(Bingqiu) how fast the night changes
happy pride let sqq be bold on main!
occasionally subtle

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YOU ARE THE REASON

祝日 / Permanent Vacation
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@dragonsandphoenix
(Bingqiu) how fast the night changes
happy pride let sqq be bold on main!
Coming on here to say: Why does no one here know or talk about Qing Gu 情蛊, "Love Poison" by He Yu 荷煜 because I just discovered it last night from scrolling through MaoEr and I'M OBSESSED (just like the ML with the MC 😭)
In short, it's a yandere danmei, with a vibe similar to Midsommar. But instead of a cult in Sweden, we have a reclusive Miao clan in the mountains. The MC and his friends are here for a uni research project, and the ML falls in love at first sight with the MC. When they leave, their truck "accidentally" broke down and they had to stay with the ML, who also happen to be the leader of their hideaway village.
The Miao people have been historically thought to know how to cast "gu", which is sort of like poison magic, using natural toxins from insects and plants. It's been said that some Miao women are exceptional at casting gu, and will entrap men they fancy in "love poison." That's the setting we're walking into and it is DELICIOUS!!
I love TGCF and it's one of my favourite stories, but I have a huge thing for very toxic, dark, obsessive romances — most of the time, they're queer. (My favourite show is NBC Hannibal (.❛ ᴗ ❛.)) Usually, I gravitate towards psychological horror, body horror, gore — but still with a happy ending. So this story is right up my alley, even though I'm only on episode four. The production of the audiodrama is also top notch!! The art is beautiful and the songs will entrap you like gu.
I'm considering this for a future translation project because NO ONE TALKS ABOUT IT 💔
Anyways, just came on to yell about it for a bit. I wonder if anyone here is also into the same stuff I am hehe
a guy so horrible his own gu king HATES his guts
aka shen jianqing, my (nu)gu king
regular Shen Qiao vs. Shen Qiao whenever Yan Wushi opens his mouth 🫥
@matcha-matics I went a little crazy w your prompt
The thought that started it all was “what kind of nightmare would even shake Shen Qiao anyways” and then we got this 👍
The Price of Redemption: Penance, Pity, and the Ethics of the "Crematorium" Romance
(A Short case Study using The Husky and His White Cat Shizun (2HA)
Disclaimer : I Am not bashing The Husky and His White Cat Shizun (2HA) Novels, merely using it to explore a Danmei Trope, I actually enjoy the novels
So whenever I browse XHS, occasionally I come across posts of CN jiejies cheekily comparing To My Shore/Four Faced Buddha to Shui Qian Cheng's 188 series. This makes sense, TMS does read like a distilled version of the 188 novels. I don't mind these comparisons, because they're true and also TMS manages to carve out its own identity, but I can't help wonder if that's why I probably won't be as attached to it as some of my favourite 188 novels.
The 188 series has managed to produce some of my favourite characters in BL ever, one of them being Li Shuo from Winner Takes All. Li Shuo as a character is basically if You Shulang was more well adjusted, had basically no trauma and no internalised homophobia because Li Shuo grew up in the US with a wealthy family. In my opinion, his relationship with his scum gong has the most parallels to Fan Xiao/You Shulang, though funnily enough Zhao Jinxin does call Li Shuo "Uncle" which Fan Xiao sneers at when hearing Lu Zhen say it so I wonder if that was a slight jab haha.
Anyway, the reason why I like Winner Takes All more may be due to bias. I read it first after all. But I also think it's because I bought the wife chasing crematorium arc more there than in TMS. I've not read all of Four Faced Buddha, but in the drama, the pacing does start to get rushed towards the end, and I found that the show's focus started to feel all over the place. What I liked about Winner Takes All is that the story never shifts its focus away from the main couple. It does introduce possible love rivals for Jinxin to get jealous over, but I feel like a) they were more evenly distributed throughout the novel, b) Li Shuo is openly gay, so it makes more sense to me he'd have more exes/suitors who'd approach him and c) they added to Jinxin's arc. His main character flaw is that he was a rake who never took his relationship with Li Shuo seriously (even though he was already in love with him) until it was too late, and this was his "punishment".
And I guess that's part of my disconnect with TMS to some extent. Because it feels so derivative of the 188 series, whether intentionally or not, some of these puzzle pieces don't connect: Fan Xiao is if you combined disparate elements of Shao Qun, Luo Yi and Zhao Jinxin. Shao Qun and Zhao Jinxin were playboys, so part of their chase was dealing with other suitors coveting their shou as punishment. In contrast, Luo Yi was a virgin before getting together with his shou, so the novel only gave him one love rival who obstructed him in more ways that just romantically. You see what I mean? While Fan Xiao is his own character overall, some of the writing decisions TMS's author makes seem like they were made because well, they worked in other novels so let's add them here.
All men do is lie
TO MY SHORE (2025) EPISODE 7 // EPISODE 15
Experimenting with a random color in the previous palette.
I think I fail abit here.
I'll admit that the second half of To My Shore isn't as strong as the first half. But man, that build up to episode 8. It made me feel things I've never felt. I wouldn't mind rewatching those 8 eps over and over again.
You were born to be under a man. No one is sluttier than you.
I have been trying to analyze why I fucking love this show in particular.
I do think Xaoi Fan is a more realistic depiction of an abuser. There is further examination of why he is still likable to me when I’ve hated other love interests who have done far less. I mean ignoring the ending where he does shift his behavior drastically.
But also the show calls it out so clearly.
In another universe/show Fan Xiao’s gesture would be seen as romantic. Look how in love he is and how much effort he is putting in to win Shulang back. I feel myself getting pulled in when Fan gave the speech in the trauma box. After episode 14 I said I can't believe I'm rooting for him?
Shulang sees right through it. How could you insult me like this? What have I done to you. And it is an insult to take away one's autonomy and removing someone’s choice.
But for me the fantasy fulfillment is Shulang. Him seeing right through things and saying all the things one would want to say to someone that has hurt you. How could you do this to me when I have loved you so sincerely?
He is the perfect victim. He is so smart. He catches on and doesn’t let himself be tricked for long. Despite his feelings, once he knows something he acts on it and then ruthlessly cuts things off. No second guessing that this is the right choice.
He does not make choices that lead to pity or derision. He is admired for his strength and ability to continue to fight.
When he gives in it’s also for admiral reasons to protect someone else. He still loves Fan Xaio but it does not give in to it. He lets rational make his choices and sticks with his principles regarding himself and others.
For me that is probably the ultimate fantasy. Something like this happening to a “good” person that has made all the right choices. There is nothing he could have done. Shulang does everything right and still looses. His actions did not determine the outcome.
I probably don’t need to spell out the ways in which this might be comforting. One can’t smart or right themselves out of certain situations. The unavoidable nature of pain and suffering. The unavoidable nature of hurting each other.
The other aspect of this the way we hurt our partners and are hurt in relationships that are/are perceived as unforgivable and being able to get past them because this is a part of long term relationships.
Being in relationship is having to confront the self and having to work through your traumas. Because otherwise yep you guessed it you will hurt your partners. Whether through self directed punishment or lashing out at them.
There is tragedy in Shulang connecting on their shared trauma that they have and then Fan Xiao being the one that traumatized him again.
There is something there in the regards to the show not pulling its punches that lends itself to being able to explore these themes.
Only one episode left. I'm going to miss this show
I think the thing I genuinely love about to my shore is that the love was so there. like the love was undeniably so there. it didn’t save anything. it didn’t fix anything. for the most part it made it worse. but by god it was glorious and bright and so so there.
To My Shore and Making Sense of Trauma
I'm thinking about To My Shore again, and the traumas it gives voice to, and how perfectly complementary the main characters are.
Warning: Long winded essay below:
TO MY SHORE EP 13: NOT ME FORGIVING FAN XIAO IN ONE (1) EPISODE LOL
I have zero backbone. None. I’m spiritually weak. I might be colorblind and I’m morally compromised. HOW did I fold this fast?
Because tell me why ONE (1) episode was enough for me to go from “lock this man up forever” to “oh no… he looks sad 🥺”.
I knew, intellectually, that the “optimisation project” was Fan Xiao’s way of trying to pull Shulang out of the abyss - obviously dressed up as manipulation, control, and emotional terrorism, because of course that’s how Fan Xiao operates. But even so… I could already feel the redemption arc creeping in.
And then he just… gives everything back: Shulang’s career. His purpose. His connection to medicine. That sweet little kid to fulfill his life. And finally - his freedom.
Here’s the thing: I’m not over what Fan Xiao did. Not really. He put Shulang through hell simply because Shulang was good - genuinely kind, principled, steady. Everything Fan Xiao has never been and never believed could exist. And that’s exactly why he tried to break him.
Fan Xiao is deeply, catastrophically broken. He doesn’t know how to build - only how to ruin, control, and drag others down to the depth he lives in. Until Shulang.
Until this annoyingly kind, impossibly strong, painfully rational man walked into his life and became his anchor. His moral compass. His safe place. His proof that something pure could exist without being fake.
Fan Xiao loved him and hated him in equal measure. He wanted to possess him, destroy him, and be saved by him all at once. And when he finally understood that keeping Shulang meant killing him - slowly, completely - he did the one truly selfless thing he’s ever done.
He let him go.
And he didn’t just let him go quietly - he burned his own world down in the process. Took his own family with him. Stripped himself of power, control, status. Reduced himself to nothing.
And THEN - as if that wasn’t enough emotional violence - we get this version of Fan Xiao: broke, humbled, working as a server and a sales rep, soft-spoken, smiling gently, wearing the STUPIDEST LITTLE MAN BUN I HAVE EVER SEEN.
WHY is he like this now? WHY does he look so… small? So harmless? So heartbreakingly human?
I hate this. I hate that it’s working.
Because yes - in real life? Absolutely not. Jail. Therapy. Restraining order. No notes.
But in Cdramaland? I fear I am already forgiving him. I fear I am weak.
I fear the bun has won. 😭
So many people confused at where To My Shore is gonna go, how it could possibly have a happy ending, and like babes just read Tokyo Babylon and then X (the Seisub parts, aka the good parts), you'll find your answer. TMS is just a fix it fic for that. What Fan Xiao is about to do is just what Seishiro did, without all the dying. This is why knowing your Yaoi ancient texts is important.
Don't believe me? Is this not them