we are all sinners

[let-the-queen-conquer]

“William, I am glad that you came so quickly.” The queen responded upon his entrance to her office. A small, polite smile graced her red lips. “As a dear friend and a trusted duke of my court, I wanted to see your opinion on a matter that I had been thinking over since speaking with one of my ambassadors.”

@dukeofcresswell

[dukeofcresswell]

previously william would have been certain to steer clear of such discussions revolving around politics, where his father had always been so involved he’d considered it in his best interest to remain removed from the situation, but since catherine had been crowned he hadn’t been able to keep the same distance as before. this was a woman he had known for her entire life. “and what matter is that your highness?”

[dukeofcresswell]

annexvalois:

It was quite late but for some reason Anne was having trouble getting herself to sleep. Climbing out of bed, she had decided that her time would be spent more favorably standing on the balcony that was connected to her rooms so she tied a robe around herself and put some slippers on, before she slipped into the openness, feeling refreshed by the cold air. She had always been at peace during the night, and thought to herself that if she couldn’t be home, at the very least England had a beautiful night sky scattered with countless stars for her to look up at. 

The quietness of the night was interrupted quite quickly by the sound of knocking on the door and the timing made Anne even more confused as to who could be in need of her at this hour. She tightened her robe around her waist and stopped by her mirror to make sure that her dark hair was at least presentable before she quickly walked to the doors and opened them to see who it was. “William..” she whispered, opening the door wider and reaching for his hand. Although his voice was steady, she could smell the remnants of the tavern on him and quickly let him into her room to prevent some kind of scandal or for anyone to pass and see him this way. 

Once the doors closed and they were both safely inside her room, with no risk of anyone seeing or hearing them, she led him to sit and poured some water for him, handing him a goblet. “Are you alright? It’s late… and you seem… distressed, among other things.” she said breaking some bread that she had on the table for him to eat so that he could sober up and hopefully feel better. “You’re worrying me, William.. what happened?” 

william stumbled into her rooms, following as she lead him to sit, though he still managed to refuse the bread she offered. “why would you ask that, i’m just fine”, he answered with a bitter laugh, the bite in his voice harsh and unfamiliar. this was not his finest hour, and why he had found himself here instead of in his own rooms where he could sleep of his stupor in peace was a mystery to him, perhaps this was his final act of destruction. one final foolish act before he would be plunged headfirst and without pause into the darkness he felt creeping in around him. suddenly he found himself in a place he never would have expected, one where he could understand the malice of his father, for it was surely only so long that a heart could go beaten and bloodied before it was turned to stone by the scarring. he was far too close to that edge now, the liquor pulsing angrily through his veins threatened to send him off of it without his permission. 

it seemed every ounce of blood had left his body, leaving only ale and chaos circulating through him. the love he felt for anne felt so distant in that moment, sparkling in the distance so far ahead while he was left writhing in the shadows. but the angry beast within him could find that love so much more easily than he, it could take it into his hands and twist it in ways that made his head spin. “i used to be a better man anne, i see that now. it was a kindness when i allowed my father to drag me away, it was that which must have kept me away. the good.” still surprising himself with his ability to form words at all. “it explains why i cannot let you go now, because all that good is gone and somehow i have managed to make wrong every right thing i ever did”.

[dukeofcresswell]

eloisecamoys:

She felt her eyes burn when he turned away from her, her chest tightening. This was all a repeat of what had been said before. She watched his back for a moment, eyes taking in the form of him, sure that the moment she told, he’d never wish to see her again. She felt like a monster, having hidden it from him for so long - four years felt like a lifetime to her - but she’d been afraid. She felt ashamed of the fear now. She knew that there were worse things to fear than being hated by one who she loved. 

His touch was warm against her cheek and she leaned her head into it, feeling the tears well for a moment, one escaping before she could will them back. “I have no mistakes with you,” She promised, her voice soft. She couldn’t subdue the words then, and she dropped her gaze, unable to meet his eyes. Her fingers laced with his for a moment before she retreated, swallowing thickly. “Robert… Robert is not Edward’s, William,” She told him, her mouth going dry as her vision blurred. She could see the little boy in her mind, as though he were standing with them. Wiping her cheeks, she shook her head a little and held her hands together, fingers laced tightly. “He’s yours.” 

william stood in silence a long time, his chest rising and falling was imperceivable, completely still; as if somehow by doing so he could stop the clock and force the turning world around him to halt. it was the act of a coward, to wish a way back and not forge a way forward, but it was all he could do to keep himself from turning inside out, hollowing from his lungs the words which raced through his mind, emptying his stomach of the bile which had risen up within it. if he could only stay still, and keep all those ugly things he had tried so hard to contain for all of these years from pouring out from behind the rock walls within him, then perhaps this was survivable. perhaps this too could find its way into its own closed corridor of his soul, and he could live on. but he felt the shaking of his hands before he had a chance to forge a plan to keep himself standing, and any hope of that was lost. in an instant he had forgotten the promise in his voice just moments before, rapidly stepping away from eloise, seeking any distance he could find from such a betrayal. and his words were hollowed out, weak and empty shells of what they should have been, the chords within his throat quivering like a child’s. and he could not help but remember how they once had, how his face had once fallen and his heart had stood still with the news of his mothers death. and in many ways this present moment proved itself more painful than that memory, there was no body to cast into the ground, no headstone to weep beside, nothing but the space which stood between the pair in the suddenly ice cold room. “what?” he asked, though he needed no clarification. perhaps her words should have made some sense of those things which had passed between them, perhaps the pieces should have clicked soundlessly together in his mind, and in the place of the puzzle which had existed so long in his thoughts would be an image of forgiveness. but that was another world, a world where he took her into his arms instead of stepping further backwards. 

he felt his back as it hit the wall behind him, but the echo of force felt far off and foreign. his expression was replace suddenly with stone, a wall had been built between them then, and though he could not see it he recognized it’s presence immediately. as if that could do either of them any good when the damage was already done. “why?”

[dukeofcresswell]

william felt the world spinning violently around him, and as he made his way home through the dimly lit alleys of the city, he could not help but chuckle to himself at the parallels drawn between the real world and his own thoughts. swaying drunkenly in his steps, the whole world threatened to turn itself on it’s head with every movement, and yet, by some miracle he found himself suddenly walking through the castle corridors. 

if he was a better man, he might have found some more appropriate response to eloise’s admission than to take to the nearest tavern, but he was no such man. and so he had spent the days final hours in a stupor, his racing thoughts muffled by the sloshing of ale in his veins. he had intended to return to his rooms, fall into his own bed and pray that come the morning this would all reveal itself as some unfortunate dream. but as he wandered further down the halls he found himself standing before a door which was not his own, but familiar to him all the same. the quiet rapping at the door sounded as if it belonged to another world, a figment of his imagination, but as he glanced down at his own hand he saw it knocking against the aged wood. 

watching as the door before him opened -unsure as to whether he had stood there minutes or hours- his expression lightened with a shade of relief. the sight of her doing a fine job of sobering him, and to his own surprise he managed to speak the word clearly without slurring, “anne”. 

@annexvalois

[dukeofcresswell]

eloisecamoys:

“I’m not blaming it on your engagement, William. That’s not it, I didn’t want you to think that I was only…with you because of my parents, constantly squabbling for some new title, some more land, some more power. I didn’t want you to think that I was trapping you, somehow,” She said, becoming dangerously close to saying it all. The word vomit was waiting at the base of her throat, her tongue heavy. She looked up at him almost pleadingly, folding her arms over her stomach, hugging herself. “Some part of me thought, then, that you were just… biding your time, entertaining some part of yourself until an engagement was back on. That I was some, I don’t know, some plaything. I don’t know. I suppose that’s partially Garrick’s fault, partially my own. I didn’t think it through clear enough.” 

“I feared a future where you hated me, William. Where you disregarded me for something else, something better. A princess, a queen, something that could give you more than I could have,” She said with a weak laugh, though she cut it off. “I knew that you would not grow into the man your father wanted for you, there was no question that you would not,” She said, her hands taking his, finally, holding one of his hands between her own, squeezing gently. She looked up at his whispered plea and shook her head. “I could never see in you what I saw in Edward. Never. You are a better man by leagues. One that I was too much of a fool to see from the beginning. And I’m sorry.” 

“then perhaps your memory has failed you eloise, but we have had this conversation before.” he answered, tone sharper than he intended, lashing out as if she had somehow wounded him with her apology. “and no matter how many times you assure me of my lack of fault my conscience stays the same, you are doing neither of us any favours in rehashing old wounds”, he added turning from her. he did not want to have this conversation, not in the slightest, he would much rather pretend those scars which existed on his heart were marks made by another woman, a ghost. “these same assurances will not heal me, they will not absolve you of whatever guilt it is you carry, so why is it you refuse to move on from this?” it was what he wished to do, to move on and forward, and perhaps it had been foolish of him to believe it but he had thought that was what they had done that night spent in his chambers. 

he turned to her, suddenly gentler than before, taking her hand in his, “if there is something new that you must say, something that will lighten your burden eloise, then say it.” his other hand rested on her cheek, “say it or move on, move on from your mistakes with me”. and without even a thought he had extended her his most sincere invitation, what it could ever possibly mean he did not know, she was married to a man who was not him, and he had duties of his own, but in that moment he might have forsaken it all simply for the chance to forget the phantoms which haunted him every step he took. 

[dukeofcresswell]

eloisecamoys:

“No!” She said quickly, shaking her head at the mere thought that she might think of it so horridly. Part of her was glad that he did not regret it. She dropped her hands to her sides and walked towards him another step, as if to touch him. “I look upon it more fondly than I do almost anything else.” She wanted him to know that she thought of him greater things than he seemed to think of himself, but couldn’t put it into words. 

She forced her breathing to slow, to steady herself. “No, no, I know now that there was not,” She said, looking up at him finally, her gaze flickering over his features for a moment. She wanted to run her fingers through his hair, smooth it back from his forehead. “No, then I thought there was..everything in our way. And perhaps it was foolish of me - it was, I was very foolish - but I did not wish to put you in a position in which you were unhappy. I didn’t want to be the reason you did not take paths already laid out for you - I’d heard things, about your engagement to Catherine, and I knew - or I thought that I knew - oh, I don’t know!” She gave up finally, shaking her head. “I know now that whatever the reasons I had were wrong, and I am doomed to live with the monster that is my husband because I was a fool.” 

perhaps there was some other force, lurking a listening in, to whom her words made any kind of sense, but to william they all bore the familiar sound of an excuse. it was easier to think of them in such a light than to face the ever increasingly apparent reality that there was some knowledge he was not privy to, some admission with catastrophic implications. and he had worked too hard in the past years to bat off such a possibility to allow him to accept it now. the shades of black and white he so readily accepted may have left a great deal aside, but they were simple, clear. “do not blame this on an engagement which was killed long before i ever shared a a bed with you eloise”, his tone dropping as he finished the sentence, fearful that somehow he would be overheard. 

none of what she said became any clearer as she confirmed the fears that william had possessed since her return to court, laying themselves heavily on his heart as whispers of rumor had reached his ears. perhaps he had always been the fool, too much existing in the world that he lacked the ability to see, but whatever it was she kept from her words did not exist as plainly visible as that. he could hear it in her words, in the wavering of her voice; he could feel it in the way that even now, as frustrated as he was, the duke wanted very badly to turn to her and take on the task of comforting her. “what future did you fear for, the one where i remained under the constant command of a father who despised the failure i had become, the future where i walked these halls where the topic of every conversation seemed to be my failed courtships and engagements?” his eyes focused on her, his voice falling once more, “or did you fear i’d grow up to be the man my father raised?” perhaps he had been angrier than he had ever known at that time, he certainly was far from untroubled, stepping closer to her his voice was a mere whisper, “did you see in my eyes what you now see in your husband’s?” william was pleading now, for some other answer, as hard as it might have been to understand it must have been better than those whirling about in his mind. “if not for any of these reasons, than why?”

[dukeofcresswell]

eloisecamoys:

She could see that it wasn’t going well and she fiddled with one of the jeweled rings on her finger. She swallowed thickly and shook her head. “No, you are not an easy man to take advantage of, nor do I really regret it, but for the sake of…appearances, I suppose. I’ve felt bed, to think that I’d forced you into something you may not have wanted simply because I had -” She stopped talking and looked at her feet, feeling her cheeks warm. 

“I’m sorry for leaving,” She said before she could stop herself, closing her eyes. “For leaving and not saying anything to you. For not writing while I was away.” 

as her fingers moved his attention was drawn away from her face, and settled on the sparkling rings upon her finger, he felt acid churning in his stomach as he did. “ do you really look upon that night with such distain?” he paused a long moment, tongue pressing against his teeth, “ i certainly do not.” 

and his mouth opened unexpectedly as she spoke, eyes wide and surprised by her words, it seemed her sole ambition this evening was to risk his hearts health. he would have liked to push the subject away, pretend the apology had been but a gust of wind which had existed for only the moment that it ruffled his hair, but he could not. “then why did you? please tell me why eloise. was there some future i could not offer you?”

[dukeofcresswell]

annexvalois:

Anne couldn’t keep the smile from her face as she briefly and gently touched her fingertips to his hand. “Is it selfish, to want to keep the person that you love?” she whispered, daring to lean closer so that she was certain he could not only hear her but feel her breath against his neck. “If you asked me for my opinion, I would tell you that I do not foresee myself making any exception, my dances are reserved for him and him alone.” she said, smiling as she offered her hand to the man who owned her heart. 

“Now William, will you please dance with me?” she asked, smirking as she gave them away, sure that they both were fully aware of the other. “You look handsome tonight, mon amour… as you do every night.” 

“I must admit that if it is than i am a most selfish man princess”, he answered with a widespread grin. He felt himself drawn in even nearer as she leaned in towards him. He took her hand immediately, relishing in the familiar warmth of her touch as he began leading them both towards the dance floor. 

“And you, princess look as beautiful as ever, but i am sure i cannot be the only one to have remarked on that fact.” Pulling her nearer, and into the stance at the beginning of the dance, he took his liberties with the placement of his hand on her waist -resting far lower than any gentleman’s. 

[dukeofcresswell]

eloisecamoys:

For all of it, she wanted to say. She wanted to apologize for every little heartbreak she’d caused, for leaving suddenly, as if it were nothing. As if they had been nothing. Her heart bled with the things she wanted to apologize for, and the most pressing, the most heavy on her breast, involved the little boy napping not too far away, in the grand scheme of things. She remembered that he had sensed it, her secret then, that night, and had asked her silence of her. She wondered if her silence could be held with a steady hand, or if it would be told with trembling lips. 

“For taking advantage of your illness,” She said, disregarding the shock in his voice. She wouldn’t apologize for the act itself, something she’d longed for for…years. “For knowing that you were not in your right mind and still pressing it. I should have drawn away, let you rest, rather than exciting you further.” 

She felt that she should apologize for loving him still as she had then, but the words stayed down. 

“It was wrong of me.”

William’s eyes narrowed on Eloise as she spoke, as if her words were more an accusation than an apology. Perhaps it had been his father who had instilled this defensiveness within him, constantly keeping him on his toes and all too prepared to defend his manliness. But it felt like much more than that, as though she sought to write it off, write them off, as nothing more than a drunken -or in this case illness- driven mistake. Too often he had been the one who had written off the sentiments of his heart, after he had been the one hurt, but had he hurt Eloise? And how?

“I am not an easy man to be taken advantage of Eloise, I would think you know that.” He felt his head as it swivelled side to side, but his eyes remained transfixed on her, “Is that all you came to say?”

[dukeofcresswell]

eloisecamoys:

She shook her head and tucked back a strand of hair that didn’t need to be tucked back, rolling her eyes a little. “You shouldn’t take it as an insult. I’m glad to see that you’re well once again. I was worried, for a while…” She trailed off. What had she been worried over? That he would not return to her? As if he were hers? As if she were someone that he would return to at all? As if she could pretend that she held that sway over him? “I was worried that we might lose you.” 

The we easily could have been construed as if she meant ‘we’ as she and Garrick and all those that cared about him, and not as the we that she truly meant. 

She could hear the doubt on his tongue and her cheeks flushed, her eyes dropping to the floor between them. “time spent on you is not wasted energy,” She answered, her eyes flickering back up to his, her eyebrows furrowing. “I came to apologize, as well, however.”

but there was more than one way to be lost wasn’t there? and recently he was growing to consider death perhaps the fairest of his brothers, for in that endless sleep there was no thought of reaching out, no impulse to take hold of the first thing which seemed steady as you wandered adrift. it was that very impulse which had recently caused the man to doubt every action he took, every stone he stepped on, every wall on which he leaned, seemed to present itself with the risk that it could very well give way, and send him tumbling downward and into darkness. of course, the duke never said such things, he was not blessed with the kind of eloquent language which allowed him to convey that feeling to the girl before him -regardless of how desperately he wished to- and so he only seemed distant. “then rest easy knowing i am not lost”. 

perhaps it was no waste for her, a woman who had a child and a husband, but for him? it seemed an awful lot of his time was spent on dreaming after women he could never have, at the very least not in the sense he needed. 

“apologize for what eloise?” he asked, utterly shocked by her words. he could not blame her for the night they’d spent together, regardless of his fevered state, he had known what he was doing, he had tasted the sin in it before it had even began and pressed on anyways. 

[dukeofcresswell]

annexvalois:

The mischievous grin as he bowed, gave him away and as soon as Anne was sure that it was actually William in front of her, she smiled, her eyes brightening from under her mask. Her heart beat much faster knowing that it was in fact her William, and she wouldn’t have to go through the task of dancing with men that she had no interest in dancing in, for her eyes and heart would always belong to only him. 

“En fait je cherchais quelqu'un” Anne whispered, pretending to look around the room even when she knew the man she was looking for was standing before her. “‘Tis a shame… for if he does not come soon I shall be forced to dance with the other men..” she added, teasing him. 

since first meeting the princess he had often dreamt of some other life, where they were free from title and duty, free from everything that endeavoured to keep them apart. but those worlds he dreamt of existed only in his sleep, doomed to lose their colour the moment he opened his eyes. this, an eve where all bore the same kind of disguise and were free to act entirely unlike themselves, was perhaps as close to reality as such dream could ever come. 

“then i must admit to hoping you are unsuccessful in your search”, he answered grinning still, “for what a selfish man he must be to keep you entirely to himself.”

[dukeofcresswell]

eloisecamoys:

Eloise looked up at him, her eyes taking in the color that had returned to his face, glad to see that he was well once more. Her gaze flickered to the scars on his chest and her fingers itched to run along them, knowing what they could have done to him, what they had caused him. She felt like she was buzzing with a nervous energy, as if something lurked just beneath the surface that would shatter everything. She’d known that William had hoped that she’d have some good man as a husband, and that she had been happy in her marriage. But she knew that their night had to have ruined that image and she wondered if she would face the same questions that Garrick had asked her.

She realized that she’d been staring and looked up to his face once more, a small smile curling at her lips. “I’d heard that you were doing better, I thought to come and see for myself,” She said evenly, and it was only partially the truth. That’s what her life had come to: half-truths, where she wasn’t quite lying, but omitting things. The only lie that she told on a regular basis was that Edward was Robert’s father, and no one had questioned her yet. She wasn’t a very good liar to begin with, but there was no reason for anyone to believe otherwise. “You looked close to death the last anyone saw of you.”

Her words only reminded him of the last time she had seen him, a reminder which only served to antagonize his own unease. For a man who had been forced to spend his entire childhood making on as though he’d been made of stone, he had an awfully hard time of seeming steady now. That was the greatest truth though wasn’t it? One could build themselves up as high and as strong as the greatest towers, but an assault to the base could still threaten to send him crashing down. Grinning slightly, and doing his absolute best to keep up a charming and solid exterior, he answered, “i’ll try not to take that as an insult.”

“is that why you’ve come?” he asked, doubt in his voice at her motives. he’d been far too consumed by it these days, doubt, it seemed to seep from his very skin. “if so, i assure you i am quite well and you should not have wasted the energy on me.”

[rcdolphuslstrange]

Anne was looking around the room through her ornate gold mask that had been expertly matched to the golden gown that she was wearing, that came down just off her shoulders as she tried to figure out who the people around her were. They were all in masks, obviously, and while she was quite good at recognizing people during events, the masks made it very difficult and she resulted in biting her lip to concentrate as she figured out that she was only truly looking for one person. 

She could see a man approaching with a similar build as William, but she couldn’t really be sure until she saw who was behind the mask that he wore. Still, she wasn’t going to assume it was him and have all their secrets revealed so when the mysterious stranger paused in front of her, she curtsied and swept her skirts back to one side, “Bonsoir, monsieur..” she whispered, taking the man’s hand when it was offered so that she could rise back up to how she had been standing before, still trying to figure out who the man was. 

@dukeofcresswell

[dukeofcresswell]

he wondered, as his eyes landed on the unmistakable figure of the french princess, if he would have had such ease identifying her even without the aid of his sight. it felt as thought it was a task as simple as taking hold of a thin string, which extended from him, and following it to where she was. 

bowing his head with a grin, every ounce of familiarity bound to that single aspect of his greeting, a clue for only her. “bonsoir mademoiselle”, he countered. “j’espere que les festivites te traitent bien.”

[lifeinpoetry]

If you’re happy in a dream does that count?

Arundhati Roy, from The God of Small Things (via lifeinpoetry)

[eloisecamoys]

@dukeofcresswell

Eloise felt ill at-ease, every time her thoughts had flickered to the night she’d spent with William, especially after she’d heard the news that she’d been with child already. Growing up, Eloise had never thought that she would be the wife who would look outside her marriage - she’d even entertained the thought that she might enjoy her husband’s company - but it was clear that she’d never imagined being the wife of Edward. Perhaps if she’d married men like William, or Alden, or Garrick, it would not have come to this. 

Besides her own guilt at straying, she’d felt guilty for taking such advantage of William’s fevered state. Perhaps he’d been in his right mind and had made the decision knowingly, but she couldn’t help but worry that she’d simply overwhelmed him. She felt the need to apologize, and to make sure that he was well once more. She needed to make sure that he didn’t resent her for it, as she seemed to resent herself.

(Though even she couldn’t say that she resented herself, because she didn’t regret it. Not completely.) 

That was how she found herself, once more, at William’s doors, patiently awaiting his permission to enter or his rejection, preparing herself for either one. Her arms folded over her stomach, the bump only barely visible. Her breath caught in her throat and she closed her eyes in order to clear it and take in a deep breath. “William,” She spoke, when her gaze landed on him, finally. 

[dukeofcresswell]

william had shared his fair share of evening’s with forbidden women, the married and lonely noble women of court, the chaste, but for those he had never felt even the slightest inkling of guilt, and by that definition alone this had been quite different. when his fever had finally broken, when he had finally made it into the clear he had wondered if it had all been no more than a dream. blurred into reality by the fire which had scorched his body. perhaps he had even hoped that that was the case. but he knew better than that, and those moments he had stolen with eloise had been as real as any. not even his imagination in it’s most fevered state could be credited for such a creation. and realizing that he felt terrible. he had spent so many moments since that first time in which they parted, allowing himself to imagine for his friend a better life. a better husband. and acknowledging their night together he had no other choice but to cast all those wasted moments of reverie aside. 

he had spent a great deal of time since his recovery hidden, keeping himself as far from the action of the court as he could bear. these days had taken their tole on him, stolen from him some peace he had found in the passing years, a certainty of the way in which things went, and regardless of how cynical such knowledge had been it had been a sure constant. and it had been far more reliable than this new world he had found himself thrust into. 

hearing a knock on his door he made him unwilling way towards the threshold, linen shirt hanging partly open over his chest. his wounds which had faded into bright purples scars displayed without concern of vanity. pulling the heavy oaken door open with his newly returned strength he faced her, as calm as ever, as if somehow even before the reveal parts of himself which should have bubbled with nervousness had already known what awaited him, as if they had prepared. “eloise, what brings you?’

[dukeofcresswell]

annexvalois:

The feeling of his arms around her, accepting her touch and pulling her closer to him was one that Anne could not even explain, the unwavering love that she felt and the closeness to him that she had craved for so long finally came together with his touch and she closed her eyes for a moment to ingrain the memory into her mind and heart. grasping the collar of his shirt as she lay down beside him, she pressed her cheek closer to his chest, smiling at the familiar sound of his heart beat. There were many times when she thought she had forgotten the way her heart could swell being so close to him, and how she felt so completely safe in his arms - untouchable from anything that could harm her, but now she knew that she had never forgotten, and that all the wanting and hoping that she had pushed to the depths of her mind had been for one thing - for him. 

She shook her head, eyes opening as she let out a small laugh, “Sometimes I think I tried too much. After you left I tried to seem strong, like I had a chance of being the person I was before I met you, but the truth is when you left I could only ever be half of the person that I should be, because the other half of me was gone… I know that now, I know why it’s always felt like there’s been an emptiness - a gaping - inside of me. It’s because you weren’t there.” she whispered, not looking at him as she gently traced shapes against his chest with her fingertips. 

“You might not have known it, but wherever you went, you had my heart with you. Since the day I met you, you took it from me and I don’t think that there’s a chance I’ll ever have it back.” she said, now rising from her place on his chest so that she could look at him as she spoke her mind (and her heart) “I love you… I’ve always loved you.. and I don’t think that I’ll ever stop..” she said, her face slowly moving closer to his as she felt completely at ease in his arms, almost as if releasing those true feelings and words from her heart had freed her to actually feel love again, the kind of love that was not a game. The kind of love that you could only share with one person in the world. 

in truth william had thought his heart dead and gone long before meeting anne. believing it buried alongside his mother or never having existed at all. his love had always been so limited, and he had been so restrained in granting it. but on that first night of meeting her he had heard it’s haunting beat once more, ringing through his chest and echoing throughout his body. whether it had been dead and left to rot, or simply buried by years of scar tissue did not matter, because suddenly it had beat again. in losing her he had felt it still, this sore and broken thing pumping away beneath his ribs. in that pain he’d felt in losing her he knew little solace, but in knowing that somewhere beneath his chest such a thing existed he had known relief of all those worries which had plagued him before, for surely nothing like it lived within his father, and that difference alone brought him to life. 

if he had the chance to save himself all the pain of losing her, he could never take it. in knowing her he had felt his heart alive and well once more, and in feeling it break he’d been assured it remained still. 

he knew the truth in her words as his own, the countless nights he had spent trying to revive that feeling of being with his princess. all the effort he has put into his search for a second chance. and now somehow he had one, and he felt his heart ripped free of its scars once more. nodding as she spoke he mustered up the strength to turn them over, into a position where he leaned over her, his eyes wide with wonder. “i love you anne”, he answered back. foolish smile on his lips as he leaned forward, closing that distance between them as he’d wished to a hundred thousand times before. 

[dukeofcresswell]

eloisecamoys:

as her back arched into his touch he felt himself readying with anticipation, and still he could not help but wonder if perhaps she did not want him as he did her. all those years apart wondering had fed an insecurity within him, which lived on now within him an entity which acted of its own volition. so he could not help but question if now he only served as a placeholder, if perhaps married life had made her bored and he served only as the warm body which promised a moment of freedom from that. his lips trailed the space between her breast, teasing and brief kisses laid upon her skin. his tongue grazing the pink skin of her nipple before continuing downwards and between the valley caused by her ribs and hips. his knee urging her legs apart as his lips dipped briefly down to mark her skin, eyes looking up at her and searching her own as his hand moved along the outside of her thigh. “do you want me eloise?”