Working an office job will truly make you have the wildest enemies, bc why is my nemesis rn a woman I’ve never met and who exclusively haunts me by sending diabolical emails, and also a specific guy who left my company before I even worked here and made the system so fuckass that it ruined procedures for like a year
let’s be real the pressure to use AI as an adult is exactly what they said the pressure the do drugs as a teenager would be like but the people that told us that caved immediately for the AI and definitely did not just say no
people foolishly dismiss desserts and treats as having no nutritional value when they actually are necessary for refilling your sanity stat. to prove my point please observe the emotional stability of the next person you meet who doesnt let themselves ever eat any form of dessert
Warning: unnecessary and incredibly pedantic post. This is my very own Mal's "eight months" comment in Serenity (2005) makes absolutely zero sense argument (something done to death already) so let's go!
I am basing everything on the navigational map developed by Shadowtek-Z because after looking at "Atlas of the 'Verse" and "Traveler's Companion to the 'Verse" and "The 'Verse in Numbers" it seems the most logical. Also: I think I'm being generous with estimates based on this map, but there's also no indication on where any planet is in their orbit at any given time, so these are loose interpretations.
Disclaimer 1: I have never plotted navigation for a space ship.
Disclaimer 2: The tag says I overthink and I'm delivering.
The pilot itself should take time. I don't think anyone changes clothes (how I usually count time in TV) and Shepherd says he's been out of the abbey two days, but if we give everything the map treatment then the trip from Persephone to Whitefall MUST take some time, right? Based on this map:
The distance is longer than that between Persephone and Jianying:
As I'll point out later, that travel time between Persephone and Jianying would take about three weeks, so the pilot, if actually given the time, would take probably a month in travel time alone or maybe two weeks if every planets' orbits lined up for maximum efficiency. As stated, the episode is all meant to take place in about one day (what a harrowing 24 hours, honestly), and the layout of the 'Verse probably wasn't established when the pilot was written. But if we want to overthink things (which I do), then we're already at maybe a compromise of three weeks of everyone being on the ship by the time Mal and Simon have their sentimental little chat about dying armed.
The gap between "Serenity" and "The Train Job" is like…at minimum a month, seeing as Kaylee is totally fine and rolling around under equipment after her emergency abdominal surgery. This would take her at least several months recovery in 2025 but they probably have some better drugs in 2516, but this is still very important to me. Pilot shooting script specifies "vid image of a laser sewing up a hole in her liver" and cursory googling says: "a more severe liver injury can take four to six months to heal. During this time, you should avoid certain high-impact activities such as: heavy lifting". I would classify rewiring an engine as high-impact activity.
Ezra (the planet where Niska's skyplex is in orbit) and Regina (where Paradiso the mining town is located) are indeed right next door to each other:
So I'm willing to believe that this episode took like a day or three.
We don't really seem to know where exactly they are in space in "Bushwhacked". However, Inara says she's "been on the ship 8 months now" in "The Train Job" and then says "in a few weeks it will be a year" she's been on Serenity in "Bushwhacked", which suggests a three-ish month gap between the two episodes.
We may as well assume they were already on their way back to Persephone during "Bushwhacked" with a stop at Santo, which is in the same system and on an orbit that suggests their travel from Santo to Persephone could have been mere hours if they timed it right (it seems like a "red-eye" flight based on the emphasis on Mal's comment about it being morning when they're landing).
Mal and the cattle buyer in "Safe" both have comments on how the cattle have been on Serenity "near a month" which gives us the travel time between "Shindig" and "Safe" (see above). This is a load bearing sentence for this entire post!
In the shooting script for Safe, Simon says he's been on Serenity "for more than two months". The fact that he says "for more than" means that could technically just be the minimum. I'm stuck on 1. the fact that I really do believe that Kaylee would need some significant time for recovery before returning to work as stated above and 2. the Inara 8 months and "near a year" math.
Zoe says that Badger is "getting impatient for his share" of the profit on the cattle, which suggests to me they have to fly BACK to Persephone in order to give him the physical coins. Add another three weeks to the timeline.
They're going from Triumph to Beaumonde in "Our Mrs. Reynolds" and Mal says that this is going to take 5 days:
FIVE DAYS????
Unless there's some sort of curve in the universe or they're fucking HAULING ASS this trip is taking two months but whatever. Sure. They're catching the 'Verse equivalent of the Gulf Stream and a bunch of orbits are matching up in a once in a millennia event and they're getting there in five days. Even if we consider the fact that this map is based on the words of multiple designers and semi-canon sources, Triumph is agricultural and clearly more culturally similar to Jianying, suggesting it's pretty far out on the Rim, while Beaumonde is consistently described as industrial and a trade center. I think it stands to reason they'd be pretty far apart.
Inara also has a question about them staying on Beaumonde "at least two weeks" which implies they occasionally dock on a planet and just stay there for a while! This should be taken into considerations because it's vital to the ship's business. They don't just dock, refuel, and leave. There are transactions to debate and friends to see and also shore leave to provide, I don't think Jayne (or Kaylee and Wash for that matter) would stay that long on a ship without the capacity for shore leave.
(Unclear where exactly Saffron took that shuttle but seeing as it's short range, this probably doesn't factor in much. It looks snowy though, and they do seem like they would pass St. Albans)
Beaumonde to Higgin's Moon (Jaynestown episode) also looks like a month long trip to me:
If they did not want me to think about this, they should not have suggested the trip from Persephone to Jianying took near a month. Sorry.
Wash's comment of their journey in "Out of Gas" taking "the better part of a week" also connects to the fact that sometimes they're taking their time on purpose while traveling! They're going to Greenleaf, which suggests that they're dawdling quite a bit on purpose:
Maybe they think someone recognized Simon? There's sort of no other reason to do this (also consider the idea that the warrant for his arrest was renewed around this time.)
Then all their shit gets fucked up but eventually they get to Ariel. I imagine they stop at Greenleaf for a big maintenance overhaul beforehand and are flying in the equivalent of "Windows Safe Mode" before "Ariel". This looks like a three week to month ish trip to me:
Ariel to Ezra (again, Niska's nearest planet, where they're selling the meds) ALSO looks like a month-ish trip:
BUT! Finally an actual timeline comment! Mal frantically tells us that his drunken wedding was "about half a year back" from "Trash". Unfortunately for Mal, I don't entirely take his words to heart because he strikes me as the sort of guy whose entire life is calculated in half year increments and whose measure of time is nebulous at best. Think "the other day" meaning anything from yesterday to ten years ago for him. But it's clear that it wasn't quite yet a year but it was still a significant amount of time. They also need to travel from Ezra to Bellerophon at least which is taking them another couple weeks.
The companion books place the space station bazaar in the Kalidasa system, but Wash says they can make it all the way to St. Alban's in the Red Sun System in two days. Whatever. Anyway they would have to get from Bellerophon to St. Alban's which takes at least a week:
And then after "The Message" we head over to Nandi on Deadwood OR on Perth. The wiki says she's on Deadwood (which they don't provide a source for whatsoever) while the Traveler's Companion to the 'Verse puts her on Perth, a moon of Highgate. These planets are in the same system and on a pretty similar orbit. Either looks like another pretty long haul flight from St. Albans:
In my opinion, considering literally everything about what I've just said: the 14 episodes of Firefly (2002) take anywhere from a very tight 9 months up to a year and a half.
And on top of that...
We have to account for the set up to the film, i.e. Inara and Book leaving. It seems like they're maybe right next to New Melbourne in "Objects in Space" considering Inara is trying to leave as fast as possible despite Mal telling her there's nothing but "fish and fish related activities" there. After Inara is dropped off (we'll say she did in fact stay on New Melbourne--I have no idea where her training house is, but deleted scenes tell us it's a newer training house on the Rim, rather than House Madrassa back on Sihnon), we also have to drop off Shepherd on Haven. This looks like it would take a month of travel, but there's also the addition of them running enough jobs to lead to whatever made him want to leave long term (see, Dark Horse Comics "Those Left Behind").
Then Shepherd has to be on Haven for long enough to establish a congregation, be respected, and the crew has clearly stopped by often enough to be welcomed back with hugs and being dapped up. How long would you consider this? I think Shepherd is very friendly/charismatic and there might have been a few good jobs in the area, so I'll give them three months.
So…to conclude...there's sort of no way that from the moment River pops out of the cryobox to the moment Mal manhandles Simon onto the galley table is just 8 months.
HOWEVER.
Something potentially interesting: according to the Serenity magazine, it looks like Nathan Fillion may have been under the impression that Mal's "8 months" comment meant "8 months since Objects in Space".
So something like a "we already had this big discussion about your sister and you had the opportunity then to tell us about this danger and code word 8 months ago when that guy came onto our ship and we all had our big discussion about your sister's abilities" rather than "you've physically been on this ship for a total of 8 months".
That checks out to me! 8 months does sound like enough time to run some jobs, leave Inara somewhere, run some more jobs, leave the Shepherd somewhere, run some disappointing jobs, become bitter, have fights, and eventually get to the point where Mal and Simon are bitching pettily at each other in the film's big sweeping no-cut scene.
Conclusion: this sounds hectic as all get out. I'm glad I don't work on a pirate/smuggler/merchant marine ship with a bunch of people I equally hate and love.
the average person with bad taste can be into some extremely banal garbage but when you get close enough to someone with otherwise good taste that they start a recommendation by going off on a preamble about how they don't necessarily recommend it you know you're seconds away from hearing about some real torturously wretched dogshit
friend from work will have you watch a two hour movie where you can feel every second as it passes by, but enemployed movie mutual will put you on the kind of shit that feels like crawling on cobblestone until emaciated
people are reading this as the latter friend recommending dry, pretentious cinema. that's not the case. not that kind of situation. you're getting no enrichment out of this. I need you to understand they're making you watch Gooby because "it's kinda good"
Not to insert myself here but as someone who owns Ghost Rider 1 and 2 on DVD I do actually need everyone to watch it right now because in the second one a kid asks Nick Cage as Ghost Rider how he pees and Nick Cage says “it’s like a flamethrower” and then they hard cut to a CGI skeleton in full black moto leather pissing a jet of fire and then it does a shoulder check at the camera and nods like “hell yeah brother”
I can't find the post but there's this one post that's like "aging is less than 1% as terrifying as whatever the fuck is going on with people desperately trying not to age"
That but with weight.
Getting or being fat is less than 1% as terrifying as whatever the fuck is going on with people desperately trying to not be fat.
Someone, somewhere is discovering me without my knowledge. Whether behind a screen or in line at the convenience store, I yearn to close the gap between your one-sided intimacies with me. To know you in the same ways I have bared myself to you. Find in you what you have found in me. I suppose in creating and displaying your creations, or going out in public in front of strangers, you are constantly exposing yourself to curiosity that you will never be able to return.
The thing that pisses me off about bad period movie adaptations is when they go for a realist tone but don't care about what real people wore or thought. Like the tone is realist, the acting is realist, the colour palette is realist, and the clothes are things that real people at some point in time have worn. But they aren't accurate to the period, and it's just like. That's not a realistic depiction of the period or the people in it. So what's the point in being realist???
Incidentally, this is why I don't care that the recent Wuthering heights wasn't realistic period dress or society etc. It was blatantly symbolic (and Symbolic!) and wasn't trying for realism or period accuracy, so I don't criticise it for period inaccuracy. Like, who walks across the moors in a massive tulle gown in real life? No one ever, and that's the point. It's obviously performance, and that's what its going for. My criticisms are based on other criteria.
But this new adaptation of S&S seems realist - the colour palette and grading, the costumes and hair that aren't accurate but look like something real people at some point in time have worn, the characters that read like real(ish) modern women... It's trying to read as realist without being realistic and just. What's the point in setting it in the past then?? Why adapt Sense and Sensibility, a realistic realist novel, into an unrealistic realist movie?
I'm just so tired of earth tones being "realist." People wore bright clothes! The past wasn't drab, honestly it might have been brighter than now given our whole obsession with beige minimalism.
But no, it's not realistic unless it's BROWN and BORING
This is just modern minimalism imposed on the past. Just make a modern.
An ableism that sometimes really pops out of people is allergies (+including gluten free either due to intolerance or esp celiac). Like people can be pro disability advocacy but then be like ew people are cringe allergic to stuff and make.it up for attention and are weird because of it and im.like hey man what
I think at bare minimum all medical professionals need to make sure they are treating patients with more kindness and respect than grifters. if you go to a doctor and they treat you like shit, humiliate you, and send you home without any information on your body or access to treatment, then health-grifters' offers will start to feel more tempting by simply giving the most basic performance of taking you seriously and caring about your well-being. grifters should be condemned for manipulating and exploiting sick people, and doctors also play a role in whether grifts thrive or are successfully identified and rejected. genuine baseline human respect, and beginning a relationship with a patient by earning (rather than demanding) trust, goes a long way.
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