.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅

A rant blog

[dr1pp1ngr3d]

.𖥔 ݁ ˖ ✦ ‧₊˚ ⋅

—⊹₊⟡⋆ 𝐍𝐀𝐌𝐄 : Red

—⊹₊⟡⋆ 𝐏𝐑𝐍𝐒 : He / They

—⊹₊⟡⋆ 𝐈𝐍𝐅𝐎 : I’m a mentally ill college student. I struggle with emotional dysregulation and this blog is my outlet for it. Anything heavy or possibly triggering will be titled with a TW, and the main content will be hidden under a read-more. Feel free to send asks, but keep in mind that I might not reply to them. Ask before giving Advice, and please DM it to me.

BELOW IS A LIST OF THE NICKNAMES I USE FOR THE PEOPLE I TALK ABOUT ON THIS BLOG

G - Someone I know who goes to my college (They/he)

F - one of my best friends (They/them)

B - One of my most trusted friends. They know of this blog but they don’t follow it to give me privacy (They/them)

[dr1pp1ngr3d]

So… I broke up w my boyfriend

Honestly dk how I’m feeling. Thought I’d be more upset but I’m lowkey just… here. I guess I grew more distant from him than I thought

[dr1pp1ngr3d]

I’ve been trying to make this post for the past couple of days but I keep on falling asleep before I can…

Anyways I think I like one of my friends… Specifically F. We’ve been hanging out a lot lately and overall just becoming a lot closer than before and I lowk like it?..

Idk how to really go abt this because for the past few months I’ve been feeling really distant from my bf and now I’m not even sure if I like him anymore. I’m not good w this sort of thing at all so rn my current idea is to just block him on everything and hope for the best even though I know that’s a REALLYYY shitty idea…

[dr1pp1ngr3d]

VENT!!! TW

STPO FUCKING MESSAGING ME AND KUST KILL YOURESLF I DONT CARE STOP TRYING TO REACH OUT I AHTE YOU LEAVE ME ALONE WHY WONT YOU JSUT FUCING LEAVE ME ALONE

[dr1pp1ngr3d]

VENT!!! TW

I HOPE YOU FUCKING KILL YOURSELF I HATE YOU I FUCKING TRUSTED YOU TO TELL YOU WHAT WAS GOING ON IN MY LIFE AND YOU DIDNT EVEN GIVE A SHIT. FUVK UOU GENUNOGLY I HOPE YOU FUCKING SLIT YOUR WRISTS I HATE YOU SOMUCH.

[dr1pp1ngr3d]

VENT!!! TW

fuck all of you i dont fucking care you got my hopes up just to tell me “oh we wont be able to introduce you today” like wow ok everyone BUT me gets to participate how lovely. how FUCKING LOVELY. I put in SO MUCH WORK to get ready for this shitting thing just to miss out because the host wasn’t mindful of everyone’s timezones. MAYBE. IF THAT ONE ADMIN WAS SO IMPORTANT. YOU SHOULD’VE THOUGHT ABOUT HIS TIMEZONES WHEN PLANNING THIS. i dont even care anymore i fucking hate all of you i hope yo9u die burn in hell for all i care this is what you get for getting my fucking hopes up, getting me EXCITED to do something with other people that i havent been able to do in MONTHS, and then tell me “oh sorry haha everyone but you is gonna be able to participate mb” like genuinely FUCK YOU. FUCK ALL OF YOU. I FUCKING HTE YOU. AND DONT TELL ME IM BEING DRAMATIC. YOU DONT GET TO TELL ME HOW IM FEELING. THIS WAS REALLY IMPORTANT TO ME. SO YES, THIS WAS A ONCE IN A LIFETIME OPPORTUNITY. BECAUSE IM GOING TO FUCKING KILL MYSELF. AND ITS ALL YOUR FAULT

[dr1pp1ngr3d]

VENT!! TW

This is kinda different from my other posts but I just. need to talk abt it.

Today was such a good day. I have my first trial shift for a job I wanted really badly this weekend, everything’s going fine with my friends and bf. So I don’t understand why I feel like this.

What will it take to fill the emptiness I feel inside of me. What will it take to be normal. I’ll do anything please just make me normal. Take me away from here if you have to. Take my very soul. Just please. I want to feel normal for one. day.

I don’t really know how much longer I can deal with this. Every day just feels so fake. So manufactured. I want to be real.

I want to understand why people hate me. Stop trying to make me guess and fucking tell me before I genuinely blow my brains out because I am SO CLOSE. So close to just. leaving everything behind.

Ok I’ve been sat here like trying to figure out what more to write and I just feel like an idiot now :/

Might still do it idk the world will probably benefit from me being gone.

[dr1pp1ngr3d]

I think one of my friends hates me :/

I have this friend from college (G), and we were really strong not even a year ago - very inseparable, talking every day, things like that. Like we were the centre of our friendship group kind of close. But recently, i don’t know… they’ve been almost, like, avoiding me?

Instead of waiting for me to finish packing my stuff or to pay for what I want at the store they keep on doing their own thing, not telling me where they’re going, not hanging out when we used to anymore - like they just don’t want anything to do with me outside of session.

It started getting worse ever since they met someone else from our college (F). I didn’t really like them first but after meeting them for the first time F really grew on me and we quickly became quite close, since we share a lot of the same interests. This was when G’s behaviour towards me really started to escalate. They’ve been increasingly argumentative with me in our group chat, as well as just being really off to me in general. This isn’t like a mental health thing, because they’ve acted completely normal with our other friends, and they can’t have a crush on me, since they know i’m dating V.

I really don’t want to stop being friends with them but i genuinely can’t go on like this. The stress of not knowing what’s wrong or not knowing what to change about my own behaviour is really stressing me out. I’ve been finding it hard to eat and sleep because of it.

F thinks they’re just jealous over how close we’ve gotten, and one of my friends who I trust a lot (B) agrees that might be it. I just wish they’d tell me whats wrong.

I hate guessing.

[dr1pp1ngr3d]

teehee im giggling and blushing like a little school boy right now

I wrote a like, really long letter last night to my boyfriend telling him that I felt like he didn’t care about how I was feeling - for some context, we use apps like obimy and widgetable to communicate feelings and shit, and these apps are some of the only ways I can get my feelings across sometimes since I struggle a lot with communication, and V hadn’t been reacting to these notifications for a while. He’d never ask me what was wrong when I’d set my status to something negative, which made me feel even worse.

He wrote back and I’ve just gotten around to reading it and it’s so sweet - I won’t tell you what was said cause it’s very personal but it’s got me kicking my feet and giggling to myself

Speaking of letters, I have a physical one that he wrote and gave to me when we met up for the first time back in July (we’re long distance) that I still haven’t read… I don’t know if i’m ever gonna be ready to read it tbh

[dr1pp1ngr3d]

I love my boyfriend so much but sometimes I hate the fact that he has friends. Not in a “all your attention should go to me” kind of way, but mainly in a “why do you act like you favour them over me” kind of way.

Like, I KNOW he doesn’t - he’s told me over and over that I’m the only person that he loves, i’m all he wants, etc - and I believe him, trust me I do.

But sometimes I just can’t help but get insanely angry over some interactions that are just, entirely normal. Like, the whole reason I made this blog is because my boyfriend (who i will refer to as V) released some music a couple of weeks ago, and one of our mutual friends has it on their repeat playlist. Now, this is ok. I love the fact that people support his music. What I DON’T love is how this friend (M) said that MY boyfriend should’ve asked them to do the album art. MY. boyfriend. I am an artist, I WILL be the person he asks to do his album art if he ever needs it. NOT you. YOU back the fuck off my boyfriend, know your place. Your place isn’t to cozy up to him like that. That’s MY job. It will be MY job to draw his albums, MY job to be right next to him supporting his career - NOT YOU.

I also really, REALLY. dislike the fact that M acts like they knows my boyfriend better than me and is better for advice than I am. MY. boyfriend. MINE. I AM the one dating him. You don’t know SHIT.

I don’t want to seem like an overprotective or controlling boyfriend, though. I really do love V and I support everything he does, and even have to push him to do things sometimes, but I just wish people would understand when to stop. Compliments are fine, supporting him is fine, but I draw the line at trying to take MY place. He has expressed countless times that he wants ME. so BACK OFF.

Idk I might just be irrational or smth :/