INTJ-T Ā· enneagram 6w5 demisexual Ā· she/her Ā· 20 my dms and asks are open, you can be anonymous. I also take art reqs/inspo! no guarantee i'll draw it, but if you ask nicely i'll get catastrophically weak in the knees so your chances are pretty good
i love getting asks and random inspo, so please feel free to send literally anything. my inbox has no filter. anonymous asks are very welcome too. i will answer pretty much anything under the sun, so donāt be shy! š«µ
art tips and the brushes i use
how do you get that paper texture in your art?
how do you draw without sketching first?
about my tritanopia
š¶šš šš šššš šš?
Youāll probably get a pretty clear idea of how insane I am from all this, and also that I live with my headphones basically welded to my skull.
(i also love youtube essays about internet history and conspiracy theories. if i'm drawing, there's a 90% chance a documentary voiced by david attenborough or a podcast is talking in the background. (still don't know how my dad watched me replay the same emperor penguin dvd several times a week as a kid and thought "yep, this child does not even have a sprinkle of autism")
yes i think i'm hilarious. i also cry constantly. like all the time. it's almost impressive. i have eczema and once cried so hard that i got rashes in the corners of my eyes lol.
if you read this far, i just want to tell you that i yearn for us to become mutuals ā¤ļø :)
would you ever make some willoughby tucker x ryan š i just can't stop seing him as willoughby, and your art is truly beautiful and heart wrenching ā”
ahhh! i donāt really listen to ethel cain, so my knowledge of willoughby is unfortunately very surface-level at best š i do know some of the songs and bits of the general lore, though, and i can absolutely see the vision. iād definitely be open to looking into it and drawing something once i do some research for what might work!
my friend just sent me this pic of baby gus from 4 years ago and i am sobbing asfafsgdgwag look at his little face
this dude ate a pair of panties as a puppy and had to puke them up at the vet. he also vacuumed up old cigarette butts from the sidewalk with his mouth, and peed on every carpet in the house exactly once and then never again. he had to mark his territory and then he was done
just added night and light mode to my custom blog theme!
if you're on desktop check it out: link
it sadly doesn't work on mobile because it's a tumblr domain. i know how to code in react and could technically build my own site pretty quickly, but idk if i should? i like the idea, but i already post here so idk if it would make sense to "double post" my art. maybe it's more useful to make in instagram account or something, but i'm scared of the people that comment on instagram reels/posts. they can be SO mean sometimes
as usual, there's the time-lapse and some rambling below the cut:
drawing time: 7h
canvas stats:
song reference for the time-lapse:
i really wanted to find a frank ocean song for hunter, and i think seigfried is closely related to how i see him?
in germanic/norse mythology there's a hero named siegfried (sigurd in swedish) who bathed in dragon's blood which rendered his skin invulnerable, except for a single spot between his shoulder blades where a falling linden leaf landed. that hidden weakness becomes the point through which he can eventually be killed
in frank oceanās seigfried he presents himself as someone who may appear untouchable from the outside, while still carrying a concealed vulnerability. the song is about alienation, queer identity/his bisexuality, masculinity, and the pressure to conform. frank considers the socially approved future, a house, a swimming pool, a family, while recognising that choosing it could mean living inside an idea created by other people rather than a life that feels like his own
hunter likely has friends, status, and an established place in bandi as the pastorās son, but none of those things give him real belonging. that life only has room for the version of hunter that he performs. anything outside that role has to remain hidden, like siegfriedās single vulnerable spot
the repeated admission in the song that he's not brave feels significant. hunter is physically reckless and violent, but recklessness is not the same thing as bravery. he can fight, provoke/bully people, smoke, and yet he cannot openly confront what he wants
seigfried contains the possibility of recognising that the prescribed life is not truly yours and walking away from it. hunter never reaches that recognition in a way that frees him. he senses that the role he has been given is unbearable, but instead of escaping it, he turns the conflict inward. his shame becomes aggression, self-destruction, and punishment
the song shares some lines with elliott smithās a fond farewell (i added the lyrics to both songs below). the friend in that song can be interpreted as not as a literal person, but as smithās addicted self, or even the drugs themselves. the title suggests tenderness as well as finality. he's not condemning his former self; he is saying goodbye to a version of himself that once served a purpose, even if it was slowly killing him
a fond farewell contains the desire to separate the self from the destruction: this is happening to me, but this is not all that i am. hunter never reaches that distinction. he does not manage to say goodbye to the version of himself built from shame and punishment because he has never been shown that version is worthy of love
iām not sure hunter ever fully understood that the entity was an entity. he dies still trapped inside the belief that his shame, violence, desire, and self-destruction are simply what he is. but a lot of people do not manage to pull themselves out of destructive patterns, addiction, or family situations/relationships even when they understand what is happening. and doing so without any support is harder still
these are the lyrics for seigfreid and a fond farewell:
oh my god your brain.. genuinely wow. ugh this is so beautiful.. hunter my boy :(
also, i think adding the snake ring was a cool touch, since hunter died before most of ryanās and naimās relationship played out, and hunter probably (?) never saw naim with the ring
aw! thank you so so so much <33 :*
i did some digging and they spoke about when the ring switched hands in this tiktok:
i also think there might be some symbolism in the fact that, at the time hunter died, the ring still hadnāt switched hands?
iām also not completely sure i would describe the dynamic as a true love triangle. for ryan, i think naim and hunter represent two sides of himself. hunter is tied to the repression, violence, shame, and the version of masculinity ryan has learned to perform. naim, meanwhile, represents the possibility of tenderness, even though ryan is scared/unsure of what that would mean
so the ring changing hands could symbolise a shift in what desire itself means to ryan. while it remains on the original hand, he is still trapped in the dynamic hunter embodied: desire converted into aggression because neither of them had the language or safety to recognise it as anything else. when it switches, it becomes associated with ryan beginning to reach for intimacy/daring to be vulnerable
maybe that is why calling it a love triangle feels slightly wrong to me? hunter is not simply another romantic option competing with naim. he is almost a mirror of the person ryan might remain if he never learns to separate his desire from punishment
okay anyway no this definitely makes sense! the ring switching hands after the hospital also works with the bus scene being the first time ryan gets to have an uninterrupted honest moment of intimacy and closeness with naim, right? before that theyāve been rougher with each other, but now theyāre (literally) out in the open with it
also iām so tired of people reducing movies with queer people (iāve mostly seen it with queer men? for some reason gay sex is hilarious) down to one sex scene. leviticus and the bus scene, but also brokeback mountain gets reduced to the (only!!!) sex scene between jack and ennis, and heated rivalry, which honestly has the same amount of sex as whichever hetero show. anyway
lol yes, i love that joe clapped back like "why you gotta be a cheater bro?"
you put it so well!! sex sells and those scenes are going to get attention. but omfg i couldn't agree more about how tiring it is that people treat intimacy between queer characters as inherently shocking, funny, or somehow more explicit than hetero sex
call me by your name is about a peach, moonlight is about a beach, and black swan gets reduced to nina and lily in the bedroom. which is a shame because people barely engage with what the scene, or the film as a whole, is really trying to communicate
as usual, there's the time-lapse and some rambling below the cut:
drawing time: 7h
canvas stats:
song reference for the time-lapse:
i really wanted to find a frank ocean song for hunter, and i think seigfried is closely related to how i see him?
in germanic/norse mythology there's a hero named siegfried (sigurd in swedish) who bathed in dragon's blood which rendered his skin invulnerable, except for a single spot between his shoulder blades where a falling linden leaf landed. that hidden weakness becomes the point through which he can eventually be killed
in frank oceanās seigfried he presents himself as someone who may appear untouchable from the outside, while still carrying a concealed vulnerability. the song is about alienation, queer identity/his bisexuality, masculinity, and the pressure to conform. frank considers the socially approved future, a house, a swimming pool, a family, while recognising that choosing it could mean living inside an idea created by other people rather than a life that feels like his own
hunter likely has friends, status, and an established place in bandi as the pastorās son, but none of those things give him real belonging. that life only has room for the version of hunter that he performs. anything outside that role has to remain hidden, like siegfriedās single vulnerable spot
the repeated admission in the song that he's not brave feels significant. hunter is physically reckless and violent, but recklessness is not the same thing as bravery. he can fight, provoke/bully people, smoke, and yet he cannot openly confront what he wants
seigfried contains the possibility of recognising that the prescribed life is not truly yours and walking away from it. hunter never reaches that recognition in a way that frees him. he senses that the role he has been given is unbearable, but instead of escaping it, he turns the conflict inward. his shame becomes aggression, self-destruction, and punishment
the song shares some lines with elliott smithās a fond farewell (i added the lyrics to both songs below). the friend in that song can be interpreted as not as a literal person, but as smithās addicted self, or even the drugs themselves. the title suggests tenderness as well as finality. he's not condemning his former self; he is saying goodbye to a version of himself that once served a purpose, even if it was slowly killing him
a fond farewell contains the desire to separate the self from the destruction: this is happening to me, but this is not all that i am. hunter never reaches that distinction. he does not manage to say goodbye to the version of himself built from shame and punishment because he has never been shown that version is worthy of love
iām not sure hunter ever fully understood that the entity was an entity. he dies still trapped inside the belief that his shame, violence, desire, and self-destruction are simply what he is. but a lot of people do not manage to pull themselves out of destructive patterns, addiction, or family situations/relationships even when they understand what is happening. and doing so without any support is harder still
these are the lyrics for seigfreid and a fond farewell:
oh my god your brain.. genuinely wow. ugh this is so beautiful.. hunter my boy :(
also, i think adding the snake ring was a cool touch, since hunter died before most of ryanās and naimās relationship played out, and hunter probably (?) never saw naim with the ring
aw! thank you so so so much <33 :*
i did some digging and they spoke about when the ring switched hands in this tiktok:
i also think there might be some symbolism in the fact that, at the time hunter died, the ring still hadnāt switched hands?
iām also not completely sure i would describe the dynamic as a true love triangle. for ryan, i think naim and hunter represent two sides of himself. hunter is tied to the repression, violence, shame, and the version of masculinity ryan has learned to perform. naim, meanwhile, represents the possibility of tenderness, even though ryan is scared/unsure of what that would mean
so the ring changing hands could symbolise a shift in what desire itself means to ryan. while it remains on the original hand, he is still trapped in the dynamic hunter embodied: desire converted into aggression because neither of them had the language or safety to recognise it as anything else. when it switches, it becomes associated with ryan beginning to reach for intimacy/daring to be vulnerable
maybe that is why calling it a love triangle feels slightly wrong to me? hunter is not simply another romantic option competing with naim. he is almost a mirror of the person ryan might remain if he never learns to separate his desire from punishment
i just dislocated my left shoulder, and i'm currently walking around the house like a shrimp with my arm in a sling. so i drew this with my right hand, which somehow worked out ok? it probably helped that i can cut paper with my non dominant hand because there were never any left-handed scissors when i was a kid. for some reason i still cut my own hair with my right hand even though i do own left handed scissors lol
as usual, there's the time-lapse and some rambling below the cut:
drawing time: 7h
canvas stats:
song reference for the time-lapse:
i really wanted to find a frank ocean song for hunter, and i think seigfried is closely related to how i see him
in germanic/norse mythology there's a hero named siegfried (sigurd in swedish) who bathed in dragon's blood which rendered his skin invulnerable, except for a single spot between his shoulder blades where a falling linden leaf landed. that hidden weakness becomes the point through which he can eventually be killed
in frank oceanās seigfried he presents himself as someone who may appear untouchable from the outside, while still carrying a concealed vulnerability. the song is about alienation, queer identity/his bisexuality, masculinity, and the pressure to conform. frank considers the socially approved future, a house, a swimming pool, a family, while recognising that choosing it could mean living inside an idea created by other people rather than a life that feels like his own
hunter likely has friends, status, and an established place in bandi as the pastorās son, but none of those things give him real belonging. that life only has room for the version of hunter that he performs. anything outside that role has to remain hidden, like siegfriedās single vulnerable spot
the repeated admission in the song that he's not brave feels significant. hunter is physically reckless and violent, but recklessness is not the same thing as bravery. he can fight, provoke/bully people, smoke, and yet he cannot openly confront what he wants
seigfried contains the possibility of recognising that the prescribed life is not truly yours and walking away from it. hunter never reaches that recognition in a way that frees him. he senses that the role he has been given is unbearable, but instead of escaping it, he turns the conflict inward. his shame becomes aggression, self-destruction, and punishment
the song shares some lines with elliott smithās a fond farewell (i added the lyrics to both songs below). the friend in that song can be interpreted as not as a literal person, but as smithās addicted self, or even the drugs themselves. the title suggests tenderness as well as finality. he's not condemning his former self; he is saying goodbye to a version of himself that once served a purpose, even if it was slowly killing him
a fond farewell contains the desire to separate the self from the destruction: as in this is happening to me, but this is not all that i am. hunter never reaches that distinction. he does not manage to say goodbye to the version of himself built from shame and punishment because he has never been shown that version is worthy of love
iām not sure hunter ever fully understood that the entity was an entity. he dies still trapped inside the belief that his shame, violence, desire, and self-destruction are simply what he is. but a lot of people do not manage to pull themselves out of destructive patterns, addiction, or family situations/relationships even when they understand what is happening. and doing so without any support is harder still
these are the lyrics for seigfreid and a fond farewell:
everyone reblog this and tag it with the piece of media that you consumed when you were too young to handle it and it scarred you, iāll start, mine was the things they carried
my mom passed away from breast cancer around the same time i watched this as a child. and seeing the mother emperor penguins leave their partners huddled with the eggs while they made the long journey to the sea for food did me no favours
some of the mothers never came back :( some were too exhausted to survive the journey, while others were taken by leopard seals or orcas while hunting for fish at sea. some chicks starved when their mothers never returned, while others froze to death in the cold
the reason the film crew didn't step in is that they were meant to document natural behaviour, and also that it's "the course of nature" that some just don't make it. but personally, if i saw a giant petrels bird swooping down to eat a baby penguin, i would immediately disregard the sanctity of nature. i am flailing my arms and fighting the damn bird
i've been going at it for like 3h. please ignore the black blob on the right eye it's hopefully gonna become a black eye (i'm drawing with my right hand and it is kicking my butt oml)
do you think i should add the snake ring or not to entity ryan's hand?
ā¼ļø leviticus spoilers: i was contemplating not adding it because ryan gives it to naim, and not to hunter. entity ryan also kills hunter, so the snake not being there might make sense? but i could also add it because i think he gives naim the ring after hunters death. i think naim gets it after the bus scene/hospital? and it's also a very pretty ring. what do you think i should do? šļøšļø
