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Not today Justin

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@dreamlesinearlygrave
Theres a saying: you meet people who are in a similar state of mind as yourself; sometimes they are in it for the long run, and sometimes they are just here as a test to see if you are ready for the next thing.
I feel like i have always been very lucky in terms of meeting so many different personalities, likely because I am aware i was always undergoing some kind of metamorphosis. But sometimes, because I am always undergoing this transitory space, it feels as if I am trapped in liminality; and so it becomes this notion of wanting to break free by purging through events. And the last thing i did in order to feel free from a depressing love life was i took a leap of faith and ran with it with this kid whom I met out of nowhere.
Recently, what has been on my mind is you again, a figure that i have completedly idealized and preserved in the icy part of my brain. I have been fighting to suppress our memories because one i get sad thinking about it and two, because im with someone else.
It's quite scary to think that I can still be thinking about you when supposedly I am in a happy relationship. well -- was in... The first thought I had after breaking up with him was to call you immediately for some kind of comfort. It bizzzard that I have been holding on to you this whole time.
The thing is, what if you do meet people who are in the same emotional state as you ? And what if he was also in love with someone else this whole time, hoping I could replace her presence in due time.
Peter Zumthor – Atacama Hotel
2010, San Pedro de Atacama (CL)
Design study
via #1
We look up at the same stars But see a different sky We tread along the same path That leads to different sights
We are in one place But you're not by my side We have but one heart Separated by time
I will search the world for you Cross the ocean or the Pangaea I will spend my days waiting Insignificant as we are
I love you But we're millions of years apart
We drank from the same lake And dwelled in familiar woods But you'll never see my best cave Or where my favourite tree stood
We are in one place But you're not by my side We have but one heart Separated by time
I will search the world for you Cross the ocean or the Pangaea I will spend my days waiting Insignificant as we are
I will search the world for you Cross the ocean or the Pangaea I will spend my days waiting Insignificant as we are
I love you But we're millions of years apart
I'm with you As fossils we'll never part
ok I sincerely just wanted to catch up, show that I care and nothing more but omg that 2 hr convo was the most unproductive and icky convo … gg
I had a dream last night and you were in it. It feels nice to see u, hopefully I’ll see u soon.
Aug30
hello I have a feeling you just left Van and settling in for work. It’s too bad we can’t see each other once more before u go, the timing just always seem so wrong :(
I’ve just been really stressed out about school work, my portfolio is slowly coming together but there are literally a bijillion other things that I need to do to make it competitive.
going to bed with you next to me is so comforting.
i don't know who needs to hear this, but guilt, self-hatred and shame are not sustainable sources of growth and healing. you can't hate yourself into feeling better, or being better. you can't repeatedly punish yourself for your flawed humanity and expect wholesome results.
aug 20 1:22am
hi how are you? i missed you a lot today and i hope you miss me too. i know you are having a lot of fun with your friends right now and i hope you are doing a lot of things that you love. its been almost two months since we've spoken, i guess its really true that you are also trying to move on now. i had really silly thought about a month ago that i was going to hit you up randomly sometime in October and be like "hey wanna hang in ny together for the weekend?" not sure when your actual bd is but would be nice if we could celebrate together.
I want to say life is too short but tbh if u live until 87 is that still too short ?