Dramione Trash

dramionetrash on ao3 I’m an adult! 21+

[maraleestuff]

I want a friendship between Shane and Cliff Marleau (sort of like an extrovert adopts an introvert type of thing). Pre-outing, they’re close enough that Shane comes out to him.

“Hey,” Cliff says, suddenly struck with the best idea he’s ever had. “I think I know someone you’d get along great with.”

“Marleau, I’m not really looking—“

“No, no, trust me. He’s a good guy, and one of the best hockey players I’ve ever met—aside from you, of course.”

Shane isn’t sure where Cliff is going with this, but he does know he’s not interested in anyone but Ilya.

“I know you mean well but—“

“Rozanov,” Cliff announces, grin a mile wide, and Shane blinks. Cliff, for his part, is incredibly sure this is a good idea; he knows that Ilya is bisexual, even if he doesn’t talk about it. Even Cliff is aware of the dangers with Russia. Even if the rest of the league hates it, they can fuck off.

Mistaking Shane’s silence for skepticism, Cliff continues, “I know he seems like an asshole, but he’s one of the best men you’ll ever meet. I know you’ve seen it—the whole rivalry thing is bullshit anyways, right? He’s actually a big softie…”

Cliff talks up Ilya, and Shane smiles, glad that Ilya has such a good friend—even though he isn’t sure how to tell Cliff that he and Ilya are already an item.

[stabthroughme]

There is a photo deep in the Centaurs media reel archives from a community day thing where baby Shane (7) is running away from Chuck the Beaver and being “protected” by the then-Captain of the Centaurs.

Harris finds it while combing through the archives for fun comparisons to the current team.

Instantly posts it with a picture of Ilya pulling Shane away from a fight single handed, and with the photo from Shane and Scott’s post-game fight when he was a Metro.

“It only takes one Ottawa Centaur to keep national treasure Shane Hollander safe. How many Metros does it take to stop gay on gay crime???”

[vesnuszki]

in relation to this post; I think tipsy Shane loooves to ask weird ass unhinged questions that he expects 100% serious and thoughtful answers to. like, he really thinks you should make the effort to actually provide an answer that is precise and evidence based. for the most part they're bizzarely anatomy related:

-how many grams of protein from my cum do you think you have ingested over the years? (ilya pulls out his phone to google average load volume and average load protein. he knows this is a math question. and Ilya is good at math.)

-if you could create one frankencentaur out of the best body parts and skillsets of all MLH players to create one uberplayer, whose parts would you use? (there's 7 seconds of dead silence before the entire team starts screaming over one another. Ilya yells "yes, the dick too, Barret, obviously")

-do you think i could bench press Luca? (they try immediately. turns out just because you can do the weight equivalent on a barbell does not automatically mean you can lift a human body like that. especially when the body in question turns out to be extremely ticklish)

-who do you think is hiding the biggest, most shocking secret? (Ilya leans over, wiggling his eyebrows, to whisper into Shane's year "you know it's you, maya lyubov")

[argillaforma]

the whole boston team knowing about montreal jane and they think that ilya rozanov who can pull any girl he wants must have found a real baddie the way he keeps coming back for more and then hard cut to shane hollander on a friday night drinking tea and reading the same hockey book for the fourth time who when ilya texts him asking what are you wearing? texts back my new organic cotton pj set and ilya texts back i'm so hard tell me more

[munsons-mutiny]

Hollanov lie detector interview where Ilya begs beforehand to be allowed to ask every Rose Landry comparison he’s ever been insecure about, and he totally plays it out like he’s joking (he’s not).

Shane is like no! It’s embarrassing! And this is public! And you wouldn’t make me actually do that to Rose would you? You know the answer, I’m gay!

Only Rose thinks the whole thing is hilarious and gives Shane the go ahead so there’s no real reason to resist Ilya’s begging anymore, still he holds out to the day before the interview.

“Fine! Fine! You can ask about Rose, but I get to ask about anything I want too!” And Ilya’s like yes yes of course my love. His boring Shane would hardly ask anything damning.

Fast forward to the day of the interview Shane is fondly exasperated with Ilya’s Rose questions, and Ilya is being a cocky bastard so happy with how it played out.

Until they switch sides and Shane breaks out his first question:

“Is it or is it not true that despite famously calling Scott Hunter ‘a nearly extinct fossil’ you think he’s hot?” The blood drains from Ilya’s face pretty quickly after that.

“Do you think Hayden Pike is a good hockey player?”

“Do you consider Hayden Pike a close friend?”

“Who do you love more: me or Anya?”

“Besides me who is your favorite teammate?”

He gets so nervous all of his lies get caught, and by the end his asshole reputation is in shambles. Kip takes a video of Scott watching the interview and he laughs so hard he can’t even comment. It goes viral.

[jewelcoatfish]

ilya sees this old trend where someone holds out a hand to their partner to see what their partner would give them so he comes over to try it with shane who’s on the sofa. he holds out his hand and shane gives him the remote. he tosses the remote aside. shane looks a bit confused. he gives ilya his phone. ilya tosses that aside. he gives ilya a pillow. ilya tosses that aside. he gives ilya his hand. ilya shakes it out. his face squints in confusion before coming up with an idea and rests his chin on ilya’s hand. and okay, well, the challenge is just to annoy your partner, but holy fuck shane looks so fucking cute with his big brown eyes looking up at ilya waiting for his approval so ilya just really has to smile and kisses him about it.

[watermelontuesdays]

AU where Shane and Ilya don't hook up or have a decades-long secret. They don't really know each other at all, except to play each other.

Shane comes out of the closet sometime after Scott does, and in some random, lighthearted interview, they ask him what he's looking for in a man. And Shane's just, off-hand like, "Well, he'd have to have at least one Stanley Cup. Obviously." And when he gets a good reaction from that, he keeps going, like "Needs to be amazing at hockey. Definitely needs to be at least an All-Star, if not a captain. Hot too. If he can't bench-press me, I'm not interested."

And it's all in fun, except two days after the interview prints, Ilya Rozanov shows up at his door like "knock, knock. I am here to apply for boyfriend position. Do you need resume? I brought my Stanley Cup ring, just in case."

[hardlyhinged]

Op’s tags

[mina-logan]

I too watched the commercial and lost my mind.

[mina-logan]

And so the wolf fell in love with the bird or something

Thank you threads user I am insane over this

[froidefille]

I just realised that when Taylor sings and it always leads to you in my hometown—

— this now also includes Shane going back to his hometown to live there with his husband 😭

So they would be driving by Shane’s primary school on their way to the rink

The very same rink where Shane was first discovering what would become his life-long passion

Ilya would have his favourite dog walking trail and Shane would say he used to hang out in the very same park when he was 12

Shane never thought he would come back to Ottawa and certainly not for a boy but here we are

🥹🥹🥹

[jewelcoatfish]

hollanov taking an after game interview together because of plot convenience reasons and ilya was chirping the opposing team about their first line points per game being barely scraping 0.4 when shane tapped his arm lightly and ilya leaned towards him. all the reporters perk up because omg are we gonna see shane hollander disciplining ilya rozanov live???? this is TEA. and ilya just nodded and said

“apologies, my husband wanted to correct that their first line pgp was 0.34. which was more pathetic than i originally assumed.”

[rainbow-femme]

“Shane fuck Shane help we fucked up, we lost Ilya, I swear he was here one second ago and now-“

“Haas, where are you right now?”

“The club by the hotel.”

“And he’s not in the bathroom?”

“No.”

“Not on the roof?”

“No.”

“Not trying to access any of the dancers poles?”

“What? Why would- Oh, Troy says no.”

“Is he hanging out with drunk girls in the women’s bathroom?”

“Umm, one sec. Harris, can you ask her if Ilya is in there? … Harris says no.”

“Ok. What were you talking about before he disappeared?”

“We were trying to figure out where to eat.”

“Did anyone bring up sushi?”

“He didn’t say he wanted-“

“Just answer the question.”

“Uh yeah, someone suggested it, but he said he wanted-“

“He’s at the pier.”

“What?”

“He got bored, sushi put fish on his brain, which made him think about water, and he likes going to piers, and the hotel is walking distance from a boardwalk by the water. He’s there, most likely trying to look at fish going under the dock.”

“… How do you know that?”

“Do you have any ideas how many times I have gotten this exact phone call? He’s easier to catch if you bait him with mozzarella sticks but make sure he knows he only gets them if he comes quietly. If you let him negotiate he will take the sticks and run. Cliff always fell for that.”

[hudconvent]

ilya opening their mail one day and then yelling SHANESHANESHANE who rushes in to where ilya is holding up a piece of mail gleefully

its a speeding ticket (not uncommon) with a traffic enforcement photo attached and its undeniable that it’s ilya’s (very few orange lamborghinis in the area) so shane is like “wow way to go. another few of those and your license is finally going to get revoked” and ilya is like “no. look closer.”

and shane leans in to look at the photo and tiny, just barely perceptible on the grainy photo, is ilya’s hand with a handful of dark hair in his lap

shane is beyond mortified but ilya keeps trying to hang the photo on the fridge

[tinylilhollander]

The night before Shane might win his third Stanley cup, Ilya sends him the clip of his Stanley cup win.

Confused, Shane immediately calls him.

"Is this some new and unique way to psych me out before the final, Rozanov? I didn't know you had money on Detroit."

"No, I am sending for a good reason," Ilya laughs. "I know it sucks for us that when you win all your team will be kissing their girlfriends and Pike will be making out all gross with Jackie, and we will not be able to. So, I wanted to show you exactly where I first kissed the cup. It was on the top, right over where it says Ottawa 1905, left of where it says 'Challenge Cup'. I remember because I did this on purpose. We weren't anything then, but I was thinking of you. I couldn't help thinking of you. So if you kiss the same place, it will be a little like we are sharing a kiss. And only we will know about it."

And Shane feels the air clean knocked out of his lungs and the back of his throat get tight, as he barely gets out, "Baby, that's... Thank you. I don't know what to say. I love you so fucking much. I'll make sure you see our kiss, okay?"

"I will be watching. I love you, My Shane. Go show the world why Shane Fucking Hollander is the goat, okay?"

On the night Shane wins his third Stanley Cup, he kisses their spot on the cup, thinking only of Ilya, and longs for a day where he can pull him onto the ice like Scott did with Kip.

On the night Shane wins his fourth Stanley cup, he hoists the cup into the air with his captain, they both kiss the same spot on the trophy, and then in front of the world, on his home ice, Shane Hollander kisses his husband, and it feels like a promise fulfilled.

[upset-to-dead]

Obsessed with Ilya struggling to straddle Shane for a second bc Shane's first instinct after being pushed onto a bed is to spread his legs

[laviejaguardia]

I love the everyone wants to fuck Shane Hollander agenda so picture like, Ilya at a team member's bachelor party and the whole Raiders team is there and everyone is drunk and they're playing games and just yelling out answers at the same time to questions like what's your favourite position and age you lost your virginity and giving each other shit for the answers but then there's what player you would go gay for and suddenly the whole team yells Shane Hollander at once to stunned silence afterwards and Ilya has the worst fucking night of his life

[themoonandmyman]

#myshane couldn’t give less of a fuck about queer culture he just likes dick in his ass and he loves a Man. If you asked him about Stonewall he’d think it was the name of a tech startup.

#myilya is a fag and he loves it. him and harris watch queer movies once a month with Harris’ mom and they drink margaritas with little umbrellas in them.

[oatmealdiva]

shane: