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falling into a pond and turning into a beautiful flower disease

[drowninginthepond]

welcome to my blog!

i have narcissistic personality disorder & other stuff. this is the place where i blog about it and mental health related issues.

sorry for occasional mistakes, english isnt my native language.

[biocrafthero]

perceived skill

[drowninginthepond]

[drowninginthepond]

You’re one of the only people I’ve been able to find content from who also struggles with severely high and punishing standards for their hobbies. I can rarely relate to others who just engage in hobbies for fun as if it isn’t a high stakes risk for their self-worth. Makes sense that you would be an NPD blog because I also have NPD. Confirms my thought that these relentless expectations of mine are related to my personality disorder, hah. I guess it’s just validating to see someone who also gets it! <3

hmmm, i know many people with high standards but i can rarely relate to them due to NPD just working a tad bit different. i dont like any of the "you gotta do things for fun and not competition" culture, i believe its much better to learn a healthy and fun form of competition rather than the lethal fear of inner disintegration at the core of NPD competitiveness. i do actively enjoy competition and i feel much better in such environments rather than "fun and harmonious" ones, they feel foreign, awkward and boring. but yeah, expectations are difficult. they are both motivating and paralyzing. i dont know what exactly youre dealing with, but i wish you the best :-)

[b0nkcreat]

staircase

[jumex]

you dont have to be anything

[wholeheartedsuggestions]

i’ve learned that you can be envious of someone, happy for them, sad that you aren’t like them, and happy you’re yourself. you can feel all the feelings.

[guooey]

- A Psalm for the Wild-Built, Becky Chambers // kagonekoshiro

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

npd culture is being above everyone who thinks having and not hiding a god-sized ego is "embarrassing" or "cringe"

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[tickfleato]

self-love/self-hate

[only-knives]

you know what? no. fuck you. i am going to allow myself to be in my comfort zone. i am not going to keep myself in a perpetual state of discomfort and call it growth.

i have been "getting comfortable with being uncomfortable" for my entire life. i have not allowed myself true comfort for as long as i can remember. and i am going to learn how to be kind to myself, take care of my body, and engage in what makes me feel at peace.

peace is not passivity. peace is not turning a blind eye. peace is not held in any place that denies my truth. i am me, and i am going to become who i want to be.

starting with giving myself enough comfort and space to sit with myself and be okay with who i am. rest is growth too.

[bakwaaas]

I do feel like this whole self improvement culture thing can go too far where people are never happy with who they are and where they are because they’re constantly trying to be better or do better and they’re always waiting for some sort of glow up or achievement or therapy realisation that will make them feel complete but that isn’t real and life is actually in the every day

[pdconfessions]

Npd & i HAAATTTEEEEE godkin npd people. I hate going into the npd tag and seeing someone like "Fuuucccckkk worship me im a god i literally am a god and an angel and everyone needs to worship me or die" holy shit no the fuck you are not youre some 16 yr old that got bullied too much as a kid. Having npd isnt just about roleplaying as a god you fucking moron have an actual symptom or get out of the tag

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[gogumagirl]

[narcissisticpdcultureis]

NPD Culture is feeling that no one truly understands what a narc crash is like. Because it's so much more than feeling insecure for a little bit. Your fragile sense of self just completely dissipates. You don't feel like a person anymore, let alone worthy of help. It's such a terrifying thing to go through, and deeply isolating because you're not worthy of being around other people. You're not worthy of the love, attention and praise you so desperately crave, you're not worthy of having a safe space to express yourself in at all.

I wish more people understood it's not just feeling bad. It's a complete destruction of my sense of self. My grandiosity is gone, and I feel like I'm the worst person in the world. I feel intensely guilty over every fuck up. It's so bad. It feels like a shot to the heart and being left to bleed out cold and alone.

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[rigormortisangel-deactivated202]

im a medically recognized narcissist and im still less of an asshole than 90% of the people i interact with

[kiwi]

[dragonsblowingoutbirthdaycandles]

your life is not an optimization problem

[dragonsblowingoutbirthdaycandles]

as in you'll never achieve the perfect daily routine, sleep schedule, coping mechanisms, mannerisms, fashion sense etc. even after years and years of healing and improvement and self-discovery. you will never be so good at life that you manage to utilize every waking moment. its great to be productive and all but sometimes you'll suck ass. sometimes you'll take eight hours to be done with a twenty minute job. you'll prioritize the wrong thing. you'll sleep for 12 hrs just to avoid being awake. you'll relapse. and you'll relapse again. you'll forget to turn in the assignment. you'll order too little food. life is far too large and complex for you to even experience it completely, much less try to make sense of and control it. you can't. please give up on that and be at peace with the hours you lose. they are not separate from your life.