was missing this guy so much today after reading a meme that said the saddest part of the vets job was the 90% of the time that the pet owners don’t stay in the room with the pet and how their last looks are scared looks for their owner and i was happy that Roo didn’t have that but i was so fucking sad about how much i missed him. it’s real solid grief like a stone. still. and that feels weird or stupid and he was just a fucking cat but he was with me from 17-30 and those were both such huge huge years in my life and he was with me for EVERYTHING inbetween almost all of my marriage and when i was fucked up and sad he came to me. when i would storm out of our house in pitt meadows angry, he would follow me and find me in a park. he would walk us all the way to our friends dave house sometime which was block and blocks away and he always just found his way back except for the one time he got lost in a wilderness when we moved and i thought he was gone forever and i had made posters at work and put them up everywhere and i was devastated and then one drunk night we were walking home through the field near our house and i saw him but it was really like he had went wild and that maybe he wanted to live like that and i was selfish and i took him back but i’m happy i did because there is no real wildnerness is the city and we took him out of the wilderness but we could not take the wildnerness out of him and he always killed us such special things like squirrels and hummingbirds and crows. mice guts were just *meh*. i wish it was ok to name your child after your dead pet because that’s how much he meant to me, except honestly i think naming people after people who are dead is sort of creepy, but i don’t know i feel like it’s less creepy than naming your baby after a living person.
graeme even said it was like a symbol of our relationship that he died when we finally truly seperated- when we found ourselves being able to be happy with other people again and i’m not sad about that. at least i don’t think i am projecting, i just think it’s all really mixed together there in my memories.
anyways, over 5 years later now and things are different with me, and with my life, and the way i love and my cats. their sort of they have an instagram. @scienceandhobbes EVERYONE has a fucking instagram. i didn’t even really instagram 5 years ago. i think i thought my phone couldn’t do it even though my phone could do it, i just didn’t care and then my first one got shut down and i had to buy a whole new phone because they lock your device out which is why i am still too paranoid to connect my facebook to my instagram and holy fuck have i ever been not stressed out in my life? no one tumblrs anymore. not really me. i instagram instead of tumblr.
anyways, i have always went on and off about getting this as a tattoo cuz i love that guy. but it’s like why him over the other cats i have loved, and i guess really the answer is time. i really really loved the other cats when i had them but some of them just weren’t in my life super long and it was almost always tragic and honestly maybe my relationship with the cats i have loved IS like my relationships with men which would make sense as to why i would always joke about marrying Roo. Like is that an odd thing to imagine? I just imagined he’d be a bigger plusher version version of himself and nothing sexy would happen it would just be the same relationship except he could actually come with me places and probably i would get to ride him and we would race through the woods and stuff. do you think i am a furry? i don’t think so.
it’s all too pure this adventure we would go on.
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