Dr. Jonathan Crane

Chief psychologist at Arkham Asylum for the Criminally Insane. Independent RP, willing to roleplay with anybody, Batman universe or otherwise.

[drscarecrowcrane]

Dr. Crane, one of the other doctors said I have to get something called ECT. What is that?

Firstly, I thought I made it clear that you are to never listen to any doctor that isn’t me. 

But in this case, they have actually given you a good prescription. ECT, better known as Evangelical Christian Treatment, is where a psychologist goes to the tried and true traditions of Bible times in order to assist their patients. And it is almost always a success, assuming you rate ‘patient death’ as a success, which I of course do because technically you are no longer insane once dead.

For you, I’m thinking your treatment should commence with a nice public stoning, followed by nailing you to a cross, and then if we have time I think I’ll drop you into a pit of lions. If that doesn’t get you mentally healthy, then I don’t think I’ll have much else for you.

[drscarecrowcrane]

What do you like about being a psychologist and what do you hate about it?

I like the hours, in that I can torture patients for 24 hours a day, 6 days a week (Sundays are for church).

What I don’t like is how I can’t fit my hand all the way into the Pringles can, so I have to tip the can to push them to the front, and when I get right down to the Pringles at the bottom I have to tip the can over my face but then the Pringles dust falls out and gets in my eyes.

I learned recently that this isn’t a problem exclusive to psychologists, and really....I don’t know why I ever thought it would be.

[drscarecrowcrane]

I gotta go potty

Well you should have thought about that before showing signs of slight mental impairment and being sent to me for a 30 minute consultation where you were declared instantly insane and committed to my Asylum where you will live out your days strapped to a bed where you are incapable of any movement and are subjected to daily injections of my fear toxin. 

Also, the Arkham plumbing system has broken down so you’re not alone in needing to go potty. Just shut up and go in your diaper like the rest of us are doing.

[drscarecrowcrane]

I just wanna hear Scarecrow to arkham knight "bitch im back by popular demand" it would be cool (and weird with john noble voice)

John Noble has a powerful and impressive voice, but sadly it sounds nothing like my own. So truly, anything spoken by him would not be Scarecrow speaking.

My voice is more akin to Fran Drescher if she inhaled an enormous amount of helium. It makes it difficult for patients to take me seriously, which on the plus side often means they don’t realise until too late just what a horrible treatment I just prescribed to them.

[drscarecrowcrane]

Who in the world trusts you with their children? I'd trust a dingo with a baby before you.

People who want their children raised right! People who want their children to gain an understanding of discipline and an early understanding that life can be difficult and painful.

But mostly people who don’t realise that the Jane Cronathan they are hiring is actually a former Arkham Asylum inmate who now runs the facility and subjects all his babysitting subjects to rigorous and ungodly experiments on the brain.

Then again, I’m also the cheapest service in town. I actually pay you to let me take the kids.

[drscarecrowcrane]

"I'll fight you any day of the week."

Any day? Even Sunday - the Lord’s day? The day of rest? That’s very disrespectful of you, and I will not abide it.

How about next Thursday. I think we could....no, actually, that’s no good. I’ll killing a patient at noon and the way I’m going to do it will be very slow and drawn out.

I can maybe fit you in on Friday morning, if that suits. I just need to be done by mid-afternoon because I have a babysitting job to get to that night. 

[drscarecrowcrane]

Can you give us some tips on proper care for ones scribe ?

Scribe care is something this is sadly overlooked in today’s selfish culture. Particularly among you darn “millennials” what with your snapchats and the terrible state of the economy which was entirely your doing.

Here is a simply guide to the best way to treat your scribe/muse who helps you run your blog by typing up your posts for you because you are too busy performing ungodly experiments on your patients:

1. Make sure your scribe has plenty of access to water and natural light.

2. Take away that water and natural light so they know you mean business.

3. Walk your scribe every day to make sure they get plenty of exercise.

4. Cut their legs off so they know escape is impossible.

5. Feed your scribe a healthy diet.

6. Feed your scribe the ground up meat of their family. No one will be coming for them. No one even knows they are here.

7. Allow your scribe to meet other scribes so they can develop their social skills.

8. You’re all down here together. None of you will ever get out. No of you will ever be free. I will torture you, and the pain won’t stop until you finally succumb to the slow death I have planned for you.

9. And the most important rule - give your scribe cuddles every single day so they know how much you wuv them!

[drscarecrowcrane]

Surprise! Batman is actually your dad. Now what?

Well he owes me several decades of birthday and Christmas presents, that’s what.

And he also needs to apologise for all the beatings and bashings he....actually, that’s pretty much how I remember being treated by my parents, so I think he got that pretty much right. If anything, he was too soft on me. And wasn’t that always the worst quality of Batman - his inability to discipline?

Why didn’t you raise me better, Batman? Why didn’t you teach me right from wrong? Why weren’t you at my piano recitals? Everyone else’s parents were there, and I was just staring at an empty seat that said ‘Reserved for Batman’. I had to grow up without any real parents at all - and you have no idea what that feels like!

[drscarecrowcrane]

Jon do you like digimon ?

I know I’m a little behind on my asks, but was this one sent in 1999? 

I liked Digimon up until I found myself unable to digivolve mine into anything other than whatever that Digimon is that throw it’s poop. Apparently you get that if you make mistakes when raising it. But in my personal experience subjecting a baby to starvation and poor hygiene conditions often raises the most competent and intelligent person possible who goes on to do an excellent job running Arkham Asylum. 

And in answer to presumably your next question of this year, yes I absolutely loved ‘Blue (Da Be Dee)’ and listened to it on my Sony Walkman ever day.

[drscarecrowcrane]

Pls tell me ur team instinct or I'll cry

Oh how quickly people forget. Do you really think I would align myself with any of those so-called "legendary" birds in Zaptos, Moltres or Articuno?

I do not associate with any bird but one, and due to my hacking of the game I find myself as the only member of the most powerful team of all:

TEAM SWAGCROW UNITE!

But don’t actually unite. Because we can’t. Because it’s just me.

[drscarecrowcrane]

//A message from a savaged scribe

Well I think this will feel somewhat inevitable to anyone who is roleplaying with me at the moment but....I kinda gotta put RPing on hold indefinitely. And maybe for good.

Not that this blog will stop, because I still like interacting with people and responding to asks and just making nonsense posts on an infrequent basis, but I don’t have the time for roleplaying that I used to and because of that people are waiting weeks for replies and when they finally come I have to admit they’re becoming a little phoned-in because I realise how long it has been and how I just need to get something out quick, so I’m just not giving the effort to roleplays that they deserve and that is really unfair to my RP partners.

I also feel that after around five years as Crane I have maybe taken him as far as I perhaps can and it was getting harder and harder to find inspiration for him (which is is no way a reflection of the great characters I was getting to roleplay with but more a reflection of how many thousands of words I have put into Crane and how maybe I’ve shown as much of him as I can think up).

So unfortunately this means for the following wonderful people who I still have active roleplays with that I’ll need to bring our stories to a rather sudden end (sorry if I forget anyone here):

@leopardfang15 @welcometovonwulfskimanor @just-a-gotham-citizen @mindless-iris @thejokette @clownprincejoker @hungover-and-broke-student @ashlynnvolkov @nobodythepolymath 

Apologies for being such a rubbish RP partner these last few weeks. Thanks for taking the time to roleplay with me.

And like I say - I’m not going away. I’m still here to chat or do some short-and-sweet interactions and such, I just can’t commit to proper roleplays for the time being.

[drscarecrowcrane]

Your mom is ugly -love nygma P.s your about as smart as two bio luminescent jellyfish if one ate the other

Most people are pretty ugly after their face has been decaying in the ground for several years, so I take that less as an insult and more as a reasonably accurate assessment.

And it sounds to be like one of those jellyfish is rather smart if it was willing to eat another for sustenance in order to continue its own survival. That certainly makes it far smarter than the group of starving patients I have locked in the Arkham basement as part of a long-running experiment I have long forgotten the reason for. I’m sending one of our cannibal patients in next week to liven things up a bit.

[drscarecrowcrane]

A small mix matched looking creature, made up of different animals and about the size of a small human child tugged on the taller mans leg looking at him curiously " lost " it spoke in an oddly human sounding voice " help ? "

Crane looked down at the….thing tugging on his leg. His first instinct was to strike it, but given it spoke to him softly, it did not appear to be a threat. Not yet, at least. “Um….hello. Who are you?”

[welcometovonwulfskimanor-deacti]

Bramble had listened in on the conversation that the doctor had and got a bit of a disheartened look on his face , had they really caught his father ?he couldn’t leave without him .

As he ducked back down onto all fours he hoped that the help he called would soon , and he looked a bit relieved when his sensitive ears picked up the sound of a door being busted down somewhere .

[drscarecrowcrane]

Crane moved from the infirmary and headed back towards the scene of the fight. When he got there, he was met with the sight of guards being tended to by medical staff. Well, the ones who didn’t already have sheets draped over them. Finding his way towards the cell of the beast wasn’t difficult. He just had to follow the scrapes all over the floor and walls. Eventually he faced a large cell with the body of the beast lying inside. Other than the slight movement from breathing, it was otherwise still.

[welcometovonwulfskimanor-deacti]

There suddenly the sound of a commotion from where Bernard had bursted in, and there was the sound of fighting and what sounded like another beast .

When bramble had heard the completion he got on all fours and made a run for the door of the room hoping that he wouldn’t be see .

[drscarecrowcrane]

Crane ignored the sounds going on around him. That would be dealt with in due course. The beast in front of him was all that mattered right now. Well, that brain of his at least. And it would be much more easily analysed removed from that skull. Crane took a small box of tools from his coat pocket and moved into the cell.

[thejokette-deactivated20210203]

She screams, thrashing against the guards as they constrict her movements and pin her to the thin mattress. Nora looks feral, like a wild animal whose been cornered as her dark hair falls into her face and her eyes - filled with rage and confusion and crippling fear - dart across the room. She’s searching for an opening, her back arching off the mattress as she tries to rip her arms free of the hold the guards have on her. There’s a pinch as someone forcefully takes her jaw and a moment later her head is pressed into their abdomen, the pad of their thumb brushing against the place where her jaw and cheekbone connect. It’s meant to be a soothing gesture as someone, she’s unable to see who, administers a dose of sedatives into her blood stream.

Nora growls as she bears her teeth, but suddenly her limbs feel too heavy as if they’ve been replaced by lead. She tries lifting her head and the room spins as the guards slowly step away from her one at a time. Again she tries to move, but instead of moving her vision turns black.

***

The sound of screaming wakes her. She’s calm, lithe fingers curling into the thin blanket beneath her as she tries to drown out the sound of other patients. Nora knows some of them personally- whether she met them before their stints in Arkham or through being contained at the asylum itself. Some of them are truly insane and need medical attention, but others, the ones like Victor Zsasz, are here as favors. She dabbles in the world of organized crime and hears the rumors that the good doctor is working with infamous mobster Carmine Falcone.

Nora knows better. She plays pretend well enough, and during her sessions with Crane- the ones where she is in control rather than another personality, she keeps her information to herself. Risky behavior excites her and causes her to squirm, but she wants to survive. Something, she isn’t sure what, happens to the patients that Crane finds unsavory. They scream the loudest.

@drscarecrowcrane

[drscarecrowcrane]

Not all patients seemed worth the trouble. Some created nothing but nuisance and yet provided little interest otherwise. They wasted good time of good guards. Good time that could be spent on others. This Nora girl was a prime example on the face of thing. Her mind was no maze worth traversing.

But there was....something there. Something worth finding. Crane just wasn’t entirely certain what that something was. Still, he was more than eager to start the search.

The woman’s eyes flicker open as Crane sits by her side and watches her. Her time in the Asylum thus far has been quite a varied one. She’d seen almost every facet of the place. And she was about to see even more.

“Apologies for the rough treatment, my dear. But, as ever, I’m sure you understand that it was for your own good.”

[clownprincejoker-archive-deacti]

Joker was focusing on the pen clicking against the table, his eyes following every single movement. He was becoming increasingly agitated with every second that passed, but he knew that Crane was just trying to get under his skin. Normally he wouldn’t have to be restrained this much but since someone else was in the room with him for an extended time, he was confined to his single chair. But he wanted out, at least just to walk around while they spoke. 

The corner of his lips twitched into a smile as he listened, “well I think of it as more of a temporary thing really. Even if I decided to talk to you they would just find a reason to discontinue treatment, they don’t want me out of here and they will even stop you from coming to see me if they think there’s even the smallest chance that it would get me released.” He started chuckling, “no matter what, I lose. Besides, are you really that interested in me? Want to know my real family life and what caused me to be the way I am today? How about we make a little game out of this, I’ll give you something if you give me something. It’s only fair, doctor.” “I think for the first trade-off, I would like to be able to walk around during our sessions. This jacket is a little too tight and I might be more willing to,” he paused for a moment and looked around the room, “open up, but only if I was a little less confined while I’m telling my life story.” He was wondering if there was even a remote chance that he would get what he wanted, if there was just a tiny sliver of hope. That’s all he needed, just one opportunity and he could have exactly what he’d been planning for this whole time. 

[drscarecrowcrane]

Well this was inevitably going to play completely into Joker’s hands. But then, Crane never lost control inside the Asylum. When he wanted people to remain here, they remained here. And the only reason Joker ever got out was because Crane didn't want him within the walls. Really there was no harm in playing along for now.

“I think I can help you there. Just with the walking though. It’s one for one according to you.” Crane moved to Joker’s side of the table and leaned down to undo the straps that kept Joker’s legs in place. The arms could stay bound for now. But even with them restricted, Crane had to anticipate that Joker would come at him at any time.

“So this is your something. What something do I get from you?”

[drscarecrowcrane]

How do you feel about Pokemon go , ate disappointed that you can't catch your beloved spoink ?

Hey I got a question for you - how can a Goldeen run away if I find it on land?

It’s a fish. It can only flop around. So why does it disappear in a puff of smoke before I can throw my twelfth Pokeball at it?

But I love the way you ask me foolish questions as if I don’t have one of the greatest minds on the planet and can’t just configure the game to include whatever Pokemon I want.

Sure, I’m not computer expert, but I have managed to edit the code of the game to include all my favourite Pokemon. Just look:

Now I’ve just gotta win the Arkham Asylum gym back from Riddler and his damn Team Mystic!

[stillfeeluncomfortable-deactiva]

I feel like you always knew this meeting was coming, my Broken Russian Doll. Despite all your shortcomings, I have no doubt you had to sense to realise that geography would never truly separate us. I am a part of you now. I run through your blood. I live inside your mind. It was only a matter of time before the physical manifestation caught up to you. Tell me - how are you managing to piece yourself back together all on your own?

“Oh, shit, I could kill you.” Natalia reached out and grasped onto the Scarecrow’s neck tight, her deathlock grip enough to kill if she added enough pressure. “One snap, and that’s all it takes. Lights out forever,” she hissed. 

@drscarecrowcrane

[stillfeeluncomfortable-deactiva]

“Yeah? Then tell me, Dr. Crane. What do I want?” she asked, mock sarcasm in her voice. Natalia was only a simple squeeze of her hand from his death, but thought she could at least humor him in his finals seconds. “You do have all the answers.”

[drscarecrowcrane]

He tried to shift himself slightly within her grip, but he wasn’t going anywhere. “You want....release. From everything. But the more you behave the like this....” He reached up gingerly and placed his hand over the one she was using to clutch his throat “....the more you embrace the Black Widow that you know you need to escape from.”