thought hoard

[dumbfux]

Take radical responsibility for yourself and your life. That's how you get ahead

[dumbfux]

Proud to be a slutty asexual! : r/asexuality https://share.google/uv3mptcJxHQxkpzZS

[dumbfux]

There is a beauty in the tension that rises pit if a silence. - Aditya

[dumbfux]

Sanguine

Heretic/ heresy/ heretical

Burly

Orifices

Palimpsest

Pneumatic

Pedanticism

Condone

Derisive

[dumbfux]

Had I read this book by 22, I'd have called it a classic and these characters would have stayed with me forever. Like Charlie, Patric, and Sam. Quite a story, soulfully written with ample humiur and lots of food for thought. I wpuld want to re-read this one someday.

[dumbfux]

I do not remember names. I am female.

[dumbfux]

Today, a child smiled at me brighter than the sun because he was able to read a new word, with the smallest form of handholding. I am so pleased with that monent. It made my day.

Later, he gave me ahigh five and said, "kal phirse aana aap."

I am the moon to their sun. I can necer get wnough of their grins.

[dumbfux]

We've come a long way from this.

[dumbfux]

Maybe we're all just perverts without enough resources.

[dumbfux]

A fight I no longer care for

Sounding responsible is such a drag show.

I ain't making a responsible choice. I am making an easy choice. A responsible choice would be in alignment with my spirit. Teach for India was a responsible choice in that sense but look what sorrow it has brought me. I am starting to wonder if my spirit is worth preserving but also if there is only one way of preserving it.

I staunchly believe that inside us all there is a space, a cavity to which nothing ever reaches. It is like a pristine underground lake. What if the spirit doesn't need preserving. What if it needs to be tested, expanded, shrunk and shredded and stretched out again from end to end like a hammock. What if the spirit goes stale if preserved?

So then, if I divert my energy from preserving my spirit, with the reassurance that it doesn't need me to do so, what might I spend it on?

I starting out this post wanting to say that perhaps I am making a choice to test my spirit. To see if it flies or faults. To see if it survives. For if it doesn't make it, I may find the conviction to bring this journey to an end. Maybe if I stop self-preserving and let life break me I will be able to leave it sooner.

I'm saying all this while making the safer choice, lol. What is safe though? Is hollowness safe?

If I really want to test my spirit I should perhaps stick to this sector. Should I stick it out through thick n thin and let that wear me down? That was the plan.

I think by opting out of that plan I'm giving up a fight I no longer care for. I'm not necessarily giving up on fighting.

[dumbfux]

Re-reading this bring up so many thoughts

[dumbfux]

A writer tries to have a last word on an experience that may not be novel. A writer not only craves to be heard and understood but also wants to crystalise their experience in to words, in writing, in others' minds. Why?

[dumbfux]

Finding love young is not always the reality for self-loathing, underconfident, unsure, lost youth who are busy stitching back the wounds they got from growing up nn a briken home. Add queerness to the mix and it becomes a seething concoction of shame, confusion, and pain.

[dumbfux]

We are just sad together. I don't want to be sad anymore. I am not into that now.

I want to be around people who make me feel happy, loved, beautiful.

I don't think she is good for me. She and I are not great together and I want better for both of us. I love her but i don't like her anymore. I don't want to spend as much time together now.

[dumbfux]

I hate everyone and everything

[dumbfux]

Bekar hi badnaam hai yeh girgit. Usne rang badle toh kya hua, apne mahol ke sath badalne mein bhala kya burai hai? Ham bhi dhale hai aur tum bhi dhale ho, kabhi na kabhi, kisi aur ke soche khayalon mein.

Kyu dhale? Kiske khayalon mein dhale? Ismein in savalon ka koi mat nahi hai. Bas yahi ek baat karen layak hai ki dhale toh dhale, lekin uske baad kon ban gaye tum aur kya kiye uss naye tum ne.

[dumbfux]

When the sky doesn't fixate itself, the mountains bed to the whim of wind and riverbeds deepen on the persistence of flowing streams, why are we so determined to one thing, anything at all.

[dumbfux]

Why do I want to do it all alone when I don't have to?