La Vida de V

[dosvidas]

Life update (long post srry)

Today is April 20,2023. It's currently 10:09 pm; I should be doing my homework, but Im mentally drained like nothing has come out. I need to write an essay but need help with a topic. I have a few ideas, but I find the resource hard. Besides doing that, I'm writing here, and hopefully, after spilling all the tea, I have, I can shower and rest so tomorrow can be a new day to retry and get my assignment done.

So this is my second to last semester, and I will graduate from college. Like literally four years ago, I graduated from high school, and I can't believe it. How time flies, it's really crazy. After this, I'm done with school for a while. I started strong, and as time passed, or at least the semester, I started to get stressed out and become inconsistent. So right now, I'm trying to play the catch-up game, and I'm telling you, it's the worst. Advice (which I should be taking), do not procrastinate. Try your best to stay on top of your stuff.

Besides school, I returned to work, which was still the same. Nothing has changed. It has gotten worse. I'm totally over it. I'm there for the money, but recently I've decided to transfer to the one close to my hometown. The only thing I will miss is the OG crew. The vibe is better than where I live, but I just need to get in the headspace that I'm there for the money. Anything besides that, I should ignore it. That is work

Now to my love life, I have yet to talk to you about this, but just a little summary because I may talk about this soon. So I may make an individual post about it, but I'm currently trying to heal, yet I'm trying to go back and be in his life, but I know I just need to be in a suitable mind space. Besides that, I'm giving all my attention to him than what I should be really focusing on, and as you know, it's my education because it's almost finals season.

[dosvidas]

La Vida

"Life has full of lessons and reasons why things don't happen the way you want them, so all you got to do is move on and focus on your goals." This is the caption I put on a photo dump post on Instagram. I can't speak for everyone, but my life has always been a roller coaster. There have been happy moments, sad moments, and frustration moments, but at the end the day, I got to focus on what I wanted to accomplish. What is the outcome I want to see?

My mother always has the saying, "Tu si puedes, si le echas ganas tu vas a sobre salir." or she will say "echale ganas mi hija." La vida has its up and downs, but my mother never raised her kids to give up. She raised her kids to work hard for what they want/to achieve. If plan A doesn't work, find other ways but never give up.

[dosvidas]

Amistades

Throughout my 4 years of college, I made a couple of friends, a max of ten or so, but then I ended up being close with one of them. Let's call this person Sol. Sol and I grew a bond throughout the years. We met through a girl name Flor, Flor and I went to the same high school, and Flor and Sol were on the same track team. Anyways we had a few similarities besides being Mexicans. We were able to understand each other, and we are the type of people that do not judge each other no matter what. Besides college, I've also met wonderful people at work. I made two close friends, and we have consistent hangouts. I was able to get along with my co-workers very well. If you see these people and ask them about me, they will say, "X is a tranquil person, but as you get to know her, she will be more of herself and become more open and comfortable with you."

I struggle with making friends not because I'm an introvert but because I went through a rough patch in high school. Friendship I had with my best friend then; she was very controlling and wouldn't let me make new friends. I met this girl in elementary school but got close in middle school. In high school, people change as they get older, nothing new, but I never expected her to act this way. Throughout my senior year of high school, I heard her talk bad about me; that was where my trust and respect for her left.

Now that's a situation that happened in the past, I need to look to the future and surround myself with people I trust and know they are willing to support me no matter what. but as what my mom says "las amistades vienen y van."

[dosvidas]

Not the Perfect Daughter

My parents believe I will be the perfect child out of my brothers. They think I will have this ideal life, my dream job, and a fantastic future. I won't have to worry about a thing because in a year or so, I will have my degree, and with a degree, I will not struggle to find a job. In reality, there is still a process of finding a job. It's not easy main of the jobs require more than experience.

I understand that my parents got the chance to experience a complete education, but as a college student, it is hard to get through the course. There could be ups and downs. There are times when I just want to give up, but I don't want to become a disappointment. It had come up to my mind that my parents do not believe in mental health. I can't go tell them I feel some way without them telling me, "It's something temporary you'll get through it." I pushed myself to accomplish the semester because if I decided not to continue my education, I would throw thousands of dollars into the trash when I worked hard to earn this money.

I want to get a degree, but I just want to go through this process on my own. I do like to hear my parents brag that their daughter is going to be someone in life, but they just don't understand that there is some struggle that a college of student can go through.

[dosvidas]

Su niña pequeña

Being my parent's only daughter comes with consequences and rules. I grew up with two brothers; they are older than me. One is by 14 years and the other by 4 years. since they are older and men, they are willing to do the things I'm not able to, like go out without a curfew. Being able to have fun when they were teenagers, being able to drink without having to have the talk, and not having to worry about cleaning or cooking. This "act like a lady" or " be more like a lady" shouldn't be the stereotype that every woman should be the one to stay home and do the house chores.

In that case, this is what we follow in the house. If I go out, I need to be home when they tell me to be, or I get in trouble. I can't drink or at least have one drink because, as a woman, I don't look right. I need to act differently when I'm around my friends than my family. I can't talk or speak about a boy because, automatically, my mind is on boys or in relationships. I can't talk about boy drama to my mother because I know she will go and tell my father and that it is annoying. I lose trust. (this actually happened). Whenever I do something or don't follow the "rules," I always get the saying, "es que eres nuestra pequeña niña" or "ere nuestra hija pequeña."

In reality, I'm 21, and I will get older, and as years go by, I won't be their little girl no more. All I want is to experience and explore on my own. I need to live my life, live my adult life because I couldn't experience my teenage years.

[dosvidas]

I have decided....

My mother has always told me and still keeps telling me, "Nunca dependas en alguien ni en un hombre especialmente" this means never depend on a person or a man especially. My mother has taught me to work for the things I want. If I have the money buy but never ask people for money. Work hard to become a better person or have a better future than my parents. Never depend on someone to make you happy or feel worth it. Learn to do things on your own. Learn to live a life without having to ask for help. These are all the words my mother would tell me but in her Mexican accent.

These sayings throughout my head made me decide whether to find a new job and stress about having to learn something new or return to my old job. That decision was to return to my old job because it is less to worry about and an easy spot to get back to because people are currently needed. Of course, it will be very different, and adjusting to how the new people work is nothing to worry about because as long I do my part and help out.

[dosvidas]

Fiesta

You should know by now, but if you don't, then I'll tell you. Living in a Mexican household, when there is a party, you have to wake up early, at 8 am at the latest. We make all the food from course A to course Z. we get divided into different groups; two people or more take care of preparing the food and cooking it. The second group takes care of decorating and setting tables etc. The third group is in charge of running errands such as buying chelas (beers). The kids focus on their games or phones to leave the adults alone. Everyone is invited to Mexican parties, even though the person is unrelated to the family. As long there is no issue, we party until we can no longer handle it.

[dosvidas]

Dinero

Dinero is money y creo que todos necesitan dinero para vivir. Es lo que yo creo ¿no? I've wanted to go out, but since I don't have money or a car, I stay home. Good thing I've always been good at saving money since I was a little girl. I have enough money to buy myself a car and still pay for at least two semesters or so. I've been looking for a car for while and so far nada. All cars have a lot of mileage and ask for too much. I've been thinking about ways to make money, and my only option is to go back to my old workplace. Work a double of Fridays and considered Saturdays too. Pero no se my favorite manager quit too and it not going to be the same but let's see what I do.

[dosvidas]

Struggling

Technically I'm struggling with using my time. When a new semester starts, I stay on top of everything. I already know that as weeks pass by, I begin to lose focus and procrastinate. Especially when I'm suck at home. My mind works differently, or not but when I know I have enough free time, I always say to myself, "I'll do it tomorrow" I like to keep week busy because I know that during the weekend I won't have time to accomplish all my assignments so I would do them during the week and not worry about it at the last minute

[dosvidas]

En la Casa

Now that I'm at home, I get annoyed easily. Mi casa is filled with noises and loud music. There is no peace. My nephews are coming in and out of my room. Sometimes I lock it pero (but) I live in a Mexican household I'm not allowed to do that. What is privacy? This is why I worked about every day during the summer. I didn't want to be bored at home without doing anything. If I do keep, I get questioned if I'm hidding something. Yeah, from you guys trying to study and have a quiet time for myself.

[dosvidas]

Not Sure What To Do

It's been a month and a half since I quit my job. I haven't felt so relieved and relaxed. But I'm missing being active and on the go. Work was my workout, but I wanted to focus on my education and have time for myself. It sucks because I know I would have to manage my money well, and if I don't, I won't have any money for my expenses. I don't want to ask my parents for any money because the money they have and work for is for themselves.