This was an rp blog once upon a time but it seems as thought my old partners have lost interest in my muses. Oh well, I’ll keep it as a personal and an archive if that’s the case. Though that’s not why I’m making this post. I just need to get everything in my head out in the open and I don’t feel like I can directly go to my friends as they have enough on their plates without me adding to their burden.
First off, I feel like my depression is coming back, which is wonderful... I’ve been having a lot of unwanted thoughts recently and I think it’s because I’m overstressed but I can’t prove it. It may even have no reason to it. God knows the last time it hit me it was for no reason. So far, I’m staying strong against the thoughts, and I hope that will continue but if things continue as is, there’s likely going to come a point where I break and it gets too much... Whether that causes physical harm or a lot of emotional/friendship damage, only time will tell I guess.
Leading on from that, my mum’s drinking is getting worse again. It got better for a while a couple of years ago, or at least, I thought it did because I was away from home a lot. Since I started work about 6 months ago, the amount of wine has gone up and it’s getting nigh on a bottle a day at this point. That’s nothing to some people but I’m a healthcare professional and it makes me worry. Alcohol also goes straight to her head and makes her turn nasty, bringing me to what’s prompted this venting.
Our boiler has been playing up for months on and off, and we initially had the option of new boiler vs replacing broken parts. We went down the replacing parts option, and naturally, once you replace one thing, something else goes wrong, and whereas when this all started we could have afforded a new boiler, we now can’t. My mum keeps washing her hair in cold water because of this as she’s allergic to dry shampoo. Today the boiler went wrong again so we have no hot water. Mum has had a bottle of wine today. I suggested that my dad take her to my uncle’s or grandparent’s so she could use their hot water and she refused. This caused us to argue. A couple of hours later, the same thing happened between mum and dad, except they shouted louder than me and mum did.
About 45 minutes ago, mum went upstairs and me and dad heard a crash. Dad went to investigate, mum had slipped and she told him to piss off. So he’s now sleeping downstairs on the sofa.
I’m pretty sure this hasn’t helped my depression get better, but then again, my mum and dad don’t know the full extent of it because I hide it from them. I wish I could afford to move out, but I can’t. I can barely afford to support myself as is. *heavy sigh*
To anyone who’s read this to this point, thank you and I’m sorry for taking up your valuable time with my whining. I know other people have it worse than me. At least I have a mum, dad, roof over my head and a job. Things could be worse, right?
germansingergirl
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