blackgirl

penned in Geniuz. fire||ice

[drgeniuz]

mude.

      Lover I must tell you. 

I think I am depressed.

I don`t know for sure, still, I suspect.

  I have been sad, but not like this.

This sadness wakes with me in the morning 

and drains my day.

It bids me good night and slips into my dreams too.

  Lover, is this what it feels like?

I want to stay in bed but staying in bed is too much work.

my heart is tired, my soul is tired, my hope has lost…

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[drgeniuz]

because maybe...

because maybe…

  Because…

  Maybe the sun will never rise and the moon will loose its flavor.

maybe east turns west and the north travels down south .

  Maybe your song will loose its melody

and the very things that bring your heart joy will plant bile in your coronaries.

  Maybe your hard work only stays hard but never works.

maybe your dreams grow fangs and mare your  nights.

Maybe, just maybe everything…

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[drgeniuz]

Teary.

      00:39 am,

Crouched on a couch, neck bent and back awkwardly begging for more space, he lays waiting for me to get my box braids done. He is tired I know. If the tired lines on his face do not give it away, the consistent sighs do.

        7.45 pm

  He has called to let me know he his stuck in traffic, however, he hoped i was okay, he asked how i was taking on the humidity .He knows I don’t…

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[drgeniuz]

Uwem , a bitch.

Uwem , a bitch.

Trauma will change your perspective, nobody tells you.

Pain will humble you. you can only learn this on your own.

there´s so much to say, but i need the words to hit right. They don´t.

  Life is running at a zillion miles Per minute,I only ever learned paced walking.

I am holding my pieces with feigned happiness and fragile hope.

fake and Fragile things never last.

send help.

  all is good still.

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[drgeniuz]

as a lucky one.

as a lucky one.

RANDOMS

  2:27am,

no ones hero.

its is a blessing and a curse to feel so deeply.

To hop just as high when an ally jollies and crunch deep when a beloved hurts.

  who is gonna save them?

everyone is hurting,

children are dying, hearts are breaking.

everyone is hurting,

life is hard, the chase is draining.

  And there are lucky ones.

its unfair to have life better.

not easy, but not as many…

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[drgeniuz]

But I dont.

    you say you’re tired, trust me I’m tired too.

I understand your pain but I don’t.

  I have no rights, there’s nothing I can say.

but if i did, I’ll call you selfish.

if I had a say, It’ll be damn you, in the most loving way.

You picked your death day, nailed my coffins too.

  If I were less smart, i’d call you coward,

you’d pick giving up when there’s all this fight left in you.

I want to…

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[drgeniuz]

Cringe.

  Seconds after I spill a quarter of my Heart’s content, Regret hits me. I talk too darn much. still,I say very little. My friends don’t know me but they do know me.

I have realized that bottling pressure is only temporary stoppage. Eventually, lids get opened and there’s an explosions You cant control explosions. you cant control the after effects either.  So here I sat, Wine glass in hand…

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[drgeniuz]

My Darling.

  There’s not much that makes me sad,

i’m lucky like that.

  There’s really nothing that breaks me,

i bricked my walls that way.

  Believe me, I have never felt the break of a heart,

or the anguish of loss.

the universe spares me, maybe.

  Still, today,

she said ‘i want to be a medical doctor like you‘

my heart mosaic-ed and saved me no anguish.

my lungs squeezed all my air into a painful…

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[drgeniuz]

some say we are sinners.

some say we are sinners.

the sin of it all.

for the love of boys and girls and all men alike.

for the love of toys and plays in their fore’s.

  the sin of it all.

for the love of miles and clubs in the highs.

for twos, threes, and numbers in there somes.

  the sin of it all,

for the brothers and sister and burning incest…

for Cersie and  her descendants.

  the sin of it all,

for domination and all its trix.

get on your…

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[drgeniuz]

atbm.

as the moon reads bedtime stories to the sun,

i feel fear drumming through my bones.

I lace my hands around my face waiting for impact.

I have learnt that,if you lay really still,he will be done quick enough to let you sleep.

You may even get in a good cry too, if you’re that type.

  the day my mother finds out,

i wonder which i would loose first

my life or our house.

  It has been two months…

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[drgeniuz]

Leggo.

  I will have you know I have good and bad days.

like today.

  I’ll have you know there are things I never say out loud.

like the times hurt broke me.

  I must tell you there are times I have been failed.

like now, these thoughts, the words betray me.

  Understand that this is no block

just  leggo cause the thoughts won’t build.

this voice has lost its ink.

  where do you go when poetry fails…

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[drgeniuz]

keine.

  I really do wish you well.

I pray for you even when It hurts.

I do not need reciprocities.

being so understanding is starting to feel like a curse.

I have only ever learned to walk in love.

reasons why I am so accepting of flaws.

one day I hope you do

even though not with me

somehow the Gods taunt me with unreciprocated love.

I should be used to this.

  #fire&gasoline

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[drgeniuz]

severed

  On things nobody tells you…

Sunday evenings are really the devil’s way of teasing you with suffering. Greys anatomy is really Shonda’s way of draining emotions, growing up is a myth, adulating is hard.

Everyone says when your lover leaves, your heart breaks but, no one tells you that when friends leave, your heart weakens. you can fix broken things. weakness has no cure.

They don’t tell you…

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[drgeniuz]

postcard.

I wrote God a letter and he promised to reply.

I wrote God a letter cos my latter has been seeming a bit unsure.

I wrote God a letter cos lately my cardinals seem to loose their bearings.

  I wrote God a letter and I am waiting on a reply.

I wrote God a letter cos a thousand times we have been told:

you must put everything in writing.

  I wrote God  letter cos I have questions.

I wrote God a…

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[drgeniuz]

fold your sleeves.

    Nobody is coming to save you.

not an ally, not your lover, no one

you must go on your journey and find your souls purpose.

you will wonder, drift and float too.

time will run and the sun will set on your broken zeal

still, dawn is a great time for regrouping.

  Friends will leave and the hurt will break you.

weep if you may ,then, gather your pieces

make a mosaic, remember,your life is art.

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[drgeniuz]

learn ya.

  YES,

I keep trying to teach you lessons I have not learnt

and mentor you on principles I am yet to master.

Still, empty vessels may inspire you to stay full.

don’t you think?

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[drgeniuz]

Bis spater.

  Small and beautiful.

City on a hill, my city. my home.

Although temporary, I have formed bonds with your streets.

I watched the sun rise and set on your lanes.

danced around your squares and had my heart broken in your corners.

you have been kind to me.

  Quiet and serene,

your calm has taught me peace.

I have found myself in you and found allies too.

Still, in you, I have burned bridges.

I…

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