hello everyone or to those who stuck around to actually see this post, i doubt that there are still a lot of you left. it’s been four months and i probably have some explaining to do; first of all, i’m sorry that i’ve just disappeared without even saying why, i’ve probably disappointed a lot of people but trust me, i didn’t do it just because i had fun in doing so. under the cut will be a bit of a lengthy apology/explanation/whatever you may call it, however, this will be a goodbye for this blog for now. i will start anew with another blog because first of all, i’ve lost almost all of my muse for azula, even tho i still love her and secondly, i just want to leave this all behind me. thank you guys for everything ! i will soon post a promo here when i’ve finished the other blog.
so first of all, this year was rough for me. not only for me but also for my family. i’ve been in a very severe depressive episode because of certain things that i will elaborate later, and took part in excessive drinking and partying to a point where i was just generally unhappy without it. it’s a very unhealthy coping mechanism of mine but as of right now, i got everything under control because i’m back in therapy and everything is looking good so far. i’ve also been in a relationship for that time but that wasn’t really good, either. you know, for all of my life i just thought that i was pansexual, i thought that i didn’t care about the sex of my partner but suddenly i started to question it within that relationship. i thought that i was gay, that i didn’t like boys. i talked about it with a lot of people but they all just said to me that i should talk to him about it first. at the time, i didn’t know he was homophobic but thankfully, before i talked with him about my sexuality, a friend of his warned me. as i found out, i knew that this just wasn't it. i didn’t care if he was a female or male, i couldn’t be with someone who just didn’t accept me for who i am. i broke up with him and was finally truly happy. simultaneously, also the reason why i’ve started drinking so much, my mother wanted to get divorced. i don’t want to get into detail with this because it’s still a very sensitive topic for me but let’s just say, it was messy and it involved a lot of psychological terror as well as shifting blame towards me, their child, and general manipulation. come to think of it, a lot of other shit also went down but just like i’ve already stated, i prefer not to delve into it as of right now. maybe in private but i’m not even sure about that either. today, i’m much happier, still questioning my sexuality but much happier, therefore i’ve decided to return. again, i’m sorry for the sudden disappearance but i just couldn’t bring myself to get to write at that time. i love all of you and just please stay safe !! <3
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