uncharted territory — bucky barnes
a/n: so I am sorry I don't update as much I would like, I just have been taking more time to write to make sure my work is good
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summary: After losing your family in the battle at New York, Steve takes you in, providing you a home and new family at the compound. When his best friend finally joins them here, his only request is for you to keep your distance.. But how are you supposed to do that with his softening exterior to you?
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Life is a crazy, monstrous asshole. Filled with taunting ironies. Giving you everything but also taking away everything within a moment. That moment was when you lost you family. A necessary evil. The avengers saving the city and world cost you your entire world. Nightmares haunted you as you heard their screams. In the mass of bodies running from danger, you could not locate them. Helpless and terrified you tried your hardest to get to them, to save them. Right as you hit a small clearing you saw it, saw them. Right as one of the aliens stabbed them all. Everything crumbled around you. Your knees gave out as you let out a blood curdling scream. It felt as if your heart had shattered in your chest, digging all of its shards into the rest of your organs, sending pain through your whole body. You cried out for them over and over and over.
What you had not seen was Captain America rushing towards the monster, trying his hardest to save them. After he killed the monster, his eyes shot around to see if there was any imminent danger threatening the street in the moment before he rushed over to you. Your screams ripped through the air, somehow louder than the fighting shaking the whole city.
You had tunnel vision, only able to focus on the lifeless bodies in front of you. The only people you had, dead. Gone. Your vision was blurry as a form approached you. Panic shook you out of your trance as you instinctively went to scurry away.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay,” the voice spoke gently, hands raised in innocence. “What’s your name?” Words were caught in your throat as you stared up at the man that had been known as Captain America. Smeared with sweat and debris. Meekly, you sobbed out your name.
“y/n, listen, we need to get you out of here. It’s not safe,” his tone was soft, but stern as he leaned down to you. Just past him, you saw your family’s corpse. A numbing sensation crept through you as your heart beat painfully.
“They killed my family,” you whispered, so low Steve barely heard you. His eyes darted back and forth and he felt his heart twinge with guilt. In the hopes of saving everyone, he had stripped you of your life. Your people.
“I’m so sorry,” he apologized. Watching you pitifully stare at them, tears streaming down your cheeks. The malicious sound of the aliens nearing broke through the streets and Steve could sense them coming. “We have to go, now.”
-
Steve had “saved” you that day. If he would have not been there to pry your body of the ground, you would have died. What he was not sure of was if he saved you or subjected you to a traumatic life. Maybe both. After the battle, Steve had went to Tony, saying he needed him to find someone. Urgently.
That is how you ended up where you were now. Perched on your window seat at Avenger’s campus. Eyes scanning a book to desperately rid of the numbness you felt. It always worked momentarily, until reality slammed back down on you like a hammer to your brain. Reminding of your crushing reality. Sadly, that pain crept up sooner than you thought as you heard a light knock to your door.
“y/n?”
“Open.”
Steve opened the door. Arms crossed over his chest as he leaned in the doorway, a half-hearted smile on his face. Blue eyes scanning you, observing as if he was a therapist diagnosing you. Like he could read through every front to see to the darkest parts of you.
“Tony still not back?” you asked softly, feeling your stomach tighten at the reality of the makeshift family Steve had brought you to was crumbling around you. A small shake of his head gave you your answer.
“He’ll be back. He just needs.. time,” Steve voiced. Rolling your eyes, you snorted.
“If you wouldn’t have lied to him then-”
“y/n,” Steve warned. You swallowed down the rest of your statement. His blue gaze had turned to a small glare.
“Sorry,” you mumbled, nervously chewing on your lower lip. A small silence fell over you both as Steve kept his eyes on you. “I just miss him,” you admitted, fingers nervously tapping at the edge of your book.
“Me too,” Steve sighed. Again, a silence settled over the two of you, but this one was more lingering, as if there was more to be said. You could tell by Steve’s demeanor there was more to discuss. Anxiously, you felt your stomach clench as you heart began to beat more erratically.
“That’s not what you came here to talk about is it?” you nervously asked.
“No, but y/n, it’s nothing bad. Take a breath,” he quickly responded. Noticing your chest begin to rise and fall quicker than normal. His body was pushed off the frame and came to sit next to you on the seat, lifting your legs to let them sprawl over his lap. Calloused thumbs tenderly rubbing circles on your calf.
“Steve, just spit it out,” you gritted out, clenching the book in your hands tightly. He knew you hated surprises, cliffhangers or uncertainty.
“You know, Bucky-”
“The guy who murdered Tony’s family,” you interrupted, monotoned.
He let out a small sigh, “It’s not that simple, it wasn’t-”
“I know he was brainwashed and everything, Steve,” you nodded.
“He’s coming to the compound. To stay for awhile,” Steve stated. Your eyes narrowed at him.
“That was the news? Why do you need to talk to me about that?” you asked with furrowed brows. He hesitated for a moment, weighing his words.
“Well, you know I see you as family. You are part of my family. I just want to warn you that, he is going through a lot. And that it would not be a good idea to get too close to him. Just kind of keep your distance from him,” Steve explained. “Especially romantically because-”
“Steve!” you squeaked, feeling an embarrassed flush rise to your skin. “Keep my distance, got it.” Your eyes were wide at the mention of anything romantic. His eyes caught on the novel in your hand and he gave you an amused smile.
“For someone who’s nose is in a romance novel every moment, you get very flustered when talking about it,” Steve chuckled.
“Steve, shut up,” you grumbled, kicking his arm with your foot. He gave you a wide smile as he noticed the shy smile toying at the ends of your lips.
“Movie night is tomorrow night,” Steve reminded, giving your knee a pat before standing to his feet.
“Okay,” you smiled sheepishly, fingers opening your book again. You could feel his gaze still on you, but ignored it. Knees curled to your chest like a caterpillar, you let yourself get lost into the romantic world of the book. Where life was meaningful and love was everlasting and the main character was not an orphan. That was the appeal of the books you read. You could live through the vicariously through the character, swarmed with love and emotion without having to actually open up to anyone. It was easier to get wrapped up in a fictional world than to face reality.
That is why most of your time was spent reading, no matter how much Steve had begged you to join them for training or how many times Tony would snatch the book out of your hands and give some remark of how lame the story was. It was your comfort, your peace. As much teasing as the men did, they had to have understood to some degree because they had given you your own library. Tony had bought every book you had in your cart and anything else relating to them to fill up bookshelves in the room. It was beautiful, white walled and gold accented bookshelves, filling all of the walls to the doorway. The center of the room decorated with the comfiest reading furniture. Tall windows that let light shine through. A simple elegant golden chandelier hanging in the middle of the room. It was perfect and quiet always. No one ever really came in besides you.
So the day you came in and saw the back of an unfamiliar man, you were shocked to say the least. A red henley was worn snug against his muscular frame. A pair of black jeans that were the perfect mixture of form-fitted and loose. Plain black boots on the tiled floor. His hair was dark, almost black color that was just at his broad shoulders.
“Uh, excuse me?” you quietly spoke. The man quickly spun on his heel, tensely. His piercing blue eyes stared at you; his face showing no emotion. He looked stiff in your presence and you almost felt guilty for interrupting him. You gulped nervously as an awkward tension boiled. He had not uttered a word, just continued his stare. “Um, I’m y/n,” you tried to greet him.
Still, the man just kept his eyes on yours. You shifted under his unwavering gaze. It was like he was staring into your soul and in any moment he would know every part of you. Your eyes flickered around the room, trying to find something else to say before returning back to him. Still staring.
“You’re Bucky, right?” you asked, desperate for him to say something and relieve some of the tension in the room. All he gave was a small nod. His face was hard. Nervously, you cleared your throat as you nodded back at him, head going up and down repeatedly. With his lack of talking, you turned around to make your way out of the room.
“The books,” a deep, low voice spoke, making your head snap back over your shoulder. He remained exactly where he had just been, only difference were his shoulders were the tiniest bit relaxed. “They’re all romance.”
Sheepishly, you nodded, embarrassed to admit to him the truth. “They’re mine.. I, uh it’s all I read.” He gave one swift nod to you. You gave him a small smile before you continued out of the room. As you walked down the hall, you finally felt your heart rate slow down; you had not even noticed it nervously pattering.
-
“So he just stared at you?” Wanda asked with an amused laugh.
“He commented on how there’s only romance books,” you added. Her laugh flew through the air, casting a happy glow to the room. Her presence always bringing you comfort and ease.
“He’s pretty handsome,” she rose her eyebrows suggestively to you.
“For you, maybe,” you retorted, trying to brush over your embarrassment.
“He probably couldn’t speak around a pretty girl. I mean how long do you think it’s been since he talked to a woman,” Wanda inquired, leaving you with an open mouth.
“Wanda!” you exclaimed.
“What? I am just saying,” she shrugged, shifting around to lay back on your bed. With a shake of your head, you followed suit, laying back and staring up at the ceiling.
“Do you thing love is real?” you asked her, turning your head to glance to your red head friend.
“I hope it is,” she answered with a defeated smile.
“I used to believe in it and now, I just don’t know if it is.. Or maybe not for me, at least,” you admitted, eyes back on the ceiling as you admitted to her. Her hand grabbed yours gently, giving a small squeeze.
“We will find love,” she assured. You forced a smile to your face as you gave her a nod, but both of you knew you did not believe her.
-
In the following weeks, you had barely seen Bucky again, almost like he was not even still there at the compound. Not that you cared, the one interaction you had was suboptimal at best. Nevertheless, that did not stop your curiosity of the silent man. Since the interaction, you thought about him more than you would care to admit. His intense gaze. The way with just a look had awoken something in you, you had not felt in years. You were not sure what it was. Good or bad, but it was something besides the numbing pain.
Everyone had left early that morning, being briefed on an emergency mission. Steve had woken you up early with a rub of your back, whispering that they would be back in a couple days. Groggily, you had given him a hug before he had gotten up, lingering there as he watched you fall back asleep. The familiar guilt he always got when leaving you. But you knew it was safer for you at home than it was to be with them on their missions.
When you had officially woken up to start your day, you sleepily padded through the compound. Shivers ran through you as you grumbled about not putting on pants to yourself. The large t shirt that draped over you did not provide any warmth. As you made your way around the kitchen, you heard the sound of footsteps approaching. No one was supposed to be here. No one ever stayed and if they did, Steve would tell you. Shakily, you grabbed for a knife, crouching down on the floor. Heart hammering against your chest so hard you thought it would pop out of your chest. They quieted. Holding your breath, you tried to listen for anything. A sudden slam behind you caused your head to whip around as you let out a scream.
“Shit!” someone cursed. Your eyes met Bucky’s as he peered around the island, seeing you crouched down, knife still clutched in your hand.
“Fuck, Bucky!” you yelled, erratically breathing. “What are you doing here?” His blue eyes flickered down between you and the knife in your hand, reminding you that you were still in your cowering position. Ashamed, you stood up, shakily, letting the knife clattered against the counter. Your eyes shot back to the man in front of you. Beginning to calm down, you were finally able to take in his appearance. His jaw was scattered with stubble, blue eyes sunken in exhaustion, locks messy, but most noticeable was bare chest. Your eyes worked over him, stopping at the sight of a metal appendage, attached to him with a scarring line. He caught you staring, noticing the way your lips parted at the sight of it, the empathy in your eyes.
“Why aren’t you on the mission?” he quietly asked, making your gaze snap to his. You could feel the nervous flush rise to your skin as you realized he had caught you staring at him. Unlike in the stories, there was no banter or teasing about it, no cocky smirk hung on his face. He was the same emotionless brick wall you had talked to before.
“Steve says it’s safer for me to stay here,” you mumbled, eyes falling to your bare legs.
“But isn’t it your job to help them?” he questioned, shocking you with another sentence.
“I’m not on the team,” you answered, glancing up to see him staring at you still. He did not question further. Just blinked his sleepy eyes a couple times. And the familiar awkwardness. With a small sigh, you put the knife back and grabbed what you had finished of preparing. Padding towards your room to eat. Your nose in a book as you ate, but your mind fumbling back to the image of the gorgeous man shirtless in the kitchen.
-
Later that afternoon, you were curled up in the living area. Engrossed in your novel as the sound of rain softly pattered against the window. A gloomy glow cast in the living room, enveloping you in the most optimal reading environment. Your eyes darted across each line as you were nearing the moment of affection you were dying for. You knew it was coming, having reread this book so many times, but the second he finally kissed her, you a squeal. Your hand over your mouth, trying to hold back any more reactions as he professed his love for her. The smile that had taken over your face was enough to cast the world in sunshine. At least, Bucky thought that as he stood at the other side of the room.
He watched you for a little, feeling the small skip of his heart each time you smiled or let out an excited noise. Not wanting to disturb you, he quietly stalked back to his room. He made a mental note of the name on the cover, promising himself to read it when you were done.
-
In the days of the teams departure, Bucky and you had ran into each other briefly. He never spoke more than mumbling a small hi. But he at least stayed in your presence some. Whether it was while you watched a movie and he sat across the room quietly or when you read, sometimes he would sit in the room with you, jotting things down in a notebook. Each time, he did this, you could not help your eyes from darting over to him. Admiring him silently. Every once in awhile, his gaze would fall on you right as you were staring at him. Immediately, your eyes would flicker back to the movie or book. Feeling humiliated whenever he would catch you. Neither of you would say anything. But you were embarrassed by the way your breath hitched in your throat each time you made contact and the way your heart would slam in your chest.
-
When the team got back and your eyes fell on Steve, you felt the sick feeling of guilt creeping up on you. While you had not directly defied what he told you, you knew that you had not exercised caution around the man. His big arms wrapping around you in a tight hug momentarily stopped your shame. It was short and just enough to provide you comfort after being alone, well not completely, in their absence.
“You forgot to tell me Bucky was staying here,” you laughed out as he pulled away. Steve gave a face of shock as he realized you were correct.
“I am so sorry,” he apologized, blue eyes showing he meant it.
“It’s okay, he just saw me cowering behind the island with a knife in my hand the next morning,” you bit back a smile. Steve’s initial amusement flickered as his eyebrows drew together in concern.
“Did everything else go okay?” he asked, in an almost interrogating manner, as if he knew there was something different blossoming inside of you. But there was no way he could know, right?
“Yup, just read and watched some movies, the usual,” you shrugged. Steve gave a hesitant nod.
“Just remember, keep some distance between you and Bucky,” he reminded, letting his eyes scan over you once more before dropping the topic. And you were left with a the looming cloud of guilt over your head because you knew that’s the opposite of what you wanted to do.
-
With everyone back at the compound, it was a lot of more noisy than it had been. Bantering and bickering between everyone, Steve usually butting in to diffuse and you quietly laughing. And now with Bucky quietly observing. Whenever you were all in the same room, whether the kitchen, living room, wherever, Bucky and you would exchange glances. Each time, his gaze getting softer. His normal harsh stare melted into a softer gaze and sometimes he would even give a small, shy smile to you. Such a small gesture that had your heart racing and a flush to your skin. No matter how loud they were around you, they would all fade away under Bucky’s gaze.
-
It was a quiet morning for once. Everyone was out training so as you made your way towards the library, you were surprised to see Bucky sat on one of the couches. A book held in his hands. Blue eyes darting back and forth across the pages as he absorbed the words. His eyebrows were drawn together in concentration. The most handsome you had ever seen him. When your eyes looked down to see his hands wrapped around the cover of your favorite book, you felt your breath hitch in your throat. An unfamiliar feeling creeping inside of you as you stared at him.
“Nice book choice,” you spoke, softly, not wanting to startle him. His eyes shot over to you. You could not help the smile that swept across your face.
“I saw you reading it and, uh you seemed to enjoy it so I wanted to give it a try,” he admitted. He was still as he looked at you and in the morning light, you were just able to make out the blush on his cheeks.
“I didn’t take you for the romance type,” you voiced in a teasing tone. He shrugged shyly, adjusting on the couch to sit upright.
“Figured it couldn’t help for me to brush up on what ladies like now,” his voice so low, you almost did not make out his words.
“I can’t promise that every woman will like that,” you nodded towards the novel set neatly in his lap.
“I just need for the one to,” he murmured. The two of you stayed like that, staring at each other while you tried to work out what he was saying. Flirting was barely in your vocabulary so you were struggling to figure out what he meant by that. Your brain was working it out and an awkward amount of time passed so you sputtered out:
“You can borrow any other books you want.”
“Thank you,” he mumbled. Again, an awkward silence fell between you both.
“Well, I’ll let you get back to reading. That one is my favorite,” you shyly smiled before turning to leave.
“I know.”
Your head turned to see him staring at you still, a small, reserved smile curving the ends of his lips. Frantically, you made the couple steps out of the room to escape into the hallway. His words were lacing together, making you wonder if you were the one. Your skin was on fire from the possibility. The quiet man pining for you? Trying to impress you? Your stomach churned and your heart raced. The harsh symptoms of falling for someone. The one person Steve had asked you not to. Guilt crept up through your veins pumping you with a miserable feeling as you made your way down the hall.
You needed Steve. But you could not tell him without betraying him and his one rule. Your pace was quick as you came up to Wanda’s door, knocking purposefully. After a couple moments of rustling, the door flung open. Wanda stood with a smile that quickly converted to concern at your mental state.
“No,” she breathed out.
“Yes,” you nodded. Panic was written all over your face as you walked into her room. Immediately allowing yourself to curl into her bed.
“Steve told you to keep your distance?” Wanda asked. You nodded. “Are you falling for him?”
“What? No!” you responded too quick, and she gave you a knowing look. You let out a huff of air, knowing she knew, everything. “Maybe I’m overreacting.”
“What exactly happened? Word from word.”
Her hand came over to squeeze your own for comfort. You recited what was said and watched as she nodded intently. As she thought, a small silence fell between you both.
“It sounds to me like you are the girl he’s talking about,” she finally spoke.
“We’ve barely spoken ten sentences to each other? Why would he want to impress me?” you panicked.
Wanda gave a shrug to you, “Guess you’ll have to find out.”
“I can’t,” you shook your head, “Steve.”
“I’m sure his concern is that you both are healing. He most likely fears that one of you will hurt the other,” Wanda inquired. “So just see. You can’t just ignore this.”
“What is ‘this’?” you asked, eyes wide with fear. You knew what this was. Or at least you knew what it wasn’t. It wasn’t a friendly feeling. Friends don’t feel this distressed over some comments. But it wasn’t love. Couldn’t be love.
“That is what you have to figure out, my love,” Wanda reassuringly gave your hand a squeeze. The two of you lounged in her bed the rest of the afternoon, watching movies and just quietly chatting. Her presence was enough to ease the stress even if just for a few hours.
-
Every time Bucky was around you, your body physically was not in control. Your heart rate would speed up, beating so erratically that you could feel your body almost sweat. If he was in only a couple feet of distance, you could barely breathe. You were spiraling to say the least. Because as much as it caused you stress to be around him, it was better than the opposite. You felt like an addict, craving to be around him and intoxicated by his presence. You tried to convince yourself that it was not serious, that it was just a little crush, to try and justify the feeling. But you knew more than that if he made a move, even so much as his fingers brushing against you, you’d be done for. Completely at his mercy. It was a terrifying feeling.
Bucky had slowly done his best to get closer to you. He was always overwhelmed by your presence. Unable to breathe as he admired you, the way your smile would slowly erupt on your face, lighting your entire body with a glow. He was so intimidated by you, that it was hard for him to do more than standing a couple feet from you, or any time there was a group activity or outing, always standing or sitting next to you. Since his arrival, he had noticed you smiled more and you had a more lively look. It made him start to smile, as lopsided and goofy as it may have looked. While he had started a reputation of staring, it rang true especially with you in the room.
Wanda had taken note of the two of you. Longing glances, flushed cheeks, shy smiles. She was in tune with the way this was going and she even caught herself with a small smile most of the time. There was a something blooming in you both, a shred of light. When you two were near each other, it looked as if you both glowed like you each were the sun lighting one another. It was a beautiful sight. One she was sure Steve would have to understand at some point.
This moment was where you knew. After months, you knew it was him. What this was. Bucky had finished reading that novel months ago. It is what started some more conversations between you two. He used it as a a constant excuse to start a conversation with you. Like his wingman. He had listened to your opinions on every detail and twist he could muster as a ruse. Just so he could watch you so passionately react. He had been researching since then to find a similar match to gift you. Finally, after weeks Bucky found something even better, a newly released sequel. He purchased it as soon as he could and it had finally arrived.
Bucky’s metal hand balled into a fist as he knocked on your bedroom door. His other hand held the book wrapped, sloppily. He could feel his heart in his stomach as his ears turned a bright red. Anxious, he had not felt anxious in years. It made him feel grounded. It made him feel human again. Out of control, but in the best way. He could hear your grumbled curse words and rustling around before the door peeled open. You looked soft and so adorable in your pajamas. It was late. He almost regretted coming at this time, until he saw behind you the little reading set up you had with candles and warm lights lit.
“Bucky?” you asked, cocking your head to the side.
“I’m sorry, I know it’s late, I just wanted to give you something,” Bucky nervously spoke, still low and just a little faster than he normally spoke. His eyes caught sight of your room behind you, warm and inviting. Like you. His eyes quickly came back to you. Shocked. You were. Your eyes caught the wrapped gift in his hand.
“A gift?” you gratefully spoke. He swore he saw tears welling in your eyes.
“Open it.” His hand extended out the gift and he watched as you gently began unwrapping it. Once the cover was revealed, he watched as your eyebrows furrowed in confusion. “They just came out with a sequel and I knew it was your favorite book so I just got it for you.”
“No way,” you gasped, peeling the rest of it off and cradling the book in your hands. You marveled at the book, looking over every crevice with eager eyes. The toothy grin on your face was enough to compensate for the hassle he went through using a computer to research. Your eyes fell back to him as your bottom lip jutted out. He was right earlier when he saw tears gleaming in your eyes. “Thank you so much, Bucky.”
“I had to get Sam to help me research on the computer. I didn’t understand what pre order meant,” Bucky let out a small, embarrassed laugh as his hand came up to scratch the back of his neck. Your eyes set on the rosy tint of his cheeks and you could feel your heart swell. This was it. The moment you knew what this was. You were falling for Bucky Barnes. The man who had been tortured for more than half of his life who just spent the time to find you a sequel to your favorite book. The feeling that overcame you was indescribable, just pure adoration for the man. Before you could even process your actions, your arms wrapped around his waist, your head falling against his chest. The first thing you noticed was how warm his chest was. The second was how buff he was. The third was the fact he had not hugged you back. That’s when you remembered Bucky was not one for any sort of touch. Panicked, you pulled back apologies spewing out of your mouth like word vomit.
“I am so sorry, I judt it was so nice of you and I-“
Your words were halted by Bucky and wrapping his arms around your waist and nuzzling his head into your neck. You could feel his erratic, nervous huffs of breath against your neck.
“‘s okay,” his words were muffled, but enough for you to hear to slowly wrap your arms around his neck after you gently set the book down next to you. The amount of comfort you felt with his arms wrapped around you terrified you because you knew the second he pulled away you would feel empty. Like how a puzzle piece feels being wrapped away from its other half.
“Thank you so much for the book, Buck,” you whispered, afraid if your voice was too loud he would pull away. The moment was too fragile to risk with any other words.
“Anything for you,” he mumbled, so quietly you almost missed it. It made your skin burst into flames as his lips gently brushed against the skin of your neck. He could hear the shaky breath you let out and he wanted to stir that response out of you again. With a small exhale, he let his lips move over the skin again. This time, your arms tightened around him. He could feel the burning fire of desire for more than hug spread through his body. Bucky wanted to give you more than just a hug, a more endearing sign of affection. Before he could overthink, he pulled away from your neck. Your arms still wrapped around him brought his face right in front of yours. Both of you were flushed, shakily breathing from nerves, and hearts pounding in your chest. The tension between you two razor sharp as he stayed so close, but so far away from your lips. It was torturous. With your eyes staring into each other’s, flickering between your eye contact and lips, you knew the feeling spreading through your chest.
You were in love with Bucky Barnes. And he was in love with you. It was communicated without words, without a kiss. Just this moment of intimacy and buildup.
“Bucky, we can’t,” you whispered, but not pulling away.
“I don’t give a fuck what Steve has to say about this right now,” was Bucky’s response. He inched closer, his rosy lips so close to yours, you audibly inhaled sharply. “If you want me to stop, I will, but not for anyone else. Do you want me to stop?” His blue eyes stared into yours, probing for your response, for approval of his pending actions. As much as you knew you should stop this, you couldn’t. You were hooked on him. There was no denying that you wanted this. Wanted him. Slowly, you shook your head.
Then his lips captured yours, so gentle for a moment it was like a ghost of a kiss. Once Bucky knew you weren’t pulling away, he pressed against you. The electricity that went through you was indescribable. Euphoric and exhilarating. His movements were sloppy and needy, of a man who was touch-starved for years and finally had broken down his walls. Bucky clutched your body against his, making soft grunts at the feeling of this, of you. Heavy breathing and feverish movements. The two of you swirled together into one. Communicating in a way words could never. Only when you both desperately needed air did Bucky pull away, resting his forehead against yours. Both of your breaths intermingling.
“Thank you, again, for the book. It means a lot to me,” you gratefully spoke. Both of his hands had found place on your hips, clutching onto you.
“You’re welcome,” he softly smiled before reverting to a concerned look. “So, uh, what does this mean?” You stared up at him, part of you wanting to play dumb and ask what he meant, but you knew what he meant. The kiss. This whole moment. Your lips parted as you tried to give him an answer, but your mouth just kept opening and closing. Your stomach churned at the dreadful conversation to be had. “I’m about seven decades out of the loop of dating and shit- I, uh, I don’t really know how to do this.” His words were nervous and unsure and it made your heart flutter with the honesty.
“We have to talk to Steve,” you mumbled, chewing on your bottom lip nervously.
“For permission? I’m not asking him if I can kiss you or shit.. That’s not his decision,” Bucky scowled.
“He told me to keep my distance from you and this isn’t distance, Bucky,” you responded, gesturing between you two. He gave you a small glare that you had to try and hide your amusement from. “Maybe, we can just keep this between us for a little, see where things go and-“
“I like you, y/n,” Bucky interrupted, cheeks flushed and hair falling into his face. “I more than like you- I, uh, I’m falling for you, y/n.” Never had he felt more vulnerable than in this moment, with you staring up at him with wide eyes. Bucky was so nervous at his admission, he felt his stomach flop. His blue eyes showed his worry to you.
“I’m falling for you too, Buck.”
The smile on his cheeks was the most genuine one you had ever seen from him. It stretched out to a toothy grin, a smile he never gave. It took your breath away. Pearly white teeth perfectly lined surrounded by his glossy, red lips. The stubble on his face fueling to how handsome he looked in that moment.
“Okay, that’s good,” he nodded. A loud laugh bursted through you at his response. Bashfully, he leaned down and pressed a small kiss to your cheek. It was endearing. The lopsided grin that took over your face made his heart soar.
“So,” you started.
“So.”
“Moving forward, what are we doing? Keeping this a little quiet for a little? Or the opposite?”
“We can keep it quiet for a little, but I don’t want to hide this.”
-
So for a couple weeks, the two of you shared knowing, longing glances, sneaky cuddles and kisses. Bucky was always nervous around you, not in an awkward way, but in an intimidated way. He was so out of the dating loop, and you were so mind-crushing beautiful. Your laugh was like a soothing melody. Your smile was like sunshine to the world. He could just sit in silence for hours and just admire you. Sometimes he did that while you read, curled up against him or across the room.
“You’re so beautiful,” he’d say in such awe of you just existing. Thriving off the flush and how flustered you got every time he said anything sweet or complimented you. Bucky was as addicted to you as you were to him. The two of you had even graduated to staying the night in one another’s room. Legs entangled, hair laid messily, buff arms always touching or wrapped around you. Most importantly, waking up next to a sleeping Bucky with his hair wild, lips pouted, the embodiment of calm.
It was one of those mornings where Bucky would not wake up. Every time you tried, he grumbled some unintelligible words before snuggling back into your chest.
“Bucky, you had training with Steve,” you cooed, smoothing your hand over his tussled locks. His brows came together as he let out a groan in irritation.
“Fuck, Steve,” he grumbled. “Wanna stay here.”
“Babe, you have to get up,” you chuckled.
“No, doll, ‘m staying here,” he sternly spoke, wrapping both his arms around you, attaching himself to you. Eyes still closed. Your heart fluttered at the pet name.
“He’s going to come find you if you’re late,” you sang out, knowing that you were right.
“Then let him find me,” Bucky grumbled. “I have nothing to hide.”
“Buck-“
“I have no shame to be in love with you.”
“It’s not about shame, it’s about defying his advice-“
“Well, he gave stupid advice.”
“Bucky,” you laughed out, shaking your head.
“I’m not leaving you.” His stubble rubbed against your bare skin above your tank top, elliciting a small giggle out of you.
“Then you have to go tell Steve, now, hun.”
Bucky let out a loud groan, not loosening his grip around you. As much as you knew he should get up now, you couldn’t help but cave into the whiny super soldier snuggled into you. Because it did feel so nice snd comforting. Silently, you let your fingers continued to toy and twirl his hair, then running your nails softly along his scalp. Soft moans escaped his parted lips at the feeling of it. Just another serene moment of the former soldier being soft and snuggly. You made him soft. Your eyes closed as you both just basked in the touch of one another.
The sound of rustle as the door open made you both shoot up. Your gazes were met with Steve. Standing in the doorway. His blue eyes set on the two of you. There was no emotion on his face. Emotionless as he observed the two of you, you panicked and Bucky unfazed.
“Steve, I can explain,” you began, raising your hand shakily.
“I’m not going to. I fell for her, you told me not to, but I did. I’m not ashamed of it,” Bucky sternly voiced, voice hard but eyes soft as he looked to you. A small smile curled at the ends of his lips. You immediately reciprocated a shy smile to him.
Your eyes shot back to Steve. Still, nothing. His arms were crossed over his chest, but that was his normal stance. His eyes kept flickering between the two of you. Your moth parted to explain, to ramble out an apology, but Steve cracked a smile.
“I knew this was going to happen,” Steve chuckled, a perfectly sculpted grin on his face. Your mouth fell open in shock as you stared at the man standing in your room. The one who was supposed to be infuriated, but instead had the biggest grin on his features you had ever seen on him.
“What?” you let out, in a loud burst of anger. “Steve, what the hell are you talking about?” Steve gave a small shrug as he had a small smirk forming.
“I may have lied when I said you two shouldn’t get too close,” Steve began. “I knew if I said it, it would push you two together.”
Your mouth was wide open as you stared at him and Bucky let out one of the loudest roars of laughter you had heard from him. The sound was enough to melt any irritation you had building. Bucky’s arm slowly snakes around your lower back as he pressed a gentle kiss to your shoulder.
“So I’ll be missing training today,” Bucky stated, his cheek laid on your shoulder, rubbing his stubble against you.
“That is not happening,” Steve began.
“Oh, you owe us one,” Bucky shot back. Steve stayed there for a moment, weighing his options. With a small nod, he spoke:
“I’ll push it back three hours, but you are still training today.”
“Okay, thanks. Now get out!” you smiled. Steve shook his head before giving another smirk.
“This was a horrible idea,” Steve playfully grumbled before shutting your bedroom door. Bucky and you turned to each other immediately. A wide grin on both of your faces.
“A lot can happen in three hours,” Bucky trailed off flirtatiously.
“A lot,” you repeated, squealing as he jumped on top of you. His lips finding yours immediately. Playfully, he bit down on your lower lip as he pulled back, letting it pop back into place with a pop. His hand came up to tenderly move your hair out of your face as he beamed down at you.
“I am so in love with you, y/n.”