Soldier of Fortune

Drake Fox is a patient who suffers from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. An ex navy seal - his platoon was the subject of a betrayal and he's still dealing with the repercussions of that day. Flashbacks play in his mind frequently. He's currently a carpenter, although many of the staff members wonder if he will be able to integrate back into society properly.

[rhettbellefleur]

-Mason lets Drake keep a hold of his shirt collar, however he needs to grasp at him in order to be able to talk about this sensitive subject. His own arms stay around his lover’s waist and he’s completely still and quiet as Drake talks of what’s been in his head and haunting his dreams. Blue eyes are soft as they rest on him, at times on Drake’s eyes and others on his lips as he forms the words.

He can’t even begin to imagine the pain of always having to see this. To relive it time after time, and as if the events aren’t bad enough, Drake loses him each time. It’s hard to hear and hard to wrap his mind around, not so much for himself but because he knows that if this is the first time he’s spoken of it, it obviously has a profound effect on him. Finally, after a moment or so of silence, his hands go to the sides of Drake’s face, the pads of his thumbs gently rubbing along his cheekbones.- I had no idea… -He trails off, his voice softer once he finds it again to speak.- You beat the dream already though, Baby. -A gentle kiss is pressed at his lips and his words are lowered to a near whisper.- You beat it already.

I’m here. You have me, and I swear on everything in this world, as stubborn as I am, and God forbid something should happen, nothing would keep me from saying goodbye to you. You hear me? Nothing. But we’re okay. We’re out of that danger and we’re here, together, and nothing’s going to take that from us. -His hands move from Drake’s face and take his hands, interlacing both sets of fingers.- Nothing’s taking me from you. I swear that to you, Drake.

[drake--fox-blog]

-A monumental weight is lifted off of his shoulders. As relief starts to flush over his system, he lets go of the other's shirt and feels his limbs start to go limp. He could cry right now were the tears willing, but sadly they weren't. He figures that the other would take his limp, nearly weak form as enough to be comforted. Once he feels those arms around him he knows.- I know, I know... -He manages to reply, nodding a few times.-

-He feels the kiss against his lips and his arms start to move on their own, wrapping around the other's back and pulling Mason even closer.- I... you don't know how much that means. -That sounds bad. He'll have to rethink it.- You're stubborn and you'd never leave me without saying goodbye... -He re-affirms to himself. Makes sense.- Nothing's taking you... -He repeats, having let go of the hug, following the other's lead to take his hands instead.-  I just wish my dreams felt the same way... but they're just dreams. You're still there to wake up next to me. Tell me they're dreams. Kiss my neck and watch me try to get back to sleep.

-He sighs once, deeply.- That's not even the half of it, you know, what happened. There's the days I spent by myself wondering if I was gonna see my mom again... but I think that's another day. My heart feels heavy and I'm tired and just want to feel you right now. That all right? Maybe get a little busy before bed if I'm... less tired.

[rhettbellefleur]

-Mason didn’t even consider the fact that it could have been a bad time to put his arm around him, but thankfully it isn’t. Still, the things Drake is saying concerns him, to the point of sitting up more.- So in your dreams… I’m taken from you? -He asks softly, and falls quiet just after. He feels helpless when it comes to that because it’s the subconscious, dreams that no even Drake can control. Of course Mason wouldn’t be able to either.- Yeah? -Gently he brings a hand up, and just as gently turns Drake’s head to have him look at him.- You can tell me. It may even do some good to get it out.

[drake--fox-blog]

-Drake bites his lip as the other turns his head around. The veteran can examine the other's face. With scrutinizing eyes he notices when Mason's features go from calm and relaxed to concerned. Drake wants to say that he's fucked up again but for once it feels... normal. He nods once as the other explains that it could do some good. It was risky but it might just work.- Yeah I... I haven't told anybody this though. Not even the shrinks. -He admits, a hand sliding up to the other's shirt collar, gripping it. Tactile touch feels helpful right now. He sure as fuck didn't know why.- 

The dream sort of goes like how it actually happened. So it starts in the plane. Everybody is there. I'm sitting next to Jensen and the kid is nervous because it's his first mission... didn't really know what to say. The whole thing didn't sit easy with me. -He starts thinking.- Sometimes you tell him to calm down. Sometimes you're just quiet and thinking like me. Then we land and the explosions start going off. There's sand everywhere - it's fucking hard to see and I can hardly hear anything. I barely get my goggles on and they're shooting at us. I manage to escape... nobody fucking knows how, and usually by then I run into Jensen's body. No tie to cry and I move on. Then... it changes. Sometimes I see you there, struggling, and I wanna tell you it's all right but I have to keep moving and... your eyes just sort of lose hope and you know what's coming and I imagine it doesn't take much longer. -He chokes, before continuing.-

Sometimes you aren't even alive. The worst is when... we both make it. It's only us. We drag on for a few days, because we know what we're doing but... they were relentless. You don't know how long they chased me. So they found us and we were off guard and... I'm always too late. Every time. It's never me, only you. Never even have the chance to say goodbye each time...

[rhettbellefleur]

I wouldn’t be against that. -He lets out a soft moan of his own into the kiss, smirking at what he’s saying, and softly presses his bulge against Drake’s hand.- Both, though yeah sooner or later the one turns into the other. -Arms go around Drake so he can just hold him, to have him close.- Drake, you’ll never have to worry about not being without me. I mean, I know I’ve been scarce lately, but bigger picture, you will always have me. You… this… with family… it’s exactly what I want. I know it comes to mind, but that’s something that won’t happen.

[drake--fox-blog]

-The other's arms are around him, and it was a lucky day where it felt comforting rather than constricting.- I know... I know. I know it's never going to happen. -He looks away.- I mean... it won't happen here. IT does happen. Kinda. I get these dreams where you were on that mission and... -He lets his words drop.- It's never fun. I remember you asked me about it one time after I woke up near screaming but... didn't know how to say it with you right next to me. Now I do.

[rhettbellefleur]

Royal Air Force. Interesting interesting. I like him already if he was nice to you. -He leans in and nuzzles close.- I did miss you and I don’t like being away from you as much as I have been. -He pulls his face away just enough to look at him and press a kiss to his lips.- It’s not that I feel bad for doing my own thing, I just… -He shrugs.- I like being here, having these times with you…

[drake--fox-blog]

Maybe you can meet him one day. -He hums thoughtfully, before returning the kiss softly, letting the other man take charge before separating.- You like those times or... -He gingerly places a hand on the other's crotch- ... those times? They kinda turn into the same... -He laughs, before putting it back at his side.- Either way, you're happy. Dunno what I'd do without you... -He shakes his head all of a sudden-  I know you're gonna say I shouldn't think about it but... I do. It's scary.

[rhettbellefleur]

Oh yeah? New friend, huh? That’s cool. I feel a little less bad about being gone then, that you weren’t just waiting on me. -He reaches out, getting a hold of the front of Drake’s shirt and pulls him closer.- I missed you… Sorry for being gone so much.

[drake--fox-blog]

Yeah. His name is Shane, Royal Air Force.. you might like him. He was nice to me. -He lets the other pull him in, before raising an eyebrow- Did you? And you don't have to be sorry. It's... fine. You can do your own things too. Shouldn't have to feel bad because of me. It's healthy -His face scrunches- I think.

[rhettbellefleur]

-Hearing the familiar voice, he looks over at Drake with a soft apologetic smile for being gone so much.- Nobody in particular. Just been busy. I’m here now though.

[drake--fox-blog]

Mhn. Good. Gets boring when you're not around... I did go out for a bit though, met a new friend. -He walks in, sitting next to Mason- Trying to keep busy and get out more.

[rhettbellefleur]

Finally a chance to kick back. Feels like all I’ve been doing is running.

[drake--fox-blog]

-Standing in the doorway.- Who have you been running from?

[ostoflife]

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[marcuscalahan]

-Looking at Drake apprehensively taking the tumbler, not sure if he should drink it and then takes the small sip. Marcus relaxes for a moment and stares at the fire… Contemplating A Calahan silence at first and then shaking his head to abate the thought. His ears perk up at the request that Drake had posed..- …Who do you want to find? 

[drake--fox-blog]

-A softer smile graces his features once he realizes what the other man his offering him.- I want to find my siblings. I have a younger brother and a younger sister. After I joined the navy I had to cut off contact so I don't know what happened to them... mom says they did their own things and left without calling her. If they knew everything that happened I'm sure they'd come back but I... don't even know where to begin.

[fltltshanewhite-deactivated2016]

The Bar [Open]

[fltltshanewhite-deactivated2016]

Shane sat down next to Drake, listening carefully, knowing how much trust it must actually be taking for the other man to divulge what he was, understanding through his own experience what such an apparently simple gesture would likely mean to the ex-commando.

Accepting the flask, and taking another mouthful from it, Shane pondered the question for a second. “…Not sure I have a particular type…” He said honestly after a pause. “I mean, I like men, not effeminate queens…not necessarily muscle-bound, just not twinkies or tweens…I have an appreciation for a slightly rugged, outdoors kind of look…I…errr…kinda like it a bit rough….more a fan of fucking than making sweet, tender love…so someone who gives off that kind of vibe instantly gets my attention…also got a thing for suits and uniforms…civilian or military…not sure anything looks hotter than a fit guy in their dress uniform….”

[drake--fox-blog]

Drake listens intently.. but he gets caught up on the roughness. It reminds him of Mason and his very first time during training, and it only makes him want to return to those days and... he figures that when he gets home, he'll grab Mason and take him to the nearest bed. The other shouldn't complain about it too much...

"Ah..." He manages to say, thinking a little. Drake admits that he likes uniforms too, although fire fighters and policemen tend to grate on his nerves. He figures that it's an armed forces thing. There's a fondness of the aesthetic, although he doesn't think he can don his own or make Mason put on the uniform. Too many bitter, harsh memories.

"I think... I think I should go home." He says, looking at the flask. "It's empty. But I'll give you a phone number... maybe introduce you to a friend of mine. Sound good?"

[fltltshanewhite-deactivated2016]

The Bar [Open]

[fltltshanewhite-deactivated2016]

Shane glanced at Drake’s hands as he seemed to absent-mindedly run his fingers over each other, but decided against commenting on it, instead focusing on the other man’s question. “I don’t think so…” he started honestly, craning his head back for a second, regarding the night sky before continuing “…I think I’ve always liked guys…don’t get me wrong, I’ve been with my fair share of girls too…I mean…horny teenager and all…but it was always missing something…sex with guys was always better…”

Shane chewed the side of his lip for a second, debating on whether to say the next thing that popped into his head. “I’m a product of the system…” he started “…spent my childhood drifting from one foster home to another…I got into a lot of trouble as a kid…I lost my virginity at 14…I was on a pretty slippery slope before the RAF stumbled across me, challenged me and straightened me out. I’ve got a lot to be grateful to the Air Force for…”

In truth, Shane wanted to ask about the ‘complicated’ relationship Drake was obviously in, but he didn’t want to push the man and loose a possible friend, so he bypassed that subject altogether.

Glancing over at Drake, Shane’s head tipped quizzically to one side. “So what kind of guys do you like…any particular type…?”

[drake--fox-blog]

"I slept with girls in high school... and it was fun." He says, trying to remember those times. Times that were easier, times where he didn't need to worry about nearly half the shit that he did now. "Don't think it was missing anything either... lots of fun." He laughs a little. He's somewhat surprised of how open he is. Must of been because of Shane's background.

He won't explain his parents though. There are lines he won't cross... but he figures that he can share a bit. If the other will share his story, there are parts Drake is willing to divulge. "I... didn't really have anywhere to go. I'm not book smart. The navy took me and I gave them everything." He finishes that sentence point blank, before continuing. "Became a good man." 

He notices a bench at the sound of the next question, and urges the man to sit down next to him. He takes another drink from his flask before passing it over to Shane again. "Kind of guys I like, right...?" He thinks on it, pictures of Mason running through his head. "I didn't like them before the navy so... short hair. Really like short hair. Really like the stubble and beards we got during field exercises..." Then there's Mason kissing him the night before they saved Marcus. "And... when someone fills their shirt just right..." He remembers the tight, white shirts Mason would nearly tease him with  during training. "Blue eyes and that mix of light brown blonde hair..." 

He shakes his head. "You?"

[fltltshanewhite-deactivated2016]

The Bar [Open]

[fltltshanewhite-deactivated2016]

Accepting the offered flask, Shane nodded in silent thanks before tossing back a swig of the drink, savoring the burn in the back of his throat for a second before passing the flask back. “Maybe I will…” He said gently, mulling over Drake’s words for a second “…relationships and me don’t ever seem to pan out…you know this line of work…three months here…six months there…I might be a decent rank but I’m not high enough to pick my own assignments yet…but maybe there’s a Mr Right for me somewhere in this town…we’ll see…”

Chuckling to himself, Shane glanced over at Drake. “What about you mate? Any significant others in your life at the moment…Mr or Mrs…?”

[drake--fox-blog]

"Yeah, I get that. When I was still enlisted there wasn't really much time for anybody but me." It stings to remember that he left his entire family behind during their time of need. That his mother was left to deal with it all on her own... Then there's something of a knowing smirk when he mentions Mr. Right. Drake remembers how the army changed his whole sexual outlook... something pretty amazing.

"I, um," He fiddles with his hands, looking down them. He hadn't worn his ring today. On days where he feels distant he takes the ring off and keeps it on his bedside table. He just can't handle it sometimes, staring down at his hands and realizing the commitment he's in. To say it was overwhelming was an understatement but then... whenever he feels better he puts the jewellery back on. "It's..."  complicated, he wants to say, even though they've both admitted their love to each other... yet to admit something like that to someone he just met seemed... odd, and more importantly hard. He simply didn't have the confidence in himself to say it.

"Did the army make you like guys too or was that just me?" He awkwardly laughs, trying to change conversation.

[fltltshanewhite-deactivated2016]

The Bar [Open]

[fltltshanewhite-deactivated2016]

"Sure…" Shane placed his empty glass down on the bar, before snatching up his own brown leather jacket from the hook under the counter."A walk sounds good, if we see somewhere we like we can just drop in…plus I’m sure two forces-trained guys will be a match for anything this town might throw up in the ‘nasty surprises’ department…"

Letting Drake lead the way, Shane followed the man out into the cool night air, matching his pace and , making a conscious effort not to match his stride as well, avoiding falling into the marching cycle military guys often did. “So what brought you to Kingsfall, Drake? IS this home for you or a fresh start…?” Shane stopped himself, realising he’d better volunteer something before Drake began to think he was analysing again. “I’m brand-new here myself…no connections beyond the military one…to be honest…I’ve been part of the RAF for so long I’ve forgotten what it’s like to call a place ‘home’…”

[drake--fox-blog]

The cool air hits his face and he takes a deep breath. It's nice and comforting. For the most part he looks down at the side walk as he walks. It's just sort of habit - unnecessary eye contact with people had gotten him into a bit of trouble in the past. He still answers though. "I was born here. I came back when I was discharged and... found my job and do what I do." He shrugs. He doesn't really have much else to add on that. It's not like he's going to tell someone he just met about his family troubles. "Maybe you'll find someone and try and settle down here..." He tosses the idea to the air. He doubts it, but hey, it's better than not trying at all.

Then he remembers that he packed a flask in his pocket... probably not the smartest idea, but they haven't found a bar yet, and he's looking at all the young kids drinking in the middle of the streets. He stops for a second, looks around to see if there's a cop, before taking it from his pocket and downing the amber liquid in a large gulp. He shivers, before offering it to his new friend. "It's good. Trust me."

[fltltshanewhite-deactivated2016]

The Bar [Open]

[fltltshanewhite-deactivated2016]

"Good to hear…I’ve worked with the Royal Marines before, took me six months to get my fitness up to that kinda level…and even then…they could still do everything longer and harder than I could." Shane smiled back, glad that Drake seemed to be able to brush his outburst under the carpet. He was quickly growing to like the ex-commando, and didn’t want him to feel under pressure or out of his depth.

"To be honest, I’m open to suggestions…I’ve not really familiarised myself with the town properly yet…although I hear there’s an Irish bar somewhere nearby…fancy trying to find it?" He offered as a suggestion, understanding that Drake might fancy a change of scenery after his momentary eruption.

[drake--fox-blog]

"I believe you. I've never really trained with any other force but... since I'm civilian now I don't think you'll have too many problems." Maybe that was one of the few good things about it. He wasn't constantly inspected to see if he was in shape or not. So he cut back a little on the training... enough to make sure he kept the same level, but nothing infuriating and exhausting. It was a good system.

"Right, you're new here." Drake tries to think. "The old owner of that bar went AWOL... dunno what's going on there now." Drake didn't really know many other places that he liked, so he gets up from his stool and grabs his jacket on the hook. "Let's head out for a walk then. We'll find some place..." He figures it's a solid plan. He completely forgets how Kingsfall gets rowdy at night and how the gaggles of gay guys would be prowling the street. He was opening up a potential storm without realizing it.

[fltltshanewhite-deactivated2016]

The Bar [Open]

[fltltshanewhite-deactivated2016]

The shout made Shane take a step back, not wholly surprised as he watched classic male denial mix with the symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

He’d seen it before…guys and gals who had seen the true horrors of war up close, who had been pushed beyond their limits by some of the greater evil and brutality some of the darker human minds in existence. Serving your country always came with a price, and some paid a much higher premium than others.

So it was respect borne out of understanding, not fear or judgement that manifested in Shane’s eyes as he smiled back at Fox gently, waiving a hand dismissively. “No need to apologise Drake, my fault for saying something so personal so soon after meeting you. But seriously, if you’re up for hanging out or working out, I’m good with that…although on the workout front, remember us RAF types are used to sitting on our asses and sending in air support when called upon, so you might need to go a little easy on me first time around…okay?”

Draining the rest of his drink, Shane glanced down at his empty glass. “You up for another round, or did you want to move on and try another bar?”

[drake--fox-blog]

After calming down, he has to admit that he's pretty happy with the whole thing. Ever since the incident, being social and finding friends was hard. He often secluded himself and for once things were starting to go his way. It was something of a shaky start but maybe... maybe it could turn into a real friendship.

"Yeah, that sounds good." He gives a soft smile, starting to finish his drink. His mind briefly wonders if Mason would want to meet Shane first. Considering that the other man was basically his life, rock and support... maybe it would be a good idea to let him know. He pushes the thought aside though... he'd think on it in the morning. "Don't worry, I will. I don't go hard any more anyway... just keeping up."

The question comes as a bit of a surprise, but he figures that it's a good sign. He looks down at his glass a little nervously, mulling the options over, and then decided because of his little outburst earlier they should probably head out.

"Yeah. This is my favourite place so you should choose yours." Perfect plan.

[fltltshanewhite-deactivated2016]

The Bar [Open]

[fltltshanewhite-deactivated2016]

Shane’s brow furrowed in concern at the tone of Drake’s voice, and he took a careful sip of his drink before lowering his tone slightly. “Look Drake, I know we’ve only just met, but I can imagine the kinds of things you’ve seen…my specialty is image analysis…I see horrific photos every day…but they are only images, and I’m going to guess you’ve seen that stuff up close and personal…”

He sighed, before looked Drake directly in the eyes, sincerity etched on his features. “Drake…if you ever need someone to talk to…off-record and in-confidence…I’m happy to listen…”

He lifted his glass slightly, and smiled gently. “Or, if you’d rather just kick back and relax with a couple of drinks, or go workout sometime, I’m happy to do that as well. It sounds like we both need to get out more…”

[drake--fox-blog]

No. Nonononononononono. This was another person pitying him and offering to help. This was another person trying to play doctor. His spirits sink low; a part of him knows that the other man was just trying to be helpful, but his mind enter a form of mental gymnastics. Obviously Shane is just judging him, going to send him back to a doctor and they'll repeat the circle again.

"I don't need anybody to talk to!" He roars, causing an outburst. The bartender stares, other patrons stare as Drake starts to take deep breaths, calming himself down. He isn't looking at the other man at this point, instead trying to focus on himself again. Calm down. You don't need to cause a scene about it. 

He takes a few seconds, before his eyes go soft again, nearly creating a puppy dog face as to apologize. "Sorry. The rest sounds good though you do seem... nice." He feels like he's fucked up. He's ready to back away and leave the building all at once, and seclude himself again... but he figures that he should at least listen to what Shane has to say.

[fltltshanewhite-deactivated2016]

The Bar [Open]

[fltltshanewhite-deactivated2016]

"I’ve heard a few people say that about the Calahans…" Shane replied honestly. "…they aren’t to be crossed but are far more generous than their reputation would have you believe, especially when it comes to rewarding good work."

Taking a mouthful of his own drink, Shane regarded Drake for a second before nodding. “Sounds like we’ve got something in common then, although I’d imagine facilities at the manor are a bit less basic than those on-base. I’m waiting to find out if I’ll be here long-term, if so I’ll probably invest in a place in town, but there’s no point starting the process until I get to find out if I’m staying…”

Blinking suddenly, realising what he’d just missed. “Wait…back-track…people find you scary? Because of the whole “ex-special forces” thing…? Seriously, the folk of this town need to get out more…”

[drake--fox-blog]

"It's something like that, yeah. I don't have anything bad to say because they've given me a lot." He definitely wouldn't want to get them mad. He's been there to witness the rage and fury of a Calahan quite a few times. He was the guard, just to sit and stay quiet until told, watching men and women get struck down by the god-like rage.

"If you are here for the long term you should go to Energize. It's the best place in town." He gives a small smile. "That's where I go when I try and be social." He mumbles out, feeling embarrassed. That was one of the sites of his infamous freak outs. Fortunately nobody had been around but... his pride stung. Couldn't go anywhere without getting all up in his head.

Drake solemnly shakes his head. "No, they don't think I'm scary because of that. None of them even take the time to learn it..." He bites his lip, trying to figure out how to word it. "I'm having a good day." He hopes that explains everything. He doesn't feel like using any other words.