Damn his lover felt good inside of him… it felt even better to know he shared this, what they had, with this wolf. He didn’t mean to ruin the moment, but Ben didn’t know how to heal his heart, he’d always run away and now he couldn’t… and didn’t want to. But that pain of losing Aristaios twice… he couldn’t take another blow like that again. “It’s already happening… it happened before we knew it… that, I can admit now… but why did it have to be me… I don’t deserve a man like you and you clearly deserve better.” The guard meant every words he said. He didn’t feel guilt over the people he’d killed or hurt, but over the family he’d lost, and the few he cared for that had gotten hurt because of him.
The kisses were comforting, but not enough.
“I need the memories to go away, Rhett… they’re driving me insane and I can’t even get angry anymore, it sucked out all the fight I had in me… and the more I see them, the more I’m scared you’ll end up like them… I’m not the best with emotions and it’s getting too much to cope with… It’s killing me… Haven’t really slept in weeks…”
He pulled his lover into his arms, still not letting him take his cock out. “I’m sorry… I want to say it, because I feel it too… you know it…” he’d mouthed the words after all. “But I’m too terrified this city will rip you away from me if I say it out loud…”
Rhett just stares at Ben as all of the other wolf’s thoughts spill from his mouth. He blinks slowly, on one end understanding that Ben is going through an emotional time, but on the other, not believing some of what he’s hearing. “That’s what makes this so good. Neither of us had any intent to get attached, and it happened anyhow. All of your self blame and guilt has led you to believe you’re not worthy of bein’ happy... that in some comparison, I’m some sorta saint. Don’t let yourself forget, my record ain’t clean either. I got plenty ridin’ on my shoulders that can easily fool me into thinkin’ I don’t deserve you, but I ain’t gonna let that take you away from me. This is the very thing I been avoidin’ all my life to come across, and now that I have it... I know that I’d be miserable if the day comes I don’t have you anymore. I ain’t willin’ly walking away from it, because I know I’ll never find anything like it ever again.”
He relaxes into those arms, nuzzling in along Ben’s neck. “I don’t need you to say it when your eyes and actions tell me all I need to know,” he breathes out, though he’d honestly like to see the city try to rip them apart. “I don’t wish burden on anyone, but it’s not you who should have the burden of losin’ those babies. That’s on him. And as for the possibility of losin’ me too...” He lifts his head so emotional eyes can lock. “How much proof do you need? How many times do you need to see that no matter what happens... now matter how bad the situation... I’m always right back here with you? I’ve always made it right back into these arms one way or another. Why can’t you just... allow yourself to accept that you’ve finally found what’s meant to be?”