beautiful disaster

Drew. Daughter. Wife. 

[drewmckeon-blog]

a new chapter | drelian

[drewmckeon-blog]

julianmckeon:

“oh i am. i know it.” he grinned softly, taking the box from her hands. he paused before slightly tearing the wrapping paper, “but it’s so beautifully wrapped.” he said before tearing into it. for some reason, he was extremely excited to have a present. he took the top off the box and saw the picture on top of a small piece of clothing and his eyebrows shot up, “holy shit, is this what… does this mean what i think it means?!” he couldn’t believe what was in front of him, “are you serious?! are we really – are you pregnant?” he asked the woman, clearly he didn’t want to get his hopes up but he couldn’t have been more excited.

drew laughed at his reaction, letting out a deep breath she hadn't known she was holding, and nodded her head. "oh, i am very serious." she chuckled, grabbing the box and setting it to the side and climbed on top of him, her legs straddling him, and wrapped her arms around his neck, "i'm pregnant, yes." she pressed a kiss to his lips, and quickly wiped some tears away that had fallen down her cheeks. “you are going to be a dad..a great one at that.”

[drewmckeon-blog]

a new chapter | drelian

[drewmckeon-blog]

julianmckeon:

he smiled at his wife and sighed, “it’ll come to you soon.” he told her with a sigh, “oh really now? i thought i was supposed to be the one doting on you?” he asked, kissing the woman on the forehead, “i definitely feel i have been good enough, yes.” he tilted his head and scrunched his nose, “why the hell would you give me an empty box?”

"oh, i sure hope you're right." she made a pouting face. she smiled, shrugging her shoulders. "you do, but i think with this, i should be the one doing the doting." she laughed, "luckily it's not an empty box then." she handed him the box and slid off her shoes and grabbed a spare change of clothes, quickly walking into their bathroom and changing. she sat down on the bed next to him, "go ahead, open it."

[drewmckeon-blog]

a new chapter | drelian

[drewmckeon-blog]

julianmckeon:

finally, finally free to move about without his damn chair. he was doing what he usually did on saturdays, watch a movie. especially while he waited for his wife to come home. he heard the front door and smiled. she was home. julian sat up as he waited for her. he smiled as he kissed the woman back, “hello, love. how was your day?” he asked, tilting his head as he looked at her.

"it was good. i'm still fighting that writer's block, but i think i'm getting there." she nodded her head. "i got something for you," she said pulling the box out of her purse, but held it back from him. "but have you been good enough for a gift," she asked, shaking it lightly. "or is it an empty box?" she teased, raising an eyebrow.

[drewmckeon-blog]

a new chapter | drelian

drew was excited that her and julian were right back where they were supposed to be, not to mention, back at their own house. It was nice after being gone for what seemed like forever. she had spent a good part of the day at the doctors. she had found out she was pregnant and she was more than excited to tell him. drew went to the store and bought a box and a baby onesie that was a green onesie with elephants on them, wrapping it once she got out to the car, putting the ultrasound photo ontop of the onesie. arriving at home, she walked inside, placing the box in her purse and walked into their room, falling down onto their bed with a squeal and kissed him deeply, "hi babe."

[julianmckeon-blog]

this feels like we're almost normal again || drelian

[drewmckeon-blog]

julianmckeon:

he looked at the woman and sighed, “drew, i’m fine. i’m still alive. it’s not your fault, not one bit. i promise you.” he kissed her on the forehead and sighed, “i think that is a splendid plan.”

"i know, but it didn't mean i couldn't be scared." she said, shrugging her shoulders. she smiled, crawling back into the driver seat. "ok, so tell me what you want," she said, starting the van and driving to the diner.

[julianmckeon-blog]

this feels like we're almost normal again || drelian

[drewmckeon-blog]

julianmckeon:

julian smiled as she spoke, “it’s never changed for me either, love. you’re my everything.” he looked into the female’s eyes and sighed. being this close to her, it helped. the kisses, they helped as well, “things are beginning to feel almost normal again. aside from me having to be wheeled around in that fucking wheelchair of course.” he chuckled, “i just wish i was fully able to hold onto you right now.” he sighed, “i love you so fucking much, drew. i’m never not going to love you.” he said into the kiss.

"you're mine too." she ssid, kissing him again. she smiled, biting her lower lip which faded when he mentioned the wheelchair. she chuckled, then looked down. "i was so worried when they called me. terrified actually." she spoke softly. "maybe we get the food to go and we could go back to my dad's and just watch tv." she took his hand and laced their fingers together, "i love you so fucking much too, julian. i always will. nothing will ever change that."

[julianmckeon-blog]

this feels like we're almost normal again || drelian

[drewmckeon-blog]

julianmckeon:

julian smiled as his wife’s lips touched his own. he couldn’t help himself but to kiss her back. with his left hand he cupped the girl’s cheek and sighed softly, “ever since you walked back into my life, i’ve wanted to do that. i repressed and kept everything to myself. i honestly, i can’t keep bottling things up like that anymore. not with you, drew. you’re my wife and i love you. i always have and i always will.” he explained to her, “please never forget that, even if i do end up making a snide comment. i promise you, it is unintentional. you are my everything and everything in me, it would hurt worse than anything if i lost you again.” he mumbled, kissing her soft lips once again.

"i don't blame you," she said softly. "it was the back and forth that was making me angry," she bit her lower lip. she smiled, nodding her head, "i love you too, julian. that has never once changed. me leaving never meant that i didn't love you. i'll never be able to stop." she shrugged her shoulders, biting her lower lip again. she wasn't sure where all this sap from him was coming from. she was usually the soft one of the two. she shook her head, a smile wide on her face, "i'm not going anywhere, i promise. the only way i'd ever leave is if someone killed me or something. you're my home and i love you more than anything in this life." she grinned, kissing him again.

[julianmckeon-blog]

this feels like we're almost normal again || drelian

[drewmckeon-blog]

julianmckeon:

julian knew she had every right to be acting the way she was. his behavior was erratic and undeniably annoying. he wasn’t doing it to be an asshole. he was doing it because he was an idiot. he sucked a small breath in and sighed, “this time i won’t. if i need to prove that to you, i will.” he replied to his wife, closing his eyes for a second. there was no knowing that he was being real with the woman, except for his eyes. he absolutely hated the way he had been treating her and just wanted things back to the way they were. he looked over at the girl and nodded “i could eat, yes. where were you thinking?” the man looked over at the woman, “drew, i’m sorry. i am being 200 percent genuine right now and honestly, if i could move, i would come over there and kiss those perfect lips of yours.” he admitted to his wife, with a soft smile on his lips. “you have no idea how many times i have wanted to…. every time i see you practically.” this time, it was different. he was being completely serious and genuine with the woman.

listening to him talk as she started the car, all drew could do was let out a sigh. she wanted to believe him so badly. "that little diner not too far from my house. i'm really craving a cheeseburger." she said, nodding her head. she bit her lower lip, turning the car off. she wanted nothing more than to kiss him too, and it was hard to sit around him and not act on those feelings. she sat there for a minute before crawling over the console so she was then in his lap and pressed her lips to his. she pulled away after a few minutes and rested her forehead against his, "i swear to god julian. if you do it again, i'm out." she said softly, kissing him again.

[julianmckeon-blog]

this feels like we're almost normal again || drelian

[drewmckeon-blog]

julianmckeon:

julian sat in his wheelchair as he waited for drew to finish packing up the car, ’ thank you for coming with me. ’ he mumbled, ’ i know these last couple weeks have been less than easy on you and i was an idiot the other day. i wasn’t there for you when you needed me and i apologise profusely for that. are you doing okay? ’ truth was, after the last week of being at her father’s, he was beginning to feel like things were beginning to seem normal again, ’ please forgive me for everything? especially the way i’ve been acting. ’ he asked the woman. he missed the way things used to be with them, he missed her laughter, he missed her kiss, he missed everything about her. but he felt it would have been impolite for him to tell her that was how he was feeling. every day was different and today was one of the better days.

after last week, drew kept to herself mostly. she wasn't sure how to feel. there were good days and bad days with them. at his question, she rolled her eyes and shook her head as she started throwing thing into the van, thankful for her dad's car. "i'm fine. i have to be," she said, shrugging her shoulders then went to his side. She bit her lower lip at his apology and nodded her head, "yeah, okay....until you change your mind," she said softly, and shrugged her shoulders. she helped him into the passenger side and then loaded up his wheel chair and got back into the driver side. "are you hungry?" she asked, starting the car.

[drewmckeon-blog]

do you get it now? || drelian

[drewmckeon-blog]

julianmckeon:

reality set back in and julian wasn’t sure what was going on. he wanted to just kiss the girl but something, something in his brain was telling him not to. he was more than worried about his wife’s safety and more importantly, her feelings. however, that did not change that he was mad at her. not mad, that’s the wrong word for this. he was upset with her, still. maybe angry. but mad was not the word, ‘ those three weeks were hell. here with you is where i need to be too. but in due time, drew. we will be together again. ‘ he told her as he let out a sigh. 

all drew wanted was to just kiss him, and she was about tempted to until she heard the words come out of his mouth. it was like he pulled her in, let her think things were ok only to kick her out again. she wasn't expecting instant forgiveness but she sure as hell didn't want this either. she let out a sigh, as she got up from his lap and shook her head. the back and forth was already grating on her last nerve. "right. sure we will. i'm going to the store for the day. if you need anything, my dad is still here. he put your clothes in my dresser drawer, and i'm sure you remember where the bathroom is," she said, feeling tears well up in her eyes again but there was no way in H E L L she would let him see that. she made her way past him and quickly turned around, "you and my dad saw part of what they did to me and i had to relive it even if for just a few minutes and so, i'm vulnerable and its like you played on that..it's like you pull me in just to kick me out. i wasn't expecting you to forgive me right away but this showing compassion towards me and pulling me in then kicking me out is really...frustrating. i get it, you need to know i won't leave again. but i am doing everything i can to prove to you that i'm not leaving. you realize that instead of letting you be here, you could just do inpatient therapy right? i am here julian and i have no plans to go anywhere. so stop being so damn wish washy and realize that i am trying or we can get a divorce i guess. i don't..i don't care." she shrugged her shoulders, walking out of the doorway of her room and left her father's. she would be back later, but for now, she needed to leave before she became a puddle of her own tears.

[drewmckeon-blog]

do you get it now? || drelian

[drewmckeon-blog]

julianmckeon:

julian wrapped the one arm he could around drew and sighed. he leaned his forehead against her’s and smiled slightly. it was night to be this close to her. drew was his one and only and he knew that she thought he was going to be mad for forever. he wasn’t going to be mad forever, he just needed time to process, ‘ drew, i… i don’t know what to say. ‘ he sighed once more and looked into her eyes, ‘ i love you, drew. i’m not going anywhere. i just need… i need time to process you being back. ‘ he pursed his lips together, kissing her on the cheek, ‘ are you okay? or at least are you going to be okay? ‘

listening to him, she completely understood where he was coming from. she nodded her head as she pulled away, a smile on her face as she placed a hand on his cheek. "i know and i love you too, which is why i'm staying. i'm never leaving again. those three weeks without you were miserable. i wasn't sure if you would have wanted me back but then the hospital called me and i didn't care if you did or not. here with you is where i need to be." a smile graced her features when he kissed her cheek. she bit her lower lip when he asked if she would be ok, "i will be, yes and for the record, i love you too."

[drewmckeon-blog]

do you get it now? || drelian

[drewmckeon-blog]

julianmckeon:

julian instantly felt his blood start to boil as the movie, well, video, started to play. all he wanted to do was get the assholes that did this to his wife and beat the shit out of them but that wasn’t something he could do right then. he attempted to stand up and remembered he was still seriously injured, ‘ sir, i need you to help me into the chair and push me into my wife. ‘ he said with no hesitation. the man stood up and walked over to julian. he helped him up and walked him over to the chair then proceeded to wheel him into the room, ‘ i’ll call you over when we’re done. ‘ he told the man. he looked at the woman and sighed, ‘ jesus, drew. i had no idea! why didn’t you tell me when we were talking at the hospital? ‘ he automatically felt more shitty than he had ever felt in his entire life. he was such an asshole to her and for what? nothing. he shifted his left arm and curled his finger a few times, ‘ please, drew, i am so sorry. i can’t even imagine. i am so sorry for the way i acted. i wish i would have known. ‘ he looked at her then down at the floor. he had no idea what to say. all he wanted to do was hold her in his arms. well, arm.

drew was alone with her thoughts until she heard julian's voice and snapped out of them. she sat up from her bed and shrugged her shoulders, "i didn't think it would make a difference. you were angry. i wanted to forget it and i couldn't exactly form the words for it. i had no idea they made a video." she hated that he had seen it. she wanted to keep what had happened to her to herself. she bit her lower lip. she never blamed him for being rude towards her, she expected it. she climbed off the bed and walked over to him, shaking her head, "i expected it." she said, taking his hand in hers. she pulled her hair over her shoulder before sitting in his lap, only letting go of his hand for a second but quickly took it back in hers and rested her head on his shoulder. "i'm so sorry."

[drewmckeon-blog]

do you get it now? || drelian

[drewmckeon-blog]

julianmckeon:

‘ drew, i’m not giving you false hope. we will be together again, in due time. but we can’t have this conversation right now. ‘ he told his wife, ‘ can we talk about this later? ‘ he asked, tilting his head at drew, ‘ don’t even go there, drew. have i ever once said “i want a divorce”? no i haven’t. ‘ he pursed his lips and looked away from the woman. to him, he sounded weak, like he was caving. however, he wasn’t. he just needed to drew to know that they would be together again but with time. especially because he was still hurting. he was still learning to trust her again. he was still learning to be the man he was before the accident and before she walked out on him, ‘ oh, lovely. that sounds like my mom when she first heard of amazon. ‘ he laughed at her father’s comment.

"right. okay." she said softly then shrugged her shoulders at his question, "no, you haven't. but what else is there?" she said softly. she laughed, "i have to keep an eye on him, he roasted the last one," she grinned, as her father shooed her away and out of the living room and played the movie. she was too distracted by her conversation with julian, to really listen to what had started playing on the tv. she walked out of the kitchen, too engrossed on what was on her phone, until she heard a scream come from the tv. her scream. she quickly shoved her phone into her pocket but other than that she was frozen and watching the tv, she was instantly reminded of the abuse and torture she suffered at their hands and immediately dropped the glass of soda in her hand, as tears streamed down her cheeks at the realization that this person on her tv was her. "turn it off," she said softly, her eyes meeting her dad's, his mouth open as he came to the realization as well. "turn it off!!" she yelled, sobbing at this point and slid down to the floor, pulling her knees to her chest. she needed to regain the ability to move, so she could hide...permanently.

[drewmckeon-blog]

do you get it now? || drelian

[drewmckeon-blog]

julianmckeon:

julian looked at the woman with a confused expression on his face. sure they were technically separated but it was still her house as much as it was his, ‘ our. but no, it’s fine. i’m fine. ‘ he corrected her simply, ‘ sir. ‘ he said, raising his eyebrow, ‘ oh what movie is it? ‘ he asked, tilting his head to the side as he shifted his glance around the room.

"don't..don't give me false hope, ok?" she was sure that they were over. it only made sense. where could they go from here? "i left, so it's not mine anymore. i...i'm searching around for an attorney or we can do it ourselves and probably not have court costs. i don't um..i don't want to, i just...i don't know if we'll be okay. despite how much i want--need us to be," she said softly, wiping away the fresh tears that had pooled in her eyes. she quickly wiped her eyes so her dad wouldn't notice and laughed lightly seeing him shrug. "he's developed an interest in amazon prime so he just buys everything," she replied, walking off into the kitchen, and pouring them both a soda to drink and brought it to them. she watched as her dad opened it and put it in. "i know how to work a dvd player, drew." he said, a look of unamusement on his face.

[drewmckeon-blog]

do you get it now? || drelian

[drewmckeon-blog]

julianmckeon:

julian watched outside the window the whole car ride. he was still very wary of trusting drew again but less than he was prior. he looked over at drew a couple times but stayed pretty silent throughout the entire drive, ‘ you’re correct. this is the last place i want to be. i miss my damn bed. ‘ he said, laughing slightly, ‘ dad, you’ve got a person here to see you. ‘ he said in a sarcastic tone. he was asshole-ish and obnoxious but he was also sorta drugged from the hospital, ‘ does your father expect us to sleep in the same room? just wondering. ‘

she laughed. there was nothing drew missed more. she chuckled, "um, i can see if any of my dad's contractors can put in a ramp at your house and maybe sliding doors or something, so the wheelchair can fit. what? no. i'm sleeping on the couch, silly." seeing her dad, she couldn't shake the awful feeling in the pit of her stomach. "hi dad," she said with a grin, and pushed julian over to the couch, helping him to sit into it. "hey julian." her dad said, taking his seat in his chair as she brought him the mail. "the movie you ordered finally came today i think. i don't know. it sounds like a movie," she said, shrugging her shoulders, walking back into the kitchen.

[drewmckeon-blog]

do you get it now? || drelian

after that night at the hospital, drew returned with a bag...packed. she had every intention of staying and seeing as how his release date wasn't concrete, a packed bag was the only thing that made sense. she needed to them to sort through this, and figure it out because she was not letting go without a fight. the whole ride to her father's was somewhat quiet. she was sure julian didn't want to stay there, seeing as his 'debt' caused her to lose their child but it was handicap friendly and virtually their only option at the moment. pulling up in front of his house, she got out then helped julian out as well. she took the ramp up to the porch and checked the mail as she unlocked the door. "i'm sure this is the last place you want to be right now, but it's all we've got." she opened the door and pushed him inside. "dad..you got mail." she called out then turned to julian, "do you need or want anything?"

[julianmckeon-blog]

its nobody's fault but mine || drelian

[drewmckeon-blog]

julianmckeon:

‘ nobody ever said you were a burden, drew. ‘ his blood started to boil. the asshole was coming back, ‘ i never said you needed an explanation. i was giving you one because of the confused look on your face. nor did i say you were blaming me for it. i need to go to bed before i say shit that’s going to hurt your feelings because i am pissed off. i know your not supposed to go to bed angry but i have to. stay or don’t. that’s your choice. ‘

in that moment, if only for a second, the woman was at a loss for words. she couldn't think of anything else to say. "just say them anyway." her voice was empty, emotionless. as if she realized explaining her actions would be futile, pointless. she nodded her head, as she pondered staying or getting up to leave. she got up and walked towards the door, she turned around to say something but shook her head as she opened the door and walked out, slamming it shut behind her.