#DrunkDadDialogue

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College Educated

***Phone rings

Me: Hello Dad

Dad (slurrish): What are you doing?

Me: Writing a paper for my religion class

Dad: Wow (sarcasm)

Me: Want me to read it to you (hopes he says no)

Dad: I guess

Me: *Reads two sentences

Dad: This is so boring and dull

Me: Well it’s a college religion paper

Dad: You need to make it more exciting

Me: ....

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Presidency

***watching Jimmy Carter special on television

Me: Was he before Clinton?

Dad: Yeah

Me: Was he after Kennedy?

Dad: Yeah. Kennedy had a high IQ and Carter had a good one

Me: Uh.... ok? But what order did did they run?

Dad: I think it was Kennedy, Carter, Clinton.

Me: No, like sequence. For example, Washington, Adams, Jefferson, Madison, Monroe, etc.

Dad: Oh, I think Adams had the highest IQ.

***This conversation goes on for another 5 minutes.

Me: No. I’m asking about their presidential order. Like after George W. Bush came Barack Obama.

***Dad turns attention to show

Dad: OH! Mondale. he’s a good Minnesotan.

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A Submissive Dad...

#Awkward Story time

I went over to my dad and his fiancee’s house to have dinner and watch a movie. We sat down to eat our food when my dad’s fiancee asked my dad, “Did you put away the thing?” My dad replied with, “Oh! You mean the dildo you were shoving up my butt before?” ...I’m used to this kind of commentary but WTF!? I begin to play along...”Oh, you’re submissive!??” He looks at me and laughs, “Hell no!” Which I reply with, “Cheri (his fiancee) is dominant?” Cheri responds with, “I’m trying.” Then we go on watching the movie and eating dinner.

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On My Way to College

This is from last year when I was leaving for college:

Dad: Let’s get lunch

---Goes to restaurant---

Me: What’s up?

Dad: You have a half sibling. Can I have some of your mashed potatoes?

Me: Sure.. wait what did you say!?

Dad: You have a half sibling. I need to get the waiter I want another martini.

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Mow and Blow

***Background information: I mow the lawn for the company my dad works at/

I had just finished up mowing the lawn and my dad noticed I was full of grass

Dad: Do you want me to blow the grass off?

Me: Sure

***Uses pressured air to get rid of the grass

Dad: Hey! You can tell all your friends that your dad gave you your first blow job. (laughs)

Me: So wrong, on so many levels!

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Would you yell at me?

**Driving on the road and sees a driver being stupid

Dad: Nice maneuver!

Me: No -that was stupid!!

Dad: I’d do it.

Me: But you’d yell at me if I did it.

Dad: Yeah! For not doing it.

Me: Would you yell at me if I was male?

Dad: I’d yell at you if you were gay.

Me:...What? That doesn’t answer the question.

Dad: Yeah it does. You’re not listening to me 

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Religious standing

Me: Hey dad, are you atheist? Dad: No I don't believe in God. Me: What do you believe in? Dad: Nothing Me: ....That's atheist. Dad: No, atheist is when you don't believe in your own religion. Me: Huh?

[superfastgorillazfish-blog]

Isnt it amazing when you want to say this to your own dad :/

[bigsosa-deactivated20250903]

[yeezusquotes]

My dad drunk and it's only 3pm

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3pm? I'm lucky if my dad doesn't wake up drunk from the night before.

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Hello

So this is going to be a blog of things my dad says while under the influence of alcohol. He's usually high most of the time too.