Listening To A Potential Victim Does Not Mean Disregarding Critical Thinking or Evidence
So, I've been avoiding a lot of the stuff regarding Dream on twitter, mostly because I thought a lot of it was dumb, and being handled poorly. However, now that things have cooled off a bit, I want to discuss something.
To summarize the situation for those unaware, on twitter, a person made an accusation that when they were 17/"18 soon", they had flirty conversations with a then 20 year old Dream. The person did not allege any form of grooming, coercion, actual relationship, sexting, nudes, etc. The evidence of this they provided is sketchy at best, they claimed to have evidence that was more definitive and then backtracked, and overall it's just been weird. I think people on reddit/here have already done enough to debunk a lot of it or point out how things don't add up. That's not what I want to talk about right now.
What I want to talk about is the narrative of "believe the victim" that has sprung up in these discussions. People casting doubt or pointing out holes in the story presented have received hate/been accused of "defending an abuser" under this assumption that you are supposed to "believe the victim". This is an incredibly dangerous and easily exploitable mindset. It is dangerous both for innocent parties that may get accused, and also for actual victims. I honestly do not like to say "believe the victim". Instead, I prefer to say "listen to the victim".
Now, when someone comes forward to make an accusation against someone, you absolutely should listen to them. You should hear the person out with an open mind, and not instantly jump to discredit or dismiss them regardless of what they say. You should remain respectful, and not engage in any form of harassment toward the person speaking out, even if you don't believe what they are saying. This is a healthy mindset. This is what "listen to the victim" looks like.
"Listen to the victim" does NOT mean you should treat everything the accuser is saying as empirically true. You should consider it. You should look at the evidence that they present. You should use critical thinking skills and discuss the evidence as well as the weight of the accusation in question. The other side of the story should be heard and discussed as well. And then you can come to your conclusion based on everything that is presented to you.
"Listen to the victim" also does not mean that you should not ask for proof, particularly if the person in question is a stranger. It is on the accuser to provide proof of the claims that they make. It is on them to provide evidence as best they can. This can be hard, and it can feel unfair, but it's a vital part of addressing situations like this.
Part of why this is so important is because people can lie. If an abuser knows that a victim may speak out against them, they can come out and accuse the victim of abuse in order to discredit them. If you blindly "believe the victim", you may end up participating in furthering the abuse of someone and prevent an actual victim from speaking up.
The mindset of "believe the victim" when applied as "do not critically examine any of the evidence or doubt the person accusing" ends up actually turning into "believe whoever you hear say something first". This is incredibly dangerous, very unhelpful, and a mindset that is used to shut down and shame critical examinations of evidence. It is can and has been used as a tool by abusers or those looking to harass people to shut down anyone questioning what they say.
If you don't feel confident that you understand the evidence of a situation, or that you have had the time to process and evaluate it, do not spread that information or those accusations uncritically. Take your time, see things for yourself, come to your conclusions based on what you feel comfortable trusting.
You should always remain respectful, you should keep an open mind, and you absolutely should listen to people when they speak up about serious issues. But that doesn't mean you shouldn't also think critically about the situation, examine the evidence put out, and take your time before making a decision on how you feel.
