thinking about gwen and elyan’s relationship (specifically elyan’s reasons for becoming a knight) and i’m going to make it everyone else’s problem:
when they are reunited in 3.07 and she asks where he has been for four years, especially when their father died, and he explains ‘here and there’
‘here and there’ distracting himself, distancing himself, never settling in one place and ultimately putting off the time he would see her again. not because he doesn’t want to or because he doesn’t care but because it was just all too much -
because he ‘meant to get in touch, it just never seemed like the right time’
because there never seems to be a ‘right time’ to fully confront the weight of grief, and returning to someone who carries the same burden as you can seem absolutely impossible. to confront gwen’s grief would be to confront his own, to see his own pain mirrored in her.
so circumstance (well, cenred) brings them back together and he is forced to confront what he has been struggling with this whole time
the first emotion he experiences when reunited with her is visible relief and a total overflow of love and his instinct is to throw his arms around her
(any bitterness or awkwardness completely cast aside for the moment, as he is so pleased to see her, even in the worst circumstances)
and he really realises how much he cares about her. of course he has always cared, but this brings it home
(and of course he cares about her more than he cares about himself, and he sees that she also cares about him this way, but feels like he really doesn’t deserve it - ‘you shouldn’t have come back for me’)
then he realises what she is involved in (fighting for camelot, against morgana) he realises the very real danger she is putting herself in and how brave she is but also how he could so easily lose her as well
and so becoming a knight is his way of protecting her, and of committing himself to the things she has committed herself to
but also (and more importantly) his way of saying ‘i am here, i am not leaving, you will always know where to find me, i will not hide from the things we must face together’
elyan, who could not tie himself down to one place for so long, has sworn allegiance to camelot, her home.
and, of course, her face as she watches him become a knight of camelot:
she is so so proud of him but also so reassured. because she knows what this means. she knows that this is his way of saying what he feels he cannot say with words.
all the years of wondering ‘where have you been, elyan?’ and now he’s right here. right here, making a promise of service to arthur and to camelot which she knows is really a promise to her
2087
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