â â ă ăâ ă ăâ ă ăâ ă ăâ đ¤.á â S T A R L I G H T
you've been best friends with nba star jeon jungkook since he was a skinny point guard for your high school team in the middle of nowhere. over ten years later, you remain the one calm constant amidst his hectic life of chasing greatness on the court. you've seen jungkook through all - his struggles, his successes, and especially his god-awful love life. when his recent engagement goes awry, he decides he's had enough following heartbreak after heartbreak. meanwhile, you've grown numb to the mere idea of love in favour of building your career. pent up frustrations come to a head and caution is thrown to the wind, as you and jungkook promise it's just one time. a drunken night between two friends and two lines on a pregnancy test later, your lives change. unsurprisingly, jungkook promises to stick by you no matter what. marrying your best friend shouldn't be a bad idea, especially when he's the father of your child. when the two of you continue to cross unexplored territory, you don't know if you have the guts to admit that you want more.
áŻâ ËËË pairing: famous athlete!jungkook x reader áŻâ ËËË content/warnings: childhood friends to lovers, friends with benefits, unplanned pregnancy, whirlwind (platonic) engagement (of convenience), power dynamics (jk is rich and reader isn't lol), alcohol and recreational drug use, both characters have abandonment issues whoops, also they're in heavy denial, smut (reader is pregnant, oral sex (f. receving), unprotected sex, soft dom jk, fingering, breast play, dirty talk), fluff, light angst, no use of y/n áŻâ ËËË notes: 19k words â this is it!!!! the last chapter!!! thank you everyone for sticking around and leaving so much positivity, it has been so so so appreciative and encouraging and im so excited the share the final part of starlight with you <3 this has been so fun to write and i hope you all enjoy it!
masterlist | previous | 3/3
DECEMBER
on a bright thursday morning amidst the first of holiday jingles and passing cars outside of manhattan city hall, you and jungkook get married. he pays the thirty five dollars fee to obtain a marriage license and you pay the twenty dollars to hold the civil ceremony, with his coach serving as the witness. jungkookâs other teammate, chris, is present to take pictures. the whole thing goes by quickly and as celebration, you end up outside a food truck serving lamb over rice.
jungkook sits beside you on a bench in a plain white button down and dark slacks - casual, but tailored perfectly to every curve of his body. he shovels an impressive spoonful of tomatoes, lettuce and meat into his mouth. somehow, your new husband is not shivering from the light snowfall gently cascading down on new york city, with just a leather jacket on his shoulders.
âchris just sent me the pictures - look at how cute we look,â he chuckles, swiping through his phone.
your attire is no better, but at least you have your winter puffer on. otherwise, your outfit is a bit ridiculous. the only white dress in your closet that is appropriate for a civil ceremony is a satin, long sleeve piece that hits the mid-thigh and you compensate with fleece-lined leggings to battle the weather.
when you look over at jungkookâs screen, youâre surprised to see the amount of photos captured, considering how short the ceremony was. the two of you have a flight to catch in a few hours to make a road game trip out to philadelphia, so it was always meant to be an in and out trip. there are some solo shots of you and jungkook, but your heart sinks when you notice the pictures of the two of you exchanging rings - something about the way youâre looking at each other.
a small smile twitches at the corner of your lips. âyeah. we do look cute.â
the rings were optional and you were taken aback when jungkook turned up with matching wedding bands. the band catches the light when he steals an olive off of your plate, nestled on his left hand like it belongs there.
technically, it does. the signed marriage certificate proves it.
whatever internal conflict storming in your chest only grows.
neither of you bring up the passionate lovemaking where you accidentally uttered those incredibly serious three words. youâre partly convinced that jungkook doesnât even think anything of it, treating that evening like any other day. meanwhile, youâre tearing yourself up over it - dissecting all of your feelings and thoughts in agony. you canât brush it off, but you also donât have it in you to bring it up and make things weird.
so, you move on. you move onto december, you move onto the wedding, and you move onto all of the other things you need to worry about. besides, the new york titans have been bouncing between the second and third place in the eastern conference, which means that youâre sure jungkook also has other things to worry about. you also have your own plate of things to deal with, especially with your maternity leave coming up soon.
strangely enough, all of this begins to feel comfortable and thatâs when you know things have gone awry. it isnât just the whole being pregnant situation, but everything that has come with it. you get used to living in jungkookâs massive penthouse and the roar of the titans crowd at every game you attend after a day of work. you grow familiar with each arena at away games out of state and blossom friendships with his teammates.
later that afternoon, youâre on the team plane on the very short trip between jfk and philadelphia international airport. next to you, jungkook has closed his eyes for a nap and youâre left playing uno with chris and yeonjun, as well as the teamâs captain, seungcheol. youâve come to realize that somebody seems to always have a deck of uno in their bags, no matter how long the flights are.
âso, whenâs the real wedding going to be?â
you hope that the flash of a grimace on your face is missed by seungcheol, who is still under the impression and you and jungkook are together. really, everyone outside of your immediate family is and to this day, neither of you have bothered to correct them.
yeonjun lights up. âyeah, do you guys have a date in mind yet?â
the civil ceremony was always going to be before the end of the year, so insurance can be sorted out before your due date. meanwhile, having an actual wedding with vows and flowers has been up in the air. you arenât opposed to the idea, but with your relationship growing more complicated, your feelings have become mixed at best. it would be nice to be surrounded by your family and friends, commemorating a special day, but the difference between whatâs real and whatâs convenient has become a blurred line.
so, you smile and shrug at seungcheolâs question. âitâll have to be after the baby is delivered,â you say.
you and jungkook havenât spoken much about this wedding - the ârealâ wedding - apart from your preference for a summer date. getting fitted for a dress seems like a chore when youâre pregnant and your schedule is already booked with doctorsâ appointments and classes and work.you canât even imagine all of the other things you have to take care of. thereâs no way youâre going to stop working until the next trimester because your job comes first, along with preparing for motherhood.
in your hotel room after the game that night, you emerge from the bathroom with a fluffy white robe tied around your growing frame.
âso, we have a doctorâs appointment in two days, we need to buy a present for jiminâs wedding in february, and i need to talk to head office about starting my maternity leave soon. . . .â
life is just getting busier, but jungkook is always there to bring to back to earth.
he calls your name. âshh, letâs just relax for a bit. i ordered your hot chocolate.â
jungkook is already in bed, but wide awake. the two of you stopped getting separate hotel rooms at some point, then stopped getting separate beds, until itâs every single road game that you find yourself in a luxurious king size with him laying next to you.
thereâs a bit of a snowstorm brewing out the window and adds to the coziness of the room. the windows are pulled to reveal the blurry night sky and a fireplace near the couches is ablaze, bringing a calm warmth to your surroundings. jungkook has ordered room service and included a request for a hot chocolate with extra marshmallows for you. he has the mug outstretched and a grin on his face when you come outside.
âand whipped cream? you spoil me.â
jungkook laughs as you carefully take the drink from him, blowing over the hot surface. no matter the season, he always seems to sleep shirtless, youâve noticed, and tonight is no different. his lower half is just in dark sweatpants and the rest of his plated dinner balanced on top. you already ate at the arena and being an athlete, heâs always had a crazy high volume diet anyways.
so, you just get ready for bed. you donât bother turning around or going back into the bathroom to change, completely dropping your robe to slip into the pajamas you laid out before your shower. itâs difficult to miss jungkookâs obvious staring.
âdid you say something?â he says, eyes fixed on your naked form.
somehow, you still blush. âcan you at least try to be subtle?â you stick your tongue out at him as you pull on a shirt.
you donât see the appeal. youâve obviously grown heavier and filled out in certain places, in addition to your growing bump. it was nothing to be ashamed or insecure about - you were about to become a mother - but, itâs as if jungkook has somehow grown double attracted to you.
he looks at you with darkened eyes every time he catches a glimpse of your body, from your curves to your thickness. jungkook doesnât miss the way you subtly touch your lower back as you put on lotion, your posture slightly slumped forward.
jungkook calls your name, voice low. âis your back hurting?â he asks with eyes fixated on you and has abandoned the show playing on the television in front of the bed.
âjust a little,â you murmur, barely audible under your breath.
he says your name, clear and almost demanding. âcome here.â
just like that, something ignites deep inside you. itâs hard to brush off, the way jungkook lights a primal desire in you.
you turn to him, blinking. you can see the look on his face and you know you canât refuse when he uses that tone, either. so, you put your hot chocolate to the side and slowly climb onto the bed, crawling next to jungkook.
his touch is icy hot, as he leans over and brushes hair out of your face. âyouâve been in a bad mood since we got here after the game,â jungkook says.
you grimace. it is partly true. as soon as you and jungkook checked into the hotel room, youâve been fretting and getting irritated at nearly everything. you started ranting about your calendar and all the things that you and jungkook had coming up. you complained about the temperature and started talking bad about the other team that the titans played tonight, about how awful their coach was acting.
âi guess,â you respond, pouting petulantly.
jungkook chuckles and presses a soft kiss to your neck. even with how gentle his touch it, you still shiver and canât help yourself.
he whispers, âmy poor wife.â jungkook presses another kiss on your skin, now trailing a line down your neck down to the valley of your breasts.
you gasp instantly, back arching off the mattress at just the way the tiniest of contact sparks arousal within. in response, jungkook pins your hips down and climbs on top of you, continuing to leave feather-light kisses everywhere.
âlet me take care of you,â he breathes, his hands now finding your breasts. a thumb circles each nipple over thin fabric, as jungkook smirks when you hiss at the contact. âfuck, theyâve gotten bigger. more sensitive.â
he tugs your camisole all the way down so that your tits spill out of your pajama top, not hesitating to latch his mouth onto them. itâs true - theyâve been extra sensitive lately and youâre whining at the feeling of jungkookâs skillful tongue swirling around the bud.
your mouth hangs open, feeling your panties grow wet and sticky already. âplease -â you say, threading your fingers through his hair. itâs like youâre melting into him, coming so close that you will fuse into one soul.
âi got you, baby.â
eyes fluttering shut, your head swims at jungkookâs promise. it doesnât take long for his hand to trail down your body, slipping underneath the waistband of your panties to draw slow circles around your clit. he makes a guttural noise at the back of your throat when he feels how wet you are, while still not letting go of your tits.
youâve noticed how obsessed jungkook has been with them lately, always massaging and caressing them and never failing to suck on them until youâre begging for his cock. he has you completely at his mercy and your breath hitches when he suddenly pulls away to yank off the remainder of your clothing.
jungkook swallows hard when youâre left bare to him and spreads your legs, admiring your glistening folds.
you bite your lip and watch him move lower down your body, until his mouth is hovering over your core. he presses closer and a single digit teases at your entrance, while his other hand digs into your thighs and betrays how starved he is for a taste of you.
âgotta warm this pussy up before you can take my cock,â he rasps, beginning with a slow lick up your centre with a satisfied hum âtastes so fuckinâ good.â
you cry out at the lightest of contact, pushing jungkookâs head closer. he finally pumps a second finger inside of your wet heat torturously, as his tongue circles just right around your clit. he sucks and flciks and traces it with ease, while his fingers curl and feeling how you clench around them.
your mouth hangs open with needy moans with each movement, whining jungkookâs name as he laps hungrily at your cunt. he watches you, too, eyes flickng up to watch every little twitch and gasp that leaves your darkened lips. hitting that sweet spot that jungkook knows all too well, itâs all it takes for you to come undone beneath him.
âfuck, jungkook -â
the orgasm ripples right through you and you grip the bedsheets, clutching desperately at the fabric while jungkook continues sloppily delving his tongue into your oversensitive pussy. he works you through your white hot climax and groans raggedly as your release coats his face.
when he finally pulls away and youâve caught your breath, jungkook brings you a water bottle from the mini fridge across from the bed. he approaches, kisses your hair, and hands it to you
you silently take it appreciatively, gulping down the cold liquid. even with the clear desire in his look, he never fails to still somehow be gentle and put you first.
jungkook takes the bottle away from you, settling back on the bed. his darkened eyes scan your face - from your reddened cheeks, blown out pupils, and wet lips.
âready?â he whispers, as your hands trail down his chest and abs. you stop right at his v-line and the waistband of his sweats, where his cock is painfully hard.
you lick your lips and nod enthusiastically through heavy lids.
about an hour later, the two of you lay on the mattress with short breaths and tangled limbs once more. jungkook takes a moment to clean you up with a warm towel and reheats your hot chocolate for you - long forgotten as soon as he looked at you with his intoxicating gaze.
you curl into his arms as you wait for the hot chocolate, surrounded by a comfortable silence. youâve gotten used to jungkookâs selfless and doting touch, the way he takes care of you like itâs second nature.
and the truth is, you have gotten comfortable.
everything around you is a complete 180 from what your life looked like less than a year ago, but youâve become more than okay with that. you love your new job when you get to do exactly what you enjoy, but with the added benefits of a flexible schedule. the pay is nice, but youâve been so invested in the hustle since you were a student and you forgot what itâs like to have free time. hobbies. a life. you have more than enough time to hang out with your friends and make new ones - youâve also gotten very comfortable with jungkookâs.
in fact, everything in his life has somehow become a bit of yours and thatâs part of the comfort that youâve turned a blind eye to. his home, his friends, his bed. the latter of which is surely the worst of them, but there are so many things that have become second nature to you, too.
an average nba player spends half of his regular season on the road. thatâs forty one games, forty one nights for a six month period where they arenât home. you always understood this as jungkookâs friend and got used to not having him around. now, you spend half of your time traveling the country with him and the other half sharing a home.
you get to eat gumbo in new orleans with him, go snorkeling along the beaches of miami, see a baseball game at fenway park. you donât even mind being on the road constantly with jungkook when itâs always fun. along with your new job, all of these experiences have been a welcome distraction away from the complications going on in your life.
there isnât a day where the two of you are apart when you go where the team goes. with that comes the many unlikely friendships with the titans basketball roster.
for instance - on one random sunday after the team plays a road game in orlando, you end up at a four year old girlâs birthday party. it turns out that chrisâ ex wife and daughter lived there and he invited the entire team to the disney princess themed affair - including you.
itâs a sunny day in florida - a stark contrast to the winter that has swallowed new york city whole - and you take a second to enjoy your surroundings. laughter and music fills your ears, as you take a look around the party.
since joining the titans, youâve been to quite the number of outings. most of the time, theyâve been birthday parties or other business event and have grown close with the guys because of it. these things can get quite tiring, though, as they often run late and it feels like youâre in a constant battle with your sore feet and back. when jungkook told you about the little girlâs party, you thought it would be nice and felt honoured to be invited to quite the intimate event - like the guys have really started seeing you as a part of the team and a serious part of jungkookâs life. plus, itâs the one event where you wonât be the only one standing around sober.
âwould you like a glitter wand or a pink tiara?â
jungkookâs arm curves around your waist, appearing behind you with chris and heeseung as you pour yourself a cup of juice.
you raise an eyebrow at their appearances. chris has clearly gotten his eyeshadow done by his daughter and heeseung has a bunch of butterfly clips in his hair. meanwhile, jungkook is flashing various shades of pink nail polish at you when he holds up the props, painted messily on both of his hands.
âwow,â you huff out a laugh, accepting the tiara by lowering your head slightly. âi left you alone for ten minutes and the girls have given all of you a makeover?â
he grins and sets the tiara on your head, leaning in close to brush away some strands of hair that would get tangled. one hand steadies your cheek, which youâre sure isnât entirely necessarily, but you donât mind the touch.
beside you, heeseung tries adjusting a butterfly clip thatâs about to fall off his head. âbirthday girl said we all have to dress up as pretty princesses,â he informs you flatly.
jungkook kisses your forehead when he finishes fixing your tiara. âwell, you donât need to dress up to be that.â
you roll your eyes at him, muttering something about being corny. the kids have been running around all afternoon and only started settling down when it was time for the âmakeover stationâ in the backyard. it gave the adults a breather, able to actually sit down and relax for a little. the rest of jungkookâs teammates are good sports and played along the whole afternoon, pretending to be royal servants and whatnot. you could tell everyone was close and it meant something to you, being able to be apart of the inner circle.
chris pretends to make a gagging noise at the two of you, causing you to blush. âtake a look around, kookie,â he gestures around the birthday party of glitter and dresses. âthis will be your future in a few months.â
jungkook blushes and scratches his neck. âguess youâre right.â
at that, you pause and you do look around your surroundings. you see jungkookâs coach, scolding his two kids for arguing with one another. in the kitchen, seungcheolâs wife is balancing their newborn baby on their hip while he makes silly faces at her to stop her from crying. and, of course, all the little humans on the grass, laughing and playing amongst each other.
it hits you all at once. hell, it follows you home the next day.
jungkook comes home from a jog and the last thing he expects is the sound of your sniffling. he drops everything immediately - keys clinking as they hit the tiled floors, jacket abandoned at the door, and even his gym bag dragged off his shoulder immediately. heâs so far away from the kitchen, but itâs like his senses somehow heighten when it comes to you.
âwhat happened? fuck, are you hurt?â his panicked voice rings through the penthouse, along with the sound of him running inside with his shoes still on.
youâre sitting cross-legged on the kitchen floor pathetically, face buried in your hands. the freezer drawer is half open, obvious that you changed your mind midway through looking for a snack to sob like the world is ending. youâve been home all day, dressed in pajamas and your glasses perched upon your nose, now sliding off your face from the tears.
before you can look up to respond, jungkook is already knelt down beside you and looking for any signs of injury. he carefully peels your hands away to reveal your face, a concerned look flashing in his eyes when he sees your tear-stained cheeks.
you donât even know how to answer. you just nod your head at his initial question, even if itâs embarrassing to admit that youâre crying on the floor for no reason.
well, there is a reason. you couldnât stop thinking about the stupid disney princess themed party and your mind started wandering to what your daughter with jungkook would look like at that age. then, it hit you.
âweâre really gonna be parents,â you croaked out. jungkook stops freaking out as much in that moment, steadying his breath and instead, his eyes soften.
he whispers your name and rubs your back. âyeah. we are.â heâs so gentle and doesnât rush you with a reply.
jungkook sits next to you, cross legged at well. you look up and for a second, your heart stills. the image is strangely reminiscent of the way the two of you used to sit in the basement of his momâs house, playing 2k on his xbox.
there was one particular day in junior year when you got dumped by your first ever boyfriend and you immediately went crying your eyes out to jungkook after class. so, he took you to his house and ordered pizza for the both of you, while you played endless games together.
back then, he didnât make you feel stupid for making your breakup seem like the end of the world. youâd been so dramatic the whole bus ride on the way from school, ranting and trying to not burst into tears every few seconds. jungkook didnât even tease you once.
âlet me know if you want some water,â jungkook says into your ear.
now, heâs letting you cry your eyes out with every ounce of fear and anxiety bubbling in each sob. heâs not even questioning the intensity of your emotions, not daring to crack a joke. he takes it seriously, as he always has.
âi -â you sniffle again, trying to keep your tone straight. â- j-just wanted some mozzarella sticks. . .â
âyeah?â he encourages, voice still soft.
â- and then, i, um, started thinking about the baby. i donât know why, but i felt this,â you take a deep inhale, slowly. âi donât know, all these voices. making me think of everything that could go wrong, the ways i could fail -â
thatâs when jungkook stops you.
he puts a hand on face, cupping your cheeks and tilting your face up to meet his eyes. âyouâre not going to fail.â
âarenât you scared, too?â
âshitless, even.â jungkook surprises you by tugging you towards him and opens his legs so that your back is pressed against his chest.
in reality, you look a little silly like this, siting on the cold kitchen floor with tear-stained cheeks, but jungkookâs touch automatically eases you - even if itâs just a little bit.
you swallow hard. âyou donât look like it,â you say.
jungkookâs chuckle vibrates through his chest and you can feel it against your body. âi gotta be strong for you and baby girl.â
as you lean back into jungkookâs arms, he buries his face into the crook of your neck. you sigh - jungkook smells like clean laundry and his musky cologne.
âi want everything for her.â you sniffle, blinking more tears away. âi want those stupid disney princess birthday parties. i wanna watch her graduate and teach her how to drive. i want it all.â
you didnât know just how much you truly want to be a mom until ths moment. youâve been living selfishly for the majority of your twenties, not even considering a future that you share with a partner and child. now, itâs all that you want and you realize that you, in fact, can have that and all of your other dreams.
with jungkookâs hum into your ear, you wonder if you would be able to realize this without his prsence in your life.
his hand trails down to your bump, caressing your belly lightly. âhear that, baby girl?â jungkook lowly mutters, voice softer than usual for your daughter growing inside you. âmamaâs gonna give you the world. although, i think i should be the one teaching you how to drive -â
you laugh, lightly elbowing jungjook. âoh, shut up -â
â- trust me, i was there when she got her license. had me risking my life every time i got into a car with her.â
the air in the room is suddenly a bit lighter and it feels like you and jungkook are back on the balcony, laughing on the smoking couch.
you think for a moment. âseriously, though. this is. . .going to be the rest of our lives.â
âyeah,â jungkook says, stroking your hair. âi donât know if iâll be the best father in the world. i donât know what that looks like.â
heâs vulnerable in his words. you have rarely been able to hear from jungkook about the way his parentsâ divorce left him through the years, but youâve always known. thatâs why youâve admired his drive to be there for your daughter.
âyouâre going to be amazing,â you huff, squeezing his leg.
âweâre going to be amazing,â he corrects and you canât see his face, but you can hear the smile through the way he speaks. âplease donât worry.â
it isnât the first or the last time that either of you have expressed your anxieties for whatâs to come, but like clockwork, youâre always there for each other. thatâs what matters that most in your head. with jungkook at your side, it feels like you can take on anything.
he also makes sure that you get your mozzarella sticks.
in the latter half of the month, the day after a successful win against their rivals in brooklyn, the new york titans organization holds their annual corporate christmas party. youâre used to little office potlucks with boxed wine and instead, you end up at rainbow room - an eighty five hundred square foot event space on the 65th floor of the rockefeller center. itâs one of new yorkâs iconic landmarks with sweeping skyline views and crystal chandeliers that bewitchingly shimmer like stars, especially at tonightâs black tie dinner.
âare you sure my hair is okay?â you whisper hastily to jungkook, palms trying to flatten out the top of your head.
the two of you have just stepped into the space and after being immediately greeted by several colleagues, step away to find your table. you donât get a chance to double check your appearance after jungkook thought it would be a great idea to bend you over in the limousine on the way here. not like you complained - it was technically your idea to crawl onto his lap because you decided that he was looking too good.
partition up, of course.
he smirks as he looks over at you, noticing the way your cheeks have been flushed the entire time since getting here. heâs obviously very pleased with himself and you have to subtly pinch his side when you notice that heâs somehow still eying you up, even after your antics.
jungkook leans into your ear. âgorgeous,â he says simply, which makes you blush even more.
âyouâre so shameless.â
âwhat? you look nice in this dress.â his hand grazes just above the curve of your ass as he leads you to your assigned dinner table.
you roll your eyes. âyou think i look good in anything.â
âa man canât resist his wifeâs pregnancy glow.â
âwhatever,â you huff, but still smile a little at jungkookâs love for showering you with compliments. you would think that itâs too much, but itâs the way that he looks at you that tells you he means it. âi guess you look pretty good, too.â
jungkook grins wide when he notices the once over you give him. his dress shirt is rolled up, revealing his strong forearms and the intricate art that lines it. youâd be lying to yourself if you couldnât admit that youâve been staring at the way his slacks hug his thighs and legs, either. this seems to always happen when the two of you end up at these formal events.
the starting five and their significant others are seated at one table, near the stage. everyone gets out of the way for the franchise player when you approach with him and you make eye contact with his teammates, who wave at you both.
âfirst titans christmas party as a wife, you bored yet?â yeonjun jokes, as you and jungkook sit down.
again, with that damn word. wife. you still donât feel married when all of you friends and family are anticipating a real, white wedding. but, you sit there in front of all his friends with matching bands on your ring fingers, intertwined in a hand hold that hasnât been broken since getting out of the car.
you laugh a little. âsurely, these things canât be that bad?â
beside you, heeseung grimaces. âjust wait until the general manager starts her speech. she goes on forever.â
the agenda begins and heeseung was right, the titansâ general manager gives the longest address in probably the history of humankind, but you get through it with jungkookâs sarcastic jokes under his breath that only you can hear. a few other key figures in the organization go up and make speeches. your table erupts - seemingly awake for the first time all night - when seungcheol goes up to the stage and does his. clearly the team is used to these things. he thanks everyone on the team and does a special acknowledgement to the starting five, ending with jungkook.
âand, of course, our all-star point guard - jungkook.â seungcheol grins when everyone in the room gives a loud cheer at the mention of the name. âa generational talent and is going to be an even better father, come this spring.â
you clap extra loud for jungkook, even with the unwanted attention in your direction. it's hard to avoid as jeon jungkookâs very obviously pregnant date, but you can ignore most of it when his face literally lights up at the mention of his incoming fatherhood. heâs so genuinely happy and excited, eyes bright as a clear day.
then, you feel it. jungkook takes your hand. you donât hesitate to intertwine your fingers once more.
in that moment, from how right everything felt, you realize jungkook wasnât lying. part of the reason why youâve been so scared is because you are genuinely excited to have this baby. you never saw yourself as a mother in any form until you found out you were pregnant and it brought all all these brand new experiences you were looking forward to, the daydreams of what a little girl with your smile and jungkookâs eyes would look like - with that came the anxiety of what could go wrong.
looking at jungkook, youâre certain that, no matter what, he would be there to make things better.
a slow creep of that strange discomfort begins to crawl into your bloodstream after this. it was the same one you felt the day you found out the babyâs gender, maybe even what laid underneath after getting married at city hall.
being unable to drown your thoughts away with liquor is obviously out of the question, so you seek fresh air to clear your mind. the best you could do without getting too far away is an outdoor terrace on the other side of the 65th floor. you recgonize some other party goers around, probably with the same thought as you.
you find yourself a secluded corner away from the loud chatter and ciagrette smoke, placing your hands on the rail with a hum. there are warming lamps everywhere, so you arenât left shivering in your evening gown as your eyes survey the skyline beyond. of course, the city is alive at this hour and lights gleam from nearly every direction ahead. the green goddess stands tall, even from as far as you are in manhattan and you feel a little more at home. even if you arenât from here, youâve spent your entire twenties in the hustle and bustle of the city and every corner of new york has a special memory. a lot of them with jungkook, especially this past year.
sighing deeply, you screw your eyes shut. you came up here to get your emotions in order and away from that nagging feeling in your chest when you think about him for a little too long.
you only open your eyes again at the sound of a woman calling your name.
âare you okay, honey?â
when you spin around, itâs that stupid ginger lady from back earlier in the fall, when you and jungkook attended a charity gala. just looking at her ticked you off from her haughty smile to the saccharine way she called you honey. like sheâs already sneering down at your presence.
you plaster a smile on your face. ânora, right?â
itâs an unfortunate encounter - you thought that invites would only be extended to employees of the titans organization. you suppose it makes sense, as nora is a local journalist that has been covering the team for years.
âmy, youâre so far along now! itâs obvious at how different you look,â she gushes, hands clapping together.
you think of happy thoughts and not of the way your eye twitches at her backhanded compliment. you arenât worried about your puffy cheeks or weight gained, but you donât appreciate it being pointed out. still, you have to play nice and force a chuckle.
âwell, thatâs what happens when youâre pregnant,â you reply wryly.
nora continues unfazed. âand i heard that you and jungkook tied the knot! how timely.â
initially, you just want to get through this conversation and return back inside before your very short fuse goes off. but, her choice of words make your ears perk up.
âtimely?â
she leans against the rail, a smirk on her face as she looks at you up and down. âwell, of course you two would want to get married before the baby comes.â
you wonder if this damn woman is a sports journalist or more concerned with gossip. youâre not used to such scrutiny into your personal life, which is something that you just have to accept if youâre going to be attached to jungkook. the news about your quiet wedding has mostly been kept quiet, but you can imagine that this peace wonât last for long.
âiâm not sure what youâre getting at,â you say, still trying to keep your voice polite.
nora lets out a shrill laugh. âjungkook is the face of the franchise. if he knocked you up by accident, he has to save face and get married. heâs mr. family-friendly, cereal box cover athlete. why risk losing millions of dollars in brand deals?â
thereâs no way. she has to be baiting you on purpose. blood running cold, you canât imagine jungkook getting down on a knee for you because he wants to, what? save his endorsements?
your jaw drops. âlisten, i donât think you have any idea what youâre talking about -â
â- of course, you donât, sweetie. youâre not in this industry,â nora cuts you off and that sickly sweet tone drives you mad. âjungkook has an image to upkeep. brands prefer a âfamily manâ over a scandal. marriage doesnât just keep endorsements alive, they even increase their value.â
it shouldnât hurt you this much, but youâre frozen in place. all sorts of doubts run free through your mind - beginning with the very first moment when jungkook asked you to marry him. you feel so small, shrinking down beneath nora and the skyline of the city.
the truth is that you donât know anything about this industry or fame. the league is a very player-centric place, where individuals have so much star power and drawing ability over their own team. itâs one of the reasons why jungkook is so popular as a player when heâs everywhere. heâs in commercials, on the cover of frozen chicken nuggets, billboard, and television shows. his image is important and youâre a fool to think that youâve gotten comfortable with this new life laced with fame and money by association, when in reality, itâs clear that youâve learned nothing.
you feel like a pawn in a big game of chess.
nora says something else, but youâve already brushed past her without a word.
back inside the rainbow room, dinner service has ended. you weave your way through the crowd of servers, heart thumping, and back to your table. most of the attendees are now moving around to mingle and chat amongst themselves.
jungkook is waiting for you at your designated seats and he grins brightly when he notices your return. he waves and the wedding band on his finger catches the light, making you feel queasy.
you donât know what youâre going to say after noraâs words slithered into your head space. a part of you surely doubts them, but when you take a look around your surroundings, thereâs a tough pill to swallow. you are not a member of this world, of this society, that chases fame and success. youâre wearing a dress worth more money that you could have dreamed of months ago and eating caviar with a silver spoon.
everything has moved so fast. youâre caught in the middle of the threads, splitting. all of it is suddenly too much under the wink of the chandeliers above and you need to go.
somehow, jungkook is already a step ahead of you. he notices your furrowed brows and before you sit down, heâs on his feet.
âi think you need some more fresh air,â he murmurs, gently touching your arm. âhow does that sound?â
you canât really speak because youâre scared that your hormones will get the better of you. so, you nod.
jungkook warm smile widens - like thereâs some easy fix to the dull ache in your chest - and reaches for your hand. you pretend to not notice and walk ahead of him, towards the elevators, leaving his hand cold.
as you approach the exit, you canât see jungkookâs face as youâre a pace ahead of him. when he catches up to you, thereâs a sideways glance from him that you donât meet.
the two of you grab your coats and once at the ground level, you let jungkook lead the way.
âwhere are we going?â you finally speak up. youâve been silent for the past few minutes, wrestling with your anxious thoughts. itâs hard to keep your voice neutral, as you continue to ponder by yourself.
jungkook looks over at you with an unreadable expression, exhaling. âweâre going to the top of the rock.â
you frown at that. the observation deck at 30 rockefeller plaza was one of the first places that you and jungkook visited together when you moved to new york. you havenât been back since that day, but vaguely recall that it was the moment where you truly realized that you both made it. jungkook achieved his dream of making it to the league and you found yourself at your dream school.
âitâs past midnight,â you say. âsurely, itâs closed?â
he smirks at that. âbaby, iâm jeon jungkook. i have my connections.â
just like that, you end up at the top of the rock alone with him. the security guard didnât even blink when jungkook asked for access and now, itâs the two of you there at the highest level of the deck.
the air has shifted up here, dense with thickness. jungkook knows that something is off with you, but you can also tell that he has something to say. the inky-black canvas beyond feels even farther away with where you are, infinitely deep. the cityâs lights are diamond points also feel distant - as if you and jungkook are wrapped up in your own sphere.
âi got something for you. for christmas.â
he puts two hands on your hips from behind you and for a second, your inhibitions fade. they have a tendency of doing that at his touch and you curse yourself for it.
you turn around and jungkook is holding something shiny in his hand. dangling and silver.
car keys.
âyouâve got to be kidding - â you start, but jungkook has already put them in the palm of your hand. for a second, you forget about your worries.
he laughs good-naturedly. âhear me out. i know youâre going to remind me about new york traffic, but our baby daughter is not going to be riding in my two seater bmw.â
you scowl and flip over the keys. of course, itâs fucking cadillac.
âyou really didnât have to,â you mumble, cheeks flushed.
he responds, âthe car is an escalade. think of it as our family car.â
âfamily car.â
âitâs for us,â jungkook says, pulling you close. âfor our future.â
you want to see the best in him, you really do. itâs what youâve been doing for over a decade - standing by jungkookâs side and supporting him as his best friend. but, right now, you arenât his best friend anymore. youâve come to realize that youâre living in a strange void in between that and more, a growing discomfort that has been highlighted by the pain of the consequences laced in between the edges.
before you speak, you think about what nora said. you think about how comfortable youâve become with the cards that youâve been dealt with - not once realizing that youâre not the one dealing them. youâve always been in control of your own life and destiny, while it now seems like youâll never get that again, not with the life that you live thatâs forged based on jungkook and jungkook alone.
âi. . . â you trail off, suddenly feeling like walls are closing in on you, despite being outdoors.
the top of the rock over looks the vast expanse of twinkling new york city, but youâre suffocating underneath the lights.
jungkook peers down at your face and is immediately concerned. âwhat? are you feeling alright?â
âwhat are we doing here, jungkook?â
his body freezes, like heâs heard you wrong - yet, by the way his eyes soften, itâs as if he was expecting this. maybe not now, but at some point.
he says your name, whispered. âi donât know what you mean.â
a lie and you both know it. itâs a struggle for jungkook to get the words out, a painful stretch over each syllable. the mirage has snapped by the will of your anxieties, the perfect life that youâve been living for the past few months. if youâre being honest, you donât want to do it, but itâs a noise that has only grown louder with each passing day. you love jungkook and you love this baby, but everything has become deafening and you can no loner pretend.
you donât realize that thereâs tears stinging in your eyes until you pull away and turn around, just so you can blink them away.
âwe canât keep this up,â you say, voice shaking. âyou know this isnât normal. are we supposed to play house for the rest of our lives?â
âwe just got married and weâre having a kid,â jungkook breathes out, jaw set. âyou think iâm here playing house with you? what part of you makes you think that iâm not taking this seriously? our future seriously?â
âwell, why did we even get married in the first place?â you snap and spin around. âis it really health insurance and our sorry asses traumatized by our parents divorces?â
a distinct flash of hurt appears on jungkookâs face. it kills you to be the reason behind it and you nearly backtrack, but he speaks again first.
âwhat are you talking about?â jungkook demands.
âdid we get married because itâs convenient for our daughter or because itâs convenient for you?â you finally say, gripping onto the railing. âiâm sure it would be a bonus for the face of the titansâ franchise to be a father and keep up that family-friendly image of yours -â
âwhat? are you insane?â
itâs a tense stand off between the two of you, as you realize what you spat out. his face is flushed, as he processes your accusation. you breathe heavily and wonder if you should have just kept your mouth shut. no. the anxieties would eat you alive.
to your surprise, jungkook steps closer to you and you have no room to back up. heâs practically pinned you against the railing, both hands on either side of your body. you can smell his musky perfume and count his eyelashes at this proximity. for a second, you nearly lose yourself in it - the intoxicating effect he has on you.
itâs clear that your misunderstandings from that stupid reporter about his image are wrong, but everything else seems to bubble to the surface. you donât know how to navigate these waters - you and jungkook promised each other that neither of you would be alone, but youâre still feeling confused and lost. at least, more so than him.
you manage to let out a murmured reply. âyou. . .i donât know. i donât know anything about your world and all of this has just happened so fast,â you admit. itâs not just the baby, but the moving in, the new surroundings, and everything that has to do with jungkook.
he sighs quietly, still inches away from you. âyouâre not saying everything you want to say.â
finally, he utters a semblance of the truth.
at that, you bite your lip. jungkook has always read you so well. the problem is that you donât even know what youâre trying to say. itâs all just too much.
âlook, youâre my best friend,â you start carefully. âi know my place in your life, so you donât need to be worried about that. i. . .i just donât want to pretend that this isnât something otherwise.â
"your place in my life?â he answers, eyes narrowed.
you smile sadly, looking down at your feet. âiâm only here because iâm the rebound. an accident. getting married to me was the easiest and most beneficial option when you knocked me up.â
jungkook is stunned. his mouth hangs open and he tries to conjure up a reply, but he just stands there. he canât get his thoughts together in time, but thatâs enough for you. you thought that jungkook would be here to make everything better, but you donât even know what thatâs supposed to look like.
or, maybe youâre scared to see it for what it is.
all you can do is kiss his cheek and gently push past him. you mumble something about needing space and that you wonât be home and just like that, youâre gone with the wind. you leave jungkook standing there, feeling and looking like the stupidest man in the world.
whenâs finally come back to earth, jungkook realizes that youâve left and youâre not coming back. he lets out a string of curses, kicking the nearest wall in anger. running a hand through his hair, he canât explain why he couldnât correct you. he looks out into skyline, trying to calm himself down by counting the lights and remembering the touch of your lips on his cheek.
you hate running away. it failed you last time and you promised yourself that you wouldnât do it again, not to jungkook. heâs made you feel safe in every sense of the word since this whole situation started. but, you donât even know how youâre supposed to look at him now. it scares you and you know itâs your fault for allowing the boundaries to blurt. so, for now, you do run and you make a silent apology to jungkook when you do, promising that itâs only temporary.
JANUARY
in the week stretch between christmas and new yearâs eve, you spend the majority of it locked up inside your studio apartment. jungkook plays a road game on christmas day in phoenix and itâs the perfect excuse that you give to your family when you visit laylaâs house for the holiday. your maternity leave has just begun and it came at a timely manner, so you donât need to see him at work. in fact, you donât expect to see jungkook until after new yearâs, where you promised you would reconvene with him after the space that you insisted that you needed. he still texts you daily and you give updates on your well being, but you keep it at that. he also has someone park the escalade in the parking garage of your apartment, just in case you need it.
i just need a breather, is what you told jungkook over the phone, citing all the changes that have caught up to you.
returning to a semblance of your old life was supposed to give some sort of clarity on what you would be doing going forward. a part of you considered just ending your sexual relationship with jungkook, for you thought that it was the main reason for all of these complications. you knew that you werenât anything more than jungkookâs best friend and mother of his child and further expectations would simply crush your spirit.
itâs what youâve done for the majority of your adulthood - not letting anyone in.
but, a little voice inside of your head tells you that itâs deeper than just sex.
on new yearâs eve, you make yourself a cup of tea and order an entire box of pizza just for yourself. some of your friends invited you to some celebratory plans, but you decided a long time ago that being the only pregnant person in the group on a night out is not fun. having jungkook around was always nice because he didnât drink around you and always made sure you felt included and entertained.
the titans arenât playing a game tonight, so you presume that heâs probably out partying, since he never did that with you around. heâs always been so considerate. youâre sat in front of your couch, on your second slice of pizza and flipping through video streaming services, wondering if you should just go to bed.
until, thereâs a knock on your door - no, itâs a bang. and then another. and then, you hear a familiar voice call your name.
you already jump up to your feet at the first knock, but it takes a second for you to waddle to your front door. youâve been moving slower as the pregnancy has progressed and you roll your eyes at jungkookâs impatience. when you swing the door open, you can see why heâs like this.
âoh my god, youâre wasted.â
jungkook has one hand braced against the doorframe to hold himself up, but you can smell the liquor on his breath and his eyes are bloodshot red.
âi -â he starts, collecting himself. â- just came by to see how you were doing.â
âa text wouldnât do?â you reply dryly, trying to lighten the mood and shake off the shock on your shoulders. the last thing you expected tonight was for jungkook to show up unannounced. âitâs almost midnight, shouldnât you be out celebrating?â
jungkook doesnât reply right away. you step aside to let him into your apartment and he stumbles slightly when he walks, but he makes it to your dinner table - the same dinner table where the two of you first discussed getting married. you glance at his hand. he hasnât taken off his wedding band once and neither of you.
when he sits down, he looks up at you and rubs his eyes. âi wanted to be here. with you.â
you sigh at how stubborn he can be. youâre not mad that heâs here - youâve been starting to feel guilty about the space youâve taken.
as if jungkook reads your mind, he says, âyou know iâve never been good with. . .space,â he admits lamely.
you understand. jungkook doesnât respond well with being left alone or with detachment. you shouldâve known that a week ago when you told him that you would be staying in your studio for the next while, but all of your emotions built up to a peak where everything exploded as once. you thought a week would be fine, but itâs clear that he hasnât held up well.
sitting down next to him, you frown. âiâm sorry. i really am,â you whisper. âbut, seriously, jungkook. why are you here?â
he doesnât answer at first again and it reminds you of that night at rockefeller. a part of you is angry at him for that night, when you just wanted some sort of response. you werenât sure what you were expecting then, but it sure wasnât just jungkook staring at you blankly. it definitely wasnât him letting you walk away without a protest.
then, he finally speaks. jungkook speaks like heâs thinking each word as it comes out, dissecting the taste of each one with furrowed brows.
âthat night, back in june. at frankâs,â he begins, eyes on the ground. âwhen i felt hopeless and like nothing could go wrong, i had you to remind me of the good things in my life.â
you press your lips together. that night wasnât on your mind when this conversation began. you havenât thought about it in a while, with how seemingly far away it feels after all the changes and developments in your life since then. jungkookâs words hit you hard, but you try to keep yourself grounded and not get lost in them.
he meets your eyes and you canât look away. âthat night, i realized i didnât want to be anywhere else in the world.â
âjungkook -â
â- and you were never the rebound, donât you understand? it was never like that,â he snaps - not at you, but at himself in frustration.
you take a shaky, sharp inahle of air. âwhat are you saying?â
âthis. you. i donât think i deserve it, but i got it. i had you. and you need to know what that means to me.â
neither of you move. neither of you can. this time, youâre the one rendered speechless. his expression is pleading, like heâs asking you for something without saying it. itâs a language that only the two of you can speak. you notice the way he looks at you, as if with a brand new set of eyes. fresh and grounded.
jungkook looks at you as if heâs just realized something.
heâs never felt like heâs deserved you. jungkook has always known that youâre far too good for anyone - including him, but heâs now come begging at your door anyways. and he knows why. everything writes itself and heâd be blind to not recognize it.
the air in the room falls silent in every way - even with the hum of the television, the honking of traffic outside and the kettle in the kitchen whining.
outside the walls of your apartment, booms emerge from the fireworks splitting in the sky. itâs midnight. a new year.
you donât push further or ask questions. you apologize for leaving abruptly and the two of you make up, but nothing else comes of the conversation. the night ends with you climbing onto jungkookâs hug for a genuine embrace - a silent one, but an embrace at that.
âhappy new year,â you whisper to jungkook.
he sighs deeply, one hand on your hip and the other on your belly. âhappy new year,â jungkook whispers back, gently caressing the bump.
thatâs the last time that you see jungkook for the next two weeks. the titans are due for an eight game stretch on the road, which amounts to exactly fourteen days where he is out on the west coast and canât return home. he already knows that you wonât want to travel and that it isnât good for you to be constantly travelling anyways, being in your third trimester now. you inform him that youâll just spend the two weeks at your momâs house and he doesnât argue with that logic.
jungkook texts and calls daily, never failing to make time in his busy schedule to check up on you. in fact, heâs constantly worrying about you, but you brush him off every time, assuring him that your family is around to keep an eye on you. he joins you for virtual doctorsâ appointments and orders you dinner several times a week.
the fourteen days feels long than it is, especially when something hangs heavy in the air between the two of you. there isnât necessarily a lack of communication, but you both recognize the need to step back with anything resembling affection or more, at least for now.
it leaves you tearing yourself about the situation. you donât want to ruin the friendship you have with jungkook, but youâre aware that thereâs no going back to how things were before this past summer. thatâs obvious. you just canât get him off your mind and you keep denying why.
then, on the day you return to new york city, you get a chilling call on the way back from the airport. bleary eyed from your nap on the plane, you answer half-awake.
âmrs. jeon? your husband has been admitted to the emergency room here at mount sinai hospital -â
as soon as you hear that, your phone dies.
and like any good and loving wife, you drop everything and redirect the cab driver to take you to the upper east side, where the person over the phone tells you jungkook is staying. your heart drops to the bottom of your stomach and itâs as if a static noise has drowned out everything else. you realize that your phone died midway through the call, before you could answer any questions.
âoh my fucking god,â you hiss under your breath, watching the scenery pass by through the window as the taxi rushes you to the hospital.
you wonder what could have happened and jump to the worst conclusions. what if he got into an accident? or tore his acl during practice? heâs always had knee problems. your breath quickens when you think of every possibility that could have resulted in jungkook at the emergency room and you have to ground yourself, pressing crescent moons into the palm of your hands.
the next half an hour through egregious traffic is a blur. you wait anxiously to arrive and when you do, your body works on autopilot. the smell of rubbing alcohol and cleaning products fill your senses when you push the door open to the emergency room entrance, likely looking ridiculous with your duffel bag and rolling luggage. thereâs already tears threatening to spill in your eyes.
âiâm mrs. jeon,â you tell the man at the front desk, the words coming out of you in a hurry.
itâs the first time youâve ever referred to yourself as jungkookâs wife aloud and your cheeks burn hot. heâs done it before when introducing you to people and the title always come out so smooth, so natural.
the receptionist understands immediately and youâre led to a private room, secluded from the busier parts of the hospital wing with increased security. it reminds you of when jungkook had a sprain during his rookie year and back then, you were shocked at the precautions that the hospital took with their famous clients. now, youâre grateful that heâs away from prying eyes, especially in the disheveled state that youâre in.
âjungkook?â
when you walk through the door, heâs laying there with his arm out for a nurse. heâs in tact. heâs even laughing and telling jokes with her. a nasty burn runs through his forearm, which is currently being dressed with sterile gauze. heâs dressed in casual house clothes and sits on the hospital bed, legs swinging.
he looks. . .mostly normal. jungkookâs eyes widen at the sight of you and you instantly drop your bags to the floor.
his mouth hangs open. âwhy are you here? did your phone die?â jungkook questions, glancing at his own sitting on his lap. your message thread is open on the screen, with unanswered blue bubbles from his end.
âyeah,â you breathe out, approaching closer.
the nurse looks up at you with a polite smile. âdid you rush here from the airport, mrs. jeon?â
when you nod, jungkook lets out a strained chuckle. âyou didnât need to do all that over a cooking burn.â
a what?
thatâs what the person over the phone was trying to tell you. for a second, you think this is a joke, but by the very healthy way jungkook is sitting up, there arenât any other visible injuries. your eyebrows are creased, as you take the situation in.
on his face, a half smile threatens to twitch, but jungkook can see the puzzle pieces coming together in your eyes and he tries to hold back. at least, heâll save it for when the nurse is gone.
âjungkook. . . .â you take in a sharp inhale. âyou burned yourself while cooking?â
âwell - shit, that feels better -â he starts, but cuts himself off when the nurse applies ointment to the lower part of the burn.
you want to face palm. instead, you calmly collect yourself and sit on the chair next to the bed, as the nurse explains the situation.
âitâs just a second degree burn,â she says. âyour husband was boiling water and had an accident. we cleaned the wound and gave him pain medication, along with this antibiotic ointment. heâs about to just be discharged, actually.â
jungkook scratches the back of his neck with his free arm. âi didnât even know that you were back from your parents already.â
âyou sent yourself to the emergency room over boiling water?!â
the nurse finishes with jungkookâs arm and with impeccable timing, stands up to excuse herself. jungkook winces at the tone of your voice, but sheâs clearly amused.
âi will be back with mr. jeonâs discharge papers and burn care instructions,â she says, sending a wink your way.
when the two of you are left alone, you end up doing something that you did not expect.
you cry.
once the nurse leaves, jungkook tries cracking a joke about his cooking. âthe one time my private chef goes on vacation for a few days - wait, donât cry. jesus, donât cry, please come here.â
every worry running through your chest like a marathon builds up in that moment and crashes down without warning. youâve never been so worried in your life when you got that call from the hospital, especially when your phone died and anything could have happened to jungkook. it starts small at first - those tears stinging your vision and rolled down in hot streaks. you have to cover your mouth with your hand, as your skin prickles and your shoulders sag.
âi thought you were dead or something,â you admit through your sniffles, even with how stupid you feel.
jungkook grabs you with his good arm, pulling you close to him. you donât hesitate to climb onto his lap, not unlike new yearâs even, but this time you really envelope yourself in his warmth. you bury your face into the crook of his neck, letting the tears fall and trying to calm yourself down with the sensation of his gentle hand rubbing your back.
jungkook whispers into your hair. âno, baby, iâm okay.â
you really donât cry this much and youâve been blaming it on your pregnancy hormones, but you know this time is different. itâs different because you canât imagine what you would do if jungkook was hurt or worse.
âs-sorry -â you hiccup, trying to muffle your crying now.
he only chuckles and wraps his arms around you tighter.
âi was texting you this whole time. i tried to tell you that iâd be getting discharged quickly,â jungkook says, stroking your head.
âwhen i got that call, i just got so scared,â you mutter, still feeling stupid for rushing in here like an idiot. âi just -â
you cut yourself off before the next words come out and you do so with frozen limbs. jungkook pulls away when you pause, curiously. he meets your eyes, quietly assessing your face.
then, jungkook presses his forehead against yours and finishes the sentence for you.
âi know.â
he doesnât say anything else. just those two words. the fact of the matter is that he does know and he knows by just looking at you. youâre still and canât find what to say, what to explain of yourself. but, you donât need to. itâs as if your body melts into his and everything along with it - your emotions, your worries, your soul. he reads it all, even before youâre able to.
jungkook always had an uncanny knack for that. itâs funny because it took him months to realize his own, not until new yearâs eve when he showed up drunk at your door. when he sees the unsaid ardor swirling in your eyes, itâs a mirror of his own. he doesnât say much else because it confirms everything heâs suspected all along.
he just decides to give you the time to figure it out yourself. but, here in this cold hospital room with sharp fluorescent lights and pale walls, jungkook finds your warmth and you find his. a part of his heart settles softly, now knowing what he knows now. all he has to do is let you realize it yourself.
FEBRUARY
when jungkook returns home after all-star weekend, heâs pleasantly surprised to see that youâve quietly moved back into the penthouse. he comes home late on sunday evening from indianapolis, body worn out and deprived of sleep, as he trudges into his condo with luggage behind him. jungkook doesnât notice anything off at first, especially with his airpods on full volume. the lights are still on, but he attributes it to the housekeeper forgetting to shut them on her way out.
then, he smells it. the waft of kimchi jiggae filling the space. jungkook pulls his headphones off and thereâs more. the sound of your music playing throughout the home. your keys are hung by the front door and your shoes are kicked off.
his heart fucking skips a beat.
âum, hi.â
you appear in front of him, having heard the door open. youâre well into your third trimester now and have opted for nothing but baggy t-shirts and basketball shorts, which is what you wear when jungkook lays his eyes on you. you have a shy smile on your face, one that he hasnât seen in a long time - at least, not since when the two of you just met as kids. his eyes trace over your bump, the white of your t-shirt not doing much to hide it.
âhi,â jungkook says and breathes out your name. âyouâre . . .making dinner.â
he canât stop the grin that breaks out. what jungkook really means to say is youâre back, but heâs too caught up in the moment to correct himself.
the traces of you around the apartment are back, the small details that jungkookâs been missing and agonizing over. your lip gloss would always be forgotten haphazardly on the coffee table or your kuromi lanyard that had your employee pass to madison square garden hung by the keys. he forgot how the faint smell of citrus would linger in the hallway from your room. well, almost. while youâve been gone, jungkook has sometimes come into your room, just for that scent.
âi made your favourite,â you reply quietly, chewing on your lip. for some reason, you donât know how to act around him right now.
itâs only been a few days since jungkook went to the emergency room for his dumb boiling water burn. he took a day to rest at home, where you stayed by his side to hang out with him, but also be nearby in case he needed anything. but, then, you awkwardly went back to your place while jungkook fell asleep for a nap. the day after, you needed to leave to see your sister for her birthday weekend and he needed to fly out for all-star weekend.
when you came home this morning, you just knew that you needed to go back to jungkookâs. your heart gave you no other choice, so you packed up all your belongings and came right back.
jungkook drops everything in his hands. he makes strides towards you and you donât expect him to left you off the ground. you squeal when his strong arms wrap around you and spin you around like you weigh a feather.
i missed you, is what the embrace means.
when jungkook brings you back to your feet and you laugh, kissing his cheek, your answer is clear.
i missed you, too.
the next day, jungkook has a hand on his steering wheel and the other gently enclosed around yours, as you head off to a wedding of a high school friend together. youâre telling him a funny story about laylaâs birthday party and your thigh is bouncing excitedly as you do. itâs been so long since youâve been able to have jungkook like this and youâve been kicking yourself for the past while because of it. as soon as he walked through that sunday after all-star weekend, you made his favourite dish - even though you donât exactly make the best or most authentic korean food - with plans to apologize profusely.
when you asked jungkook if he wanted to talk things out, he said no.
âwhat?â you asked last night, looking at him like he was crazy from across his dining room table.
he took a long gulp of his water, but isnât fazed by your reaction. ânah, weâre cool,â jungkook said. âi donât really have anything to bring up. do you?â
weâre cool. you remember those exact words the very first time you wound up in jungkookâs bed, when you wanted to do nothing but run when you realized what had happened. heâd been so calm and relaxed about it, like he read your thoughts. he knew you too well.
right then and there, you know something is up. jungkook had been beating himself up for weeks about causing you to push him away and now he doesnât want to discuss whatâs been on his mind? hell, you havenât even made up your mind on what you want going forward.
and like clockwork, jungkook reads your mind. he smirks like he knows the answer to a riddle that has ruined your mind.
âexactly. so, letâs talk when youâre ready. take your time.â
you sleep in your own bedroom last night for the first time in months - not in your apartment and not in jungkookâs bed. youâre floating in that strange in-between, the void in the middle of the before and the after of when you and jungkook crossed the line.
but, it keeps you up for hours, as you toss and turn. you wonder when that line was even crossed to begin with - was it when you started sleeping together? when you moved in? was in that night in june? most importantly, where you do want to be?
he knows something that you donât and it drives you mad.
you can tell that jungkook is moving carefully, too. he doesnât do too much, even in spite of his words - he didnât say anything last night when you announced that you would be retiring to your bed and not his, hasnât initiated anything more than a hug and is being selective about the terms of endearment that he uses. jungkook is more than used to previously having your warm body under his sheets with him every night. kisses were normal and he never took his hands off of you.
even now, his hand clasped in yours is the most physical contact that youâve had with him since returning to the penthouse yesterday.
jungkook is so easygoing about it, though, along with everything else.
he sighs, tapping his fingers on the wheel as you move through the last of traffic on the way out of the city. âcanât believe jiminnie is getting married.â
itâs quite early in the morning, as you and jungkook left at nine in the morning to make it for the ceremony, even though the drive to the venue isnât more than two hours long from manhattan. the sun is shining bright over the stark white swept ground of fallen snow with skies clear and vast.
âmore like, i canât believe jimin is the first of our group to get married,â you joke.
jungkook coughs. âwow, am i chopped liver?â he pinches your hand slightly, just underneath where your wedding band is, to remind you.
âow!â you laugh, momentarily swiping your hand away. âugh, you know what i meant.â
"you're acting like you weren't literally there," he snorts.
neither of you kept in close contact with any of your high school friends right after graduation, but jimin was the exception for you and jungkook. he was on the same varsity team as jungkook in high school and never went on to the collegiate level, opting to go into sports journalism. the last time you saw him was sometime in the spring, when he told the two of you that he was getting married. his fiancee is a new york native and the couple chose a venue nearby where you live.
âyou think he's gonna have a heart attack when he sees us?â
considering jimin saw you both in person to announce his engagement, you felt bad about not being able to return the courtesy. albeit, it's not like either you or jungkook have went around showing off your wedding bands and pregnant belly either - the news has mostly been kept to your friends and family. rumours have slowly started to spread outside of work following seungcheolâs speech at the company christmas gala, but jungkook hasn't gone out with any public statement.
you wince. âmaybe we should have said something.â
âit's not exactly something you can just blurt out over the phone!â jungkook exclaims and you canât argue with that.
the last of new york city sweeps past you through the windows, as you and jungkook past by dozens of buildings and lights. the two of you reminisce about high school and how things have changed since then - not directly talking about your situation, but it leaves your mind racing again.
two years ago, you and jungkook attend his cousinâs wedding as each otherâs date, just an hour away from your hometown in a pretty garden venue. itâs the june right after jungkook gets selected for the nba draft and he insists that coming for the open bar would be a fun way to spend time together before he gets shipped off to the summer league for his professional basketball debut.
the reception is lively and youâre giggling with jungkook over gossip about his aunt when the time for the bouquet toss comes.
for whatever reason, he thinks that itâs a hilarious idea to pull you to your feet.
jungkook snickers. âcome on, you could be next!â he says, knowing damn well that you spend zero of your free time with men.
âkoo, i will rip your hand off your arm -â you hiss, but the mc for the night, his mom, has already spotted you and beckoned you over by name.
jungkookâs mom is cheering you on and with dozens of eyes on you, thereâs no way to avoid the pressure. begrudgingly, you fully rise from your seat and join the flock of single women standing near the bride.
youâre wedged between a bridemaid that you donât know and one of jungkookâs cousins.
âeveryone better get out of my way,â one girl grumbles from behind you.
single ladies by beyonce comes on and your cheeks redden at the sound of jungkook whistling your name. you make a mental note to smack him later on.
the bride approaches with a wide grin and a posy of calla lilies in her grasp.
âready ladies?â
you stand right in place, just waiting for the moment to be over, so you can go sit back down. your thoughts are preoccupied with the pain you feel in your soles, regretting your choice of shoes. the strappy platform heels looked cute in the store, but you wish you broke them in before today.
âgod, i canât wait until the dinner service starts. . .â you mumble to yourself, completely lost in your own world. you havenât eaten in a few hours now and itâs starting to affect you.
then, it happens.
your arms arenât even fully stretched out and your eyes are elsewhere, but some how, the bouquet lands right in your hands.
you blink rapidly, confused for a second. the crowd roars with life when you catch the flowers, as do most of the women surrounding you. you peer down again, turning the posy and realize that you do, in fact, have the bouquet in your hands.
âwow, look at you!â teases jungkookâs mom from a few feet away, the same mischievous glint in her eyes that you often see in her stupid son. the apple clearly doesnât fall far from the tree. you had to give her props for her natural ability to joke around.
she calls over the photographer and you sheepishly shuffle over to where the bride is, posing for a quick picture.
the bride winks at you before you leave. âgood luck,â she muses and you swear your cheeks burn even hotter.
when you walk back over to your table, jungkook already has his big mouth open to tease you. after taking a quick scan of your surroundings, you flip him off at a low angle, away from where anyone could see.
âcanât wait for the wedding,â he says, obviously very pleased with himself.
little did he know back then, jungkook would be at that very wedding - standing across from you, no less.
jimin definitely freaks the hell out when he sees you and jungkook with wedding bands, along with your very pregnant belly. actually, he chokes on air when the two of you come to greet him at the reception. you approach, holding hands, and jiminâs reaction gives you a good laugh.
youâre wearing a flowy floral piece that hits midi length, embroidered and layered with sheer tulle. even with the fit, itâs hard to miss your bump at this point in your trimester.
âwell, this is the best wedding present ever,â he jokes, coming forward to envelope both of you into a hug.
you squeak at the way jimin tightly embraces you, laughter bubbling in your throat. âcongratulations,â is all you manage to say, unsure of how to tread the conversation.
jungkook is far more relaxed, clapping his friendâs back. âyou did it!â he exclaims, nearly taking jimin off his feet during their hug. "
jimin grins widely, taking a once over the both of you. âweâre due for some coffee, it seems,â he snorts and crosses his arms. âyou two have some explaining to do. congratulations to you guys as well, by the way.â
you can tell that jimin is bouncing with excitement and the number of questions behind his eyes. âhave anything you wanna ask now?â you ask, wryly.
âoh, i have a ton,â he answers. âbut, that can wait. i do wanna know if itâs a boy or a girl, though.â
jungkook grins. âitâs a girl.â
âa girl!â jimin sighs wistfully. âoh man, i didnât think iâd be crying again already,â he says, having already been through his share of tears during the ceremony. he even dramatically bring a hand to his eyes.
you roll your eyes and playfully smack his arm. âdonât cry, you big baby. you have a reception to get through!â
eventually, jimin has to say goodbye so that he can greet more of his guests and so, you and jungkook find your assigned table for the night.
the decorations are gorgeous, as you survey the surroundings in the greenhouse. something about lush greenery and twinkling string lights feel even cozier with the background of a fading winter outside - the stark contrast between diamond snowflakes falling and the abundance of dreamy florals scattered throughout. sheer drapes and warm hanging lanterns emit a welcoming glow in a storybook-like vision, as jungkook pulls out your chair for you.
âthis reminds me a bit of your cousinâs wedding,â you comment, playing with the name card.
it doesnât say mrs. jeon - of course it wouldnât, neither you or jungkook told jimin about anything when you rsvped - and for some reason, you have to fight a frown on your lips.
jungkook slides in next to you. âoh yeah. where you caught the bouquet.â he smirks, thinking back to the memory and how he was so pleased with himself after forcing you to your feet.
you scowl at the look on his face. âyou were such a menace for that,â you say. he knew that you werenât good with unwanted attention, so of course he would do such a thing.
âwell,â he starts, tapping his chin. âguess it came true.â
his eyes flicker towards your left hand, as you pour two glasses of water. your engagement ring catches the light brilliantly and the wedding band underneath shines just as brightly. you catch his gaze and you involuntarily find yourself lingering on jungkookâs hand, where his own band reflects.
âso, i guess all of this is your fault,â you deadpan, bringing the cup to your lips. âyou jinxed it for us.â
back then, neither of you would have predicted any of this happening, especially not from a silly bouquet toss.
jungkook lets out a chuckle and doesnât hesitate to reach over to grab your hand. he gently runs his thumb over your ring finger and you donât pull back, instead intertwining with his.
âjust be glad that you wonât need to stand up for the bouquet toss this time.â
the reception goes by relatively fast. the wedding party does their grand entrance, everybody does their dances and speeches, dinner gets served, and soon, the dancefloor opens. you cut a glare in jungkook direction when itâs time for the bouquet toss, as you catch him snickering to himself.
when the dj calls for guests to start dancing, youâre hesitant to do so. you get out of breath easily at this point in the pregnancy and your feet are a little swollen, even if youâre wearing ballet flats. still, jungkook rises to his feet and holds a hand out for you.
âoh come on,â you grumble, pointing to your current state.
an upbeat taylor swift song is playing in the background, a little too fast for you to ever keep up with. the crowd is hollering and having a great time, with jimin and his wife partying it up in the middle.
âyou totally owe me a dance, wife.â
âi give you permission to dance without me, husband,â you quip back dryly, watching jimin somehow pulling off doing the dougie to love story. âiâm just gonna slow you down -â
and then, the song changes. itâs a romantic, slow piece that comes on and in the moment, the lights dim. the candlelight glow from the surrounding tables and lantern frame the dancefloor like fireflies, as the dj speaks into the mic once more.
he announces, âthis one is for all the couples in the room. can we get you all on the floor?â
the crowd cheers and jungkook only looks back at you more expectantly. he has that handsome half grin on his face that you can never say no to.
âdance with me,â jungkook utters once more, voice lowering and more soft than before. âplease?â
his eyes are so bright and you canât help but clasp your hand in his. his touch feels electric when you do so, a certain static illuminated. jungkook helps you stand with a widening grin, his eyes briefly sweeping over your figure from head to toe.
he places a hand at the small of your back and leads you to the dancefloor. the two of you weave through the crowd carefully and you think you see jimin wink in your direction. you notice that jungkook canât stop looking at you, completely fixated on you as if there was nothing and no one else in the room.
âwhat?â you ask.
jungkook blinks, realizing heâs been caught. âuh,â he says, sheepishly. ânothing. you just look really beautiful tonight.â
you donât get a chance to respond, as he tugs you further into the throng of guests with his back turned and his hand moving from your back to your own. itâs a good thing, too, because you try to open your mouth and only stutter some incoherent vowels. the little compliment sends goosebumps up your arm. his hold feels safe and secure, guiding you gently without letting go. he doesnât get to see the stupid smile briefly break out on your face, but you do squeeze his hand.
thereâs a glow on your face when he stops in a corner behind a pillar, spinning around to pull you towards his chest. itâs an intimate spot, just close enough to the dancefloor, but far enough away from most prying eyes.
your hands find leverage on his shoulders, hanging around his neck. his body is warm and you think you could melt into him. jungkook places his hands on your hips, beginning to rock lightly to the soft melody playing in the background.
he has the kind of smile that belongs in fairytales and daydreams, the kind that you get lost in.
jungkookâs breath ghosts over your ear. âhowâs your feet?â
you pause, looking down at your shoes. âhmm, could be worse. iâll probably have to concede in an hour or so,â you admit with a laugh.
âiâll carry you back to the hotel,â he declares and earns an eyeroll from you.
âwhatever you say, prince charming.â
the romantic song in the background continues and you peek over jungkookâs shoulder to look at all of the other couples in the vicinity. thereâs older couples who have clearly been together for years, decades even. an elderly pair embrace and sway like theyâre in their own world. you could only pray for something like that in your future.
you take another look around the venue. jiminâs bride wears a beautiful mermaid dress, embellished with small crystals that catch the light in the greenhouse. guests watch on blissfully with warm smiles in the direction of the happy couple. you survey the delicate florals around tables, the elegant linens, the intimate fairy lights that glitter like far off stars. it leaves you envisioning a moment like this reserved for yourself, surrounded by love and a promise for the future.
your eyes flicker up to meet jungkookâs gaze - unflinching and swirling with adoration.
he looks at you like youâre the centre of the universe, flourishing amidst constellations and a million suns.
then, it hits you.
in every version of this fantasy, thereâs no one else but jungkook.
all of your daydreams about weddings only involve him. you only want his lips amidst candlelight and an ivory train following you down the aisle. thereâs not a future where itâs not jungkook feeding you a slice of buttercream cake with your arms looped. heâs the man that sweeps you off your feet and never leaves you behind, even when itâs all youâre begging for. when your hair turns grey and your movement slow, itâs jungkook that wraps his arms around you and sways with you back and forth to an old tune from your youth.
you donât need to imagine any moments or promises, not when itâs right in front of you.
he is the beginning and the end. you realize that there isnât a future where that doesnât exist.
itâs jungkook and always has been.
âkoo?â your whisper is hesitant, as if your lips have moved on their own accord.
jungkook hasnât broken the gaze once, his eyes examining the crease between your brow and the way your shoulders straighten ever so slightly.
he says your name. âwhat is it?â jungkook whispers back, tightening his hold around your waist. âwhat are you thinking about?â
like stories and films told throughout generations, it begins slow - at least in your head. you move a hand to the curve of his jaw, your manicured nails light against his flesh. without registering it, your breath slows, until itâs completely held with a sharp inhale. your chest feels like itâs going to explode, as an entire army marches through each vessel. you can feel it, the way your blood runs hot. lacking heels, you instead stand on tipped toes to meet his height.
jungkook doesnât move. he watches you intently and you can feel his reluctance, like his eyes are deceiving him. he canât move - not until you move first. the nagging feeling has been hanging over your head the whole night, even since yesterday and so, you make the decision.
finally, you lean in and your lips meet his.
âyou.â is all you whisper.
his movements respond instantaneously, dragging you even closer to him. the rhythm you set is slow and you want to feel everything. jungkook kisses you back with the same softness, vanishing into your touch. his frame relaxes as if heâs been holding himself up with force for weeks and itâs your lips that have brought him peace.
your kiss tells words that you didnât know you held in your heart. itâs not just your mouth, but the way you grip hard onto jungkookâs shoulders and the sigh against his lips. the kiss tastes like cherries and peppermint, taking its time and forgetting about the world around you.
because, right now, itâs just the two of you.
when you pull away at the end of the song, jungkookâs forehead is pressed against yours and he tries to steady his heartbeat. itâs pounding and you still feel it now, pressed against him, like itâs going to leap out of his body at any moment.
youâre no better as you stare right back at him, breathless in every sense of the word. through these past eight months, there hasnât been a single kiss shared like this one. it was gentle, harmonious, and most of all, it felt right.
you donât need to explain yourself - you see that he knows. he always has known, even before you did.
this is what heâs been waiting for and what youâve been failing to hide.
so, jungkook smiles and as do you. he pulls back slightly, only to press another kiss to your lips. chaste and belonging.
on the way back from his cousinâs wedding two years ago, you and jungkook are completely trashed. itâs a little past one in the morning when the two of you stumble out of the uber, stopped in front of the hotel where youâre staying. your platform heels do nothing to aid your lack of balance, even with the straps for ankle support. jungkook gets out of the car first, doing his best to catch you when you accidentally trip once on your feet.
âwoah -â jungkook snickers, hands on your waist.
the two of you are lot closer than what heâs used to, but jungkook knows it canât be helped with the state youâre both in. doesnât even care, even. he puts all of his concentration in making sure you donât fall on your ass, his hold tightening.
you giggle back, clutching onto his arms for dear life. your dress falls right above your knee normally, but has ridden up slightly with the near fall and the way you donât even notice. jungkook reaches down and pulls the fabric, ensuring youâre covered properly.
âmy feet are killing me,â you drunkenly complain, forehead to jungkookâs chest. the world is spinning around you and you need to press your head into him to steady yourself momentarily.
âyouâre a mess,â jungkook replies, but isnât much better himself and is moving side to side involuntarily. he looks down at you with a laugh and gathers your hair in his hands, tying it off with a scrunchie that heâs kept on his wrist all night for you.
you pout up at him. âshut your mouth,â you say.
the uber has driven off at this point and jungkook looks down at your shoulder, relieved to see that your purse slings off of it. he reaches inside, not bothering to move you away from leaning on him, and finds the key cards to your hotel rooms.
you pull away when you feel his movement, curious. jungkook holds the key cards up to your vision and affectionately pats your head.
âcâmon, letâs get going inside. youâre gonna start shivering.â
it may be june, but the the air in the middle of the night has a bite that reaches your skin. as if on cue, you shiver.
you try to take one step, but wince. âi donât think iâll make it upstairs,â you remark, holding onto jungkook once more.
âhurts?â jungkook asks, an eyebrow raised as he looks at your shoes.
âyeah, give me a second, iâll take them off - shit!â
the last thing you expect is to be suddenly scooped up from the ground and you flail awkwardly when you no longer find yourself on your feet. a yelp leaves your lips as jungkook heaves you into his arms, bridal style, and you initially struggle to wrap your arms around his neck.
even in his drunken state, jungkook is strong and doesnât struggle to lift you up. he grins down at you, obviously amused with himself, as he makes strides towards the hotel doors.
âstop moving so much,â he advises against your lack of balance, even in his arms.
you sputter out, âwhat the hell are you doing?!â
he finally gets you comfortable in the carry, one arm under your knees and the other behind your back. heâs so sturdy and unwavering, the way he has you in his hold.
âiâm carrying you up to your room. duh.â
âput me down, you fucking loser!â
jungkook continues to cackle, trudging inside. you have to lower your voice at this point - the lobby is completely empty, save for the front desk receptionist who doesnât even blink at the sight of jungkook carrying you inside. clearly, sheâs seen her fair share of middle of the night antics from guests.
soon, youâre inside of the elevator and youâre still trying to wiggle out of jungkookâs grasp.
âweâre almost there,â he says, smirking down at you. âstop moving. iâm trying to help you out here.â
you roll your eyes. âwhatever.â
the elevator dings open and youâve reached the twentieth floor of the hotel. you and jungkook have rooms right next to each other, where he makes a beeline for.
youâre impressed at the way jungkook is somehow able to unlock the door to your room and kick it open. before leaving for the ceremony, you woke up a little past your initial alarm and in the hurricane that you left in your getting ready, you didnât have time to clean any of it up. jungkook just chuckles, unsurprised, when he flicks the light open and sees your makeup scattered everywhere.
he walks over to the bed and finally drops you, gently and slowly. you huff when he does so, the world finally straight in your eyes.
jungkook grins as he suddenly kneels in front of you. âdonât look at me like that, youâre the one whoâs been complaining for hours about your feet.â heâs now undoing the straps of your heels - fumbling slightly in his drunken state, but is determined to get them off your feet.
his touch is soft as he pulls at the clasp, ridding them and tossing them to the floor.
âyeah, yeah,â you retort, watching him. â. . . thanks.â
you feel a buzz in the room, ringing in your ears and up your arms. jungkook rises to his feet and walks over to where your clutter is on a nearby table. he locates something and when he approaches you once again, you can see that itâs a pack of makeup remover.
his hand cups your cheek, urging you towards him, as he takes a wipe from the package. youâre a little too slow to realize what heâs doing, until heâs tenderly dragging it across your cheeks and eyes. you sit still, humming to yourself and letting him do it without protest.
when jungkook is satisfied, he tosses it into the trashcan. he turns around and you have a water bottle outstretched for him, having not forgotten to make sure heâs good, too. you push it further into his hands and he takes it with a grateful laugh.
even when heâs taking care of you, itâs like you never forget to do the same with him.
jungkook has always been the type to dote over others. he does it with his family and with girlfriends, never asking for anything back. youâre the only person in his life that has always made sure heâs also taken care of. itâs never changed.
âgonna be okay?â
you look up at him through your eyelashes, a small and genuine smile on your face. âyeah. i will.â
jungkook returns the soft smile and leans down to press a kiss on the crown of your head.
âiâll go now. goodnight, idiot.â
âgoodnight, koo.â
jungkook parks the car in the underground garage of the hotel, singing under his breath. you recognize it as the song that jimin and his now wife chose for their first dance. in the passenger seat, your eyes had been half-open the entire drive from the venue and you couldnât help it when jungkookâs relaxing voice lulls in the background.
he looks over at you and chuckles, leaning over to unbuckle your seatbelt for you. the brief brush of his hand over your arm wakes you up, as you meet his eyes.
something has shifted in the air. you can tell by the gleam he fails to hide and the way his touch lingers for a little too long.
jungkook exits the car and comes around to open your side, a hand outstretched to help you up.
when you stand on your feet, thereâs a clear grimace on your face from the dull ache shooting through your body.
âshit, it hurts,â you mumble, placing a palm on the side of the car for a moment.
he sighs, snaking an arm around your waist. âyour feet?â he asks and you nod.
the swelling that came with your pregnancy has only seemed to worsen as the weeks go by. sometimes, itâs just your face and especially your nose. you try your best to stay off your feet, but it couldnât be helped tonight. theyâre red and obviously bigger than usual, but at this point in the night, your ankles are also swollen.
jungkook frowns and of course, he does what he does best.
he sweeps you off your feet.
you canât stop the shriek that you let out when he does so - suddenly hooking his arms around your body and scooping you right up. he carries you like a damn feather, not even blinking. the shriek transforms into a laugh and youâre both giggling on your way inside.
âbe careful!â you chide.
jungkook just playfully rolls his eyes. âyouâre the mother of my child, iâll never be more careful in my life than i am now.â
the action has memories crashing into your conscience like a tidal wave, as you feel a strange sense of deja vu.
only, the circumstances are different. jungkook still insists on picking you up as if you weigh nothing. this time, youâre both stone cold sober. your feet donât hurt from dancing and ridiculously tall heels, but theyâre swollen from your third trimester. youâre pregnant tonight and youâre carrying a life created by you and the man carrying you up to your hotel room.
your best friend. your lab partner. your neighbour. your husband. the father of your child.
and as you look up at him with big eyes and parted lips, jungkook is your world.
he glances down at you with nothing but love swirling in those brown eyes. he looks at you like youâre his world, too.
the two of you make it up the elevator and onto the floor when your hotel rooms are. separate. when you rsvped for jiminâs wedding, it was long ago and before anything happened between you and jungkook, so you booked a room for yourself. jungkook didnât change the reservation and didnât ask any questions when you walked into your own hotel room when you checked in that afternoon. heâs given you that, along with the way he respectfully kept himself from you when you moved back into the apartment.
âyouâre such a show off,â you tease.
even if neither of you have been drinking tonight, youâre both still giggling to one another when you make your way down the hallway. your legs dangle freely and your hold around jungkookâs neck is secure, not trying to fight his grip.
jungkook shakes his head with a grin. âyou love it.â
âi do love it,â you reply without hesitation, playing with the locks of his hair at the back of his head. itâs an easy admittance, even with the way you playfully complained the entire time.
he just smiles again, a flush across his cheeks.
jungkook gets your hotel room door open and approaches your bed, gently sitting you down. despite the long day and the fact that itâs past midnight, your earlier fatigue in the car ride back has suddenly departed. your eyes are open and alert, watching jungkookâs every move with your heart stuttering in your chest.
like before, jungkook kneels in front of you and slips your flats off your feet. you groan at the release, your poor body under so much pressure.
âyou packed your compression socks?â he asks tenderly, pausing to massage the flesh. you canât help the moan that leaves your lips and you tilt your head back slightly.
âyeah. in my duffel bag.â
he stands up and before looking for your bag, kisses your temple. your duffel bag is on the chair by the wall and jungkook digs through it, finding your socks and your makeup wipes. when jungkook turns around, heâs also hit with that sudden wall of deja vu.
you sit prettily on the bed, hair slightly messy from the feburary wind outside and the craze of the night. he remembers how he cleaned you up last time, your eyes fluttering closed in bliss with the small movement. his eyes trace your figure, over the straps on your shoulders, the flowers on the fabric, and the way the dress molds around that beautiful bump.
he thinks youâre absolutely radiant.
his wife.
jungkook just stands there for a moment, until he meets your curious eyes and he needs to snap out of it.
taking a deep breath, jungkook walks over and wordlessly rolls the socks onto your feet. he wipes your face clean, smiling down at your doe eyes as he does so.
when jungkook pulls away to throw out the used wipes, something in your heart lurches. your breath quickens as he stands up to face the nearest trash can and you suddenly reach out, grabbing a fistful of fabric to keep him from moving.
his eyebrows fly to his hairline, concerned immediately.
âwhatâs wrong?â he asks, hurried. jungkook looks over you to see if youâre hurt in any way and comes closer.
at that, your face flushes deeper. the heat crawls and meets your ears and neck, until you can sheepishly say whatâs on your mind.
you chew on your lip before spitting it out.
âdonât go. stay.â
like last time, you think that jungkook is about to toss that makeup wipe and make his way back to his own room for the night. you canât let that happen, your heart wonât allow him to go farther than a few feet. so, you speak up, even with how embarrassed you are to beg him to not go.
jungkook freezes at your words. he takes a moment to process what youâve said, before a smile break out on his face. he takes several steps closer again, kneeling until heâs at eye level with you.
âmy love, i was never going to go anywhere,â he whispers, reaching out to brush his thumb across your cheek.
just like that, your heart settles into the earth. it roots itself into the tree that has grown with you and jungkook all this time, the flowers on the branches blossoming and the leaves turning an enduring emerald. you feel a sudden calm that has been crashing against your walls for months now, as you finally let everything in. you feel this calm in everything - his reverent touch, his devoted gaze, his genuine words.
the calm spreads in the way he leans in for a gentle kiss.
you and jungkook have always existed in an evergreen orbit, always circling around one another and never leaving each otherâs side. itâs been this way for years and even now, throughout it all.
even when you run away and he buries his fears, the orbit is steadfast and unbreakable. when something pulls on a star, the light always pushes back. itâs a light that isnât just illumination, but pressure. a quiet force that shapes the edges of worlds. for years, the two of you have been persisting gravitational pulls within, as the orbit leaves fingerprints in starlight.
you return the kiss and when itâs all over, itâs just him. he buries his face in your neck and you let yourself melt, no longer pushing back.
JUNE (AGAIN)
every single person in the madison square garden jumps to their feet - possibly every person in all of new york does. jungkook canât even catch his breath if he tries, completely bent over the bench as the titansâ coach barks order for the next play. yeonjun shoves a cup of gatorade in his direction, seeing the pained expression on their star point guardâs face. the thumb sprain from the third quarter is absolutely killing jungkook, along with the amount of minutes that heâs knocked down in this game, but he has no choice. this is game fucking seven and theyâre one possession away from a championship ring.
âjungkook. jungkook!â
chris shakes jungkookâs shoulders and the latter male finally straightens his posture, as about a dozen eyes stare back at him. theyâre running out of time, while the crowd grows louder and louder in the background in an almost deafening fashion. jungkook thinks that heâs never felt such a rush of adrenaline in his life.
coach looks at him, eyes fiery. âcan we count on you?â
âyes.â
the answer is instant and just like that, jungkook has switched it all off. any other game, heâd been out ages ago, but this is now or never.
millions watching across the country and beyond, he canât fuck this up. jungkook swipes at the sweat rolling down the side of his head as the whistle blows and the titans are called back onto the court. all he can hear is the way the crowd roars to life again. they chant for defense and they chant his name. everything blurs together - from the squeaking sneakers on the hardwood floor, the taste of cherry gatorade on his tongue, the ringing in his ears.
jungkook stands at the side, palming the basketball while his teammates prepare for the inbound.
the average possession in a professional basketball game lasts 14.3 seconds. funnily enough, it takes this exact amount of time for jungkook to become an nba champion.
five seconds to find the open man. three seconds to get the ball back. four and a half seconds for a screen and an opportunity to throw the rock again for a shot. then, two point three seconds for the ball to go right through the net.
it goes by in an instant, as the play ends and jungkook makes the game winning assist to heeseung, who shoots an absolute dagger from the corner.
swish.
the buzzer sounds off and for just a nanosecond, jungkook freezes.
he sees a flurry of memories in that moment. first, jungkook sees his teenage self, slumped over sharing ice cream with you when he gets cut from the varsity team. he sees the first time he ever stepped foot onto a college basketball court and all the anxieties that ran through his veins. the look on his momâs face when he was able to retire her and he told her that sheâll never have to work a day in her life again.
jungkook sees it all - then he sees you.
the moment you met. your first kiss and the first time you ever told each other that you love each other and meant it. he sees you at the hospital, hand clasped in his, as the doctor tells you itâs time to push and through the pain, you curse him out for ever getting you pregnant.
he blinks and thereâs confetti everywhere. his team has swarmed him in a crazy embrace that nearly knocks the wind out of him.
but, all jungkook really sees is you.
he muscles his way through the mob that has packed the basketball court, finding you through the lunacy of the scene. thereâs reporters everywhere and cameras in his face, but he ignores it all.
âgo!â layla urges with the biggest grin on her face, nudging you.
youâre already crying. at some point, layla takes your daughter from your arms so that you can rush across the court for your husband. past all the players and staff, you sprint faster than you have in your entire life, jumping right into jungkookâs arms as soon as your eyes lock.
he hoists you right off the floor and you wrap your legs around him, spinning you around with a laugh.
âyou did it, koo!â you exclaim into his jersey, where youâve buried your face to hide your tears.
jungkook is also crying, holding the one person who has been with him throughout it all. he only lets go when he sees layla approach with his baby girl and youâre back on your feet, so that jungkook can hold her.
he smiles through his tears. âcome here, baby,â jungkook coos, taking her.
the three month old is already spoiled with a customized version of her daddyâs signature sneakers and dons his jersey, as well as noise cancelling headphones over her ears. sheâs giggling and wide awake - obviously not aware of anything going on, but the raining confetti brings excitement out of her and sheâs clapping her hands as her dad kisses her head. she has his big eyes, twinkling and bright.
jungkook holds his daughter close with one arm, as he pulls you into his other side and kisses you - long and hard, not caring about the amount of media surrounding him.
he mumbles one thing against your lips: âthis is for you.â
and he doubles down on it. when itâs time for the trophy presentation and jungkook hoists not just the larry oâbrien championship gold, but also the most valuable player trophy, he makes it known.
youâre standing off to the side, wedged in between his parents and holding your daughter as jungkook speaks. heâs exhausted, you can tell, but itâs lost in the pure joy in his eyes. this is everything heâs been working towards for as long as youâve known him and your heart stills.
âi wouldnât be here without my wife, who has been by my side since we were in high school,â jungkook speaks into the mic, the mvp trophy balanced on his hip. âeverything i do is for her and for our baby girl, who just turned three months old.â
the crowd cheers and youâre vaguely aware of the camera pointed in your face, but you donât care. he looks at you from all the way at center court, like he can find your eyes among hundreds in the matter of seconds.
he always seems to find you, no matter what.
for years, youâve loved the month of june for other reasons. when winter passes and the flowers begin to bloom, june brings you jeon jungkook and the feeling of summer against your cheeks. with your beach wedding around the corner, it now brings you a new chapter of promises - even with the ones broken in the past, the wounds of such pain have long healed. everything about june is golden, from the relentless sun to the glint of jungkookâs trophy and to locket around your baby daughterâs neck. the loving gaze in jungkookâs eyes shines like gold and you tuck away another memory of this month into your heart, looking forward to years with more to come.













