Mama.
A word that changed my whole life. A precious son has been given to me by God Almighty to continue the lineage of me and my husband.
9 months of pregnancy: the first weight gain of 4kgs in a month, the first of “ I can’t fit in this pants anymore l”, the first of seeing my pregnancy bump getting bigger and bigger, the constant hunger, the constant worrying of how will my life change after having baby ; the wonders of how will it affect my marriage, will I become a good mother, how can I continue the journey of pursuing my career now that I have another person to care for, that came from inside of me. So many hows and wonders.
Then came the day my son was born, 18 October 2025.
The pain of contractions, the first prostin insertion to induce labour, the first sweep and stretch of the cervix. the first epidural. All that I’ve never experienced in my life before but for a gift that I’ve asked and I’ve received, it was Alhamdulillah a very smooth delivery.
Seeing my newborn for the first time; His face, his hair, his smile that is so charming that melts everyone’s heart, his long fingers, his presence, the hiccups, the first sneeze, just everything about him made it all worth it. From the fertilisation, where my husband’s sperm fused with my dominant egg and somehow it grew into a human that is my son, masyaAllah, Allah is just great.
Alhamdulillah for everything but I am a human as well.
Before I was a woman that had an ambition of pursuing what I am good at, a woman that loves to travel and seeing and experiencing new things, a woman that does anything just because she can, I had a body that had men drooled over.
Postpartum day 4: I am currently at 78kg, a body that I despised but somehow it is the body that carried my son and somehow my vagina worked amazingly that I only had first degree tear while pushing out a human outside my womb, but seeing my body now, while going on confinement, it is just painful. I don’t know how to be me but at the same time I am grateful but it is just not me. I don’t look good as I did before, with the flabby arms and thighs and a curve that are just not thin enough as before.
It takes time for the body to be back to its original shape, I know but somehow it’s just, for now, it’s just not right. Not that I am not grateful, I am truly grateful for my son but slowly I am accepting. I can work on my body to how it was before but bearing a son ? It is truly a miracle.
Truly grateful for everything, though I still need time to digest everything, but just Alhamdulillah. Alhamdullllah for a wonderful husband, alhamdulillah for the pregnancy journey that I’ve gone through, just Alhamdulillah.
I am a mother.
