our (collective) name is celeste! she/her for any of us, we have DID, we have POTS/EDS, we're in our mid-late 20s and are autistic as hell
be prepared for the most pokemon dense blog you've ever seen in your life, but we also talk about our other interests such as vocaloid, kamitsubaki studio, and various animanga sometimes. this is also our place to talk about our personal life into the online void.
we're a hobbyist digital artist and an eventually-professional-but-still-currently-hobbyist web developer mainly using neocities for funsies. we're the webmaster of the pokemon gens 1/2 fansite Blue Moon Falls and have a new personal site coming very soon!
as for tumblr, our art-only blog is @tera-shards and the drawing/writing challenge we host for the likodot fandom can be found at @60minlkdt. 18+ DID/PTSD venting blog @synesthesia-ghost (you have to manually look it up)
we are mod terashards on the bulbagarden forums!! we are incredibly passionate about this place and it's an active forum in this decade so please check it out if you like pokemon!
💚💙 @digitaldreams0801 5/5/25 🩷💚 <- GIRLFRIEND!!!
some info about our tagging system and whatnot under the cut!
a little extra info about the blog
all our art is tagged under "#my art" and all our code is tagged under "#my code". we rarely write these days, but any writing will also be tagged under "#my writing"
we value being open about our DID online (and you're free to ask questions about it) but that doesn't mean pressuring ourselves to identify who's fronting 100% the time. if an alter wants to self-identify, they will tag the post with "#[name here] posts"
we post about playing pokemon games a lot liveposting style. we tag these posts with the appropriate game set (ie. if we're playing heartgold, we'd tag the post "#hgss") as well as "#celeste plays games"
we use a lot of "code names" for other types of fandom posting because we don't always want our posts to show up in the tags even though we like the blog organization. you can figure these out by looking at our blog LOL
we are pretty lax on CWs as a personal choice but we do tag the big stuff like abuse and whatnot. anything we give a CW to will be tagged like "#cw [subject matter]" (on that note we have some ocs with CSA and organized abuse as a heavy theme in their story, please blacklist "#vee & nova" if you don't want to see these OCs in any capacity)
you can reblog anything we post that has reblogs enabled; if we don't want you to reblog it then we'd turn off reblogs
we used to take anon asks but we're in college now and just could not keep up anymore despite people being so kind, sorry!! you're still free to send off-anon asks though! we post all ask responses unless you ask us not to
we are extremely selective about giving out our discord and will reach out to you first if we'd like to add you there. please don't ask for ours!
i guess saying i have 0 sense of fashion is incorrect actually because i WILL spend 10 million years in a character creator and go out of my way to buy cosmetics for my character in online games and if anything doing that can literally give me gender euphoria but then i seem unable to transfer this ability to real life cause my brain bluescreens the instant i think about actually shopping for clothes
i had to wear a dress to my sister’s graduation and i really dragged my feet through picking one out from the ones we had on hand and i struggled emotionally with putting it on that morning. i was mostly fine afterwards and i think the pictures with me in them from that day are fine albeit the dress is not one i’d personally buy or pick out myself. but like it was such an ordeal to feel ok changing into it… i still have issues with like, i want to dress feminine, i fantasize about being comfortable wearing skirts and stuff, but then when i actually am presented the option to wear skirts (or dresses) i feel uncomfortable because i still have the sense of “i won’t do this justice” or “i’m not allowed to wear this” which is nonsense but it bothers me Anyway!!! and it also doesn’t help that my lifetime of estrangement from my body has left me with absolutely 0 fashion sense beyond graphic tees and comfortable shorts/pants so i feel intimidated thinking about clothes even at a baseline before the gender part. WITH the gender part it’s even worse. and even though i know the idea that women “should” be good at fashion is a bullshit misogynistic stereotype there is still that part of me at like 12 years old that feels like a failure of a girl for not understanding that stuff. so really i’m just in hell. but i’d like to wear a skirt,
been thinking about my gender lately because it’s very important to me that i am a girl/woman and reclaim feminine terms that were taken from me or warped for me, and like i am AFAB so that technically makes me cis, and ultimately i am more or less fine with that label in regards to communicating to others how i want to be referred to and thought of, but at the same time it is just not quite right. there is a reason my friends have jokingly called me things like “cis premium” or “ftf transgender” because my womanhood is queer in nature even if it’s… a return to baseline
i do float the idea of identifying publicly as something nonbinary-ish/genderqueer again sometimes, but that makes me uncomfortable because i really do want to be seen as a woman and that’s that. i think the answer probably lies somewhere in experimenting with what “woman” means to me and trying to express my queerness in some way that isn’t the label applied to it. or something. cause there is a mild discomfort or friction with feeling trapped in my own skin and unable to properly express myself. being a woman again has done a lot for me but it was not a 1 stop shop for fixing my gender dysphoria. like yeah i identify as a woman now but what have i done to embrace that more or present as that more? what does that even look like for me?? because it’s certainly not the stereotype of what people think a cis woman is
ever since i got back from my sister’s graduation i’ve been dealing with chest pain and shoulder pain and it’s really starting to piss me off. not sure what it’s called but it’s like the whole muscle group from the front of my right shoulder and over the right side of my upper chest is constantly inflamed. it feels worse when i wake up in the morning because i can’t seem to sleep in any position that is comfortable for it. i should probably start taking ibuprofen or something
i love and adore my cat but she keeps waking me up around 7 am to scream to be fed breakfast and i used to be able to sleep through that decently well because i wasn’t the one in charge of taking care of her but now i have a much stronger response to it so i can’t fall back asleep when she’s meowing anymore
this is not great for me who already struggles with staying asleep at night and is also predisposed to staying up a little bit late
just bought tickets to see utena adolescence in theaters with my girlfriend and friend on the 22nd, which means i have to binge rewatch and finish utena before then. oh boy (i had started it a while back, got interrupted for reasons, never finished it, and now it's been so long i really just need to rewatch from the beginning lol)
i maintain my stance that the revue starlight movie is the best movie ever created on this earth and there will never be a piece of art that makes me feel that same way ever again
