um ok so i know ryan's scar isn't on the ear with the earring but let's pretend it is for aesthetic/dramatic purposes (i really love the earring and wanted to include it)
as usual, there's the time-lapse and some rambling below the cut:
drawing time: 7h
canvas stats:
song reference for the time-lapse:
i really wanted to find a frank ocean song for hunter, and i think seigfried is closely related to how i see him
in germanic/norse mythology there's a hero named siegfried (sigurd in swedish) who bathed in dragon's blood which rendered his skin invulnerable, except for a single spot between his shoulder blades where a falling linden leaf landed. that hidden weakness becomes the point through which he can eventually be killed
in frank ocean’s seigfried he presents himself as someone who may appear untouchable from the outside, while still carrying a concealed vulnerability. the song is about alienation, queer identity/his bisexuality, masculinity, and the pressure to conform. frank considers the socially approved future, a house, a swimming pool, a family, while recognising that choosing it could mean living inside an idea created by other people rather than a life that feels like his own
hunter likely has friends, status, and an established place in bandi as the pastor’s son, but none of those things give him real belonging. that life only has room for the version of hunter that he performs. anything outside that role has to remain hidden, like siegfried’s single vulnerable spot
the repeated admission in the song that he's not brave feels significant. hunter is physically reckless and violent, but recklessness is not the same thing as bravery. he can fight, provoke/bully people, smoke, and yet he cannot openly confront what he wants
seigfried contains the possibility of recognising that the prescribed life is not truly yours and walking away from it. hunter never reaches that recognition in a way that frees him. he senses that the role he has been given is unbearable, but instead of escaping it, he turns the conflict inward. his shame becomes aggression, self-destruction, and punishment
the song shares some lines with elliott smith’s a fond farewell (i added the lyrics to both songs below). the friend in that song can be interpreted as not as a literal person, but as smith’s addicted self, or even the drugs themselves. the title suggests tenderness as well as finality. he's not condemning his former self; he is saying goodbye to a version of himself that once served a purpose, even if it was slowly killing him
a fond farewell contains the desire to separate the self from the destruction: as in this is happening to me, but this is not all that i am. hunter never reaches that distinction. he does not manage to say goodbye to the version of himself built from shame and punishment because he has never been shown that version is worthy of love
i’m not sure hunter ever fully understood that the entity was an entity. he dies still trapped inside the belief that his shame, violence, desire, and self-destruction are simply what he is. but a lot of people do not manage to pull themselves out of destructive patterns, addiction, or family situations/relationships even when they understand what is happening. and doing so without any support is harder still
these are the lyrics for seigfreid and a fond farewell:
I have to talk about this, but the way some people, mainly on Twitter, demonize Hunter too much. Yes, he's a jerk and doesn't justify the shitty behavior with that poor girl in the school scene (and naim. If in the scene that was removed from the movie does it still count as canon?) but many treat him like he's the worst character ever. The point of Hunter's character is his tragedy that homophobia kills people. He never accepted himself and that isolation he felt after being outed.
Put yourself in his shoes for a moment: his father was a pastor of the Church and his entire life he was under pressure from his parents to be that model of a good "Christian." Logically, being gay always had that internal battle between being himself and what his parents expected of him.
This is demonstrated in his internalized homophobia, as he chooses to deny everything and be in a constant state of denial of who he really is.
and the only way I can be with another man is through violence as a form of punishment.
When the movie came out and I saw the spoilers and the way people talked about Hunter they made me think he was the worst person possible. Imagine my surprise when I saw the movie and the boy has like 5 minutes on the screen. I just felt bad about his death.
As a gay man, I myself relate a lot to his internalized homophobia, I can't understand how people make fun of his death, even Naim had more empathy for him than some people.
I don't understand how people hate him so much, his whole life until the end was a tragedy. and people make fun of a death caused by homophobia.
Hunter deserved better, but that's the point of his character that homophobia kills.
Luckily Naim and Ryan have each other. If they hadn't, I would end up as a hunter.
What horrified me most was seeing people from my own community mocking his death.
He died thinking that no one loved him, he really died thinking that the real Ryan killed him.
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
vaporwave
areudirty
dailybridgerton
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turnnoffyourmind
prguitarman
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