slow motion's still a motion

⭐ jules, jordan, matt & co. ✨ 25 ⭐ Intersex, PF-DID, AuDHD, hCTD, POTS ✨ quadriparesis, juvenile DDD ⭐ suspected CCI/ME/MCAS 🤷

[only-knives]

my babies. flynnie is the tabby and momo is the black kitty.

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my goals for 2026

our current favorite work of art

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important posts:

what is child torture, and how is it different from child abuse?

sadistic abuse PSA : a type of abuse related to torture

intoxication & abuse

[swarmofravens]

Memory loss doesn't look like what I thought it would. I spent several years convinced I could have a dissociative disorder primarily because I "didn't experience memory loss". I wasn't waking up in a strange place unaware of how I got there. I wasn't having people I'd never met come up to me and call me by a different name. I wasn't finding things I'd bought unintentionally or projects I'd done with no recollection of doing them. But I was, not remembering why I was upset in the middle of crying. Finding journal entries I didn't write. Suddenly not liking music I saved on a playlist named 'my favorite songs ever'. Randomly wanting to make drastic changes to my appearance and then forgetting why I wanted to look like that. Not knowing what day of the week it was, or how many days it had been since I did something (was that this morning or 3 days ago). Having friends tell me I was acting differently when I thought that was how I always acted.

[only-knives]

also wanna point out that you may not be aware that you're continually losing and gaining awareness when in public because the other alters might just be going places that you're already well-familiarized with.

sometimes that black out amnesia really just looks like suddenly being in a familiar place and instantly adapting to it only to realize later that you don't remember what you're even there for, when you got there, who else (if anyone) is there with you, or what you did for a certain period of time.

so if you're out on a walk and suddenly feel turnt around or unsure of where you're headed, that's this. if you find yourself in a familiar place but lose your ability to navigate it, that's this. it's dissociative amnesia.

also co-consciousness and co-fronting can be covert - you may not be aware that you're not alone in the front, and the other alter present may not have the same memory access as you. internal communication isn't guaranteed at all times, and amnesia barriers aren't black and white.

[monstersovka]

🌙🏠 DREAMCORE 🌈☁️

[retquits]

an attempt to capture what miss png did this morning

[avpdvoidspace]

Having a traumatic childhood means you cannot talk even objectively about your basic foundational experiences without it being "venting", even if you're not actually venting. You just straight up have a huge chunk of your life you can't talk about, full stop, without it being trauma dumping.

And it not being socially acceptable to talk about your own childhood is super alienating. Sometimes people want to know why, and any answer you can give them is going to be off putting.

It's to the point I get irritated when something I said is framed as venting when I'm literally just talking about my life experiences, doing my best to keep emotion out of it.

[savouryduck]

when I was in high school, I overheard two older students talking about a friend of theirs.

One of them said something like, "it doesn't bother me that [Friend] was in residential mental health treatment, I just wish they wouldn't talk about it ALL the time".

The other replied, "Well, that was all of last year for them. So when they say 'when I was in treatment,' it's like when you say 'last year'."

I try to remember that any time someone says something that sounds Shocking to me. sometimes one person's scary special crisis is another person's last year.

[wherethewildcatsare]

If you want to be accepting of mental illness, you need to accept the fact that some people's everyday lives are going to be terrifying to you. That doesn't mean they don't get to talk about it. Stop forcing hurt, isolated people to become even MORE hurt and isolated because you can't fathom toughening up a bit.

[only-knives]

having constant photophobia sucks. i just wanna enjoy a sunny day. but i physically cannot. it hurts and i can't see well even if i push through. makes me wanna just go out with a thin black cloth over my eyes bc sunglasses leave too many gaps and im not walking around with a brick on my face

[fiddleheadfinn]

Happy Disability Pride Month!

I'm Robin Finn, a trans artist with ME/CFS. I work entirely in traditional media, and run a little shop & mail club out of my bedroom studio with affordable prints & originals for other queers & spoonies. Give this post a reblog to help a housebound creator find my people!

[inspectre-gadget]

Y'all understand that it is a patient's right to refuse treatment, yes? You understand that this extends to psychiatric treatment? That there is something deeply troubling about immediately dismissing a patient exercising their right to refusal as Symptoms™? It's very important to me that you understand this.

[purple--starrrs]

By the way it's like. Really fucked how society's thoughts on epilepsy is just "get over it." Seizures can cause permanent brain damage. Seizures can kill people. Seizures hurt like hell. Allow me to reiterate that seizures can kill people. And you're just gonna casually put flashing lights, a common trigger for seizures in your advertisement, in your animation meme, in your edit, on your billboards, without even thinking about putting a simple disclaimer? That's unbelievable. Your little anime edit could deadass cost a life and you're not gonna put a warning because it's "inconvenient" or "people like that shouldn't be on the internet" (ableist) (the problem exists outside the internet also). Or you'll give insufficient ones like putting it in the captions or only giving like one second before the flashing lights appear, meaning that the trigger's already in motion before anyone who needs the warning can read it and save themselves from literal physical danger.

We need to start commenting under other people's posts about how to properly warn for flashing lights and eyestrain. We need to be emailing and calling companies about their possibly triggering advertisements that could induce seizures. We need to stop tolerating ableism and start speaking up for the more vulnerable.

Also, stop putting epilepsy warnings. That's like saying "warning: schizophrenia" on a post including unreality or "warning: dyslexia" on a post with a typing quirk. First off, the disability mentioned isn't the only group of people that this could trigger. Second, it doesn't truly get the message across and instead makes it worse for those with the disability-- scrolling through the epilepsy tag on Tumblr should get you to view the content of other epileptic people, but no, you just get a bunch of flashing lights and eyestrain, even though you could instead tag for, oh I dunno, flashing lights and eyestrain.

Anyways this Disability Pride, and for every month that comes after, think about epileptic people and others who are triggered by flashing lights/eyestrain. Happy pride to those who experience seizures too frequently due to the unaccommodating and ableist societies we live in!

[only-knives]

got sad so wanted to go on walk but just changing into jeans and getting my wheelchair set up triggered my POTS badly

so now i am still sad and also feel sick. hooray. i may as well just watch anime all day again

[only-knives]

imho companion animals know more about what love is than most humans. do you have any idea how much trust and attachment it takes to have an animal feel so safe with you that it falls asleep on you? love is a safe harbor. a kind teacher. a shared joy.

my cat doesnt look at me and think im an ugly loser, he just thinks im another living being who cares about him. and apparently i make him very happy because he purrs so loud and flops all over the place. he loves sleepy belly rubs.

i love animals they are so important to the world and life would be meaningless without them

[la-dama-perfetta]

like idk. free yourself from the belief that you have to jump through 5 billion hoops to consider yourself plural. you know what kept ME from realizing i was plural for years longer? thinking that wanting to live as multiple people and wanting to see myself as plural was bad and wrong and ableist and insulting to "real" systems. literally you can just try out the label. you can look into created plurality even. or you can try out a different label also!! thats fine its fine. especially if being a singlet or calling yourself a singlet is making you like. miserable or something. but even if its not and you just like. Dont vibe with the label of singlet. You Dont Have To Use It. you dont actually have to label it at all.

[only-knives]

plural people do not have to suffer indefinitely or at all!! u can be plural and happy or want to be plural and happy!!

[la-dama-perfetta]

like idk. free yourself from the belief that you have to jump through 5 billion hoops to consider yourself plural. you know what kept ME from realizing i was plural for years longer? thinking that wanting to live as multiple people and wanting to see myself as plural was bad and wrong and ableist and insulting to "real" systems. literally you can just try out the label. you can look into created plurality even. or you can try out a different label also!! thats fine its fine. especially if being a singlet or calling yourself a singlet is making you like. miserable or something. but even if its not and you just like. Dont vibe with the label of singlet. You Dont Have To Use It. you dont actually have to label it at all.

[only-knives]

Distraction question time, are there any songs you feel described your system or otherwise just match the vibe of it? Our big ones are Soul Meets Body by Death Cab For Cutie and Everything Goes On by Porter Robinson.

Oooh this is lovely. we LOVE arcane and rock music.

so we really love the songs you chose. they're perfect, honestly. these are the lyrics i relate to most:

Soul Meets Body - Death Cab For Cutie And I do believe it's true That there are roads left in both of our shoes But if the silence takes you, then I hope it takes me too So, Brown Eyes, I'll hold you near 'Cause you're the only song I want to hear A melody softly soaring through my atmosphere Everything Goes On - Porter Robinson Don't try to make yourself remember, darling Don’t look for me; I'm just a story you've been told So let's pretend a little longer 'Cause when we're gone, everything goes on

it's hard to choose but i guess the ones that have given us (host subsystem) semi-spiritual experiences will work:

Jaded - Spiritbox

And I've always been ashamed that I wanna Fall into a dream with my honor dеsecrated Blood is jaded I've never found a way to be honest All I know is a place where I haunted memories faded Blood is jaded In my dreams all I see is a crimson key Tethered by a falling string Meant to turn in the lock for me I can't leave so I justify Interloper of confidence Under pressure of influence Not a curse that I caused Never to rot What if I was? (What if I was?) What if I was? (It's never enough, it's never enough)

Infinite Baths - Sleep Token (this song is over 8 minutes long lol)

I know now That even if I am frozen Timeless as a ghost in my Nightmares of the ocean The precipice I'm approaching Well, you will empty the darkness You will keep me in motion I know now Infinite baths Washing over me at last Are you the method in my madness? Are you the glory in my wrath? Infinite baths Bursting colors when you laugh Well, I have fought so long to be here I am never going back Even if I'm on my own When the silence is deafening I could be stuck here alone When even my future is threatening Something is lifting the bones Something is dancing in revelry Wider than oceans below Taller than titans on box springs And the waters are warm Where they used to run freezing Where there used to be storms My horizon is fleeting I'm so tired inside I could sleep through a landslide But I'm finally here And I'm not leaving this time

Drift with me Drift with me Drift with me Drift with me All this glory you did not earn Every lesson you did not learn You will drown in an endless sea If it's blood that you want from me You can empty my arteries Will you halt this eclipse in me? Will you halt this eclipse in me? In me Teeth of god Blood of man I will be What I am

[selfcarereminder]

small kindnesses to yourself, done consistently, add up to something huge over time. start today, however small

[only-knives]

being a system with multiple hosts at any given moment, and a system that often changes hosts and splits over periods of time, is crazy.

i feel like my body has lived a thousand lives. i know a lot more about my system today than i did a year or two ago, but i know there is so much that i don't remember, and so many alters that are outside my awareness entirely - both dormant and active.

and i've been catching more and more glimpses of what came before me. i naturally retained enough memories from our teenage years to know it was bad, but. i know there's more.

i feel like i can actually see the child(ren) i was sometimes. they have so much pain. honestly almost all the pain we've felt the past year has been theirs. most of the time, they are inconsolably terrified and heartbroken.

they have no idea what safety is and honestly i can't say i do either. the world feels fundamentally unsafe and it's not even untrue. the society we live in fucking sucks. i wish i could give us peace.

[brainstreams]

Cool Ways to Show a Character Is Traumatized (Without Saying "Traumatized"):

• They memorize where every exit is in a room

• They check their phone repeatedly after sending a message, worried they said the wrong thing

• They freeze when asked a simple question, like they’re calculating the safest answer • They over-explain tiny mistakes before anyone reacts • They clean up messes that aren’t theirs without being asked • They listen for footsteps in hallways before relaxing • They downplay their own pain with humor or sarcasm

• They check locks more than once before bed • They leave shoes near the door, ready to leave quickly

• They wake up instantly at small sounds while others sleep through them

• They carry painkillers, snacks, or water everywhere “just in case.”

• They don’t like closed doors.

• They test people subtly to see if they'll leave

• They sit near walls or corners, rarely the center of a room.

• Loud noises don’t scare them anymore, they just go very still

• They apologize automatically, even when nothing went wrong

• Compliments make them visibly uncomfortable.

• They keep important things within arm’s reach at all times

• They watch people’s hands more than their faces

• They flinch at movements that aren’t threatening

• When someone raises their voice, they go quiet instead of arguing back • They assume blame first, even when it makes no sense • They’re surprised when someone keeps their promise • They brace themselves before asking a favor

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