The In Between

Clearing out the ‘Notes’ section in my phone and emptying my thoughts here instead. In hopes to feel…maybe a little less alone.

[drowning-abovewater]

I’ve come to terms

That I am in an emotionally abusive relationship

With the man I love

So much

[drowning-abovewater]

Not so happy

Not so sad

But somewhere

in between

[drowning-abovewater]

Confrontation

You always raised me to

"if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything at all"

Now when I need to speak up I don’t because I’m afraid to hurt someone else’s feelings.

[movedtothelambytapess-deactivat]

cottagecore cats

[drowning-abovewater]

I wish so badly, more than anything,

That I could just pick up and move

Start over

In a place where I know no one,

And no one knows me,

And maybe then I can finally be happy.

[drowning-abovewater]

Tell me something sweet

It doesn’t have to be poetic

Just from the heart

Is that too much to ask?

[mentallyunstableinher20s]

hi it's me again haha and i want to fucking die again

[drowning-abovewater]

If I had to describe my life to someone I’d say,

Everyday feels like I’m walking the plank

Just some days I’m closer to the edge than others

[drowning-abovewater]

I need to

“Grow up”

Because I told you

To get off of me.

I don’t play fight or wrestle,

It turns into

Full force

All too soon

You see,

It’s a control thing…

You go through life a little differently

Once you lose it,

..Involuntarily.

Unwillingly.

Unknowingly.

[drowning-abovewater]

My life is a Lana Del Rey song,

The sweetest kind of melancholy that keeps you

Coming back for more

[drowning-abovewater]

It all just feels very lonely.

It’s a feeling I can’t seem to escape,

It always lurks back to me

[drowning-abovewater]

I’m just not convinced that happiness exists

More so just an ideology that was created to keep us going,

To give us a reason.

Please someone, prove me wrong.

[drowning-abovewater]

Sometimes loving someone isn’t enough

To bring them happiness

[drowning-abovewater]

I hate being here

And it was once the place where I felt the most

Safe

Loved

Acknowledged

[drowning-abovewater]

I’m at constant war

With

I deserve this.

And

I don’t deserve this.

[drowning-abovewater]

I’ll never be her,

Nor do I want to be,

Maybe one day you’ll see all the hurt she’s caused

Instead of the facade she puts on

That you buy

Over

And over again

The lies she feeds you

The way she alters your mood

But you don’t even realize it

She manipulates you

She controls you

She controls how you act towards me

I’m not your mother,

Nor do I ever

Ever

Want to be

[drowning-abovewater]

The story of my life:

“Let me treat you like shit,

Talk to you however I want,

And fuck you whenever I please.”