My mom was a severe alcoholic, I grew up with abuse and mental abuse due to her alcoholism, she may have had the disease, but I paid the price for it. There are scars that cuts deeper than others. When you're a kid, that's just what you should be. you should not be worrying about, being an adult before your time. There were many nights,weeks,n months I sat at home wondering if my mother was going to walk back through are door.
I remember doing things I wasn't proud of just to keep food in the house. The bills, wasn't much I could do at 13. When your 13 you can't just pay the rent, lights etc... Nor the phone bills, yes back then we had landlines, not that she could be reached anyway. When people ask me how my childhood was, well how sad is it to say ... I have no clue how to even respond to this question. I never got to do all the things kids did, I was too busy busting my ass to survive.
When my mom would leave for her week binges, I would search the house for all her bottles. I would find 5th pints shots in the random places. I'm not sure how much of you would know what a vcr is, but if you don't your probably too young to even read this. Anyways back to the point, I would find shot shot bottles inside of the vcr, pints in the air vents 5th inside the closet at the bottom of her hamper.
Oh boy would I pay the price for this, but i would pour all of e'm out and line e'm up on the kitchen island. Just making sure she knew I found them. I wish I could say I stopped there, but I didn't. She also had an alcohol cabinet that she would lock up when she wasn't home. Of course, again at the age of 13 I already knew how to pick certain locks, ya sad isn't it? So, I went and grabbed 2 bobby pins. Popped open the lock, grabbed her vodka and jack Daniel's bottle, poured them down the kitchen sink drain, and filled them back up with water. Then i put them exactly where I found them. Smart you ask? nope.
My reasoning for doing this you ask. When my mom was drunk which was from the time she woke up till she went to sleep. she was the most abusive. I suffered from broken bones to wondering if this is it. Is this going to be the last time i ever wake up? a little scary for a pre-teen huh? it gets a lot deeper than this.
I would sleep with a knife under my pillow, because she would get so belligerent drunk and come in my room trying to strangle and smother me with a pillow, shouting how I have ruined her life. She would constantly remind me that the only reason she kept my retarded ass around (her words not mine) was because she got a check for me.
we will continue more tomorrow, but the morality of this, is that she can't take my peace anymore. all that pain and hatred she had. showed me that i never wanted to grow up and be like her!
