Today we talk about the important subject of aftercare and how it can be implemented to make your relationship successful.
When one thinks about after care, their immediate thought could hinge on something like a post traumatic situation where the person is in need of help. Perhaps after a surgery, a life changing event, or something emotionally or mentally detrimental in their life.
But it doesn’t just fall under the medical realm. Aftercare is one of the most important, or perhaps THE most important thing that you can do in your relationship for long term successful benefits.
It’s even more important than punishment or playtime
But what should you do to provide it? How should it be accomplished? And when is the right time to do it?
Before we answer those questions we must understand its purpose and the psychology of it as well. When you are in a play session, a punishment session, or anything that involves a level of impact or psychological toll on your little… She goes through a myriad of emotions and mental stresses.
Aftercare… and the type and style in which you provide is very important in giving her affirmation for these feelings that occur along with whatever the activity is.
Let’s look at the largest examples
If your little is being punished for something, she already is in a terrible state… feeling that she is wrong or worthless or or even that she isn’t good enough for you. So whatever you decide to do for your punishment, you’re after care has to be twice as involved. With your aftercare you are providing her the affirmation that she so desperately needs, to know that she is still your good girl. That you are not disappointed. That you are not unhappy with her. And that.. above all else. .. she has done a good job and pleased daddy well.
Take for instance spanking. This is a high impact punishment with a lot of physicality to it. This punishment will stress her out incredibly on a lot of levels… She will be embarrassed, she will be in pain, and this type of activity releases a lot of endorphins, hormones, and can be very exhausting. Yes she wants to learn her lesson but at the same time she also wants to know that she was a good girl. Telling her so is very nice, but showing her that she is is much better.
No matter what the punishment is she needs aftercare. I will say it again, no matter what the punishment is she needs aftercare. even if its only lines. If you skip after care she will end up resenting you and having ill feelings towards you…. and anything that you want to do to her
Littles commonly have anxiety. The majority of them suffer from some type of anxiety that makes them uncomfortable & a lot of them suffer from body image issues. So engaging with you in play time whether it be in person or on skype, can release the same types of emotions and stresses as a punishment can.
While it may seem fun… while itmay seem that she is enjoying it, and while you may get what you are after in the end, when it’s all said and done… she is probably sitting there playing the whole thing back through her mind wondering what you were thinking, what she looked like, and how she should feel about it all.
This especially rings true for a little that has body image issues to begin with. Even though you are trying to correct those thoughts and even though you know that she’s beautiful, it is still difficult for her to realize and see such a thing.
Skipping after care when you have finished a playtime session will cause her to hate herself even more, will cause her to resent any kind of physical activity with you, and will cause her to be terrified of being naked or doing anything sexual in front of you. She will most likely grow negative emotional and mental connections to pleasure, especially when it involves her doing things to herself, to you, or with you together.
3.) tasks and assignments
If you are the type of daddy to give tasks and assignments on a regular basis in order to help your little grow, that’s great. But even these types of actions need a certain level of aftercare.
As discussed before… your little probably has a certain amount of anxiety and wants to do the best job that she possibly can for you. She probably enjoys her tasks and doing things for daddy to make him happy, but she also enjoys knowing that she did a good job.
Telling her that she did a good job is great, but showing her that she did is even better.
Reward her for her effort and her work.. not only with gifts and such, but also with words of affirmation which in this case: can be the perfect aftercare.
She can go through a range of emotions and feelings while performing tasks and doing assignments for you and feel that they are never good enough. She may feel that she isn’t doing them correctly, she may feel that you are only telling her that she did well in order to appease her, but your actions after the fact are what dictates whether or not it sticks with her.
Skipping aftercare after tasks and assignments can cause her to resent doing them for you. She will purposely do them halfway or sloppy in order to get your attention and it may not be necessarily the type of attention that you want to give her. She will end up unhappy and frustrated and bored with your tasks and assignments and then stop doing them all together.
At the basic core of things… If you are making your little do things that involve any range of emotions in her… she can end up in can end up in a state of confusion, terror, uncertainty, anxiety, fear, inadequacy, and a whole plethora of other negative feelings. This is why the affirmation through aftercare is so incredibly important
So, you ask… What kind of aftercare should I provide?
And much in the same way as we discussed in our basic rules series on how to structure her rules and rewards, you would want to structure her aftercare according to the things that she likes. Always try to tailor everything that you do for your little in a way that is personal to her and makes her feel connected to you. Think of nice things that will make her feel loved… and implement those into your after care for her. Whatever it may be, it should try to be personal to her tastes, desires, and interests.
Some common acts of aftercare can include:
Basic affirmation through your words. Telling her that she is a good girl is great… But explaining to her why, as well as how whatever you just did is beneficial to her, goes much farther in providing aftercare to her and the affirmation that she needs.
Bringing her things that she likes… For example, tea or coffee or milk… As well as treats like cookies or cake or something sweet. Bringing her stuffy and her blanket and her pacifier to her. Putting on her favorite show on Netflix and letting her watch it while you cuddle her and brush her hair. Giving her a massage or washing her in the bath in a very slow and gentle and non sexual way.
Engage with her in her little things… For instance you could get out the crayons and the coloring books and color pictures with her. You could have her set up a tea party. You could give a concert to her stuffies karaoke style. There are a lot of things that she does well in her little space that you can engage yourself in and make her feel connected to you with.
let her wear your t-shirt while you do these things.
get some of her favorite books and read them to her, or better yet make up a story and be very animated about it. Like you would see in Monsters Inc, really get into it and make it active.
sing to her (even if you can’t sing). She’s going to love anything you do. . Especially lullabies.
you will want to be sure that she is adequately taken care of health wise as well. obviously if she has any sort of cuts or bruises or any kind of personal injury you are going to want to take care of that immediately in a very gentle and nice way. Outside of that there are some very great things that you can do with your bedside manner for her… Get her a very large glass of water. This can be both soothing and hydrating and help to relax her muscles. If you have had a particularly harsh session where a lot of sweating and physical trauma has been involved, go with a Gatorade or better yet, Pedialyte. A nice glass of orange juice also works well if she encounters dizziness or any kind of lightheadedness during your time together.
give her what she needs and wants and do it well. (Even if it means a quick run to the corner store)
the long distance relationship is no different than the in person. You still must provide aftercare and even though you cannot be there in person…. that does not mean that it is impossible. This is where your words of affirmation come into play along with a little bit of creativity.
one of the ways in which you can provide creative aftercare is by sending care packages with prepackaged items that you can use after play sessions, punishment sessions, or really anything else. If you think ahead well enough you can pre pack these things and then have your little take them out when the time comes as needed… and combine them with your words of affirmation and such.
things like Skype or any other way that she can see your face are essential for your aftercare in the long distance relationship. She needs to be able to connect with you visually as well as audibly.
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