Dreams I Didn't Have

A chronicle of dreams. All of these dreams are possible to have, but alas, I did not have them. Submissions are welcome! Share your dreams that you didn't actually have!

[dreamsididnthave]

My car broke down in the middle of the highway, and a man named Joel tried to help me fix it. Whenever he thought I wasn't looking, he would make a "scissoring" motion with two of his fingers in my direction. This creeped me out so I asked him to stop, but he denied doing it at all. Once my car was fixed, he got in the passenger seat and rode home with me, and I wasn't allowed to kick him out because he helped me fix my car. When we got to my house, he asked if he could smell my kitchen, and I said no. He began to beg, telling me he knew I had "perfumic forks and spoons", and eventually forced his way inside and started licking my spoons.

[dreamsididnthave]

Every hyperlink anyone clicked now lead to a website called arudequestion.com. It was a website run by The Committee which had nothing on it except for a survey about how you felt about The Committee. You were only given positive answer choices to choose from.

[dreamsididnthave]

I started reading a new fantasy novel called “The Tragedy of Ash Basin”. Despite its name, it was actually quite whimsical and cheerful and was mostly just about all the characters doing silly oddball things together. My friend Donovan took me on a road trip shortly after I finished the book, but I still brought it along with me to re-read. We passed a bunch of wild things like erupting volcanoes and towering monsters with dozens of gnashing mouths, but I was too immersed in my book to care about any of that.

[dreamsididnthave]

I was at the mall and saw a shop called the More Bones Store. You went there to get more bones. I saw someone come out looking unnaturally elongated, as if their spine was given a lot of new vertebrae. I really didn't want this to happen to me, but as soon as I decided not to go in, a pair of massive gloved hands reached out from the shop entrance to grab me. I tried to run, but they caught me immediately and pulled me inside. They cut me open with a scalpel and removed most of my skull, but left my jaw.

[dreamsididnthave]

I bought a pillow that looked like Bowser. I was super excited to sleep on it, and when I finally got in bed, I kissed each of his shell spikes goodnight. Once I laid my head on him, he said "I gotta go potty" which made me decide I would never sleep again.

[dreamsididnthave]

While driving, I saw a road sign that said "Road closed ahead due to ghosts", but the road wasn't blocked at all, so I kept driving. Nothing happened on the supposedly haunted road, but when I got out of my car, I was attacked by two naked men with black hats who said "You don't care, so you don't car!" They picked up my car and ran onto the road with it, making beeping noises as they went, as if to pretend they were a normal car that wasn't being carried.

[dreamsididnthave]

I was credited for directing a movie called Knotpossible despite having had no part in it. People kept telling me what a good job I did on it, but I didn't watch it because I was angry about being associated with it. At one point a little girl told me I was terrible for making it, and I agreed with her because I hated the movie so much.

[dreamsididnthave]

I was confused as to why skating could only mean roller skating or skateboarding, so I invented a new kind of skating. You would put wheels on your car so it could roll around and take you places. I proudly proclaimed there were now three types of skating, but someone corrected me to say that there were actually four because of ice skating.

[dreamsididnthave]

I was sitting in on a lecture for a class I wasn't part of. It was really boring, so I interrupted the professor by yelling "I want the hand of God to reach into my chest and crush my heart!" He agreed with me, saying I summarized his lesson perfectly. I was disappointed because I wanted him to get mad at me.

[dreamsididnthave]

My hair was really long, and I kept finding fish in it that I had to pull out. The fish weren’t dead, and they swam around in my hair until I noticed them. Whenever my hair felt strange, I would worry there was another fish in there I had to get out. Whenever people saw me do this, they just looked at me with silent pity as I untangled the fish from my hair as gently as I could.

[dreamsididnthave]

I was lonely, so I took my friend Cindy's advice and got a potted plant to take care of and water. It wasn't clear what kind of plant it was, but the first time I watered it, it whispered "I need to drink from the rivers beneath the flesh". I started killing people, including Cindy, to water it with their blood. This caused it to grow dozens of feet tall, but it made my house taller somehow so it could still fit.

[dreamsididnthave]

Every step I took caused all doors to get slightly smaller, making them harder to fit through. Nobody else noticed though or had any trouble using them. It was as though the doors only shrank for me. I determined that my options were to either live outside forever, or never walk again. For some reason, I did both, and just sat on a bench for the rest of the dream, which as actually somewhat relaxing.

[dreamsididnthave]

A doctor who could cure any illness named Dr. Cheeto was living in my town. He would cure any illness you suffered from, but there was always a 6% chance he would also make you a knight. If you were a knight, you had to go into the woods, and you weren't allowed to come back until you told a bear a riddle, and the bear had to answer correctly. Nobody ever came back from being a knight. I went to see Dr. Cheeto, and he cured all my chronic illnesses, but didn't make me a knight.

[dreamsididnthave]

I put on a sock puppet show for my cats where the main character was a sock-pig named Hammerson. It was so popular with my cats that they funded a new restaurant I opened called "Hammerson's", which sold every kind of food, but always covered in ham. After a successful opening night, someone broke into the restaurant as I cleaned up. It was Hammerson. He told me that he "wasn't named Hammerson because of ham" and then beat me to death with a hammer.

[dreamsididnthave]

My son wanted chicken for his birthday, so I went to a farm and personally killed a chicken to cook. The chicken was somehow alive and able to talk despite being killed. While in the oven, I had a lovely conversation with her about why the moon doesn't fall out of the sky and crush everybody.

[dreamsididnthave]

I was a mermaid pirate on a ship, and I had a crew of other mermaid pirates. We used our tails to slither awkwardly around the ship, and our goal was to find the exact center of the ocean so we could live there without anyone bothering us. Whenever we got close, our path was blocked by an annoying walrus who wouldn't let us pass unless we listened to him sing about how much he hated his wife. Eventually, I just shot him in the forehead.

[dreamsididnthave]

I strayed away from a trail while in the woods and got bitten by a snake. I immediately died and fell to the ground. Despite being dead, I was still conscious. I could do nothing but lay there and observe my body slowly decomposing. It started raining, and my decaying body started to bloat at an unnatural rate.