DUDIES LOS ANGELES

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[dudiesla]

LONG TIME NO SEE HO-BAGZ

So like. OH MAN, I've been messing with dudes like a ghost in a korean horror film. 

This little Doodie made an online dating account while under the influence of..many things actually..and the results were pretty great. 

So here are some screen shots of my responses. Out of respect for their privacy, the mens photos have been covered by a handicap symbol. While I am represented by a graceful pink bird.

Enjoy my loves

Guy 1

Guy2

Guy 3

Guy 4

Moral of the story? Get out there, be fearless and have a fuckin blast!!!!

[dudiesla]

Le Siiigh

Young Alec   

In Prelude to a Kiss

So far I haven't gotten through the movie..but i just had to freeze frame this shit. His is mad timeless. what is a fuckin fox. 

-S

P.S. is that an orb to his left?

[dudiesla]

Dr.Drew, 53 and Getting Finer...

Like what the fuck!? You want some Benjamin Button shit? It's right here. Time has got nothing on Dr.FuckmetentimesDrew.  Look at them arms!!!! 

Nothing's sexier then brains & brawn, PERIOD. 

[dudiesla]

Dylan McD Sexy Tears

Dylan McDermott is a fucking baaabe!!!!! Stone hard bod RRRaawwwr!!! Took this screen shot for ya'll (actually for me first, then i realized, d'uh some dudie ho's would LOVE this).

okay and just for fun, imagine him crying after sex. wait you don't have too..

-Stormer

[dudiesla]

Stay Positive!

I'm gonna stress this NOW because I know sometimes I don't do it.  DUDIES, STAY POSITIVE.  There's nothing more unattractive than a hot bitch pouting.

Whether your date was crap, he never called back, or your favorite pair of patent leather heels got scuffed in the front, you just need to suck it up and smile.

You'll thank me later.

-Foxtrot

[dudiesla]

BAYWATCHED

So this little dudie was hittin the beach, gettin some sun and of course, duuude watchin. 

I fucking LOVE the beach. And when I swim, I go far out, to catch some waves. But today, I went a little too far out and got caught in a rip tide. Luckily, I was saved by a FUCKING HUNKY ASS LIFE GUARD. i am not kidding you, this MAN was chizzled,  not gross, vain muscle head, chizzled, but the perfect surfer dude body. He had dark skin, green eyes, and curly hair that was naturally sun bleached. We locked eyes like mutherfuckers.. ANYWAY, the man hollered at me and told me grip his booey. I sure as fuck did. He pulled to me to shore, and got my digits. Moral of the story? Get caught in a rip tide!!!! Some hot mutherfucker will save your life, and there is nothing sexier then a HERO!!!! 

-S

[dudiesla]

HOT DEAD GUY TIME

Chris Acland, RIP, you beautiful angsty man! Sexy suicidal guitarist from LUSH!

I love skinny sad boys!! They usually have HUUUGE cocks. 

-S

[dudiesla]

I got the best head ever yesterday morning...

and i thought you all should know. #pussyforbreakfastlunchanddinner

-cheeseburger

[dudiesla]

Free Shit for Cool Bitches

I'm cheap and lazy, so when I see an ad for FREE shit that gets delivered to my house, I'm too down.

So, dudies, get on it! Hook yourself up with some tampons.

-Foxtrot

[dudiesla]

TEN FUCKING SONGS: Scary Sex

It's that time of the week again! Y'all better be getting down. Do it for us. Come on, you know you wanna. 

No sexy tunes to set the mood? Don't worry- we've got you covered. Courtesy of our favorite foxy goth- the perfect mix for some downright evil sex. 

Download: 10 FUCKING SONGS: Scary Sex

01 Marian - Sister of Mercy

02 Performance (7" Version) - Tones on Tail

03 Golden Dawn - Ministry

04 Testure - Skinny Puppy

05 Disappearing - Peter Murphy

06 Grease Paint and Monkey Brains - White Zombie

07 The Undertaker (Vagina Mix) - Puscifer

08 Tourniquet - Marilyn Manson

09 Fetisha - Orgy

10  Piggy - Nine Inch Nails

XOXO, 

Pizzazz + Foxtrot

[dudiesla]

I'll Let You Violate Me.

When I was 15 there was no one I would have rather lost my virginity to than Trent Reznor. I'm no longer a virgin but presented with the opportunity I would regrow a hymen in a fucking heartbeat.

Not only is the man a fucking fox, but he is a master of the sexy tune. I challenge you to find ONE Nine Inch Nails album unsuitable for an all night fuckfest. Go ahead... I'll wait...

See? You couldn't do it. 

The man is such a beast he can wear evening gloves and still look like he's about to kick your dad's ass. 

So Trent, if you're reading this; feel free to break apart my insides. 

XO, 

Pizzazz

[dudiesla]

Bitter and Unashamed

Hi. HI HI HI HI HI. 

I was thinking about it, and I realized a lot of dudes spend A LOT of time on some bullshit, but spend literally NO time learning how to be better lovers. As women we are constantly reading up on hints, tips, and tricks for wowing a motherfucker and for what? Usually a hefty serving of JACK SHIT. 

This is not to say all dudes are like this. I happen to know of a few (ok, one) dudes who take pride and read up, but the majority don't. Majority are totally comfortable coming at your titty with a cold hand or at your clit with a dry, calloused finger. FUCK YOU. 

Here's a list of activities you can ELIMINATE until you've mastered your wiener, hands and mouth.

- Weird cleanses and diets

- Haircuts (If you suck in bed, you have NO business having short hair too)

- Stupid hobbies and collections (Want to know how you can tell it's stupid? It pisses me off)

- Playing sports with your out of shape friends

- Excessive video chatting

- Getting really into everyday items; i.e. socks, toothbrushes, forks and mugs

- Keeping track of MY chores

- Making dumb videos

- Asking me where you stand with me

I could go on. But seriously, little activities like the ones above are a special privilege for the sexually savvy. If you can't make it go like a jacuzzi jet- get to reading.

xo

P

[dudiesla]

Hot DEAD GUYZZZ

okay okay so these guys ARENT dead, but this little dudie has a feeling prison rape might have a different opinion. 

ANYWAY, they, like any other hardcore dodger fan (or not) beat the crap out of a Giants fan. They're guilty mutherfuckers, but they do get mad chollo props for defending Los Doyers honor.

-S

[dudiesla]

Douche of the Week

Hey fucktard… I have a few things to say to you:

Your dick is not that big, don’t flatter yourself

You’re no longer 13, please stop jack hammering my vagina and learn to screw like an adult

Beer pong was cool never

You farted in bed and thought I was asleep. I wasn’t.

 So anyway… I deleted you from my phone book, I suggest you do the same.

-Foxtrot

[dudiesla]

TEN FUCKING SONGS: After Prom

The weekend is finally here and you know what that means... GETTING THE FUCK DOWN. Whether it's with a partner or with ya'self, here are ten songs we think will set the mood. 

This week's theme: After Prom. Any of these songs would be perfect to lose your virginity to with the date you settled on.

So ladies- click here and get down.  

Tracklisting:

1) Ignition (remix)- R. Kelly

2) Pony- Ginuwine

3) Wanna Get to Know You- G. Unit

4) What's Your Fantasy- Ludacris

5) Nature Feels- Frank Ocean

6) Sexual Eruption- Snoop Dogg

7) I Like- Jeremih

8) Nice n' Slow- Usher

9) Oops- Tweet

10) Work It- Missy Elliot

XO, 

Pizzazz + Foxtrot

[dudiesla]

I Know You Want It

Every gal needs a few secret weapons to pull out sometimes to guarantee a dude for the night.  Most of the time you don’t need to try extra hard (and they probably don’t deserve it anyway…), but if it’s one of those nights, then check out this list of arsenal.

Plaid Not sure why, but dudes dig the tartan skirt.  For extra points pull out some combat boots. Tartan + combat boots = BONER!

Pigtails Obvious but a total turn on.  Blow job handles? Only if you’re willing to return the favor, thankyouverymuch.

Knee High Socks Not sure if it goes along with the naughty school girl thing, or if it’s because suddenly you’re pulling attention to your upper thigh, but guys salivate over that shit.

Moccasins EVERY single time I pull these boots out (I have the knee high ones so double boner potential) guys go nutso.  I get random compliments while riding my bike, and dudes love pulling them off right before they fuck me Pocahontas-style (braided pigtails for added Native-American fun!).

Garter Belts An oldie but a goodie.  Every guy loves a sexy leg, and garter belts are the ultimate “Hey, let’s fuck!” accessory.

So, pull out one of these items and I can basically guarantee you’ll get laid for the night.  SCHWING.

-Foxtrot

[dudiesla]

Surely, You Are Joking...

Always trying to get some shit they're not entitled to. 

A few days ago an exboyfriend of mine tried to be cute and hook it back up. Which ain't gonna happen. Shortly thereafter he starts getting all up in my homegirl's shit. Liking all her photos on facebook; commenting on all her updates. Acting generally shady and/or lame.

He is doing this shit for one of two reasons:

1 This is a sad attempt at making me jealous

or

2 He is legitimately trying to make me and my homegirl eskimo sisters.

Either way- DOUCHE. We're not together, I'm not interested. Thus, I am not jealous. My homegirl is also not interested, and is not a shitty friend (she is a spectacular friend). Thus, her ass ain't interested either. Even if I were interested before- there is no way in hell I would be now.

See how that works?

So dudes, a good rule of thumb: don't try to use a bitch's friends to make her jealous, or try to hook up with them after the fact. It doesn't work, and it makes yer ass look grimey. 

XOXO

P