just knocked myself out at 2am thinking about the h*nd h*lding in the hospital bed bc like. whew. whew. was the last time kinn had someone hold his hand this tenderly, huh
there’s no time or space for tenderness when you’ve got an intimidating reputation to maintain and guards to command and weapons to fire and money to count and people to kill. the most you might do is grab someone’s arm or wrist to yank them in front of you, or shake hands with someone over a deal that is just making your family richer and more dangerous. hands are for cold metal and rich velvet and hard cash but never for softness or warmth or closeness. and yes, perhaps kinn would pin someone’s hand to the mattress while fucking them, or twist their arms behind their back, or use his hands in all sorts of clever ways - but while that’s hot, and physically close, it’s not close like this, not in a comforting kind of way. we know he doesn’t cuddle with his twinks after he’s finished with them, he just sends them home and goes back to his whisky.
and then in the woods, when we see them hold hands for the first time, it’s an acknowledgement that okay - okay, we are stuck out here together, okay, i’m glad it’s you, okay, maybe we should start letting our walls down because it’s either that or we never get out of here. and then it’s easy to just not let go, to find comfort in that grip, and maybe a little thrill, just as their understandings of each other become something that brings them closer. the letting down of walls, the holding of hands, you get where i’m going
and so then, the hospital bed, porsche convinced to stay because kinn knows him now (and kinn feels comfortable enough to tease him about his fear of ghosts, something that he discovered with the skull in the woods), and kinn reinforcing that knowledge of what he needs by giving him the call to his brother, and porsche understanding that gift when he knows kinn wanted to give him his freedom, which he sacrificed for him by coming back - then, this hand hold. the way it’s porsche that initiates it, the gentle slide of his thumb over the family ring, kinn’s fingers tightening in return. it’s a thank you and a clear, unspoken sign of mutual comfort (and mutual feelings). and it’s so so so tender, and the cuddling that follows is equally so. so different from the violence and everyday powerplays that kinn is used to, and no agenda, no intention to take it anywhere further. just porsche, holding his hand, because he wants to, and because now he can. tenderness and closeness found in the place he never expected he would find them in return.
