it's kind of overwhelming, isn't it?
I think we all know that nothing is ever going to be the same again - not that anything is ever certain, but this is different.
even the people in denial know. that's why they're so insufferable and angry - they're afraid.
because even if we know we can't go back, we have no idea what lays before us.
who in our families will get the virus? who do we know that will be targeted by the police? who will die? will it be the ones we care about or will it be ourselves? will we be able to take care of those without work? will our communities have enough resources to keep everyone going?
so many people were already barely surviving. so many people were already NOT surviving...
we're not on the verge of an economic collapse, we're not on the verge of a revolution. we're in it RIGHT NOW, just as we're in the middle of a plague.
but it sure as hell doesn't feel like anyone is acting like it, at least not where I am, at least not the people I'm with.
I'm experiencing such extreme emotions, aren't most people? and yet my friends and family don't express any. I try to bring it up and yet the most I get is a spookily calm "I'm scared too" or "yep everything's terrible" U_U
or the ever present "I'm grateful I have a stable job." which is all well and good but... how stable is it really? no one will be unaffected. it's an economic collapse, nothing is stable. we have no idea what the world will look like. online shopping, small businesses, mega corporations, food from around the world, oil as the main source of fuel, the basic structure of our government... what will remain?
and I had hoped that talking about it would help, or maybe create some sense of solidarity, or in the very least confirm that this is real, it's really happening. but everyone I know is reppressing it or actively pursuing a lala land of escapism. they say they feel it too but I can't see it.
and it all makes me so much more alone
so I sob by myself, and I want to scream by myself, I dance by myself and yes, I've even broken my rule and have started drinking by myself
I like to hope that all this change will result in something better. that we'll force police reform, and some kind of UBI, and healthcare reform, that maybe maybe the masses of people who are dying won't be forgotten.
but it feels less and less possible. aren't we just hurtling towards becoming a totalitarian dictatorship? aren't the elections going to be meaningless? we were already closer to that reality than many people wanted to admit.
all the major cities are absolute chaos, and soon that will reach this sheltered little city I call home. any day now our hospitals will reach capacity.
every moment feels like living on borrowed time.
in the past I've been teased and even legitimately criticized for being too dramatic, too concerned with fate, too ready to call things life-changing. and yet now I feel I'm the only same person around.
but what am I actually doing? ultimately, nothing. I go to work, same as before, and try not to think about how I may never see some of my friends and family again.
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