before and it bears repeating - WNY and Buffalo is not a healthy place for trans and gender non-conforming people.
It isn’t easy. The trans group I founded in 2002 (Spectrum), has turned into an ineffective organization
I’m unaware of any place trans folks can go for real help and support. How sad.
Jorien? (Former pride center director) My Buffalo contacts tell me she is ineffective
Note: Jorien is no more than a caretaker of Pride Ctr. She is not an activist that wants to move things forward especially for the trans community.
Silverio doesn’t like to employ people that are dynamic because he can’t control them.
Until he leaves, things will not improve.
Did you know that Silverio is a former priest?
Silverio will never admit it because he would lose NY State funding.
Unfortunately, the head of Evergreen, Ron Silverio, is anti-trans.
He fired the first director of the Pride Center because he supported trans rights.
Evergreen is known for their turnovers of staff because of lousy pay and morale.
The same can be said for the Pride Ctr.
when I was head of HOPWA Program at City Hall, Ron Silverio called Mayor and demanded I be terminated because he got less $ for his program. I had to show how it was determined that ACS was not eligible for full funding. He never got his way and has been pissed ever since.
I’ve been publicly criticized by white gay privileged men for the work I have done such as sitting on Pride Buffalo board and being elected Grand Marshal of Pride Parade.
Buffalo is stuck in the 90’s and refuses to evolve. One of the reasons I left.
-
Former Buffalo resident and activist
…Thursday I was told I am not completing my tasks, I was told I am not accepting any new tasks, I was told to be quiet and that I am not to explain or defend myself but to do all the work assigned to me. I also received my schedule for pride and the two events I could not do because of my back I and with no meeting cuz Jorien is not available I did not have a meeting with her about my schedule. I hurt so much from the dyke march I could not do Pride. I tried to to tell her that walking more than a block or two was beyond what my restrictions are. I am distraught and VERY depressed right now.
I am not allowed to attend transgen
I feel so alone right now.
I am so stressed I am having flashbacks my PTSD is hitting hard all day.
-
Current THI Employee
Lolita forgot to order my next vial of T
but I raised hell and I got it.
If I could take my vial home that would be ideal but they won’t let me because transphobia.
”….And yes Evergreen and Pride needs exclusive training on Trans people by a trans person. A list of grievances needs to be made….“