Faint Euphoria @dullberries - Tumblr Blog

“Trust yourself. You see what’s happening, and that awareness alone already puts you in a strong position. Keep your boundaries, keep your calm, and keep living your good, grounded life — that speaks louder than anything she says.”

I Saw Him First

At first glance, I felt it stir— In that crowded room, I think I saw you first. The second time was fleeting; I’m certain inside, there’s something I’m feeling.

Then comes third, it was luck no more, But I believe we were destined to meet once more. I saw you as I entered that hall; Yes, it was the face I thought I’d never see again.

I uttered no words, just silent gaze, Here and there, just to see your face, Until the day died and ended just that. Boy, I thought, there’s not another chance.

Just when I took one final look, And went on with my days, as I should, There came your name on my screen. I’d like to ask, “How have you been?”

A simple “hello”—so small, so true. It’s been so long, yet gone so fast. All I felt is that when I first saw you, I’ve always known, it’s you I’d love.

Spilled Ink

It was heavenly,

to be your muse

A subject to your poetry,

a never-ending role

For a writer's mind,

when inked and written

will forever be there

It was a bliss,

to know your words

are all about me

and me alone

It was treacherous,

to know that it ends

that no longer am I

on your poetry anymore

It was dysphoric,

that for all those times

the poetry you've written

was not a poetry at all

For all I know,

I'm just a long-lost note;

a spilled ink

on a crumpled paper

lying on your floor

Mas maayos pa minsan 'yung tulog ko sa hapon kaysa sa gabi, sa totoo lang.

You won't understand how deep depression is, until you find yourself lost in a vast pit of darkness wanting to only swim and swim with hopes that you'll soon emerge on the surface without failing to lose your breath.

There is just some wonder in how a person could be utterly sad to the point of just wanting to give everything up. I, for one, am at this point where I feel so lost and no matter how I want to make everything else around me be fixed, it seems that I do not know any other way for it to happen. If it is even possible to shut everything down whenever I close my eyes, then I'll have the peace of mind I badly need-- but it's just far from being possible. My thoughts are too tangled and my mind's full of endless worries that I do not know if there is an escape from all of it.

Mas sad ako kapag gabi, before matulog. I don't know why.

I wish I could tell you how I need you to stay with me everyday.

I was purposely trying not to write anything lately because my life's sudden twist and turn have caught me off-guard and I somehow do not know how to cope up. Writing has always been my channel in sharing a little part of what's on my mind and whenever I start to put words together, I also start to ponder about the realness of something. And in this situation, I do not want to realize how big and how real this thing is.

The fact is, I am still afraid. I fear about how am I going to continue living the way I did before. My whole being can't seem to carry everything that I often sleep with a heavy heart and wake up feeling the same with just a little hope that I could go through the whole day without breaking apart. I am afraid of facing the possibilities and I am even more afraid of thinking that my life would soon be entirely different and that I am not strong enough to deal with anything this big just yet.

I know I have people around who carries genuine love for me and that I won't have to face anything alone, but I couldn't just set this one aside. I'm close to the edge and I do not know if how far I will still be able to handle this.

Anxiety. Iyak ka na naman.

It wasn't just one of those wedding ceremonies I have ever attended. I realized that being with someone who means so much to you could really change your perspective over things which are totally not the same as before. I don't know. Maybe it was me being so emotional, but it made me appreciate him more.

ugly

“I have so much of you in my heart.”

— (via danagray)

After contemplating about something that has happened lately, I guess it was too selfish of me to keep other things to myself alone. I have this tendency of not keeping track whether what I do affects other people or not in any way possible, and at the end of the day, I realized how sorry I was for acting the way I did.

There is no other way to do things right but to change for the better, I guess. I know, I need to be more vocal about how I truly feel, not just every once in a while, but for much often than that.

Sorry, but I was really sad the whole day.

Kept on telling myself that I'm a kid no more, but here I go again.

I don't know how to be alone anymore. I feel more alone whenever you're not with me.

So all my words, however true, might sing to you a thousandth June, and no one ever know that you were beauty for an afternoon. -- F. Scott Fitzgerald, This Side of Paradise.

There are just people who are worth shedding our tears for.

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