It’s been a while on this account. I left because people were harassing me about my ex three years ago and telling me to kill myself. As of now, I wanted to see what remained. I deleted every harassing question, and reminisced about a time in my life where I was experiencing so many firsts. First roommate, first relationship (toxic), first era of my young adulthood. I took risks and things didn’t turn out the way I planned. My ex hollowed me out—I’ve been spending the last three years recovering from trauma, extensively self-reflecting, and becoming just a person again. I isolated myself from others so I could solely work on myself from not only the trauma she caused, but the trauma I hadn’t dealt with from childhood. It’s one of the first big selfish gestures I’ve done and it was inexplicably hard. I felt alone, i was alone, but it was my choice and having the ability to choose gave me the littlest bit of power i needed. Of course, isolation took its toll for a while, but eventually I found friends, I was desired by people (something my ex said only she could do), and admired by peers. One of my classmates the other day said that I was one of the “coolest, chillest” people in the program and that there wasn’t one person who didn’t like me. I know that sounds conceited of me to state, and I don’t mean to be, but fuck it felt so nice to hear that I wasn’t a burden, not enough, too much, and had charisma. It’s the antithesis of how I was treated in school growing up and by my ex. I finally found my place here, with people who love and respect me. With people I don’t have to hide myself from. I don’t know if I’ll keep using this account (I have a different one), but I’ll always hold it in a weird special place in my heart. It holds the memory of who I once was in a time in my life where I was able to start fresh. I have learned though that there are many rebirths throughout life. No matter how much you think this is the end, there are always new beginnings.
